Order And Chaos: A Superpower RP (Started, Closed)

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nevermind, I must withdraw

Korten12:

Lambi:

Attention, everyone:

I will not be giving any more judgments. Anything I've said up until now stands. I'll wait until either Friday, or until I have enough sheets, then I'll start accepting people. Until then, no further judgments.

But... What if someone doesn't know if their's need to be edited and gets not accepted because of it?

Then you know what not to do in the next RP you join.

Since you haven't actually said anything about my character, so I've no idea how you feel about them.

And you've said you won't judge the edited version of my sheet so I've no way to actually make it better I've decided I don't want to play this so I'm withdrawing my submission.

Goodbye.

Lambi:

Korten12:

Lambi:

Attention, everyone:

I will not be giving any more judgments. Anything I've said up until now stands. I'll wait until either Friday, or until I have enough sheets, then I'll start accepting people. Until then, no further judgments.

But... What if someone doesn't know if their's need to be edited and gets not accepted because of it?

Then you know what not to do in the next RP you join.

Dude. That's kind of an assholish thing to say. I was considering joining but your attitude towards everyone is not attractive. You really need to be more kind to the people taking time out of their day to apply.

Lambi:
I'm going to start on telling my opinions on some sheets right now. Be patient, I'll get to your sheet if you don't see it here.

All I'm saying, bro, is be careful with your promises. ;)

Here's a revised version of my sheet.
.

Lambi:

Korten12:

Lambi:

Attention, everyone:

I will not be giving any more judgments. Anything I've said up until now stands. I'll wait until either Friday, or until I have enough sheets, then I'll start accepting people. Until then, no further judgments.

But... What if someone doesn't know if their's need to be edited and gets not accepted because of it?

Then you know what not to do in the next RP you join.

To be technical here, by not giving feedback, the unaccepted people will only know if they did something wrong, not what they did wrong.

If this is coming from character sheet overload (which god knows I understand; I had the same problem in my game), I'd be willing to help if you need some additional support - just let me know what criteria you are using and I can at least filter out the worst offenders and forward the questionable ones.

Let me know if I can help in any way.

Edit: Though first I will be sleeping as I have work tomorrow; good night.

Yo. Hiya Lamborghini.

Tell me if that's cool, bro
Also, sorry if her Background is a little too short for your tastes. I had a hard time thinking of a good 'un

Wow, we're already on Page 4 and we still have another four days for applicants. Something tells me people have a lot of free time in later summer / early spring.

I understand not wanting to give out advice because a lot of people here seem to be taking it as a sign of affirmation that they'll get in. Still it would be nice if you could give everyone some constructive criticism.

To everyone else, if the last announcement makes you feel worried about not getting the feed-back you need. There's still a bunch of other RP'ers around who can give you advice.

Name: X-3-100-PI-90
Alias: ELECTRODE

Gender: Machine, but masculine
Age: 1009.6 (He's very precise with these things.)

Appearance: 5'6" Humanoid Machine, Electric Blue. Angular Design. Chevron-shaped Knee and Elbow Plating in yellow. head is silver covered by transparent electric blue helmet with opaque yellow details covering the entire back of the head, forming a broad aerodynamic fin at the back, with lightning-shaped prongs wrapping around to the mouth and eyes. decorative chest plating at top and bottom of torso , connected by Lightning-shaped prongs. Atomic Symbol in middle of torso.

Personality: Cold, cunning, but friendly to those he has deemed trustworthy.

Alignment: Hero

Powers: Lightning Blasts fired from small wrist-mounted guns and the ability to enter an electric current as a mode of transportation. (i.e. using power lines to get closer to a crisis quickly.) As a machine, if he is killed a backup file of his personality and consciousness is sent via program orb to his home-world, Zetatron where it is downloaded into a new body, but a return to earth would take 100 years even with their advanced tech. (hopefully this restraint would make him not overpowered because death would still remove him from the playing field)

Weaknesses: Armor is strong but brittle. a massive, but rapid impact, such as falling from a building or being hit by a train could shatter him. joints are poorly armored and can be easily jammed by knives and such. other than that he can be considered twice as resilient as an average human (a pistol won't hurt him but a rifle or shotgun will; it takes twice the force to stun him, etc.)

Biography: Built during the great Zetatronian Civil War of Space-year 12185, he was rushed into battle and quickly fought the enemy general, Quarnok the Corrupter. During the fight, Both of their ships crashed on planet earth and both died. A primitive culture witnessed the crash of one of the ships and worshiped the glowing orb they found there, calling it "god-killer" which, in their tongue, was Quetzalcoatl. (WRITERS NOTE: I AM MAKING THAT TRANSLATION UP AND KNOW NOTHING OF THE AZTEC PANTHEON)

Returning to Earth after the end of the war 200 years later, Electrode happened upon Chichen Itza (sp?)and grew to blame himself for the deaths caused by the Aztecs. Determined to make it right, he took up a role as earth's defender in the galactic community.

Quarnok, who was revived by his men in secret after the end of the war, decided to attack earth as revenge for his embarrassing defeat at the hands of Electrode. Upon entering the system, Quarnok used the Subspace Collapsing Beacon to destroy communications throughout the galaxy.

Quarnok challenged Electrode to a fight but offered him a chance to surrender, revealing that he had been the one the Aztecs worshiped and deliberately transferred the intent to kill into them; and offered to share in the ruling of this world. Electrode refused, stating that power is meaningless for its own sake. They fought valiantly, but Electrode clearly had the upper hand. Finally vanquishing his opponent, he fired on the program orb, destroying it. this had the unfortunate side effect of spreading the seeds of greed and hate to all mankind, rather than just the evil ones, as it was with most races. He pledged that day to protect innocent lives from evil men and evil thoughts.

Other Notes: This is the first RP thread i have EVER done, so i might have to observe a bit before participating as much as everyone else. Also, I don't know how to do the collapsing thing for the character sheet, sorry :(

I'm not entirely certain how this works, so tell me if I've screwed it up somehow.

Well dang That's a bummer, just spent all this time writing away. I'd still love some feedback from anyone who is interested. I would really enjoy playing this character I think. Sorry if my grammar is bad.

I love critisim and feedback. It's the only way to get better :)

Spoon498:

Alignment: Conflicted neutral

I think you have to pick hero or Villain. She got on someone about not having a side earlier in the thread.

SirPlindington:
snip

GMs on this forum tend to flip their ship over grammar mistakes. You might want to give that a second read. And hit the enter key on those paragraphs in your bio.

InfinityCubed:
Also, I don't know how to do the collapsing thing for the character sheet, sorry :(

it works like this.

[spoiler ] All the stuff you typed[/ spoiler]

But DONT put spaces where you see in put spaces.

Cool beans. I edited it, I was hoping for more help or suggestions on my character development.

I regret to inform that I feel it best to withdraw my application. Sorry for any inconvenience this may cause.

Edited on suggestion of drmigit2 on 22 August.

TheIronRuler:

Dr. wonderful:

I'm not the GM but I admit, your character sheet is pretty solid. I also think the blood thing is pretty neat.

.
It's familiar from a tv show/manga from Japan, same powers. Lets see what's the bio is gonna look like.

What anime is it? I'd like to watch it.

Deadman Wonderland - Power comes from Mockingbird, Crow, and a few others I can't remember at the time.

Disregard

Almighty Words:

Weaknesses:
Liquids - While both Solids and gasses are both safe for Emily to pass through liquids are another story, the slow shifting and moving of the liquid fills in the spaces her molecules have been displaced from rendering her quasi-solid and forcing her to deliberately force the parts of her that aren't an original part of her body out lest she begins to simply flow into the liquid and lose her form. Water, acid, honey almost any viscous material will disrupt her powers and make phasing less effective or outright deadly depending on the amount of the substance. As such it is very dangerous for her to attempt to use her abilities when she is in great heat as her bodily fluids boil and become more active within her dampening her ability even in dry humid conditions.

I just noticed that one line could use some work. "In great heat" can have interesting implications. And of course dry humid is probably a typo as well.

Overall it seems to be a solid character. I think wander-lust and phasing could turn out to be a very good combination.

Some things to consider:

- Lethal extent of phasing, you mentioned she can only phase he entire body. Does this mean she cannot say, phase someone's skull out of their head to kill them?

- Can she extend her phasing power to other people?

- How long can she phase for? Shadow Cat from X-men for instance can only phase as long as she can hold her breath.

- How does she move while she is phasing? Can she fly/float? Does she follow her previous momentum? Does gravity still affect her?

So I guess if we're doing inter-player critiques, I'd like to forward mind for the crushing scrutiny of others. It's a second draft, because I lost the first to internet shenanigans, and I feel like the rewrite dropped in quality, so I'd like to see any nitpicks or suggestions.

I would like to point out that I'm glad the DM has been very critical on character development.
Setup of the game is a very crucial part. If you are told no more than once and still keep coming back with edits, it at the very least shows your willingness to play. Which is super important for something like this. So don't lose heart :) It's important things get worked out before we start. Hopefully the most passionate and creative will be the ones left standing and we'll have a grand ol time once things get started

Spoon498:
Stuff 'bout criticism.

How new are you to RPing? You show traits that display at least some experience, and (in some cases) experience can always help you in the long run. As for your character: It's unique, at the best. After seeing about 5 separate guys (i'm exaggerating...I hope) that can use electricity (my character included), it's cool to see someone do different. Variety is the spice of life, and that saying is still in effect here. It could be my phone (what i'm typing from at the moment), but your sentence structure is a bit wonky, seeing as you have line breaks just at random times in your sentences. And i'm guessing your character doesn't have a proper costume?

Grammar has never been my strong suit. Alas I've always seemed to be at odds with all my English teachers through out high school. As for those crazy Line breaks, I don't know what the deal is with them. I can't seem to fix them. I appreciate the compliments. I think it'd be a very interesting and fun character to play. Also no he doesn't have a costume and I don't aim to give him one. He's not a super hero because he wants to be. He's trying to make do with the hand that he's been dealt with and as such really has no need or want of a costume. If you'd like a good visual on how I picture him, think Vincent Volaju. He's the villain from the Cowboy Beebop movie. Minus the trench coat and a little bit more haggard looking.

Shadowstar38:

InfinityCubed:
Also, I don't know how to do the collapsing thing for the character sheet, sorry :(

it works like this.

[spoiler ] All the stuff you typed[/ spoiler]

But DONT put spaces where you see in put spaces.

thanks man

Safe in the Dark:

Alright, this is pretty cool. I really don't see anything wrong with it.

Second sheet and hero this time.

CJ1145:
So I guess if we're doing inter-player critiques, I'd like to forward mind for the crushing scrutiny of others. It's a second draft, because I lost the first to internet shenanigans, and I feel like the rewrite dropped in quality, so I'd like to see any nitpicks or suggestions.

.
Are you still going with the suggestion power-set?

Captainguy42:

Almighty Words:

Snip - My own junk[/b]

I just noticed that one line could use some work. "In great heat" can have interesting implications. And of course dry humid is probably a typo as well.

Overall it seems to be a solid character. I think wander-lust and phasing could turn out to be a very good combination.

Some things to consider:

- Lethal extent of phasing, you mentioned she can only phase he entire body. Does this mean she cannot say, phase someone's skull out of their head to kill them?

- Can she extend her phasing power to other people?

- How long can she phase for? Shadow Cat from X-men for instance can only phase as long as she can hold her breath.

- How does she move while she is phasing? Can she fly/float? Does she follow her previous momentum? Does gravity still affect her?

Reading back I now I see that if I stuck to what I typed she would be a horn dog in less than opportune situations. Need to fix that asap, and thanks for pointing out "dry humid".

-You actually got it right I wanted to make her power not lethal at least at first she could grow into more deadly uses but if you read through the characters a few pages back all you see is cliche and deadly power houses who lost their memory or are thousands of years old I prefer a utility character who is a tad more grounded but still useful. Besides if that was the case I could almost unstoppably kill most other characters by way of not having to dodge and dragging their parts out of them.

-As far as extending I think being able to use her abilities to change other people's molecules too would be a great addition to the character and make for some very interesting power mixing...And the time limit was not much of an issue I think I'd make it more like a solid half hour of phasing and then she would need to rest as if she'd run a very long distance like the power uses large amounts of her body's stored energy.

-Movement had me stumped for a bit but I think I'll try and hand-wave it as she can change different parts of her body to phase through different objects at different times eg. walking along solid ground and dragging her had along the other side of a wall

I'm super excited to see this start. That sounds like a cool character Almighty

Would be nice to get any feedback on my own as well, if willing. I haven't seriously roleplayed for a year or so, so yeah, criticism welcome, please.

PlastikBulb:
Would be nice to get any feedback on my own as well, if willing. I haven't seriously roleplayed for a year or so, so yeah, criticism welcome, please.

.
Link it to me and I'll look over it, if you want to.

TheIronRuler:

PlastikBulb:
Would be nice to get any feedback on my own as well, if willing. I haven't seriously roleplayed for a year or so, so yeah, criticism welcome, please.

.
Link it to me and I'll look over it, if you want to.

It's just up above, post 122 there, cheers.

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