"Good christ."

I look down at my chest.
"Aaaaawwww...Anyway yeah lets go adventuring!"
I grab Zombie, bring out my D&D Obsfucalrealityatron and send us into a campaign.
"TO ADVENTUUUUUUUUUUUUURE"

"Oh fuck, a gelatinous cube!"

"Quick roll to dance!"
I get a Natural Fucking Twenty.
I start Techno Dancing with the Gelatinous cube.

I slice the dice in half. I then slice the cube in half.
"That was easy."

I glance at the dice.
"Aw man that was my lucky one."
I turn into a bagel and roll down the hill., springing the spike trap next to Zombie.
"Crap."

I get stabbed in various spots all over my body.
"Ow."
I respawn on the top of a volcano. I see a dragon flying around, so I phone Sigma.
"There's a massive flying lizard here. Could you like...bounce over?"

"gimme a sec I'm ganking this n00b.
I gank the n00b use my teleport scroll, appearing next to Zombie.

I'm pushed to the side slightly, and I subsequently roll down the steep descend of the volcano.

"Holy fuck Jack Black is in this episode of Mr. Show!"

"Would you like to ah...go out with me sometime?"

I spot Sigma and Zombie lying down, faces buried in a pile of cocaine, with various D&D related objects scattered around them.
I attempt to offer them some delicious, and certainly not poisoned, pancakes.

I roll to seduce the dragon.
I get a 1.
I turn into an Unattractive Object for five turns.

I drag Sigma out of the cocaine pile, then try to gently slide the alright-tasting and, in all likelihood, poisoned pancake down his throat.

Like a god from the machine, an orb appears near Salt's shoulder. It floats in midair and radiates a light blue aura around it. "'Sup, Saltine?" It greets.

"...Dude, kind of doing something right now."

"Well, as fun as getting your heart broken for the nth time sounds; it's Black Soul time, bitch." If he had hands, or a tangible body, he would be putting sunglasses on at this time. "Now, come on, let's blow this popsicle stand."

"But...she hasn't even answered."

"Saltine, we both know what her answer going to be."

"Well...this time could be different!"

"How? Why?"

"Erm...the mood?"

"Saltine, do you know why I call you 'Saltine'?"

"Because my name is Salt and I'm white?"

"It's because you're bland and uninteresting. No one ever talks about the best cracker they've had. Now, look over there." He pointed his wispy tail toward a large robot holding a black male from his feet.

"Holy Mountain of Faith!" The black male exclaimed, "The A.I. in the Hum-Bot went haywire! I just need to reach the cockpit before it realizes it has boosters!" The so-called Hum-Bot then blasted away with it's boosters, "DAAAAAAAAAAAA^{AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!}"

"See, why can't you be interesting like him?"

"I think I'm going to go spiral into depression now."

"Don't do that!" Black Soul exclaimed, "There's no point! You have to change yourself! Make yourself cooler!"

"I'm not seeing the point. Also why are you being referred to in a narrative manner?"

Shut up, Salt. Don't break the fourth wall. "Well, if want to continue to bang your head against the same wall, I won't stop you."

My tulpa greets the orb. "Hello orb."

"I want to succeed is what I want."

I wake up, and notice Trilby trying to shove the poison pancake down my throat.
"Trilby plz."
I punch him in the face and throw him at Salt.

"FUCKING-"

I topple over with Trilby hitting me.

"Those were good fucking flowers too."

"Sorry man."
I whip up Salt some flowers in my blender and hand them to him.

"I'm fairly certain the date proposal is beyond botched at this point."