Zombie Survival RP (Title Pending)

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I've never done this before so I appreciate any more constructive criticism you may have. Thoughts?

2HF:
Name: Roberto Ramos
Age: 17
Gender: Male

Personality: Distrustful of everyone but fiercely loyal once trust has been earned. Quiet but with a strong will to live.

Appearance: 5'4", 130lbs, messy black hair, brown eyes, jeans ripped at the bottom, mostly intact black hoodie.

Notable Skills: Tree climbing, car boosting, knowledge of electrical systems aquired via hotwiring cars and cracking garage door keypads, fist fighting, McGuyver level... McGuyvering skills

Weapons: Medium sized pocket knife, homemade slingshot and a dwindling amount of steel ball bearings, along with whatever small stones and assorted items he can find.

Gear/Miscellany: A backpack with a few bottles of water, a change of clothes, an old gameboy color with dead batteries, a twinkie for a special occasion, and a tire iron for removing nuts from tires for ammo (A time consuming and risky task).

Bio: Ran away from a poor home (Memphis TN) at age 14 due to physical abuse by a drunkard father. His only escape was the hours spent in his uncle's garage learning to fix electrical problems, doing oil and brake changes, and sneaking into the office to snag one of the many playboys kept in a bottom drawer. Learned to fix small things around the house with whatever supplies were handy. Repairmen were never an option in a house that could barely afford to eat each night due to his father drinking all the money away. Started stealing cars in St Louis and selling them to a scrap yard that paid next to nothing in exchange for not turning him in. Has been in and out of juvie ever since arriving in St Louis. Was lucky not to be in a cell when the outbreak occurred. Survived by sleeping in car trunks until joining this group of survivors. Has no connection to anyone in the city and thus isn't looking to find anyone. His uncle was killed when some thieves broke into his garage to steal power tools and found him working late into the night.

Other Notes:

@Mortis: Hunting exclusively. And don't worry, I'm going to expand on his life before the outbreak whether through conversations, inner thoughts or dreams. :)

Bio done, and reposted so it's easier to find I guess.

Kind of a rough draft, but I'm posting it anyways. I'll check it later to make sure it actually makes sense.

Mortis Nuncius:

njrk97:

Well, allow me to welcome you to the Role Playing Forum. I certainly wish you a pleasant time around these parts and quite possibly this RP here.

I'd just like to say that I think this is a fantastic job for a first sheet. The limited inventory available to your character may be of some concern, but then again that can make some interesting instances, providing your character makes the cut (not that I have doubts, mind you). There's one complaint, or rather a suggestion, besides the few punctuation and spelling errors, and it is that I think the Bio could use a little more...meat. I love me a thick, juicy bio to put it bluntly. Now, I like what's in it, I find that it's a good outline for a backstory, but that's very much what I see - an outline. It's a foggy past, and I'd like to take an industrial dehumidifier to it so I can learn more about his life. How much was lost in his sentencing? What were his aspirations before that? How did he escape? Was he the only escapee, or had the events that occured allow the entire prison to be let loose on the already chaotic state of the surrounding area? These are just some suggestions, I'm not requesting answers for all of those question, mind you. But other than that, I think it's alright.

Alright made bio longer and more detailed about his escape and stuff.

NeoAC:

Well, no complaints here. Even if that much ammo makes my sadistic side squirm. But, considering she just left an American Wal-Mart, it's not entirely unbelievable. Also, a character of the female variety is a welcome addition.

Link_to_Future:
A Mortis-run RP about zombies? I can already see this getting gruesome in all the right ways. :D

I'm going to fiddle around with a sheet and see if I can come up with anything worthwhile. It's been a little while since I last RPed.

2HF:
I've never done this before so I appreciate any more constructive criticism you may have. Thoughts?

Well, I welcome you and hope you find my criticism as constructive as Bob the Builder on a five-day meth binge. Figuratively speaking, of course. Now, with the revision, I rather like the idea of using lug nuts as slingshot ammunition. Certainly won't be too pleasant for anyone getting hit. Now, for the Bio. The order in which the events are written seem sporadic. First you have it that he's run away from home, give a rather brief description as to why, then go on about the past with his uncle for a bit before jumping straight into his time in St. Louis (unless of course his uncle lived in St. Louis, in which case that should be a bit clearer), all before jumping back to his uncle (which, again, is a moot point if his uncle lives in St. Louis). I also can't help but wonder why his trip from Memphis wasn't expanded on, unless his trip really was that uneventful, or you have intention of explaining it as you go along.

Redlin5:
@Mortis: Hunting exclusively.  And don't worry, I'm going to expand on his life before the outbreak whether through conversations, inner thoughts or dreams. :)

Alrighty then, that'll be just fine.

ruedyn:

Alright, I honestly don't know what to make of this one. There's just so many holes in this, I'm just not sure if I'm looking at a character sheet or a block of Swiss. No mention of where he got his desire to fly, other than a seemingly unprovoked jealousy of birds. Secondly, how exactly did he get "kicked out"? There's also a major gap from rehab to flight school, which really shouldn't even be that long of a process to people with prior military flight experience. You also have yet to specify for what aircraft training he learned and where. Lastly, with the amount of time you say he's been flying, that would require refueling a few times throughout each day, a feat I think hardly possible given the current state of the world, and that's if the engine is still fully functioning after constant use. My apologies if this is coming off as crass, but I am aiming for realism in this RP.

Link_to_Future:

Well, well, well. Not only does he bring flattery to the table, but a good character as well. This makes sense to me, though if you see fit to polish it further, you'll have no argument from me. ^^

njrk97:

Alright, I certainly like the additions you made. Only criticism I have is the occasional spelling and punctiation errors, though those are fairly minor. Other than that, good work.

2HF:
Name: Roberto Ramos
Age: 17
Gender: Male

Personality: Distrustful of everyone but fiercely loyal once trust has been earned. Quiet but with a strong will to live. Loves movies and music. He retreats into these things when strong emotions threaten to overcome him.

Appearance: 5'4", 130lbs, messy black hair, brown eyes, jeans ripped at the bottom (stolen), mostly intact black hoodie (stolen), and navy blue chucks (stolen).

Notable Skills: Climbing (trees, pipes, poles), deadly accuracy with a slingshot, car boosting, knowledge of electrical systems acquired via hotwiring cars and cracking garage door keypads, fist fighting, McGuyver level... McGuyvering skills

Weapons: Flathead and Phillips head screwdriver, homemade slingshot (will look to upgrade to a high-powered commercial model if at all possible) and a dwindling amount of steel ball bearings, along with whatever small stones and assorted items he can find.

Gear/Miscellany: A backpack containing various items. A change of clothes, a hacked PSP, a twinkie for a special occasion, and a tire iron for removing nuts from tires for ammo (A time consuming and risky task).

Bio: Born into a poor family, Roberto suffered greatly under the rule of a drunkard father. Home repairs were often left to Roberto since repairmen cost money. Duct tape and screwdrivers were always the right tools for the job. He would escape from this hell to his uncle's garage where he spent many days learning to do minor repairs on cars. Oil changes, break changes, and the occasional electrical bug all became routine. One night, when Roberto was 14, a couple of junkies came in and shot his uncle to steal a few power tools. Roberto was in the office flipping through a playboy when he heard the shot. When he came out to the garage and found his uncle dead he decided to leave this life behind. He hopped into a nondescript Civic he'd helped fix and drove north without incident until he ran out of gas, ending up a few miles short of the Gateway Arch. He walked the rest of the way into the city to begin his new life of petty thieving and grand theft auto. He began selling cars to a local scrap yard that didn't care about his lack of ownership. By age 17 he'd been in and out of juvie a few times. When the outbreak occurred Roberto survived by sleeping in car trunks and bringing down birds and squirrels with his slingshot.

Other Notes: Roberto charges his PSP overnight when sleeping in cars by splicing wires coming from the battery into the car and connecting his own spliced charger. The PSP contains a few movies, some songs, and a few games.

Mortis Nuncius:
Snippy-Snip

Yo Monsieur le Mortis!

I may throw a sheet in sometime later this evening. If not, expect on within a few days.

When do you plan on starting? And how many players will you be recrtuiting for this macabre adventure?

Mortis Nuncius:
snip

Yeah, the jealousy thing I could've explained better, it's because he was short is all. I guess he just wanted to be above everyone?

The second, I meant he was using a computer, thus the sim thing. Not certified, just trained.

The third... Crap. That one was actually a mistake.

I see one thing to fix, two to explain better. Not exactly swiss cheese. I'll just assume the harsh critique is because you love me To say it isn't, simply post a LOL didn't read .gif

I HOPE this explains things better. I fully expect to come back to this, provided Mortis even bothers giving me a third chance.

Mortis Nuncius:

Aside from a few typing errors, there's little I see to correct about this sheet. However, his plentiful supply of ammunition is a bit of a turn-off, I must say. I mean I realize just how much ammunition is given to active-duty GIs, and given the time of crisis it'd be hard to imagine they wouldn't maximize on this, but I'd think he wouldn't be as well-equipped after having survived for as long as he has. But maybe that's just my desire to make characters suffer talking...anywho, I await to see what the Bio looks like.

Sorry I haven't been able to finish my sheet when I said I would; life happened. I'll repost it here for easy reference.

I've had an interesting idea for a character for a while and a Zombie Apocalypse RP seems like as good an avenue as any to test it out.

I'll add a sheet to this post when I get a chance (probably either tonight or tomorrow afternoon)

Let me know if you want me to edit something. It was fun to write this sheet anyway.

Quick question. What sort of zombies are we dealing with? Are they the slow, lumbering kind or the sprinty, yelling kind?

Link_to_Future:
Quick question. What sort of zombies are we dealing with? Are they the slow, lumbering kind or the sprinty, yelling kind?

I'd personally prefer the former although I'm fine with the latter.

I'm with Redlin. Hard to shoot the sprinty yelly kind.

We seem to have a good set of characters now, when are we going to begin?

Not as happy with it as I would have liked, but I want to get a sheet in before things get rolling.

I would also like my character to be introduced by saving one of the other characters when they may be outnumbered or something. Any volunteers?

njrk97:
I would also like my character to be introduced by saving one of the other characters when they may be outnumbered or something. Any volunteers?

My character is equipped with a slingshot and 2 screwdrivers. Not exactly optimal for dealing with crowds. I'll volunteer Roberto for saving.

2HF:

njrk97:
I would also like my character to be introduced by saving one of the other characters when they may be outnumbered or something. Any volunteers?

My character is equipped with a slingshot and 2 screwdrivers. Not exactly optimal for dealing with crowds. I'll volunteer Roberto for saving.

Alright then although i don't think my character will hang around for too long only to retrieve his bolts from the bodies he is kinda gonna start of as a loner.

Announcement:

Apologies for the delay, but I'm doing my best to find time betetween work and critiques at the moment. I do hope this doesn't deter any interested onlookers or those who've already put a sheet forward.

I thank you all for your patience.

@Mortis: Most of us wait with bated breath. The zombies don't breath though so there you have it.

@Redlin: Wait, they don't breathe at all? Then how do they keep making all those scary sounds at me while I'm playing The Walking Dead?

Also, who wants to bet this is going to start on Wednesday?

2HF:

Welp, I think the changes are alright and the Bio is more neat than before.

Tips_of_Fingers:

Mortis Nuncius:
Snippy-Snip

Yo Monsieur le Mortis!

I may throw a sheet in sometime later this evening. If not, expect on within a few days.

When do you plan on starting? And how many players will you be recrtuiting for this macabre adventure?

Bonjour! Apologies for the late reply, but I have been quite busy as of late. I do not have an exact date, nor an exact number of players I'd like to see. Maybe 6 or 7, depending on how things go. I look forward to seeing a sheet from you in the near future, if you're still interested of course. ^^

ruedyn:

Mortis Nuncius:
snip

Yeah, the jealousy thing I could've explained better, it's because he was short is all. I guess he just wanted to be above everyone?

The second, I meant he was using a computer, thus the sim thing. Not certified, just trained.

The third... Crap. That one was actually a mistake.

I see one thing to fix, two to explain better. Not exactly swiss cheese. I'll just assume the harsh critique is because you love me To say it isn't, simply post a LOL didn't read .gif

I just enjoy hyperbole. Almost as much as Donald Trump enjoys the tender morning combing he gives the squirrel that sits atop his head each day.

ruedyn:

I HOPE this explains things better. I fully expect to come back to this, provided Mortis even bothers giving me a third chance.

Alright, still a few things I think could use some touching up. Not sure if it was overlooked, but it says "he joined the army as a pilot" and that would require one to have proper flight training, which would eliminate the need for simulations if your character didn't familiarize himself with two air vehicles. Now, I'd assume he had his chopper experience in the army seeing as he seems to be the most skilled at that. Also, I'm assuming that by saying "took to the air in a news building" you meant the chopper, seeing as buildings don't fly (sorry, don't take that too harshly, I just couldn't help myself ^^'). What still confuses me is the part about him not really having knowledge of current events. I mean it's not difficult to see what state the world is in, but I guess there's not much that really needs clarifying other than that.

SkyeNeko:

This one, I like. I was honestly surprised about the mention of a gun midway through the bio, but really, what fellow American in their right mind wouldn't camp without a weapon? I can't be sure just why so much dish soap is necessary, but cleanliness is close to godliness and...well, they're all so very close to meeting their respective makers, so I suppose it's only suiting they doll themselves up for the occasion. One minor thing: I do wonder what model Beretta it is, or at the very least what kind of round it fires. Other than that itty-bitty thing, can't see much that needs adding. Good work.

TheBlueShotgun0:

Alright, looks just fine. Only complaint is the creative liberties taken with the zombies; they wouldn't be decaying to that extent, not quite yet. Other than that, it's just fine.

Wenseph:

Well, this one is...interesting, to say in the least. A unique, unexpected direction you took with this character, though that isn't to say it's bad, just different. Not much else for me to say, other than I really can't help but wonder if she wore her katana all the time, even before the outbreak, which is really the only logical explanation for her having it at the point it was mentioned.

Link_to_Future:
Quick question. What sort of zombies are we dealing with? Are they the slow, lumbering kind or the sprinty, yelling kind?

Redlin5:

I'd personally prefer the former although I'm fine with the latter.

NeoAC:
I'm with Redlin. Hard to shoot the sprinty yelly kind.

There'll be a mixture of both. Not everyone has the same immune systems, so not everyone will be affected the same. People with weaker immune systems will take to the disease better than those with stronger immune systems, 'better' here meaning they'll react and move faster, have better coordination and more functional motor skills (at least compared to the lessers). Also, the disease takes complete control of the brain and central nervous system, so enough trauma to either will do 'em in. The time it takes for the disease to take over varies as well, usually depending on where and how severe the bite is.

KelevraBD:

Welp, not many criticisms have I here. Kinda like the mention of rapidly waning civility between strangers. Good work.

Mortis Nuncius:
-snip-

Unique and unexpected sounds like compliments to me. XD Yes, she probably brought it with her on tours at least.

Mortis Nuncius:
snip

*goes to wikipedia and pulls the first name off the site*

A... Beretta M9? With 9mm rounds? Does that sound right?

And yes, the gun was her husbands, brought for safety since they would be in the wilderness for a while. Figured it was better than a crossbow.

As for soap, the first bottle was one of their supplies. You wouldn't believe how dirty Blake gets. The second is a plain bottle repurposed to keep a watered down version to conserve the first bottle, which is already halfway gone.

Mortis Nuncius:

2HF:

Welp, I think the changes are alright and the Bio is more neat than before.

I can't tell if that's a seal of approval or not. If you'd like more I can try. As I said, I'm new to this. I'd really love to get in on this and learn how it's done.

Wenseph:

Mortis Nuncius:
-snip-

Unique and unexpected sounds like compliments to me. XD Yes, she probably brought it with her on tours at least.

Well, I'm certainly glad you see them as so. And that's just fine, it's not hard to believe she'd carry that around on-stage. After all, there's very few people who wouldn't look more badass with a katana.

SkyeNeko:

Mortis Nuncius:
snip

*goes to wikipedia and pulls the first name off the site*

A... Beretta M9? With 9mm rounds? Does that sound right?

And yes, the gun was her husbands, brought for safety since they would be in the wilderness for a while. Figured it was better than a crossbow.

As for soap, the first bottle was one of their supplies. You wouldn't believe how dirty Blake gets. The second is a plain bottle repurposed to keep a watered down version to conserve the first bottle, which is already halfway gone.


And yes, I'd imagine it to be much less of a hassle to reload. Also, I have many younger siblings. I know exactly how much dirt they collect throught the day. Hell, you could sit them on a plastic-wrapped sofa for hours on end and they'd still collect dirt. They're like dirt magnets...how do they do it?!?

2HF:

Mortis Nuncius:

2HF:

Welp, I think the changes are alright and the Bio is more neat than before.

I can't tell if that's a seal of approval or not. If you'd like more I can try. As I said, I'm new to this. I'd really love to get in on this and learn how it's done.

Well, there's just a few things about it that kind of...irk me. I mean here you have this kid, running off to his uncle's, spending time with probably the only one who cared for him, and immediately after the shooting his first decision is to just drive off into the sunset. Then, after abandoning his uncle (likely becoming a primary suspect in the murder after fleeing so suddenly), he wasn't even flagged by the authorities as a runaway after being caught the very first time for crimes he just doesn't seem likely to commit, at least not from judging his behavior beforehand and lack of prior offenses. It just seems like an odd direction to turn to, at least for me it does. I see a lot of potential for a great background here, but it just looks like you've begun construction on LEGO Death Star, then tried finishing it with MegaBlocks. It's just not fitting very well. Of course this is just from my perspective, and I wouldn't exactly call myself an expert.

A quick question about the setting. Five months. My sheet has the family out camping while also visiting family. If Z-day happened say on, to be cliché, July 4th, that would put our current date at December 4th. I don't know the climate down by St. Louis or any landmarks so yeah...

Just tackling the logistics of time and what my character will be looking for during the scavenging.

Alright this is my first iteration for this character, and my third ever character sheet. Lemme know if anything needs to be changed.

Redlin5:
A quick question about the setting. Five months. My sheet has the family out camping while also visiting family. If Z-day happened say on, to be cliché, July 4th, that would put our current date at December 4th. I don't know the climate down by St. Louis or any landmarks so yeah...

Just tackling the logistics of time and what my character will be looking for during the scavenging.

Well, if it'd be winter at the start of the RP, then it'd be a rather harsh one. Not the mild (by Chicagoan standards) few days of snowfall, but the rarer blizzardy winters. The kind that make people shiver (in fright, not 'cause of the cold) just to think about. Just 'cause I'm so nice. ^^

warrcry13:
Alright this is my first iteration for this character, and my third ever character sheet. Lemme know if anything needs to be changed.

There are a few minor problems I see with the sheet so far, mostly spelling and punctuation errors, but overall I think you did rather well. I wonder how he'd handle himself in a group, seeing that he's completely willing to "take care of" anyone he sees as a potential "danger". Also, there's a short phrase that I'd like to see "taken care of".

The living situation has beens trained...

Now, there's a couple things I think that may have been what you meant, but some clarification would be nice. I understand you wrote this shortly before going to bed, and it's perfectly understandable, so don't get too worked up over it. Believe me, it happens to a lot of us. ^^"

Announcement!!

Today, I'll be putting up sheets that have been approved thus far and begin work on writing each of those characters in. Until then, feel free to ask me any questions, bring up any concerns you may have, anything you'd like to talk about and Ikll address them to the best of my abilities.

Thank you.

Not gonna quote you because I don't know how to "snip it". Punctuation I've always struggled with, and the text program I sued apparently didn't have spell check. I think my character could do well with a group. He may be willing to do some things, but that doesn't mean he can't learn from past experiences. Also every group needs to have at least one person who is willing to do the morally questionable things in order to survive. I changed that phrase to what it should have been.

Do you want me to go through and try to fix other things?

warrcry13:
Not gonna quote you because I don't know how to "snip it". Punctuation I've always struggled with, and the text program I sued apparently didn't have spell check. I think my character could do well with a group. He may be willing to do some things, but that doesn't mean he can't learn from past experiences. Also every group needs to have at least one person who is willing to do the morally questionable things in order to survive. I changed that phrase to what it should have been.

Do you want me to go through and try to fix other things?

Well, "snipping it" is easy. Just delete the text between the end bracket of the first quote thingy and the opening bracket of the last closing quote thingy. As for further corrections, I really would like to know what kind of shotgun he has. The gauge of the barrel along with the make and model primarily.

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