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Here is my character!

TheIronRuler:
Here is my character!

You have some of the character sheet template information in the "Notable Skills" area. You should delete it. Otherwise this looks like a decent submission.

Tell me if I made a mistake or 7.

ruedyn:

Tell me if I made a mistake or 7.

The character is fine, but I have a few issues:
1. The weapons and armor segment. He shouldn't have any armor, and I'm not sure he should still have his Kriss. Won't he be spotted and caught if he is seen walking around in foreign armor and weapons? He would probably be killed for being a spy.
2. Did he desert his army because of the war? Why did he desert and others didn't? Any specific event that lead to it?

You can describe what equipment you received as a recruit. An iron cap, a sword, a spear, a crossbow, an axe, a hammer... They're all basic and pretty bad weapons, but you have to start your adventures somewhere.

Glasgow:

The character is fine, but I have a few issues:
1. The weapons and armor segment. He shouldn't have any armor, and I'm not sure he should still have his Kriss. Won't he be spotted and caught if he is seen walking around in foreign armor and weapons? He would probably be killed for being a spy.
2. Did he desert his army because of the war? Why did he desert and others didn't? Any specific event that lead to it?

You can describe what equipment you received as a recruit. An iron cap, a sword, a spear, a crossbow, an axe, a hammer... They're all basic and pretty bad weapons, but you have to start your adventures somewhere.

2 is much less than 7. Yay!

He's wearing standard armor of Yuda, only with some parts taken off for mobility. I also don't know why they'd give a shit, are they going to kick him out of the army? Move him further into the front lines?

As for your second point, it's because he became a social pariah, and decided hey why not move to the losing side, where he'd be more appreciated.

ruedyn:

Glasgow:

The character is fine, but I have a few issues:
1. The weapons and armor segment. He shouldn't have any armor, and I'm not sure he should still have his Kriss. Won't he be spotted and caught if he is seen walking around in foreign armor and weapons? He would probably be killed for being a spy.
2. Did he desert his army because of the war? Why did he desert and others didn't? Any specific event that lead to it?

You can describe what equipment you received as a recruit. An iron cap, a sword, a spear, a crossbow, an axe, a hammer... They're all basic and pretty bad weapons, but you have to start your adventures somewhere.

2 is much less than 7. Yay!

He's wearing standard armor of Yuda, only with some parts taken off for mobility. I also don't know why they'd give a shit, are they going to kick him out of the army? Move him further into the front lines?

As for your second point, it's because he became a social pariah, and decided hey why not move to the losing side, where he'd be more appreciated.

They should give a shit the first time they catch him in foreign armor and discern he's a spy. It's best if you walk around as a civilian and get away from the invading forces. The armor given to you by Yuda's army is only an iron cap (a hat). They can't afford to equip you with anything else, since you're just arrow fodder.

Fine with me, he is half local anyway.

Glasgow:

They should give a shit the first time they catch him in foreign armor and discern he's a spy. It's best if you walk around as a civilian and get away from the invading forces. The armor given to you by Yuda's army is only an iron cap (a hat). They can't afford to equip you with anything else, since you're just arrow fodder.

Fine with me, he is half local anyway.

It'd be difficult to hide the whole foreign thing due to not speaking the same language and the differing skin color, but I'll fix it.

ruedyn:

Glasgow:

They should give a shit the first time they catch him in foreign armor and discern he's a spy. It's best if you walk around as a civilian and get away from the invading forces. The armor given to you by Yuda's army is only an iron cap (a hat). They can't afford to equip you with anything else, since you're just arrow fodder.

Fine with me, he is half local anyway.

It'd be difficult to hide the whole foreign thing due to not speaking the same language and the differing skin color, but I'll fix it.

The different skin color isn't a given tell. Some people might be of mixed ancestry. The language part is troublesome, but you said you spoke the language so there's no problem here.

RELOADED - I have overhauled the story and details of the world in a better way to give players a better understanding of what they will face. Thank you for your help. You know who you are.

TheIronRuler:
Here is my character!

ruedyn:

Tell me if I made a mistake or 7.

Hey guys, I've updated the OP. Look and see if you have any issues with it and your character sheet. Especially you, ruedyn.

Glasgow:

TheIronRuler:
Here is my character!

ruedyn:

Tell me if I made a mistake or 7.

Hey guys, I've updated the OP. Look and see if you have any issues with it and your character sheet. Especially you, ruedyn.

.
You should have written that earlier, it's really interesting to read and no we know what we will be up against. Maybe you need to make a shortened version of it.

I added a little condensed version of this RP. Hopefully it will be a lighter read for people and they could know if they are interested in it.

 

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