Mall Fight: The Earthventure - Epilogue: Here Comes The Flood [CLOSED, ENDED]

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Connor Lonske:
mental instability at max. might want to do something Marcel.

I fuckin search for the largest object I can fit into this fucker's mouth and I go with the fleshlight. Oh this will be fun.

8; oh thank god.

Oh putain, mais qu'est-ce qu'il va faire avec ce- (Oh shit, what's he going to do with that-) I tackle the shit out of him before he can do anything else; I roll a 20 and succeed so hard that some weird shit happens.

Some cloaked guy showed up, and everything just stopped; he put Richard and I on the ground, and waved his hand in front of Richard's face before disappearing, causing time to go back to normal. I look over to Richard, to see that he's been knocked out.

Saltarius:
I start digging through the dirt beneath the tiles.

13; you find another shovel spade.

TrilbyWill:
"Shit."
I stop, sway a bit, then do some more stabbing because I don't think anyone noticed me.

11; the stabbing gets mild.

Guard #1 (Johnny): 7/40 (-3!)

...

fhew.

I do more stabbing and knee the guard in the stomach too for good measure.

I equip the two shovels and dig harder.

TrilbyWill:
I do more stabbing and knee the guard in the stomach too for good measure.

3, fumble with 3. Oh god, this ain't good. You end up slashing yourself and falling face-first on the floor.

Trilby: 91/105 (-8!)

Saltarius:
I equip the two shovels and dig harder.

1, fumble with 17; you look like an idiot as you fail to dig with two spades.

"God dammit."
I stand up and try again, only without the kneeing.
"Just die you fuckhead."

"Sshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" I say as I smother the guard with a pillow.

TrilbyWill:
"God dammit."
I stand up and try again, only without the kneeing.
"Just die you fuckhead."

10; Mildness ahoy.

Guard #1 (Johnny): 2/40 (-5!) (CRITICAL STATE)

Sigma Castell:
"Sshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" I say as I smother the guard with a pillow.

14; you manage to choke him out of the remaining air he needed. You sick fuck.

Guard #1 (Johnny): 0/40 (-2!) (DEAD)
Guard #1 (Johnny) has been slain!

"Fuck's sake."
I step back and kick the guard in the balls, hopefully with enough force to finally finish the god damn fuckass off.

I start trying to perform emergency resuscitation on the guard.
"Don't just stand there!" I yell at Trilby,
"We can still save him!"

TrilbyWill:
"Fuck's sake."
I step back and kick the guard in the balls, hopefully with enough force to finally finish the god damn fuckass off.

4. He's fucking dead, man.

Sigma Castell:
I start trying to perform emergency resuscitation on the guard.
"Don't just stand there!" I yell at Trilby,
"We can still save him!"

16; if it wasn't for the fact that the internal bleeding is permanently doing him in, you'd have saved him.

I put on my surgical mask, whip out my surgeons license and make an incision across his stomach.
"Sutures, Nurse Trilby. Hes bleeding into the abdominal cavity, the lungs and several arteries are damaged. If we work fast we can still save him."
I use some duct tape to stop the bleeding from his battered pectoral artery.

I do a victory dance.
"Sigma, what's dead should stay dead."
I stomp on the guards insides.

I still dig harder with my two shovels.

"DAMMIT NURSE, WE'RE LOSING HIM"
The bleeps on the heart monitor get faster. I take out my tazer and yell "CLEAR", then shove it into his heart.

Saltarius:
I still dig harder with my two shovels.

12; you find another shovel spade.

You lucky son of a bitch.

Sigma Castell:
"DAMMIT NURSE, WE'RE LOSING HIM"
The bleeps on the heart monitor get faster. I take out my tazer and yell "CLEAR", then shove it into his heart.

18; tazers don't work that way, man. He's dead as shit.

I use my class power and Raise Dead.

I strap the spade onto my back, starting to look elsewhere to find a quest non-related to the other nerds in this thread. Hell, maybe it's a quest about digging.

Sigma Castell:
I use my class power and Raise Dead.

18; I don't care how many ways you can blend a human being and how much you know about juvenile anatomy, this body ain't fucking going back up. Also, magic ain't unlocked yet.

Saltarius:
I strap the spade onto my back, starting to look elsewhere to find a quest non-related to the other nerds in this thread. Hell, maybe it's a quest about digging.

Salt obtains the title of Gravedigger!

Get it? Because skeletons and shit?

...

That PhD is still faked.

4; you don't find a quest. No siree. Nada. No, senor.

I take a long, winding trip until I finally reach Sigma.

"So, uh, I found some shovels. That happened."

"Hey, shouldn't I get exp or some shit for killing this guy?"
I start to search the body for useful, and possibly quest-related, stuff.

I turn to Salt, tears in my eyes.
"Oh god Salt, its horrible. Theres a dead guy and I couldnt save him. I am a terrible surgeon."
I take one of the shovels.
"We must bury him, before the scavengers gather."

I take my shovel back, digging a small grave and shoveling dirt over.

"Well, at least I got to use my new title."

I claps my hands in front of me and look down.
"Such a tragedy, that so bright a spark of life was cut so short."

"Dude, I dig the graves, I don't give the eulogies. And neither will you."

I give Salt a tearful glance.
"I am a master euologist"
I write a short poem about cucumbers and place it on the grave.

Green boots back up after doing almost nothing that fight.

"Woah. That was weird. What happened?"

He looks down at the dead guy.

"Oh. Hey Rich-"

Hm. Unconscious.

"Um. Shit."

I whack Sigma over the head, knocking him out and dragging him elsewhere.

I look up at Green.
"Oh, hey."

TrilbyWill:
"Hey, shouldn't I get exp or some shit for killing this guy?"
I start to search the body for useful, and possibly quest-related, stuff.

Well, the roll nonwithstanding (you rolled 9, so you wouldn't have found anything good anyway, even if Salt didn't bury the body), you gotta wait for the other guy to die. But... no, wait, he's knocked out. Hold on for a second.

VICTORY!

Marcel, Richard, Sigma, Green and Trilby gain 50 XP!

Salt also gains 5 XP for burying that guard. It's a Gravedigger thing.

I take the XP and add it to my current tally. It tastes like blue.

"WOAH. I FEEL...hungry. Anyone want some food?"

Green pulls a couple chocolate bars out of that compartment of his.

Greenstarfanatic:
"WOAH. I FEEL...hungry. Anyone want some food?"

Green pulls a couple chocolate bars out of that compartment of his.

"I'm not going to question where you got those and just take some, thanks." I gladly take two; one for me and one that I put next to Richard. I quickly get to eating my chocolate bar, considering I've killed a bunch of skeletons and beat down a guard on an empty stomach.

Marcel: 80/105 (+5!)

"Man, those bars taste green as fuck."

"Gimme"
I grab a bunch of chocolate bars and eat them along with the wrappers.
"MmmfffThese better be mfmfmfmfCadbury" I mumble through a mouthful of chocolate.

Sigma Castell:
"Gimme"
I grab a bunch of chocolate bars and eat them along with the wrappers.
"MmmfffThese better be mfmfmfmfCadbury" I mumble through a mouthful of chocolate.

17; They're Cadbury as fuck.

Isaac: 75/105 (+25!)
Isaac is temporarily susceptible to Diabetes!

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