Mall Fight: The Earthventure: Act II Chapter I Part II: The Nugeruan Odyssey [CLOSED]

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"YO, PIGS!" I yell out to the cops, tossing empty cartons of orange juice out the window at them.

I cradle the phone between my shoulder and my cheek as I struggle into a skimpy strippers costume.
"Uh cant right now, about to audition for the job."

"Awesome!" Inside is lots of gold. "Welp."

Saltarius:
"YO, PIGS!" I yell out to the cops, tossing empty cartons of orange juice out the window at them.

It would have been the perfect crime, if the cops weren't somewhere else entirely, in a completely different country.

Paddy the Second:
"Awesome!" Inside is lots of gold. "Welp."

Press "J" for a hint!

J

"Can I meet you at the White Sun or whatever it was called then?"

"PUBLIC LITTERING! SUCK MY POST-OP DICK!"

Paddy the Second:
J

It's possible that gold has no value today. However, you could melt all that shit and create some cool-ass armor with it.

"Everyone knows gold is a feeble metal!" I look behind the gold. "Holy fuck a gun!"

Paddy the Second:
"Everyone knows gold is a feeble metal!" I look behind the gold. "Holy fuck a gun!"

Joe rolls a 3 and finds a handle. He can't even figure out what gun it's for. It's just a fucking handle for what could be some kind of extinct firearm.

I place the gun down and roll again.

"...What the literal fuck am I doing. Why would I help them. Why would I involve with them."

I call Zombie.
"So, what happened with Sigma?"

"Oh. He's on the run and then he got shot, but then he is determined to try to be a stripper at that club, so I'm heading over there to arrest him, and get a ton of money from the police."

"I spent like three weeks trying to get my life back. Narrator, what do I do?"

I phone Salt whilst gyrating on stage.
"Murder some innocents you're good at that."

"How did you get this number?"

I arrive at the Black Star eventually. I enter and look around for Sigma.
"Uh...Sigma? You're bleeding really fucking heavily."

"I slept with everyone in the phone company."

I glance over at Zombie as I flip upside down on a pole.
"Uh no."

"Okay, I know you guys must wanna know why I'm avoiding you but-AW SHIT!" I fake a scream and throw the phone out the window.

Saltarius:
"I spent like three weeks trying to get my life back. Narrator, what do I do?"

What the hell makes you think I know?

I blink as the line go dead.
"Geuss shes engaged."
I pocket the phone and proceed in grinding and waving my butt around.

"You obviously have a script numbnuts! Read ahead! Wait...deja vu..."

With the metal one, the odd-sounding one, the hungry one and the female all gone, Reginald was left alone with the one that was actually rather nice, if a little more than was comfortable. However, now he was without direction. Rather, with too many directions to make a choice easy. Should he follow the machine and the alien human? Should he try to find the loud, crazy one and the female? Should he wait for the somewhat overly nice one to act? And what then? Act as he does? Go somewhere else entirely? There wasn't many places he knew of that he could go to. The others surely had a direction in mind, so perhaps there was more to do there. There was a chance they were venturing off for food. Did they know where food was to be found? He supposed there was really only one way to find out. So, he shook the human's hand once again as a farewell and went forth through the wooded area, in search of those who may have sought food as he did.

"...Holy shit though, they actually had a monkey. And I just trashed all my shit out the window. Fucker better not come around, landlord was enough of a dick about that raccoon two weeks back..."

Paddy the Second:
I place the gun down and roll again.

Joe rolls a 16 and finds a REALLY FUCKING SWEET-ASS GUN HANDLE.

Saltarius:
"You obviously have a script numbnuts! Read ahead! Wait...deja vu..."

Well, uh, the point is that everyone can participate in the story and change shit up. There isn't really a script.

I pull up outside Black Star and wander in.
"Hey, Zomb. Sig."

"Fuck yes son! Wait, is this attached to the rest of the gun?"

Paddy the Second:
"Fuck yes son! Wait, is this attached to the rest of the gun?"

No. It's still probably the greatest gun handle ever created in all of humankind.

"Yaaaaaaaay! Gold! HEY! If we melt this down, we can make upgrades to my hardware!"

He 'grins' happily.

"Robodude gold is only mechanically useful in very small precise wiring and shit. It's weak and useless for armour or whatever. Also this bullshit narrator! Where's the rest of the gun?"

Paddy the Second:
"Robodude gold is only mechanically useful in very small precise wiring and shit. It's weak and useless for armour or whatever. Also this bullshit narrator! Where's the rest of the gun?"

Ugh, fine, but that's only because Green found a Taser. Joe rolls a 17 and finds a Shitty Beretta M9 that's missing its handle.

I step outside the strip club and decide to phone Woon.

"...Y'know, that was a pretty piss idea to destroy both my phones."

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