Zero Punctuation: Resident Evil 5

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A few thoughts off the top of my head:
1) to those slagging the 'Yahtzee lovers', congratulations on your membership in the 'Yahtzee haters'. Yes, you're a part of a herd as well. Now go over to your side of the corral.
2) I had no plans to purchase RE5, and now I know that I can just replay 4 without missing too much, I feel my choice was validated. But regardless of whether you agree or disagree with his assessment, this review was pretty funny, and raised some interesting points about the game.
3) "...the verbal warfare equivalent of two retards playing HAPPY-SLAPS!" was a certifiably hysterical line.
4) sorry to disappoint you spelling Nazis out there, but according to the OED, 'octopi' is an accepted plural for 'octopus'. . . and who really gives a shit, anyway? I mean, we're not discussing somebody's doctoral thesis here.

heh. '...and it's MY WALL...'

stiver:
Resident Evil 2 is still the best game in the series.

HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT?!?!?!

Resident Evil 4 was clearly the best out of the series.

and also great review yahtzee. funny, true, and funny again

Meagen:
Here's a thing. Picture a poor clueless newb stumbling into a forum and happily posting something like "I just played this game called Final Fantasy VII and I really liked it! Are there really six others? Do they have Sephiroth in them? I loved him, he was awesome!". He's new. He doesn't *know* the topic that he just discovered last week has been discussed for years. People have very strong opinions about it. Other people have equally strong, *opposing* opinions about it. Flamewars have raged for months. Friendships were broken forever. It is a fucking touchy subject. The post is not unlike stirring up an angry hornet's nest, assuming it doesn't get ignored as a troll in the first place.

Usually by the time you manage to explain all this to the newb, he tries to defend himself with "Well I didn't *know*, geez. Lay off already." You know what? No. No, the entire fucking population is not going to magically forget all the baggage attached to the topic just because you're a delicate little flower who couldn't spend five fucking minutes with an FAQ. If you come late to the party and start spouting obviously ignorant shit, you're going to get your ass toasted.

And the same applies even moreso if you get into a topic that actually has real fucking relevance, like racism. And ten times as much if you're a large gaming company instead of a random shlub with a keyboard and modem.

So no, "lol we didnt mean to be racist" is not a fucking defense, Capcom.

+1 on that

I have to say this is the first review to which I go just "meh" (instead of liking it very much) - prolly 'cause I'm not a RE person.

I keep my moderate Yahtzee-fanboy badge, though

300lb. Samoan:

Roffey123:
Oh how I will hate the coming days as I try to complete this game with her in tow.

I just don't get it. If you know you're going to hate playing a game, WHY WOULD YOU PLAY IT? It reminds me of trying to play engineer in TF2 when a soldier is near-by picking up every scrap of metal every single time he fires one rocket - you just want to bitch slap him and tell him to use the dispenser but you know he won't listen! An entire game of dealing with that sounds like a damn nightmare!

It is, suprisingly, possible to hate an element of the game but like the game itself?

Muggins.

bumbum:
I think this is the first ZP review which I have agreed with every point. Bravo, Mr Yahtzee :)

Ditto... this review was frighteningly similar to how I feel about the game.

Although I would add to the ranting and point out the game's biggest flaw for me: the fact that all the fiddly retarded swapping and mixing has to be done in real time.

Brotherofwill:
What's up with the way he pronounces Bowie?

Keep in mind that he's British.

I liked RE4, except for that quick-time knife fight with Krauser. But I'm not sure if I'll get RE5.

He is absolutely right about your partner, there is one part early in the game where you have to go through a dark tunnel and one of the character has to hold a lamp with a car battery hooked to it. I grabbed the light and she is left to defense, which was a mistake on my part, the first enemy pops out and she was waits till he hits her in the face with a shovel to fire off a round. After I killed the enemy and spent 5 minutes trying to slash her throat open with my knife I confined her to flashlight duty, my second mistake. She couldn't even perform that simple task, I had to fight a horde enemies with her pointing the light to the side. My guess she was making shadow puppets while I was being horribly raped and beaten.

"With enough small herbs to knock out Cheech Marin!"

I fell out of my chair luaghing. Hats off to you Mr. Croshaw.

Tharticus:
And the creepy Merchant guy died.

What?! That guy was the only reason I kept playing RE4. What a damn shame...

JoeKickAzz:

stiver:
Resident Evil 2 is still the best game in the series.

HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT?!?!?!

Resident Evil 4 was clearly the best out of the series.

and also great review yahtzee. funny, true, and funny again

If you are less than 16 years old I will not pick on you for this statement. RE4 and RE5 are the least Resident Evil-ish games in the saga, even the Early build of Resident Evil 4 was more Resident Evil-ish. Therefor, Resident Evil 2 IS the best of the series.

I agree with this review in everyway, the inventory screen, way its made up in a very similar way to RE4, the triple cunted hooker, etc..., and the merchant was my favorite character.

Excelent job Yahtzee, great way to sum up this game in a form most people can realate to. If anywone is talking about Resident Evil games, it comes down to the fact that RE4 is the game that had the series change. Most people would agree that by this point somthing would have to happen to the game to make more peole who wernt vetrans of the series want to play it. (I played RE4 before the other games and I still felt that RE4 was better then RE1,2, and 3 although I will admit that 2 did have the best story of all of them except 4.) In anycase I add one thing, in order to actualy sell the series as a whole, you need to re-invent the game so that it is fresh and apealing to people. Also Yahtzee has a point, CAPCOM is not racist, they are just idiots.

All fair points. I haven't finished RE5 yet. However, I will go to my primary analysis when evaluating a game: did I have fun? If yes, the game is doing something right. I have definitely had fun with RE5 thus far. Not as much fun as with RE4, bun fun nonetheless.

Kraven Angelous:

Ishinken:
Haha oh Yahtzee he seriously can't dislike RE that much. Original RE games (that is before RE4) are all masterpieces in their own rights. #1, the game that started the survival horror genre FOR REAL. 2, a super nice sequel with a much more thoughened up gameplay quality and experience with alternate routes in the story line making it last ALOT longer! RE3 was the one that offered the least IMO because it was just a lesser version of RE2, but it still had nice end-game modes to battle it out on! RE4 really changed the genre and made it into a more action oriented game which launched the context sensitive battle moves for real. Then everyone started copying it to hell! RE deserves so much respect as one of the absolutely best gaming genres ever in gaming history. And RE5 is basicly RE4, but better. In most ways anyways. The co-op gameplay is absolutely fantastic and reminds me why gaming is so good in the first place, to play with your buddies! And finally, since in what seemed forever, we finally had another game with the possibility to play through it with a IRL friend again! Then mercenaries mode which could be a game in its own rights. And then the upcoming vs modes... RE5, game of the year 2009, and the demo game of the year 2008!

The truth is all that you've said is false. Alone in the Dark started the Survival Horror genre FOR REAL as you said, Resident Evil came as competition that just simply had a bigger boom. And the context sensitive battles? Ohhhh you mean Quick Time Events, that's the term you're looking for, they were invented back in 1999 in the game Shenmue, that's where it all started. And no, RE5 is not RE4 better, all the opposite in fact. It's shorter, annoying and it has the easiest boss battles and the most unsatisfying ending since Karate Kid for the NES. Can't believe how much of a joke the end game battles are. It's not scary, it's frustrating and halfway into chapter 5 you're wishing it's over and done with. Maybe my view on this also comes from the fact that I stood from 6:00 pm to 9:30 am playing this game with a friend and we're both trying to forget this dreadful experience.

What I meant with FOR REAL is that it made it bloom. So what if they were not first, they made it INTERESTING and popularized. The battles were fine, boss battles that is. The only thing that sucks in the game is the companion AI and the fact they had to "kill" Wesker and that he mutates into a monster.

Many complain on inventories but sucks to be you then because I havent got that huge issues with it. Sure you have to bring herbs to your partner sometime to mix them, and an egg takes as much space as a weapon. But then again, if you dont want the eggs why dont you just skip picking them up? And you can discard them/eat them to make the slot available again. It just brings item management into the game. It was stupid in RE4 the way you had to spend minutes in your inventory to puzzle your items to make them fit... now its more simple, that is if you actually understand you have to work with the inventory more than once per 10 minutes.

and on a side note, anyone saying this game is racist is a huge idiot. the only racism I can smell is the one coming from the irritable tards that have to even point it out.

It even seems that capcom listened to this vocal clueless crowd by adding tons of white men into the game. Now how racist is that??? Were in damn africa and theres like only 1/2 negroes and the rest are mexican and white people??? Makes sence NO!?

Excellent video, chuckled to hear that Capcom went to efforts to try and prevent the RE 5 from being called racist, and then went to villages with spear throwing tribals - awww, bless capcom and their idiot heads.

Seriously the people who quote Yahtzee's "jokes" and then comment about how funny it is, you are like that retard at the party or get together who keeps telling the same joke or line over and over while no one laughs then says it again in hopes that people just didn't hear you ( while every one looks away, coughs and starts up new conversations with people who aren't retarded. )

That aside the review was decent and although i agree most of his points were valid in some way or another none of them were game breaking and it was a blast to play (co-op or single).

Surprised there was no comment on the Mercenary's game mode which is more fun then the main game, especially in co-op. I guess he would have needed to finish the game to have played it, which he obviously didn't.

Good review and some good valid points. Especially that about having to carry your armour in your inventory. That would be like going to work and finding you don't have enough room in your bag to carry your lunch, because all the space has been taken up by the same clothes you also happen to be wearing.

I do like the phrase "avoiding a pothole to fall off a cliff" (or something along those lines - bad memory for that sort of thing).

As an aside, I was telling someone at work today I had the term "pants on head retarded" stuck in my brain and couldn't recall where from. They did a search on google, so imagine my amusement when Zero Punctuation popped up. Now I just need to slip it into a conversation. Or two. :)

solidstatemind:
A few thoughts off the top of my head:
1) to those slagging the 'Yahtzee lovers', congratulations on your membership in the 'Yahtzee haters'. Yes, you're a part of a herd as well. Now go over to your side of the corral.

Mooo? I wondered why I was surrounded by fencing in the Yahtzee fan side.

I love this game, I really do, but I agree 100% with Yahtzee. Sheva's AI is very stupid when it comes to weapons, and next time I play I'm ridding Sheva of her handgun, she'll just have to use her SMG, while I carry the handgun, the shotgun, and the magnum, she can't be trusted with those weapons.

NexusBlade:
I love this game, I really do, but I agree %100 with Yahtzee. Sheva's AI is very stupid when it comes to weapons, and next time I play I'm ridding Sheva of her handgun, she'll just have to use her SMG, while I carry the handgun, the shotgun, and the magnum, she can't be trusted with those weapons.

Just give her a rifle, she is a fantastic shot with it.

Brotherofwill:
What's up with the way he pronounces Bowie?

I say it so that the "bow" part is pronounced like as in "bow and arrow" and I think most other people in England pronounce it the same way.

But David Bowie pronounces it the same but is known in London (where he started his career) with the "bow" part rhyming with "wow" and the singer has never corrected the pronunciation.

Apparently, the correct pronunciation used in at least the southern United States and traced back to the Scottish origins of the name Bowie, is where the "bow" part rhymes with "shoe" so it is more "boo-weee".

So that is three different ways to pronounce it. Seems to be a tomAYto/tomAHto difference and Yahtzee is British born.

On topic though, love the review, I think Yahtzee just saved me 40 quid ($60) and definitely won't get this game without a rental.

Having played resi evil 5, and completing it 4 times already (with the help of me mate ofc. Sheva has about as much brain power as a cheese sandwich) i have to admit, the game is heavily flawed.
My first complaint is the A.i; As mentioned Sheva is bloody next to useless 99% of the time. Secondly, the series is no longer scary. No zombie dogs bursting out of windows, no zombie crows chasing me down wanting to nibble my manly bits. The guys with chain saws are the equivalent of bullet sponges. The parasite infected locals are rarely a threat, unless they get up close n personnel. Wheres the atmospheric music? i dont even remember hearing any :/
I used to shit bricks on R.E: nemesis, when i heard "STARS!" i used to run like hell, in a vain attempt to run away from dire tenticle rape.
Thirdly, you fall over ammo and health every two feet. like you've invaded a supermarket chemist. The inventory system has gone backwards, with the ability to hold 9 items at a time, some items stacking, where as most don't.
Q.T.E still pop up when u wouldnt expect them too, then you won't see another one for at least another 2 hours. Oh, and Wesker comes across as the biggest twat known to man, with his psuedo-Duke Nukem gayness, and his complete inability to kill zomeone without telling them his finely planned global domination routine right down to every fullstop.
So, to be quite honest, i'd much rather have R.E 4's gameplay, set in R.E 2's scenario. running around Racoon city, blowing zombies apart.
/rant :3

Treblaine:

On topic though, love the review, I think Yahtzee just saved me 40 quid ($60) and definitely won't get this game without a rental.

I would rent it before you say you don't want to buy it.

Its good to try things out for your self instead of just listening to a critic.

That review was spot on, RE5 was a massive disappointment for me. Like GTAIV, most games reviewers were happy to slap 11/10 on RE5 and call it a day, so it's always nice to see Yahtzee come along and point out all the flaws that other reviewers missed because they were too busy counting all the advertising money from the publisher.

I too thought Ashley was far preferable to Sheva, since Ashley never stood directly behind me and wasted all her ammo shooting me in the back. Or kicked me over because I was standing between her and a Ganado that she had decided to kick. Or pick up all the ammo for a gun she didn't have. And well done Yahtzee for slating the inventory system, it's utterly perverse in its design.

Personally I think the only Resident Evil games worth playing are ones directed by Shinji Mikami.

PandyBear:
Having played resi evil 5, and completing it 4 times already (with the help of me mate ofc. Sheva has about as much brain power as a cheese sandwich) i have to admit, the game is heavily flawed.
My first complaint is the A.i; As mentioned Sheva is bloody next to useless 99% of the time. Secondly, the series is no longer scary. No zombie dogs bursting out of windows, no zombie crows chasing me down wanting to nibble my manly bits. The guys with chain saws are the equivalent of bullet sponges. The parasite infected locals are rarely a threat, unless they get up close n personnel. Wheres the atmospheric music? i dont even remember hearing any :/
I used to shit bricks on R.E: nemesis, when you heard "STARS!" i used to run like hell, in a vain attempt to run away from dire tenticle rape.

I take it you didn't like Resident Evil 4 then.

The next Resident Evil is going to be a re-boot back to the old games, but until then its quite easy to enjoy Resident Evil 5 for what it is.. a fun game that has great co-op.

I stopped playing RE after the first one, this game seems decent but is miles away from being a horror game or resembling anything scary at all.

Treblaine:

Brotherofwill:
What's up with the way he pronounces Bowie?

I say it so that the "bow" part is pronounced like as in "bow and arrow" and I think most other people in England pronounce it the same way.

But David Bowie pronounces it the same but is known in London (where he started his career) with the "bow" part rhyming with "wow" and the singer has never corrected the pronunciation.

Apparently, the correct pronunciation used in at least the southern United States and traced back to the Scottish origins of the name Bowie, is where the "bow" part rhymes with "shoe" so it is more "boo-weee".

So that is three different ways to pronounce it. Seems to be a tomAYto/tomAHto difference and Yahtzee is British born.

Thanks for the clarification, that was almost scientific ...

I personally pronounce it like bow and arrow, never heard it spoken out in a different way (even by my british friends).

Hehe now I can't stop imagining a scottish person saying boo-wee

Good review Yahtzee. Thought it was quite an accurate one too based on what I've played of the game. I think it might be worth owning for the intensity of the co-op gameplay. Good thing there are plenty of homeless people around these parts!

hah, hilarious.
"...sidestepping a pot hole only to fall off a bridge:
"capcom arent bad people, there just idiots"

9 inventory slots unstackable... I see that Capcom we're smart enough to kill off the Good thing about Resident evil 4... (but I say smart enough because having a decent shop when ammo drops all over the place and you can only have 9 different things would be bloody bullocks)

Got some rare things on sale stranger!

photoboy:
That review was spot on, RE5 was a massive disappointment for me. Like GTAIV, most games reviewers were happy to slap 11/10 on RE5 and call it a day, so it's always nice to see Yahtzee come along and point out all the flaws that other reviewers missed because they were too busy counting all the advertising money from the publisher.

I too thought Ashley was far preferable to Sheva, since Ashley never stood directly behind me and wasted all her ammo shooting me in the back. Or kicked me over because I was standing between her and a Ganado that she had decided to kick. Or pick up all the ammo for a gun she didn't have. And well done Yahtzee for slating the inventory system, it's utterly perverse in its design.

Personally I think the only Resident Evil games worth playing are ones directed by Shinji Mikami.

Point me to a review of resident evil that gave it 10/10 as far as i can tell it scored from 7-9 which it what it deserves, the game is well made with a lot of replay value, co-op and plenty of good shooting action.

GTA4 took away a lot of things from previous GTA games that made them good. Resident Evil 5 is basically 4 with co-op.

You really can not compair Ashly to Sheva at all it simply does not make sense, sure you can have a preference but imagine resident evil 4 co-op with one player as Ashly... yeah maybe not.

The inventory is fine and even if it is sometimes a bit fiddly it actually adds to the atmosphere, knowing that you can't carry a huge amount of guns and ammo so you need to choose how many heals guns and ammo to take with you.

Judithia:

PandyBear:
Having played resi evil 5, and completing it 4 times already (with the help of me mate ofc. Sheva has about as much brain power as a cheese sandwich) i have to admit, the game is heavily flawed.
My first complaint is the A.i; As mentioned Sheva is bloody next to useless 99% of the time. Secondly, the series is no longer scary. No zombie dogs bursting out of windows, no zombie crows chasing me down wanting to nibble my manly bits. The guys with chain saws are the equivalent of bullet sponges. The parasite infected locals are rarely a threat, unless they get up close n personnel. Wheres the atmospheric music? i dont even remember hearing any :/
I used to shit bricks on R.E: nemesis, when you heard "STARS!" i used to run like hell, in a vain attempt to run away from dire tenticle rape.

I take it you didn't like Resident Evil 4 then.

The next Resident Evil is going to be a re-boot back to the old games, but until then its quite easy to enjoy Resident Evil 5 for what it is.. a fun game that has great co-op.

if you think it's so flawed why the hell complete it 4 times then?

bloodmage2:
hah, hilarious.
"...sidestepping a pot hole only to fall off a bridge:
"capcom arent bad people, there just idiots"

Jesus Christ.....

Freaking loved it! , best review yet!

You my man are right on the money.

Yay, nice review, was laughing all the way through.

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