Mall Fight: The Earthventure - Epilogue: Here Comes The Flood [CLOSED, ENDED]

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Saltarius:
I floor it and try to get the fuck out of there.

2, fumble with 18; you accidentally go backwards.

6; you hear another eye opening.

"Prepare your anus, Salt, Sobek's the god of military also."

"HEL I AM PERFECTLY AWARE OF HOW FUCKED I AM!"

I floor it again to try and go forward.

"Read him The King in Yellow, everyone loves that play"

"Wait you killed a deity?"
...
"Fucking sweet. Let's go kill some gods and or goddesses."

Saltarius:
"HEL I AM PERFECTLY AWARE OF HOW FUCKED I AM!"

I floor it again to try and go forward.

6; the car doesn't move.

19; seeing what you're doing, Sobek just waits to see what you're going to do next, for kicks.

TrilbyWill:
"Wait you killed a deity?"
...
"Fucking sweet. Let's go kill some gods and or goddesses."

"I probably did kill him, but I don't know what that makes me right now. Either way, being immortal doesn't bother me, since it means that, if I can't roll anything good, I can still kamikaze myself with my guitar without repercussion!

Anyways, we still have tons of shit to do, Trilby. There's the druids, we also have that Trilby Jackson guy Tommy was talking about, we have Xandus and his clique, and we have Salt trying to travel to Canton by bike."

I keep jamming the gas pedal to fucking go already.

I walk over to Trilby and Marcel.
"I need to become plot-relevant. It's depressing."

Saltarius:
I keep jamming the gas pedal to fucking go already.

14; you jam the pedal and get the fuck out of here.

18; Sobek is amused, and decides to let you off, for the lulz.

Sigma Castell:
I walk over to Trilby and Marcel.
"I need to become plot-relevant. It's depressing."

"It's not like we're doing much plot anyway, there's about 5 different overarching things we need to do and the shit we have to do just keeps piling up.

...Actually, speaking of which, where the fuck is Waffles?" I go off to find Waffles and see if he found anything at the top of the pillar.

"...Don't even laugh. I swear to god Hel, do not even laugh."

I keep on driving, surveying the scenery.

I am currently several above the ground. "Yeah...But...I get that, but...If you would listen for a s-...I told you I get that!"

Saltarius:
"...Don't even laugh. I swear to god Hel, do not even laugh."

I keep on driving, surveying the scenery.

684 kilometers out of 5000; you are now in Iraq. 18; you come upon a pack of dead nomads, looking like they got some cool shit on them.

WafflesandBacon:
I am currently several above the ground. "Yeah...But...I get that, but...If you would listen for a s-...I told you I get that!"

I look up in the air and see Waffles talking to himself. "Hey, Waffles, get down from here and tell me what you found on top of the pillar!"

"I see your point..."
I look up Trilby Jackson's MySpace profile.

I grab the aforementioned cool shit and keep moving.

"It was an emerald, now leave me alone for a second!" I drop the emerald and continue talking.

TrilbyWill:
"I see your point..."
I look up Trilby Jackson's MySpace profile.

11; you find a nearly empty profile of the same name. The only thing on there is a photo of a trilby.

Saltarius:
I grab the aforementioned cool shit and keep moving.

16; you get Food Ration (x5), a Sun-Blocking Cape and a copy of the Quran.

774 kilometers out of 5000; you arrive in Baghdad, at the city's Victory Arch. You see that only a bare amount of people are walking the streets, and a good amount of them look at you in surprise as you drive by.

WafflesandBacon:
"It was an emerald, now leave me alone for a second!" I drop the emerald and continue talking.

"Thank you!" I take the emerald and examine it.

6; you know that it's an emerald carved flawlessly in the shape of a pyramid.

I examine it again.

7; no, dude, it's carved like really fucking well.

Fuck you, I examine it again.

13; you sense an aura that smells of pine tree and the powers of nature.

That's more like it.

I get out, walking out among the populace.

"Hello. Does anyone here know if there's an airport or something nearby that can get me to China fast?"

Saltarius:
I get out, walking out among the populace.

"Hello. Does anyone here know if there's an airport or something nearby that can get me to China fast?"

17; thanks to movie magic, some of them speak English, and tell you that there's an airport up north. However, since about three quarters of the population disappeared, no one's taking care of that place.

I attempt to catch a soul with my soul-trap.

I sniff the emerald.
"Cool, an air freshener. Can I put that in my van?"

Sigma Castell:
I attempt to catch a soul with my soul-trap.

20; you capture the soul that escaped your Skull Crown. Somehow.

TrilbyWill:
I sniff the emerald.
"Cool, an air freshener. Can I put that in my van?"

"Trilby, I don't think we just busted our asses and got me killed over a fucking air freshener. You think we should bring this to the pyramids, try and figure out if it could lead us to the druids, or pawn it? Or all three at once?"

"I think we should hang it in my van. That thing's been sitting in my inventory with all my stuff, and some of Sigma's stuff, since Nugerua."
I sigh and look for Trilby Jackson's Google+ account.
"I guess we can take it to the pyramids after that, or something."

I ask my skeletons if any of them can reliably and safely fly a plane to China.

TrilbyWill:
"I think we should hang it in my van. That thing's been sitting in my inventory with all my stuff, and some of Sigma's stuff, since Nugerua."
I sigh and look for Trilby Jackson's Google+ account.
"I guess we can take it to the pyramids after that, or something."

11; you find one, nearly just as empty as the MySpace account. Thanks to automated Google+ functions, you know that the location is the North of Africa. There's also a picture of a silhouette in the dark.

Saltarius:
I ask my skeletons if any of them can reliably and safely fly a plane to China.

10; one of them says he can try.

I keep raising skellies until I get a competent pilot.

"What the hell kind of person has such a limited internet presence."
I throw the phone into the distance.
"Watch_Dogs lied to me."

Saltarius:
I keep raising skellies until I get a competent pilot.

9; nope. 5; even less. 14; you find a guy who used to be a co-pilot.

TrilbyWill:
"What the hell kind of person has such a limited internet presence."
I throw the phone into the distance.
"Watch_Dogs lied to me."

"Power probably comes with the ability to figure out how to put out as little info as possible online. A truly fearsome ability."

"You're good enough."

I head over to the airport, co-skellie in tow.

I take out another phone and call a random number, hoping that it's Trilby Jackson.

After taking out a considerable chunk of the wall, I decide it wise to probably wise to check out of the motel and within the hour I find myself in (what I find myself calling) my car, driving towards the Los Angeles airport in the hope of finding a somewhat cheap ride.

What I find leaves me in equal parts shock and amazement. While my drive through the city proper had left me...unnerved to say the least, considering the lack of activity the airport was positively bustling. Instead of the sound of jets I hear the sound of people as they move about the terminals. The multi-storey carparks are covered in a patchwork of tarps and sheets, giving the impression that some giant child attacked them with a box of crayons. Banners hang between the 'legs' of the dome-like building in the center of the airport, proudly displaying the word 'Aliquam'.

So enraptured by the sight I almost run over a man steps out onto the road, cradling a shotgun. Almost. I slam on the breaks, causing the sound of squealing rubber to cut through the air as I come to a stop. "Uh, can I help you?" I ask as I wind the window down.

"You new in town?" The man asks, ignoring my question.

I nod, and he nods his head towards the dome-like building. "I'll get you to follow me then sir."

"Alright." I say, before looking around, "Am I right to leave my car here?"

"Do we look like we get much traffic?" The man replies, and I give him a shrug as I lock the car and follow him.

"Thought you could get away from me eh"
I examine the captured soul.

Saltarius:
"You're good enough."

I head over to the airport, co-skellie in tow.

You arrive at the airport, which is incidentally empty. 17; there is a working passenger plane with enough fuel in it for you to use.

TrilbyWill:
I take out another phone and call a random number, hoping that it's Trilby Jackson.

11; you accidentally call some lady, and suddenly channel your inner WWE announcer as she responds:

It's at that point that I realize something. I tap into my telekinetic powers and try to toss a medium-sized piece of pavement into a nearby mirror.

11; you cause the piece of pavement to rise, but end up destroying a piece of tapestry on the wall, next to the mirror.

I raise my hand and use it to rest my chin as I begin thinking both about what I could do with that ability and how I completely fucking forgot I could also do that. I promptly punch myself in the face.

Sigma Castell:
"Thought you could get away from me eh"
I examine the captured soul.

You find that it's the soul of Johnny Mephisto, the third-degree cousin of Mephisto from Diablo II.

"Fuck."
I try again.

TrilbyWill:
"Fuck."
I try again.

19; you dial the 555-5817-375 and reach an automated responder: "You have reached the Trilby Jackson residence. I am currently not here, so please leave a message after the beep."

Beep.

"Hello, Mr Jackson. I am calling from the bank. The... Iron Bank, of Braavos. Your loan of 6000 gold dragons has been approved. You may collect your money at our Cairo branch."

"Noice"
I grab the phone from Trilby.
"Remember, you have to leave your limbs at the desk"

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