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Order And Chaos: A Superpower RP - Chapter 1-1: Creature of the Sea / Technofreak (Closed, Started)

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141   POSTED: 23 Aug 2012 03:02

PlastikBulb:

TheIronRuler:

PlastikBulb:
Would be nice to get any feedback on my own as well, if willing. I haven't seriously roleplayed for a year or so, so yeah, criticism welcome, please.

.
Link it to me and I'll look over it, if you want to.

It's just up above, post 122 there, cheers.

'

Well, I read over it. I mean plant monsters are something we are lacking, but your character is by any definition a super villain. No doubt about that, you can't kill people for jollies and not be labeled one.

As for the powers, you should go into detail as to what the toxins actually do to the body, where they target, how long it takes and all the other great details. Also, would electricity be able to ignite the fumes, or just fire?

On the bio, I saw a couple spelling errors, but aside from that not much was wrong. It seems strange that a plant monster could eat people in NYC without anyone noticing ever. Perhaps some explanation as to why would be nice.

Oh, I would not mind someone giving me some usable criticism on mine either.

 
142   POSTED: 23 Aug 2012 03:54

Finally got a sheet up, any criticism, feedback or suggestions are appreciated.

 
143   POSTED: 23 Aug 2012 03:55

PlastikBulb:

The only problems I found:
Don't say," He's" but he forgotten.
Your Character may annoy the GM with the vagueness of age.
Some spelling mistakes.

But other than that, he's pretty cool. I like the Orks idea.

 
144   POSTED: 23 Aug 2012 04:01

Dr. wonderful:

PlastikBulb:

The only problems I found:
Don't say," He's" but he forgotten.
Your Character may annoy the GM with the vagueness of age.

But other than that, he's pretty cool. I like the Orks idea.

I'm not entirely sure what you mean in reference to your first point, elaborate?

 
145   POSTED: 23 Aug 2012 04:06

No wait, I done goof.

Sorry, I gotten confuse between he's and his.

 
146   POSTED: 23 Aug 2012 04:17

Dr. wonderful:
No wait, I done goof.

Sorry, I gotten confuse between he's and his.

Ahh wicked , no worries

 
147   POSTED: 23 Aug 2012 05:33

After more than a little delay, here is my hero.

EDIT: Adjusted and clarified things in the powers section.

 
148   POSTED: 23 Aug 2012 06:32

 
149   POSTED: 23 Aug 2012 06:34

 
150   POSTED: 23 Aug 2012 06:35

Any and all feedback is welcome. ^^

 
151   POSTED: 23 Aug 2012 06:44

CJ1145:
-snip-

Going over your sheet the only real issue is the powers. Though suggestion implantation can be a lot of and be a good power (Like Iron Ruler hinted, see Code Geass). The problem is that it may not work well in an RP, because it is a form of mind-control. Mind-control in RP's tends to go either two ways: It becomes something everyone else ignores, or just leads to the Mind controller doing a bunch of character controlling other people. Mind controlling NPC's can be a problem because that can essentially lead to you having to manage several characters at once.

Besides that it looks good. I realize tweaking your powers would cause you to have to change a lot of things about the character, but it might be a good idea to address the problem areas of character control and multiple characters to make your sheet more attractive to the GM.

 
152   POSTED: 23 Aug 2012 21:13

Decided to go in different direction with my sheet.

 
153   POSTED: 23 Aug 2012 23:13

Well, here's my application. I hope it's satisfactory.

Let me know if there's anything that should be changed or expanded upon.

 
154   POSTED: 23 Aug 2012 23:20

 
155   POSTED: 23 Aug 2012 23:33

Mortis Nuncius:
snip

I like this character man, but I see two problems with it: One, he doesn't seem to have any reason to ever go out of Iron Hide mode, and two, he doesn't seem particularly supervillainous. Reading the bio it seems to suggest he's more along the lines of a legitimate arms dealer and manufacturer like Remington than the Yuri Orlov type, arming terrorists and rogue states.

 
156   POSTED: 24 Aug 2012 00:43

NEWLY EDITED

 
157   POSTED: 24 Aug 2012 01:11

JokerboyJordan:
snip

As you wish.

One: Why is his age unknown?

Two: Why does being made of straw and rags make him impervious to physical harm? Scarecrows are not hard to damage. Also, fire.

Three: How does being good with a scythe translated to wind manipulation?

Four: You have literally no weaknesses listed and it's not like you have a weak powerset.

Five: Backstory doesn't make a hell of a lot of sense. They have a drought so this guy decides to one: Turn against his God and two: Commit murder in the name of these pagan Gods. This could be made to be dramatic, but the way it's written it's so fast it seems ludicrous. The Witch screws them over basically for the lulz. She doesn't get anything out of it. Why does a Witch with the power to control crops and curse him into becoming a scarecrow just let herself get burned at the stake?

 
158   POSTED: 24 Aug 2012 01:15

Joker you still need to come up with some weaknesses. Also I think immortality was kind of frowned upon with other characters. I like him though.

 
159   POSTED: 24 Aug 2012 01:45

Hmmm I'll grab a harpoon and develop some sort of oversized tanning bed to meta game out skye mwhaha

 
160   POSTED: 24 Aug 2012 10:56

PrinceOfShapeir:

JokerboyJordan:
snip

As you wish.

One: Why is his age unknown?

Two: Why does being made of straw and rags make him impervious to physical harm? Scarecrows are not hard to damage. Also, fire.

Three: How does being good with a scythe translated to wind manipulation?

Four: You have literally no weaknesses listed and it's not like you have a weak powerset.

Five: Backstory doesn't make a hell of a lot of sense. They have a drought so this guy decides to one: Turn against his God and two: Commit murder in the name of these pagan Gods. This could be made to be dramatic, but the way it's written it's so fast it seems ludicrous. The Witch screws them over basically for the lulz. She doesn't get anything out of it. Why does a Witch with the power to control crops and curse him into becoming a scarecrow just let herself get burned at the stake?

1: Because I can't be bothered to look up the Puritan-Era and work out his age, also because he doesn't have a body to age.

2: Because magically reanimated hay gives him some variation of light armour and consistency, I could give him a wooden/solid skeleton if it's that much of an issue. I addressed the issue of fire as his one real weakness, and then it's just an issue of choice of words, which I agree I floundered with trying to not make him sound invincible.

3. I needed some way for him to not be screwed when fire's near him, as he would be constantly putting them out as he's so paranoid. Initially I wanted him to have crow's wings as well as the manipulation, which would serve the same purpose, if that's a better alternative.

4. Scarecrow physiology is both a blessing and a curse, and as you pointed out it isn't exactly hard to damage a scarecrow.
So being being dismembered isn't a disadvantage? And a single spark could ignite his body, as stated.
I'd welcome suggestions if you feel this way.

5. He wasn't especially close to God, and if you saw everyone around you starving and suffering a slow death, I'm sure you'd want to do something too. I agree, because it was written quickly, so I will address the bio.
She didn't control the crops, he lied about her as the source so the people would blame her, so as to hide his act from everyone.
Because she's mortal, and it was her last act alive, and as such her magic was particularly strong when she was feeling the most intense pain and anger as she burned alive.

Like I said, I will address the bio issues, although I'd appreciate constructive criticism, with some suggestions on how to improve.

 
161   POSTED: 24 Aug 2012 13:15

JokerboyJordan:

PrinceOfShapeir:

JokerboyJordan:
snip

MO' Snip

Well for starters the character is interesting if a bit spontaneous.

The age isn't much of a problem really there are lots of hundreds or thousand year old people in here apparently so I think that aspecct of the story is excusable. But and this is a doozy I think you made the mistake that alot of folks make, the power of the character isn't what is important but the weakness I know you glossed over the fire thing but a good character has more flaws than pluses. That last sentence kinda reeks of opinion but when you make your character an:

Implacable
Immortal
Wind Chucking
Scythe master

It's pretty hard to not power play that and being a villian I can see him being a bit more long lasting than a random mook but I think the Wind power is not really needed. It also makes the character more intriguing imagine if you will. When the village was still dying people would carry torches and candles at night, and on the moons slivers the faintest shadows could be seen dancing in the pale lights a few villagers are agape at a long dark figure in the distance a few thrown torches later and what appears to be a pile of now burning straw is shown re-amassing it self after the burnt straw as subsided using the earth and the foliage around it self to become the monster Robin has been changed into once more.. Robin could effectively be the prototypical horror movie monster in villian form never ceasing, never stopping, and quite deadly. But the power to not only be virtually untouchable but as well remove his only weakness though use of what I'm sure will be a tool almost always with him is a bit much.

SO suggestions

First Add the weaknesses in typed form so he seems more "believable for a scarecrow man?"
Then like said above the story is a bit rushed he didn't believe like the others but the first option to come around he just said "okay cool" I think skepticism would be a major character point in his life.
But that's just my two cents

 
162   POSTED: 24 Aug 2012 14:31

PrinceOfShapeir:

Mortis Nuncius:
snip

I like this character man, but I see two problems with it: One, he doesn't seem to have any reason to ever go out of Iron Hide mode, and two, he doesn't seem particularly supervillainous. Reading the bio it seems to suggest he's more along the lines of a legitimate arms dealer and manufacturer like Remington than the Yuri Orlov type, arming terrorists and rogue states.

Well, I'm actually making a few revisions as we speak. I see what you mean, though. But I think the simplest reason for why he doesn't stay in Iron Hide mode is because they don't have his size in suits. Not even at the Big'n'Tall store. As for the lack of Orlovness, I just gotta switch out PMCs for "terrorists and rogue states", though he's the type who would make sure both sides are armed enough to keep the fighting going. Thank you very much for the input.

 
163   POSTED: 24 Aug 2012 15:10

*coughs loudly*
So.... How are you doing?

 
164   POSTED: 24 Aug 2012 18:01

Attention, everyone:

Just as a reminder again, and so that everyone will know, I will be closing applications in less than 24 hours. Once I do that, I will start accepting people.

 
165   POSTED: 24 Aug 2012 18:49

Looking forward to see who makes it.

 
166   POSTED: 24 Aug 2012 20:02

So is it closed now?! Can't wait to see this get started!

 
167   POSTED: 24 Aug 2012 22:12

Spoon498:
So is it closed now?! Can't wait to see this get started!

It's not closed now, no. It will close in less than 20 hours from now. If there are more people who want to post sheets, they can. But once I close, I won't accept any more applications and will start looking for the sheets I want to have join the RP.

 
168   POSTED: 24 Aug 2012 23:10

Yes that's my bad. I forget sometimes that I'm a day ahead of everyone when I get on here. Sometimes I get confused ><

 
169   POSTED: 25 Aug 2012 18:04

Applications are now closed.

I will now start going through the sheets to find which characters I want to have join the RP. Just hang on tight and be patient. I will quote your sheet post if I accept your character.

And another thing I want to mention is that I may accept more characters than I originally intended to, because of things that I'm planning.

In the meanwhile, you can take a look at my own character, which I didn't finish until recently, and felt it was better to post after I closed applications.

 
170   POSTED: 25 Aug 2012 19:21

First, the heroes.

PrinceOfShapeir:
Arlana

Arcanist:
Faraday

Pm0n3y:
The Brainstorm

Fury Is Me.:
Persephone

Spoon498:
Atticus

Baldrek:
Waldemar

socialtangent:
Spectre

Congratulations to you all. Now, I know that not all of you have had your characters contact/get contacted by Seraphim, but if you'd like to begin your posts with that, once I've made an opening post, you can do that. Otherwise, you're independent heroes who have the option to join Seraphim or not. The ones who did contact/got contacted by Seraphim, your posts can either be them out on some smaller missions or inside the Seraphim building.

Now, the villains.

Captainguy42:
Red Coyote

Terratina.:
Morph

PrinceOfShapeir:
The Way

RatRace123:
Werewolf

SkyeNeko:
Leviathan

Congratulations to you all as well. The villains are more freeroaming than the heroes, but I have some plans for them.

Everyone that got accepted should follow the rule I put for Skype and get yourselves Skype if you don't have it, then send me a PM with your Skype username. I will be creating a Skype group for this RP for us to talk in, more likely via text.

Everyone else who didn't get accepted, I thank you for your interest in this RP, and hope you do better elsewhere.

 
171   POSTED: 25 Aug 2012 19:48

Hm, all right.

It was fun.

 
172   POSTED: 25 Aug 2012 19:54

Not sure about accepting two sheets from one user, but it's your RP man, it's your call.

Thank you for your consideration, and also lack of any kind feedback.

Peace out.

 
173   POSTED: 26 Aug 2012 03:46

It was a pleasant day today. Crime happened, sure. But Seraphim was quick to dispense heroes to take care of that. Today was a good day, thought Christopher. They'd gotten many heroes recently to join them. Some who were unfortunately homeless, others who simply needed a secure home. But overall, it was looking to be a good day today too. Christopher walked a bit in his office, thinking about some of the missions he had for any new heroes, or veteran ones.

I've got Judge and Russel taking care of Arson in the North. Russel's water powers will come in handy, and Judge is swift enough to save anyone Russel can't keep an eye on. Hmm. I've got a magnetic villain in the Northeast district. Who could I send there? There's also news of a large aquatic creature out in the Atlantic Ocean, terrorizing the seas. A busy day, indeed... A knock on his door was heard and Christopher's train of thought was interrupted. "Come in." he said. A woman, seemingly in her 30's with red hair and a bit of freckles, wearing casual clothes, walked into the office. "I don't know how often I tell you to dress formally here. But I never enforce it, so I'm not surprised." The woman giggled and hugged him. "I'm glad to see you too, father." He hugged her back, then let go and put his hands behind his back. "So, how are you, Christine? What brings you here?" She sat down in one of the chairs in front of his office desk. "I've been good. Just hanging out with friends and working." A small smile came across his face. "I'm glad to hear that. Still not thinking of taking over the business?" She sighed and giggled again. "You know I'm not the office type, dad. Besides, you're better at this, and my interests lie elsewhere." She stood up again, walking around the office before she looked out the window.

"I came here to ask if you could help me." The old man walked over to her and looked outside as well. "Anything, my dear." She sighed with a half-chuckle. "Thanks. I've been having this stalker guy following me around. He thinks I haven't noticed him and I don't know how to deal with him. Just because I can sense him with my power doesn't mean I can fight." He nodded as she stopped. "I'll have someone take care of that. Scan isn't just useful for scanning, as funny as that is. He'll be able to convince that fellow. Just meet him down in the lobby, I'll send for him." Christine hugged him again. "Thank you. I'll see you at dinner with mother and Daniel, right?" He nodded and chuckled. "Of course. I'll be there." She smiled back towards him. "Later, then. Have a good day, father." She walked out the door and left Christopher with a smile. He always liked it when his daughter and son stopped by, even if it was something that he didn't like to hear. He walked to his desk and buzzed towards his secretary. "Have Scan meet my daughter down in the lobby. She'll explain the situation to him" "Right away, sir." could be heard from the other end, a woman's voice. Now he didn't need to worry about his daughter's safety.

Seraphim was a trustworthy building. A tall building, so it was easily found, which was both a pro and a con. Yes, heroes could find them easily. But villains could too, unfortunately. Not that any villain would be stupid enough unless they had backup. It had happened once, but the heroes had thankfully managed to fend them off. They never tried again, especially after more heroes applied. It had pretty much everything for the heroes to live off of. Apartments, many stores of many sorts, great internet connection should they need it, great health-care, and all their staff was at the beck and call of the heroes, so long as they didn't overuse it. Almost all of them had to earn the money for the stores, though. But Christopher didn't charge them for rent, the connection to the internet or the help of his staff. He payed them all, even the ones that didn't do it for the money.

Right now, he had a meeting scheduled with one Waldemar Abel today. Seemed like a capable man, plus he was a doctor, which could come in handy should his own staff not be able to handle things immediately.

In another part of town, a sinister being was awakening from his charging. He hadn't needed to put himself in standby mode, but he felt it would have been better. Standing up, Virus disconnected his finger slots from the ten mini-charge slots he had for them, then stood up and released the big one on his back and hid it under his skin. "Ah, so refreshing. It feels good to be fully charged now. Wonder what we can do now to spread some fear into humankind..." He gave a smirk before calmly walking towards the main door, disconnecting the traps between his charging station and the main door. He opened it, and smelled the air, getting a fragrance of mixed burnt rubber, car fumes and factory fumes. "So destructive to their own bodies. They'll pay for what we became. Filthy creatures, bereft of all that is good and pure. Only we are able to purify the world, with our diseases. The world will know to fear Virus. To flinch every time our name is mentioned. To live in fear, knowing that we may be around the corner, or destroying their precious technology." His smirk left his face as he started working his way towards New York City, which was a few miles from the lab he came from.

 
174   POSTED: 26 Aug 2012 04:12

Lina Hartwell was in her apartment room, sitting on her couch watching television. Well, Watching isn't exactly the best word for it. She was just kind of hitting the "Channel up" button repeatedly. She looked zombified in appearance, even though she wasn't pale by many comparisons, though she wasn't tan either. She shook her head and closed her mouth, rbinging herself out of her stupor.

"This is boring. Let's hit another button.", she said. Lina looked down at her extensive and futuristic looking remote. She didn't yet know all the buttons, as the remote was more than a TV remote. It controlled many functions in her room and she had just arrived her around three days ago, still wearing an outfit she had gotten at Wolfen. She found the call button and hit it, wondering what it did. Within minutes, a tall, slender, young man walked in and bowed. "Room service, madame" She Curled back and sprung into the air, only to land on her feet just in front of the young man who was offering her food. That was music to her ears. "What have you got, Skinny? You got any kind of pot roast or spit duck or something fancy like that?" He looked to his left and sighed, obviously unimpressed by her mannerisms. Lina's face sowed a little more displeasure as she caught the hint of disapproval. "We do have both of those, madame... What would you like?".

Lina backed up a bit and put her finger to her chin. "Hmmmmm... Bring me a Pig's head with one of those apples in the mouth!" She bust out laughing, expecting him to tell her that that wasn't something they had. The young man sighed and said "Right away, Madame..." before turning to leave, going to place Lina's order. Lina merely said "Huh." and hopped back onto her couch to resume channel surfing. "This place isn't too bad. Wish I'd get a job though! It gets boring sitting around here and not eating for three days! Wait... That's right, I haven't eaten for three days. Why didn't I? I dunno, who cares. NOW I'M STARVING SINCE I REALIZED IT." Lina was now feeling hunger pains. "Lord... I'll be able to eat that whole pig's head... Oh well. Dinner's gonna be good tonight i suppose. I wonder which one of these buttons calls the chief... Or whatever we call the top dog in this place." She hit a small, square button with no label stationed somewhere towards the middle-right. Her couch pushed her onto a fold-out bed. "...Alrighty then." She said, tossing the remote aside after turning off the TV. She laid back and stared at the ceiling. "Time to do nothing till I get food."

 
175   POSTED: 26 Aug 2012 04:48

The armored man was sent flying through the air; a scream of terror could be heard under his helmet. He landed on the rooftop's surface with a crash, his armor scraping across the gravel. The tendril receded back into Werewolf's arm as he slowly walked up to his downed foe, a grim expression on his face. The man was frantically scrambling to reach the gun that was dropped just a few feet in front of him, but he was too late; a two-foot long blade expanded outward from Werewolf's right arm and in an instant the blade was driven through the back of the man's skull.

Werewolf retracted his arm blade and the man's head slumped onto the ground. Werewolf stepped over over the new corpse and looked towards the other two he had slain just a few minutes earlier. They were HEART troops alright, the garish logo on the armor's chest made that abundantly clear.

More HEART goons; where the hell are they coming from? Werewolf thought to himself as he peered over the edge of the skyscraper he was standing on. He looked back at the bodies once more, Well, one way to find out.

And with that, Werewolf dove off the side of the building, sending himself into a freefall. He closed his eyes and let the rush of the wind flow around him as he plummeted for a few stories. After a few more seconds of falling he opened his eyes and quickly shot out a tendril to the nearest rooftop; he could feel the tendril grab the building's edge and he split the tip into 4 smaller claws which latched onto the side, securing his line. He then reeled himself in and began flying towards the building at break-neck speeds. He was used to this sort of rush at this point; he lived for it and the thrill of it all was one of the things he enjoyed most about swinging through the city.

He lowered his speed when he approached the rooftop and tucked into a roll upon landing. He stood up and walked over to the building's edge, looking down at the, now much closer, city streets. He could see the people walking along, the cars rushing by, people going about their daily lives. Looking at it all, he realized he himself hadn't been a part of those anonymous crowds for a few months now. Werewolf preferred to stick to the shadows or the rooftops; places where people were less likely to be found. If he had to travel out in the open, he preferred to do it by night, when the majority of these people had turned in.

After getting his fill of watching New York's citizens, he swung off towards his intended destination.

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