I jump and nearly brain myself on a windowsill.
"JESUS H FUCK! Where did you come from, Zombie?"
"Oh you know. North by Northwest or something. Here from there. So where are we? My eyes haven't adjusted to the light yet."
"New Jersey. Because of... reasons."
"Ugh, I hate this place. I mean, I'm not racist but I hate the food they serve here!"
I check on the progress of Winds of Winter.
"How has he only finished 5% of it?"
I set fire to a nearby passing stranger and scream 'STRANGER DANGER' whilst roasting some nice Chalet de Pomess Du cHardnee Le Petit Pourvones.
"I'm surrounded by lunatics..."
I offer Trilby some nice roasted Chalet de Pomess Du cHardnee Le Petit Pourvones.
"Oui Oui its French"
I open a door out of a passerby.
I step through the flesh-door and dissapear on an ADVANTURE.
I attempt to follow Sigma through.
I look up from where im crouched over a trapdoor. The tunnel is long, pulsating and fleshy, and it stretches off into darkness.
"Sup. Just like old times, hey?"
"Yup. Only with significantly fewer cyborg limbs."
I look down at my stupid fleshbag hands sadly.
I dive after the duo.
"Cyborg limbs are for nerds anyway. Just get ripped in a gym or something. Oh, and paint your arms a metallic colour. Yeah, that'll do the trick."
"No amount of working out can let me shoot fire from my armpits, though."
"That doesn't seem like a tactical advantage at all. In fact that's just kinda weird. Like, creepy weird. Just have 'em shoot out your palms dude."
"Fuck you, I can shoot fire outta wherever I want."
"Once I get cyborg arms, that is."
"What if your body rejects them? Could be you're not able to have them. Then you'll have no arms and look like a fool, and we'll all be laughing. At you. You no-armed fool."
I pat Trilby on the shoulder.
"We had some good times. Maybe one day we'll get back up there..."I look up with glazed eyes"...Amongst the stars, with the magic and the robot limbs and the infinite possibilities"
"I'm not an idiot. I'd test them first. Like, replace my pinky fingers or something."
"What if you went into a coma and they got rusty? Oooh, what happens if you're in a coma for so long, you don't get any Tetanus shots cause you're under our care, so you get Tetanus! Man you're not thinking this through."
"I'll use alloys or zinc coating or some shit."
I open a trapdoor and shut it quickly before a horrific bundle of legs and teeth tries to force its way out.
"Meat trains are so Mall Fight 2, dude."
"Salt don't be a buzzkill."
"So, anyways, guys, you haven't properly met. One of these zombies is Reggie. One of the others is Daryl, and the last one is Gabe. And I'm sort of a emissary of Hel now? The goddess, not the place."
"Wouldn't an emissary of the goddess also technically be an emissary of the place?"
"Ehhh...Yeah, if you wanna get technical. Still, there's a difference between like, Norse Hel and the Christian place Hell."
"Well, duh. Of course there's differences. Anyway, how'd you get to work for a deity?"
"Turns out the local gravedigger's a necromancer too. We embalmed a body, I asked Hel to raise it, had to fight the zombie. Talked to her after. Sort of the reason why there's a zombie uprising out in town."
I turn around.
"It's surprisingly easy. I won a lottery."
"Dammit. All I've managed to get is a property damage quest."
"Let's be real, this is gonna bite me in the ass later. I'm just gonna ride this wave till it crashes onto the craggy shore, you feel me?"