The Heir Apparent: A Fantasy RP (Interest/Sign-up Thread -- APPLICATIONS CLOSED)

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Character revamped, edit what you wish.

Those dukes are going to get fucking eaten alive.

Apologies for the lateness.

Hey everybody. I'm sorry to say, but from here on in applications are officially closed.

It's likely there are a few people that have been working on sheets that are getting cut off by doing this, and I apologize for that. But when we set this RP up, I was expecting maybe 6-8 players, so this many applicants blew my mind a little. People are bound to be disappointed no matter what happens now, so I have to go for practicality and keep matters from getting even crazier. Thank you for your interest, though!

To everyone else, we'll get on sorting through everyone whose sheets we haven't evaluated yet, and get critiques and such out ASAP. You'll be free to edit your sheets as you see fit until we select a roster.

Well bugger.

Oh, but don't worry... As soon as someone drops out AND THEY WILL, I shall return and YOU WILL ALL PAY THE PRICE FOR FORSAKING ME!

I'm sorry it's taken so long to get around to this rounds of critiques, everybody! University is hard.

Further, I have some bad news - my co-GM, CJ, has lost his internet and will have a spotty connection at best until he has it restored on Wednesday. I'll try to pick up the slack, but like I said, University is hard.

Anyway, without further ado...

drmigit2:

Like we discussed earlier, guns and gunpowder are almost exclusively the domain of the Sheriffs. Aside from that, the backstory works.

A general note to the other apps - siding with the Queen has a huge risk associated with it. Her army is strong, but she's facing the combined might of both the Nobles and the Parlimentarians, so she(and by extension, you) are facing an uphill battle. What motivates the decision to side with her? Kyle's choice - that he sees her as a means to an end in his political machinations - answers this question. We want reasons to fight aside from a nebulous sense of patriotism or mere ignorance.

Rogue Trooper:
Trying to go for a mixture of a 40K space marine Chaplin and a Sigmar warrior priest, hope it is acceptable.

Done a bit more editing on the Bio and fixed some mistakes that where present throughout the document.

I'll be honest, I'm a sucker for the 40k mythos, so I really, REALLY like this sheet. The only admittedly nitpicky problem I see is his height - over seven feet tall is a little ridiculous. I know you were going for the whole Space Marine angle, but in this setting it just doesn't make much sense - you're still technically ordinary humans physically, and ordinary humans are almost never that large. Scale it down a bit to, say, 6'8" and this sheet would be golden.

DarkRawen:
Here's my sheet, if you have any problems with it, let me know.

I like the concept, but I'm not entirely certain how we'd be able to balance clairvoyance as a player power. I'll need to confer with my co-GM before I render any further judgement on the Armor itself. The backstory works, though.

Terratina.:
Constructive criticism is welcome, as always.

LAST EDIT - 10/03/13, 15:03 PM GMT: Expanded the Bio and added a little snippet about the Armour.

I admit that I like the idea of using his magic to remove mages from their Armor. Just keep in mind that mages are hardly defenseless without them, and with the 'bulkier' ones it'll definitely take quite a few whacks to get someone out.

RandomMan01:

Sorry it's so late. Criticize away.

Edit: I don't know what the hell was showing up originally, but the problem's fixed now.

While I get the idea behind your Armor's powers by being a non-combatant healer of sorts, most of the fighting will take place with Armors, so I'm not sure how Abby would fit in. Revamping her to focus less on support and more on fighting would be my recommendation.

Pappytech:
It's a little late, I suppose, but better late then never, right?

Feel free to criticize or complain.

See, people? If you want patriotism or loyalty to be the reason your character sides with the Queen, this is how you frame it. Don't just say, "They like it better that way." Explain WHY they want the Queen to win, and why they're willing to risk their necks to see it happen. Excellent work, Pappy.

Pandalisk:

Character revamped, edit what you wish.

I like the idea - a pseudo-mob noble family using him to keep tabs on the Queen. Just keep in mind we expect you to really roleplay the fact he's got an agenda of his own.

MortifiedPenguin:

Apologies for the lateness.

Much like drmigit's sheet, it bears repeating that only the Sheriffs have adopted the use of gunpowder as a part of their Armors. Carrying a pistol outside it is fine, but the technology to incorporate guns into an Armor is something exclusively spearheaded by the Sheriffs. Further, we don't want to give flight to players, as it would provide too much of a tactical advantage in most cases.

And, like many others, we're not looking for naivete or ignorance as a reason for fighting with the Queen. Try and come up with a reason she would care who rules - and why she would want it to be the Queen.

Arcanist:
Sheet critique

I only added it as I was told before that it might work. I can remove it if there's a problem with it, or tone it down so that it would only be apparent in the vague, might be might not be "vision" in the back-story.

As for the Armor, the idea is basically for it to be a reflection of the character itself, drawing attention to himself, using it as a decoy. It's more for tactics rather than attacking, albeit I'll probably add a bit more to the offensive magic; the lightning magic that's mentioned, if my character can't have clairvoyance, in order to balance it.

Edit: Also, you didn't add IFS sheet...

DarkRawen:

Arcanist:
Sheet critique

I only added it as I was told before that it might work. I can remove it if there's a problem with it, or tone it down so that it would only be apparent in the vague, might be might not be "vision" in the back-story.

Like I said, I'd like to synch up with CJ before I make any judgements on that. It definitely could work, but we'd need to define exactly what it could do before I'd be comfortable with a go-ahead. Powers like precognition and clairvoyance are an absolute nightmare for GMs if you aren't careful.

Edit: Also, you didn't add IFS sheet...

>.>
<.<

University is hard.

I'll get right on it.

IFS:
And here is my sheet, let me know if there are any problems with it.

Edit: fixed a weird text character that hadn't showed up in the preview or edit screen, and clarified how he tends to use elemental spells.

A little succinct, but it looks good. I'm sorry I don't have much more to say, but you've already touched on most of my points from earlier.

Arcanist:

Snippety do dah

Course, do reign me in if i take too much liberties with the Langenburg family, there wasn't much information on anything about merchant princes and the like so i was cautious to just straight up invent another minor power in play besides the big three.

Pandalisk:

Arcanist:

Snippety do dah

Course, do reign me in if i take too much liberties with the Langenburg family, there wasn't much information on anything about merchant princes and the like so i was cautious to just straight up invent another minor power in play besides the big three.

By all means, feel free to take some liberties with the world so long as it doesn't cause any problems with continuity. CJ and I have neither the time nor the inclination to completely populate the setting, and I always found it fun to see what players come up with when you give them some creative freedom.

Arcanist:
Snip

I'll edit in another weapon, though that was the point of the reinforced knuckles, so that if Abbey did get into combat (which I plan to try and avoid unless completely necessary), she could take them on in hand-to-hand.

Edit: I added in a shortsword for the armor. That way Abbey has a (slightly) longer-ranged option than her fists.

However, I'm not willing to totally change the armor so it's combat-oriented. I wanted to see if playing as a healer could still be fun, even when everyone else is busy fighting.

Arcanist:
Snip

And what would those tactical advantages be? And I don't mean just "oh she can fly", but taking into account there are amours that are to fast to be be seen, ones that can cloak or ones that can scry the whole battlefield while safely hanging back. I don't see why flying is that much of an advantage, can armors not shot up or something?

Edited just for clarification.

Fixed the problem with my characters height

Arcanist:
-Critique Snip-

I'm well aware of Caspian being a Fragile Speedster and that as well. Glad to see that I haven't majorly screwed up somewhere though.

Arcanist:

IFS:
And here is my sheet, let me know if there are any problems with it.

Edit: fixed a weird text character that hadn't showed up in the preview or edit screen, and clarified how he tends to use elemental spells.

A little succinct, but it looks good. I'm sorry I don't have much more to say, but you've already touched on most of my points from earlier.

Which points from earlier? Did I accidentally make him a seven foot tall three year old with a gunpowder based flight system built into his armor? :P

In all seriousness it would be appreciated if you could be more specific, the feedback I got is a bit too vague to be of any use to me, and it gives me the impression that you didn't do much more than glance at my sheet.

Still battling with a connection that enjoys dying on me, so I haven't really been working on my own critiques. However as it happens there is actually one sheet that came up in discussion privately, and I'm going to touch on it while I can.

MortifiedPenguin:

Arcanist:
Snip

And what would those tactical advantages be? And I don't mean just "oh she can fly", but taking into account there are amours that are to fast to be be seen, ones that can cloak or ones that can scry the whole battlefield while safely hanging back. I don't see why flying is that much of an advantage, can armors not shot up or something?

Edited just for clarification.

The reason your sheet i particular isn't workable is because it consistently begs the question, "How?"

Trying to explain how your Armour works is simply very difficult. You mention something in the sheet about a propulsion system, but you don't really explain what it is. If you mean a steam or combustion engine, or anything along those lines, then that raises the issue that this world doesn't have technology like that yet. If it's fueled by magic it ties into this next thing.

I've been trying to think of how on earth a mage might keep something like this afloat, and I simply don't see it happening. It would require constant concentration and an influx of magic. You actually helped in a big way because it made me think on what the actual limits of a mage are. And I think I've come to a decision.

Mages, for the most part, do have immense power, and can keep it going for a long time. But magic, something like bending the laws of reality, is extremely difficult to accomplish for any extended period of time. So the common strategy for a mage should be relying on spells that only last a few moments. A fireball will travel its distance and explode. A burst of light weight or increased speed is best used, as said, in bursts. A constant focus on a single spell would drain its user fairly quickly. I'd wager that you could probably manage an hour of flight a day, maybe two if you're really pushing it. But in a medieval setting where fights could last from dawn until dusk, or longer, that leaves you as a very impractical weapon.

CJ1145:
Snip

I'll be withdrawing this sheet then.

Edit, unless you can think of a way of working around this.

Well, far be it from me to kill somebody's fun because I'm a stickler. I haven't written your sheet off wholesale, and if I can think of a way to incorporate it I will be certain to let you know.

MortifiedPenguin:
Snip

CJ1145:
Snip

If the problem is the flight ability, then couldn't you argue that instead of a "propulsion system", it's built more like a glider; using the occasional burst of wind to push higher into the sky as needed? That way, it shouldn't require too much mana (I'm picking a word for magical energy; forgive me) to keep it up. Down side: the armor would have to be of lower weight then a ground based armor and therefore would likely have thinner armor. You could even extend the wind magic usage to be related to it's weapons - I'd like to see a giant flying armor that fires tornadoes from its mouth.

Just an idea.

My internet connection is finally stable again, so first, an announcement: We'll be selecting our final roster in two days. Then we can finally get this show on the road.

But to come with that announcement, I understand not everyone was pleased with various aspects of my co-GM's critiques. So I'll be going over them myself in this post, and hopefully touch on a few things he didn't, or explain issues more clearly.

RuedyN:

Appearance: (Give us an idea of what your character looks like, and what sort of equipment they carry. Preferably no images, please, just stick to text descriptions.)

image

Also, your character is upset that they didn't get to show off their armor due to a time of peace? There was a decade-long war going on, in full swing right around the time your character would have first started fighting. I'm all right with your motivation to join the Queen though. Love (pure or otherwise) is certainly one motivation to join a war, especially in this sort of setting.

hiei82:
Lady Alexis Leveque d'Aur, Knight of her Majesty, Rightful-Queen Lisbeth Solari

Well, what can I really say? Great sheet all around. A few nitpicks and misspoken terms, but I never failed to understand what you meant to say. An older character and an action girl at that, along with a unique fighting style. Exactly the sort of thing I'd like to see. Creativity and all. If I had one grumble with your sheet it was that I had to go back and rethink Lisbeth's backstory if there was another knight by her side the whole time. I'm not feeling petty, though, so whatever. Good job, again.

And since it has a backstory tied in...

Wenseph:
Mary "Noose" Derleth

Again, what can I really say? I'm happy with the output here, and I'd be interested to see how her character arc plays out to be sure.

Doubling back up for a mo'...

HellsingerAngel:
Ambrose Ausoman

A very good sheet all around. You give a good reason for a Sheriff to wind up in the service of the Queen, I guess my only nitpick is that he's a little on the young side. But it's not something I'm going to press, as his age is kind of an important point I'd think. Thumbs up.

Redryhno:
Kallu Ikastine

I'd probably say that this is my favorite incarnation of Kallu that you've made. I like his backstory, and I already have a few ideas I'd certainly like to explore for what, exactly, Kallu is. The thought of him outpacing even the master Diviners at such a young age is a bit of a stretch, though. Your characters are some of the best at what they do, but I'll say now, going into this war thinking you're the creme de la creme is going to earn you a rude awakening.

That said, I'm happy with this one. Kallu's certainly odd, though, considering there's an actual race of Dwarfs around, to the point that he looks more like them than a human.

Glasgow:
Krakow/Diana Silen Brouge.

I like what I see here, but I've gotta be honest that I need some serious assurance that you'll be able to post regularly if you want in. And considering it's been a full week since we've so much as heard from you...

Rogue Trooper:

image

I like the crazed battle-priest angle. My favorite class by far back when I played WAR. It should be interesting to see how the equivalent of a buffer class would play out in a more realistic scenario, as well. I personally wasn't having any hateboners over the height thing, but it looks like you updated it on the next page over, so we'll just go with it as it is I suppose.

DarkRawen:
Arthur "Art" Sol

I think I like this guy. An interesting personality and an interesting ability. Still, for some reason it feels like his loyalty doesn't mesh with other aspects of his personality and his more politically-geared aspects. I don't know, maybe that's just me. And it should be noted that, for the most part, your abilities would be restricted to scrying objects in real time. Observing future events would be something up to the plot and done at my discretion. Shit'd get crazy otherwise.

IFS:
Dilwyn Cadwaladen

Not bad. Every war can use an everyman to be sure. We're certainly getting a lot of Chevaliers. Picking these sheets is gonna be tough...

Terratina.:
Caspian von Brandt

Glad to see some more interest in the Shades! Also glad to see a sheet demonstrating the kind of fucked-up people that Hush churns out. I'm definitely liking the unique style of this guy, very good overall.

TO BE CONTINUED NEXT POST.

hiei82:

MortifiedPenguin:
Snip

CJ1145:
Snip

Super Snip

Thoughts CJ? I'll get on to editing the sheet if this fits.

And thanks Hiei

CJ1145:

hiei82:
Lady Alexis Leveque d'Aur, Knight of her Majesty, Rightful-Queen Lisbeth Solari

Well, what can I really say? Great sheet all around. A few nitpicks and misspoken terms, but I never failed to understand what you meant to say. An older character and an action girl at that, along with a unique fighting style. Exactly the sort of thing I'd like to see. Creativity and all. If I had one grumble with your sheet it was that I had to go back and rethink Lisbeth's backstory if there was another knight by her side the whole time. I'm not feeling petty, though, so whatever. Good job, again.

I didn't mean to preclude other knights who have been with her the entire time - only that the remnants of the Leveque d'Aur family aided in her escape at great cost. Other people could easily have helped in the escape as I doubt every loyal mage-knight in the kingdom came from that single family. I also didn't mean to mess with Lisbeth's backstory - it was left pretty vague so I played with it.

Tangentially: I also don't mind if you use the family for other things (creating more NPC knights/survivors, etc) if that helps.

Bottom line: while Alexis is an old knight of the royal guard, she doesn't have to be the only old knight of the royal guard - NPC or otherwise. Similarly, I can change the back story a bit to make it better fit your needs - the only requirements I had for the character were a) she was a royal guard, b) she aided in the queen's flight from the throne, and c) most of her family died to save the queen. Hope that helps resolve any problems.

If you have anything specific you'd like changed, feel free to let me know either here or, if the information is on a need-to-know basis, via PM.

Glad you liked the character.

MortifiedPenguin:
And thanks Hiei

No problem; happy to help.

CJ1145:

DarkRawen:
Arthur "Art" Sol

I think I like this guy. An interesting personality and an interesting ability. Still, for some reason it feels like his loyalty doesn't mesh with other aspects of his personality and his more politically-geared aspects. I don't know, maybe that's just me. And it should be noted that, for the most part, your abilities would be restricted to scrying objects in real time. Observing future events would be something up to the plot and done at my discretion. Shit'd get crazy otherwise.

Ah. The loyalty. Well, perhaps I should give you a bit more details. Firstly, his interest in politics is mainly for the reason of assisting Lord Roesen. I do know he seems like the kind of person who would support a parliament, but his methods is highly... varied. Yeah. Varied. As for why he's so loyal to Lord Roesen, there's the fact that Lord Roesen took him in and gave him a possibility to be educated and to do research, the fact that this is 23 years ago. And even before that, he was a servant who was raised from the age of three to serve Lord Roesen. The final nail in the coffin is that Art is in love with this guy, and has been since he was around 15 years old. So he has pretty much dedicated his whole life to him.

And I'm fine with the limited scrying thing, not like I was expecting for him to be able to look into the future whenever he thought it was convenient.

MortifiedPenguin:

hiei82:

MortifiedPenguin:
Snip

CJ1145:
Snip

Super Snip

Thoughts CJ? I'll get on to editing the sheet if this fits.

And thanks Hiei

You know, yeah, I think something like that could work. Go ahead and do it. I can't speak for my co-GM, but something like that could work.

hiei82:
Snip

You misunderstand, I'm not mad about it or anything. I'm just a codger who's stuck in his ways and doesn't like to change what he's already committed to paper. But it's fine, and thanks for the offer, I may end up using them for NPCs at some point.

DarkRawen:
Snip

Described like that I think I can see how it works.

CJ1145:

hiei82:
Snip

You misunderstand, I'm not mad about it or anything. I'm just a codger who's stuck in his ways and doesn't like to change what he's already committed to paper. But it's fine, and thanks for the offer, I may end up using them for NPCs at some point.

I figured you weren't mad - your language didn't suggest it. I was just offering to make some changes if needed to better fit how you planned to make the story; for your convenience.

I've finally added a bio, so feel free to critique as necessary :)

JokerboyJordan:

image

All applications are now CLOSED. I think you all know what that means!

The accepted sheets are:

Wenseph:
Mary "Noose" Derleth

Rogue Trooper:
Lysander Kantor

DarkRawen:

Arthur Sol

Terratina.:

Caspian von Brandt

HellsingerAngel:
Ambrose Ausoman

Pappytech:

Marcus Leitner

hiei82:
Lady Alexis Leveque d'Aur, Knight of her Majesty, Rightful-Queen Lisbeth Solari

JokerboyJordan:
Alastor Rambert

Pandalisk:
Rickard of Langenberg

Congrats!

My sincerest apologies to those that didn't make the cut. We had a really strong crop of applicants! CJ and I will be in touch about information concerning the RP very soon.

I thought CJ said it would be closed in 2 days, the 23rd, isn't it a bit early?

Arcanist:
Snip

You told Penguin you would let her rewrite her sheet, but you didn't give her the time to do it. :/

MortifiedPenguin:
I thought CJ said it would be closed in 2 days, the 23rd, isn't it a bit early?

DarkRawen:

Arcanist:
Snip

You told Penguin you would let her rewrite her sheet, but you didn't give her the time to do it. :/

These points are a bit related - there was a bit of a miscommunication between CJ and myself. We'll give her until tomorrow, as promised.

Until then, consider the list above the sheets to beat.

Aw sweet balls to the walls this is going to be awesome

Here's the edited version.

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