Zero Punctuation: Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars

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I really wish the chocolate eggs were that size (in proportion to the size of his head).

While the Wii is definitely lacking in features, it's still may favorite console, because A: No one I know with a 360 hasn't had it break down less than 2-3 times, and B: The PS3 just isn't in my near-poverty price range. Sure the Wii is lacking in features that it could easily pull off, but it's affordable and sturdy.

Steven Kyzburg:
Hahaha, taking a stab at the good old economic crisis :D Superb; from this I have been inspired to invest in Class A drugs to become prosperous and successful!!

Personally I don't see how you can have anything on the DS other than the good old Pokemon up, down, left,right zig zag movements.

I'm all with you apart from one thing, ever played metroid prime hunters on the DS?
Fiddlyness is made up for by length of game, decent(ish) story and possibly the most precise aiming system ever

Kuliani:
I really wish the chocolate eggs were that size (in proportion to the size of his head).

drible, slaver, OH NO BRANSTON PICKLE!!

Great review. I loved the DS controls part--It's the same reason why I sold my DS.

So hard to please.

Hurray the retard baby prophet has been born to lead us to the promised land.

Oh, and the bit about the branston pickle is good to know.

Who else has got poor arthritic thumbs from video gaming too much also? ( me me!)

On a second note: mmmmmmm creme egg.. yum

nathan-dts:
Found it below average compared to The Escapists other webseries'. I laughed only at the Cream egg/Branston Pickle joke.

I find this confusing since escapist is really nothing but a bunch of kids whining and complaining with very very low brow humor. (Save from Yahtzee.) It could be that you just happen to like that kind of "Leave your brain at the door" fart joke humor, at which case it doesn't surprise me that you don't enjoy ZP as much.

That being said, Yahtzee really cuts through the bull when it comes to games and isn't afraid to give a game a good review if it is actually good. See:Portal, Super Paper Mario, Psychonauts, Saints Row 2, etc. I just find that a lot of other reviewers (primarily IGN) rate games based on the hype factor associated to them. GTA games will always get better reviews than Saints Row games simply because they're more popular. Oh and, do I have to invoke the "Kayne & Lynch" law of reviewing?

I do disagree with him a lot, specifically when it comes to JRPGs, but he defines what it is he likes, what it is he doesn't like, and lets you form your opinions around that. You might like something he hates, or vice-versa. It beats rating things on a scale of 1 to 10 and just leaving it open to guessing.

Thus, why I never pay attention to any other reviewer.

MowDownJoe:
Henry Hatsworth pulls off the buttons with touchscreen very well, honestly. Good review, though. And I'm curious if you really did do the Cadburry Egg thing.

Welcome to the escapist!
And I agree, Hatsworth pulls it off very well, I shall also be investigating this egg idea.

I liked 2D GTA better than this new releases.

Thanks for making yet another great video. You may not care, but my PS2 memory card got corrupted and I've been depressed all day. This really cheered me up, and I thank you for that.

CMWaters:
Incidentally, I do think there are SOME games that impliment both standard control scheme and touch screens. "Super Princess Peach" is one (and yes, I am a guy and I like that game. So sue me.) "Sonic Rush" and "Sonic Rush Adventures" used it well too, really only using it for the chaos emeralds or seaboard missions respectively.

Agreed- I think it depends on what it expects you to do with both- while the touchscreen-as-analogue-stick thing has never worked and will never worked, Mario 64 DS- on launch day managed to mix both stylus and buttons by having both sets of buttons perform the same action. Picross and TWEWY can also be added to this list.

In fact, I'm guessing the DS is symmeticial for a reason...

I'm guessing the testcard (the picture towards the end whilst he tried the branston pickle creme egg) will have made little sense to non-british viewers? Possibly even no sense to younger British viewers. Hell, are Creme Eggs and Branston Pickle even common in the US, Aus and wherever else so many viewers will be?

If not: Thankyou Yahtzee. Thankyou for crafting a joke that can only really be got by us here in the UK plus random expats.

(I'm rather enjoying Chinatown Wars. The only touch screen bit that's annoyed me so far has been flat-lining people in the ambulance. Only time I've really felt the need to be using the screen and buttons at the same time, and I have considered holding a stylus- possibly the plectrum one from Guitar hero- in my mouth and smashing at the touch screen with my face. This may not be ideal.

Also, the toll gates are on ONE bridge. Only in one direction are they at the end of a long straight)

Just got one comment to make here. Great video, but when referencing the switches between stylus and button controls, there's a simple solution to make it easier to do. Simply hold the stylus between two fingers on your stronger hand (so mostly right hand for right handed people) and play as normal. That makes it much easier to switch when you need to use the stylus. I do it all the time and there's no problem :D

Remake London 1969?

I think YES.

That was the best 2D GTA easily. And it was awesome.

Al_:
I'm guessing the testcard (the picture towards the end whilst he tried the branston pickle creme egg) will have made little sense to non-british viewers? Possibly even no sense to younger British viewers. Hell, are Creme Eggs and Branston Pickle even common in the US, Aus and wherever else so many viewers will be?

If not: Thankyou Yahtzee. Thankyou for crafting a joke that can only really be got by us here in the UK plus random expats.

(I'm rather enjoying Chinatown Wars. The only touch screen bit that's annoyed me so far has been flat-lining people in the ambulance. Only time I've really felt the need to be using the screen and buttons at the same time, and I have considered holding a stylus- possibly the plectrum one from Guitar hero- in my mouth and smashing at the touch screen with my face. This may not be ideal.

Also, the toll gates are on ONE bridge. Only in one direction are they at the end of a long straight)

Yes, everywhere has creme eggs and branston pickle spread.

You arn't special.

I've seen the "horrible flaws balancing other horrible flaws" phenomenon before.

Nishu:
How the hell do you reply about a 5 minute video posted at 12:00 (EST) sometime before 12:05? It's amazing how this happens every week.

It's just firstism. Some people think getting the first post in a thread is some kind of achievement. If they made a game about forum trolling I'm sure it would be (Forumwarz doesn't count. That didn't have achievements)

Yahtzee Croshaw:
Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars

This week, Zero Punctuation reviews Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars.

Watch Video

Any idea whether or not they sell Branston pickle in the States? All your frequent mentioning of it has made me a bit curious.

So I uh...I have a confession to make

I never had a problem shooting who I wanted to aim at in this game. Ever. I can't realy comment on much of the other faults he had listed because apart from the POV problem, I didn't experience any of them so they'd all basically boil down to "I have a confession lol I didn't suffer the problems that the great and mighty yahtzee suffered" </hyperbole>

Also this game kinda blew by fast for me but that was a breath of fresh air compared to the dragging "what is my motivation" crap GTA IV unleashed on us.

Also I too use the "hold the stylus in between your fingers" method and it works out great for me. The thing about the Stylus controls in GTA:CW is that there is only one moment where it interrupts normal gameplay awkwardly, and that's switching weapons, however Rockstar saw it fit to give players a bit of help there and have the game pause when that happens. Yes it's not terribly realistic but I have no complaints.

I love it when he makes fun of games I really like though I think we should recognize that GTA CW brought fun back to GTA.

And he LIKED GTA4?!!!? He should've at least torn that apart too; when he had his chance; a year ago.

GonzoGamer:
I love it when he makes fun of games I really like though I think we should recognize that GTA CW brought fun back to GTA.

And he LIKED GTA4?!!!? He should've at least torn that apart too; when he had his chance; a year ago.

Actually no he "liked" GTA IV, then disliked GTA IV, now it seems he doesn't know.

I like these reviews: funny and informative.

Ironically enough, the last GTA I played was the 2D game for the PS1, and it even had the London '69 expansion.

I had a DS at one point (looked like someone at Nintendo recycled a Virtual Boy to make its casing) and I didn't like having this tiny-ass stylus in my right hand because I felt awkward trying to hold it; holding the DS with one hand was fiddly enough, but after a couple weeks, I got sick of the dual-fiddliness and sold the system to the used game store.

RYjet911:
Great review as always. :)

wut a Yazi

But, no, this was a pretty good review. The first minute-and-a-half were great, but it quickly descended in quality once Yahtzee had to start actually reviewing the game.

I realy dont know what the hell people are getting at, I know that all of the comedic einsteine that is Yahtzee is in full force here but serriously! I only started not just chuckleing but outright laughing durring the whole Cadburry Cream egg bit but other then that just more chuckleing then normal. But i probly could have replicated this by mixing Yahtzee's GTA4 review with a review of GTA2 or somthing or a mashup of stuff. But none the less great job Yahtzee, sry about how your favorite type of oddity ruined an easter treat i consider allready ruined unless the cream in it is peanut butter or chocolate.

prodigious idiocy...lol

Heh, I live in the hebrides.

You've convinced me. I'm going out tomorrow and buying some branston pickle.

On a side-note: great review.

I had the choice of either buying this game or paying for textbooks I'm glad I stuck with the textbooks.

He's not wrong about the need to constantly fumble for the stylus as opposed to using the buttons. It gets pretty frustrating.

yourbeliefs:
I know Yahtzee typically focuses on the bad aspects of a game, but it still surprises me when he finds almost nothing good about games that are so lauded and praised by critics and fans.

He did say that all of the faults balanced out other faults to create a decent game. Not his exact words but you get the point.

For example: Shitty controls aren't so bad if the game is retardly easy. ect

AceDiamond:

GonzoGamer:
I love it when he makes fun of games I really like though I think we should recognize that GTA CW brought fun back to GTA.

And he LIKED GTA4?!!!? He should've at least torn that apart too; when he had his chance; a year ago.

Actually no he "liked" GTA IV, then disliked GTA IV, now it seems he doesn't know.

Just because he rips on a game doesn't mean he hates it. As mentioned in the Gears of War 2 video, even with all the faults mainstream games are normally mainstream for a reason. It's just his review style to endless rip on what ever is flawed (more so then most critics).

Once again this video refuses to fully load for me... something has changed in the last week, because this one and last week's videos don't load, but every single other ZP video loads up just fine. Very annoying.

AceDiamond:

GonzoGamer:
I love it when he makes fun of games I really like though I think we should recognize that GTA CW brought fun back to GTA.

And he LIKED GTA4?!!!? He should've at least torn that apart too; when he had his chance; a year ago.

Actually no he "liked" GTA IV, then disliked GTA IV, now it seems he doesn't know.

Thanks for clearing that up.

Well, I can't keep up with someone who's even more indecisive than I am.
Then again, I get the same way about GTA4. It does look really nice but it's such a bare bones GTA experience, I can hardly recognise it as anything but a GTA clone without rampages, miniguns, tanks, and everything.

Loved the cream egg joke.

Great review. I was quite surprised to see a DS review.

I liked the whole thing with all the mistakes balancing each other out. It's always awesome when mixing shit with shit gives you halfway playable.

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