Zero Punctuation: Halo Wars

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Whoah.

Until now I was (blissfully) unaware that Yahtzee is a complete know-nothing in the genre of RTS. Maybe I had assumed from his intellectual persona and James-Bond-like demeanor that he was an adept in the art of office-chair strategy, and simply chose to use his powers for the good of the lost and shattered horde of consolites and FPS tards. Clearly I have been profoundly mistaken. I find it APPALLING that his first exposure and subsequent review would be of this steaming pile of horse excrement called Halo Wars. Of all the titles in the godforsaken universe why in blue blazes would he choose that one to introduce himself to the genre? A fatal mistake, mister Bond. Now witness the firepower of this fully ARMED and OPERATIONAL battle station!

**BELCH**
WarCraft II
WarCraft III
Company of Heroes
Homeworld
Homeworld 2
Sins of a Solar Empire
Command & Conquer: Red Alert
Total Annihilation
Rise of Nations
Age of Empires II
Medieval: Total War
Supreme Commander
Nexus: The Jupiter Incident
Empire Earth
Stronghold
STARCRAFT

"Halo Wars" is not even in the same league as these titles, and the idea that the entire genre would be represented as such is utterly disgusting.

And if Yahtzee thinks I am a loser for enjoying RTS, I think he knows where he can put his Branston Pickle.

uber.:

nova18:

But I've noticed that I forget everything Yahtzee says about a game about 5 minutes after I watch it because Im too busy thinking about all the amazing phrases in it.

A making of would be awesome. :>

Yes it would.
and to remember what Yahtzee says about a game, I merely watch the video again. Many many times.

Talk about seeing it late! but i found the episode to be great fun and i actually liked the guest bit at the start, simply because i didnt expect it to happen.

Thank god the guy from unskippable fucked off, I was about to stop the video and head to the comments page for another huge wall of text regarding the music festival-toilet-poor quality of that "show".

Awesome as usual, once it got going. They should release more real time strategy games on the DS. The stylus replacement of the mouse works extremely well in my opinion.

RTS + DS = Fun for all!

Woo to Battle Royale reference i am currently reading it and that book is awesome! :-D

Acid Armageddon:

toapat:
the things wrong with Halo Wars are:
A: console game
B: Halo has sucked in every way since Halo 1
C: console game
D: not made by Blizzard
E: the game's gameplay is primarily based off of a futuristic version of Age of Mythology's gameplay
F: console game
G: not made by Blizzard

Fanboy much?

no, blizzard is just competent at making RTS games that are incredible (yes, warcraft 3 had too many races, but its still fun), while relic has made fun ones, they are not of a level of quality that meets my bench. also, if you notice, console game comes up more then blizzard. honestly, if it was commissioned by blizzard, it would have worked, but halo wars just blows

DannyDamage:
Thank god the guy from unskippable fucked off, I was about to stop the video and head to the comments page for another huge wall of text regarding the music festival-toilet-poor quality of that "show".

Awesome as usual, once it got going. They should release more real time strategy games on the DS. The stylus replacement of the mouse works extremely well in my opinion.

RTS + DS = Fun for all!

yes, rts on DS would work, but the thing is, that if you are not working with a 13x11 screen, you cant see enough of the field anymore

mtk2a:
Whoah.

Until now I was (blissfully) unaware that Yahtzee is a complete know-nothing in the genre of RTS. Maybe I had assumed from his intellectual persona and James-Bond-like demeanor that he was an adept in the art of office-chair strategy, and simply chose to use his powers for the good of the lost and shattered horde of consolites and FPS tards. Clearly I have been profoundly mistaken. I find it APPALLING that his first exposure and subsequent review would be of this steaming pile of horse excrement called Halo Wars. Of all the titles in the godforsaken universe why in blue blazes would he choose that one to introduce himself to the genre? A fatal mistake, mister Bond. Now witness the firepower of this fully ARMED and OPERATIONAL battle station!

**BELCH**
WarCraft II
WarCraft III
Company of Heroes
Homeworld
Homeworld 2
Sins of a Solar Empire
Command & Conquer: Red Alert
Total Annihilation
Rise of Nations
Age of Empires II
Medieval: Total War
Supreme Commander
Nexus: The Jupiter Incident
Empire Earth
Stronghold
STARCRAFT

"Halo Wars" is not even in the same league as these titles, and the idea that the entire genre would be represented as such is utterly disgusting.

And if Yahtzee thinks I am a loser for enjoying RTS, I think he knows where he can put his Branston Pickle.

you forgot that StarCraft needs to be every other RTS on that list (it started pro gaming on a large scale), and agreed, thats a pretty descent list. Using that list as a benchmark (SC being number 1), halo wars comes up on the bench at about possition #10000 miles away from your bench.

the major flaws with Halo Wars is that well, it has a massive great wall of shit in its way to stop it from even being anything short then a $60 frizbee

Hahaha, the rant at the end had me in tears.

I liked the episode, especially the as far as I was aware unannounced double crossover event.

battle royale referance? nice

**BELCH**
WarCraft II
WarCraft III
Company of Heroes
Homeworld
Homeworld 2
Sins of a Solar Empire
Command & Conquer: Red Alert
Total Annihilation
Rise of Nations
Age of Empires II
Medieval: Total War
Supreme Commander
Nexus: The Jupiter Incident
Empire Earth
Stronghold
STARCRAFT

toapat:
you forgot that StarCraft needs to be every other RTS on that list (it started pro gaming on a large scale), and agreed, thats a pretty descent list. Using that list as a benchmark (SC being number 1), halo wars comes up on the bench at about possition #10000 miles away from your bench.

the major flaws with Halo Wars is that well, it has a massive great wall of shit in its way to stop it from even being anything short then a $60 frizbee

That list isn't in any particular order, I just belched them out as they popped into my head. But you're right, StarCraft is definitely my favorite, and probably the best RTS ever made, even today. I think originally I had it at the top, but decided I wanted the list to end with a knock-out blow.

BUG.exe:
unskippable guy wasn't TOO bad, it just sounded like he was trying to be like yahtzee. halo wars part was pretty good. i don't blame his for hating strategy games. the only one i ever liked was fire emblem.

Well in the unskippable it sort of started with a fight about who had a harder job, so he said that it didnt take any skill to put stick figures, along with curse words and a yellow background. so he was Stark was going for the,"look at me im tottaly handling this" smug voice mokery. so just ignore it

DannyDamage:
Thank god the guy from unskippable fucked off, I was about to stop the video and head to the comments page for another huge wall of text regarding the music festival-toilet-poor quality of that "show".

Awesome as usual, once it got going. They should release more real time strategy games on the DS. The stylus replacement of the mouse works extremely well in my opinion.

RTS + DS = Fun for all!

so your saying, the second the guest star went away, you decided not to waste your time spamming the forum????? The F!!k?
Edit: Oh and I agree with the DS RTS thing ^_^

If it matters at all there are a few possible RTS games that might be of interest. Warcraft 3 or the various civilization/Age of "insert noun here" could be possibly entertaining. Battle realms is a possibility too, just because I don't think too many people have actually played the damn thing and it might actually be enjoyable for you.

SandroTheMaster:
Hide behind Starcraft? Look, Starcraft is good and all, but it is like the Halo of RTS, much of its success is due to its appeal to the general public (like... I don't know... Diablo. And Warcraft. And World of Warcraft.) I didn't play TBfME 1, but the second was quite nice in my opinion. And I'm not a hardcore LotR fan, just liked the books and found the movies great, while still reserving the view that others might actually not like it for the pace, escapism or some other reason(s).

Also, Starcraft is in what I call the Fast n' Furious RTS genre. You don't really need much strategy to win. If you're zerg? Zergling rush. If you're Terran? Marine rush. If you're Protoss? Curl up and die, because you won't have time to build up since the waves of Zergs and Marines will steamroll you before you get to build your second Dragoon... That's the same with the Command and Conquer/Red Alert series. They're entertaining, but aren't that much of strategy games... at least not in Multi-player. I like when a strategy game actually require thinking and patience, instead of hot-key memory and catlike reflexes (those belong to FPS).

I take it you didn't spend more than a few weeks playing the game. This is the biggest misconception in StarCraft. The rush tactic is hit or miss in the intermediate level, and extremely risky in the pro scene. It's only ever guaranteed against noobs who know nothing about micro (in which case an intermediate player could probably win blind folded without even bothering to rush). After learning the basics and sprucing up my style of play, some simple scouting is all I needed to not only counter whatever rush tactic I came across, but also trample my opponent (and I'm a Protoss player).

A choke and decent defensive placement has yet to fail me in countering a rush on battle.net (1v1, of course).

It may appeal to the general public, but there's a reason why 60-90% of its players never make it beyond the beginner to intermediate level. The game is overflowing with strategic concepts, even in comparison to the more modern RTS titles. It's just that most people don't realize it.

Another misconception is that, unlike the majority of RTS titles, spamming a single unit doesn't work, especially when you understand the game. There's a reason why it's considered to be one of the most balanced RTS titles ever. There's a counter to each and every single unit. But, as I said, many don't realize this and are quick to dismiss it as mediocre. From my experience, it has just as much raw strategy to offer as the likes of Company of Heroes and Solar Empire.

Has AOW(Act of War) been mentioned yet?

Total war games are about the only RTS games out there that actually require STRATEGY.... Every other game I see is an un-realistic build up of resources & units until you steamroll your opponent....

Play:
Shogun Total war
Rome Total war
Empire Total war
Medieval Total war

I am a massive fan of the series, and those games are the only RTS games I play. The ability to send THOUSANDs to their deaths , muhaha

I've watched this at least 10 times now and "What Arbitrary Silliness" still slays me. I hope game developers watch this and learn that unless there is a bomb set to go off someplace or a planed time of being completely overrun by aliens or something timers are something that should die. And in the case of overrun by aliens, let it actually happen and allow us to maintain control and fail the mission normally!

ScramUK:
Total war games are about the only RTS games out there that actually require STRATEGY.... Every other game I see is an un-realistic build up of resources & units until you steamroll your opponent....

Play:
Shogun Total war
Rome Total war
Empire Total war
Medieval Total war

I am a massive fan of the series, and those games are the only RTS games I play. The ability to send THOUSANDs to their deaths , muhaha

take a 3 day trip to south korea, and watch only the 3 Starcraft channels then, the tactics in the total war games you say they need are simple daydreams compared to the full blown hurricanes of thought that go into a pro starcraft game

I really want to see what Yahtzee would think of a non-RTS RTS like Empire Total War. A game where it's not about spamming the enemy with five or ten of the same units, hoping that you can break the flow of your opponent's timing. A game where actual, historical battlefield tactics can be used to win.

But given the pacing in such games (twenty to forty minutes spent, per turn, building and planning) I doubt very much he'd enjoy them.

Forget I said anything.

That was simply one of the best ZPs ever!

the little April fools (at least i believed it to be as it was submitted 1st April)was a sheer testament to how only Yahtzee can pull these off!

I've seen this maybe three times now, and am still finding it funny when Yahtzee shout out in horror when noticing Halo Wars is similar to Halo 3 and Gears of War 2.

"GYAAAAAAGH"

One of those episodes that can be rewatched, and still considered funny, in my opinion. Well done, I say.

didnt really like the new guy. should keep the guest reviewers down tbh.

Enlong:

Out4Blood4:
I have been waiting for this since yesterday, checking every 15 minutes since daybreak. WOO HOO.

You do know that it always launches at noon, right?

Noon where? Noon GMT? Noon EST (Eastern Standard Time Australia)? LOL

So the world IS flat, not banana shaped. haha.

WrongSprite:
jeez....unskippable is crap, they really shouldnt do another guest review, especially not before yahtzees.

to be honest I got to agree with you on that one, unskippable seems really forced it just isn't that funny, halo wars was a good review though

I might be the only one who found Graham's review funnier this week - I dunno, but Yahtzee didn't seem up to snuff and Graham's jokes were both funnier and more rapidfire.

But that last bit with the imp had me in tears.

yup....
I loved the review though...
but ease on the swearing

GaeMFreeK:
I might be the only one who found Graham's review funnier this week - I dunno, but Yahtzee didn't seem up to snuff and Graham's jokes were both funnier and more rapidfire.

But that last bit with the imp had me in tears.

You're not the only one.
I enjoyed the crossover review more than Yahtzee's.
Maybe that's because I like Halo Wars...

Oh god one day I watch it (The 2 days before my 1st post here)
Now its a black screen.
WTF?

Has one person here even visited the RTS genre for more than a week or so? No one here thus far has really given their proper props to the RTS gamers. I know that Starcraft is a somewhat overused example that is 10+ years old, however, you cannot deny that there is several leagues, and rushing doesn't work past the intermediate level of play. This is just a note.

My real point, is that save... mtk2a, no one has given any real list to the genre.

WarCraft II
WarCraft III
Company of Heroes
Homeworld
Homeworld 2
Sins of a Solar Empire
Command & Conquer: Red Alert
Total Annihilation
Rise of Nations
Age of Empires II
Medieval: Total War
Supreme Commander
Nexus: The Jupiter Incident
Empire Earth
Stronghold
STARCRAFT

Adding to this list, Total War - Empire, is an RTS, however... it isn't quite Real Time persay, as there is a turn element involved and it tends to be... well you get the point.

Next, Age of Empires. Ensemble Studios has been mentioned next to none in this entire thread, and you are missing out on a great studio, although they closed with the making of this game, halo wars. I personally believe that any console RTS is doomed to fail without hot keys and a mini map that can be used easily. This being said, Age of Empires I, II, and III have all been great and have added to the list of great RTS's throughout the decade. Age of Empires; The Asian Dy. was played at the WGC, and has a playerbase of 5000 active at any given time.

Hydro47:
Has one person here even visited the RTS genre for more than a week or so? No one here thus far has really given their proper props to the RTS gamers. I know that Starcraft is a somewhat overused example that is 10+ years old, however, you cannot deny that there is several leagues, and rushing doesn't work past the intermediate level of play. This is just a note.

My real point, is that save... mtk2a, no one has given any real list to the genre.

WarCraft II
WarCraft III
Company of Heroes
Homeworld
Homeworld 2
Sins of a Solar Empire
Command & Conquer: Red Alert
Total Annihilation
Rise of Nations
Age of Empires II
Medieval: Total War
Supreme Commander
Nexus: The Jupiter Incident
Empire Earth
Stronghold
STARCRAFT

Adding to this list, Total War - Empire, is an RTS, however... it isn't quite Real Time persay, as there is a turn element involved and it tends to be... well you get the point.

Next, Age of Empires. Ensemble Studios has been mentioned next to none in this entire thread, and you are missing out on a great studio, although they closed with the making of this game, halo wars. I personally believe that any console RTS is doomed to fail without hot keys and a mini map that can be used easily. This being said, Age of Empires I, II, and III have all been great and have added to the list of great RTS's throughout the decade. Age of Empires; The Asian Dy. was played at the WGC, and has a playerbase of 5000 active at any given time.

And what sucks is Red alert three is coming on PS3 and other consoles
(I loved RE 3)

I also love Red alert^^

Actually, you can select ALL of ONE UNIT on screen by double tapping A on the unit you want... like Double tapping on hornets selects all of the hornets... etc..

rootbear75:
Actually, you can select ALL of ONE UNIT on screen by double tapping A on the unit you want... like Double tapping on hornets selects all of the hornets... etc..

But only on that screen.

Its is possable to select all of one unit by pressing "select all" then using the trigers to pick one unit type.

But thats fickle.

sethzard:
he should review DOW 2 instead

also Graham and Paul were bad

he should not review DOW2 as it is a crap game. DOW: DC and DOW: SS is goddamm awesome, DOW2 ruined the entire series.

Christemo:

sethzard:
he should review DOW 2 instead

also Graham and Paul were bad

he should not review DOW2 as it is a crap game. DOW: DC and DOW: SS is goddamm awesome, DOW2 ruined the entire series.

but I think that DOW 2 will be more to his taste

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