Zero Punctuation: The Chronicles of Riddick: Assault on Dark Athena

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"Escape from Smokey Bacon"
"Puritan High Fivez" (and what is the over/under on how long it takes someone to turn that into a forum avatar?)

I ROFL'd. Since I never played the orginal Riddick, I suppose I should probably give this a rent, since I actually got the impression he thought it was kinda good if it had been its own game, and not just a sequel.

This did seem like a breeze of a review, almost like he was rushing to get it done. Not the best, but not bad. Seems to follow the general feeling of the game: Remake part decent, added stuff sucks.

My favorite line was, "Assault on Cool Ranch Doritos..."

he mentions dorritos wow

I loved the part where he put ballerina legs onto riddicks' body. This weeks review was great.

Not really amusing as I have come to expect. But about what I expected from a review aspect. Not necessarily beating on the game which means it must be okay and possibly worth renting. If I didn't have a stack of FPS's to work through already. Oh well.

oh goody now instead of wasting 60 bones on a piece of shit i get to buy more beer wohoo tnx yahtzee and also pick up doritos mmm

Yet another fine job!!

Good review [that I disagree with ~.~] but it sounded like he didn't have an idea for a beginning and decided to skip it completely :/

jon_a_ross:
I still fear that they will finally produce the third movie to cap that series.

In a interview with Vin Diesel that was posted a while back on The Escapist, he said it's on the way.

Who has given Zero Puntuation speed?

He seems to have sped up dramatically for some reason :D

Not thats a bad thing B-)

i am surprised he didnt mention the webby

Brilliant, one of the best reviews in a while. However, I still like Riddick (got the game the day it came out), and will continue to do so. It's a brilliant game.

I didn't understand what he said. Once.

He's beaten me.

Never played the games, but I watched Pitch Black once and it was one of the most god-awful boring films I've ever seen!

Raiderz:

PirateKing:
I think this is the fastest Yahtzee's ever talked.

Hey, I'm not the only one that noticed. :) That threw me off a bit. He must have been going for a record in speed talking or something. lol

I have noticed this also, to me it seems like he is rushing or is busy. Never really stopped to ask though I'm too afraid of getting smacked by his 'willy'. He is still funny but it seems like something is happening I think it all started with that pilot show for his Game Show. The game show was AWESOME! But it seemed like it drained him. I hope our good o' fast talking 'willy' smacking boy is okay. Now I sound like his mother! Also I love pitch black the movies and was going to try the game out. Just remember Yahtzee nit-picks at everything in a game and should at most should take his reviews with a pebble of thought (as apposed to a grain of sand), thats what I do and I enjoyed some of his most hated games and even hate his most loved newly found genre Flight simulators, cuz ya know Hawx is crap and the only good game is Ace Combat and others. Dont know might get him to play Ace Combat see how it goes, cuz I dont know about you but I beat the demo pretty fast without dieing.

As I've never played Butcher Bay I've been looking to get this game. I'll probably just rent it.

warfjm:
Thank God Yahtzee called out Vin Diesel for who he is! I beginning to feel like the only sane person on the planet who thought Vin Diesel only made movies and games that glorified himself.

I think just about everyone knows that, the difference is that some people (like myself) see that his dick-waving often makes a decent action flick.

Gxas:

But really, you didn't like Chronicles of Riddick!? I loved that movie. Its one of those "3AM, throw a movie on and fall asleep to it to be able to dream that you are in it" movies.

Pitch Black was way better though.

Agreed, good sci-fi films are few and far between.

I hope he will review Eat Led before to long. Anyways i this was a nice review, though i think he was talking a bit to fast.

Also, I...didn't notice any appreciable speed difference in the way Yahtzee talked. Then again, he never seems particularly fast spoken to me.

I guess because I'm an Aussie, and our way of speaking is to speed everything up, and slur it together!

Let's hear it for strine! :D

Raiderz:

PirateKing:
I think this is the fastest Yahtzee's ever talked.

Hey, I'm not the only one that noticed. :) That threw me off a bit. He must have been going for a record in speed talking or something. lol

Same here. It's like he put in 30% more review in 10% less time (which, basically, left most of it unintelligible). I usually watch ZP's twice when they are put up every week, because I miss some of the good bits the first time through, but all I got from both watches was "this game is shite and I can make a lot of quick chip quips." It's a perfectly good review but it lacked the humorously timed pauses and jokes of most.

Wonder if it had anything to do with the "Riddick-ulous" comment at the end...

P.S. I dare all to say "quick chip quip" 5 times fast without messing up. You get a cookie if you can do it.

Hell, that was fast. Comparable to Rotten Sound in speed. But so mediocre. I didn't laugh and barely even smiled through the whole thing. I wonder if Yahtzee is ever going to come up with new jokes as good as Mario Galaxy's "Marshmallowman's dick in the presence of his grandma".

And damn, he actually seemed to like the game, though he didn't nag about the dark grey environments nearly as much as he has previously done. I would've expected some kind of Condemned comparation wih the first-person melee combat but okay.

But that "--developers trying to come up with baddies even less likable than the socially inept baldheaded douche" was quite good

I usually like a screaming little fan-grrl I am, I watch at least 4 videos a day, its actually how I wake up laughing most of the time. But watch some of the earlier videos and compare his tone and speed.

Amazing!

All I want to say is that he is completly right about what happened in the movies went from a great movie and the slid into a pile of crap

I can confirm that the film: Chronicles of Riddick did indeed suck...

petrolmonkey:
What did happen to Vin Diesel's career?

Triple X and The Fast and the Furious happened and he got typecast as a burly man with a small penis who compensates by doing manly things like driving horribly coloured cars off of tall things. Let's face it, the only character he's ever played who had any depth was Riddick himself and that was only because we knew shit-all about him.

[EDIT]: I've been sitting for five minutes now trying to think of a film he's been in aside from the Riddicks that didn't involve driving off of tall things. I'm still drawing a blank.

Gxas:
Eh, getting less and less funny each time. I believe I'm used to the jokes Yahtzee.

But really, you didn't like Chronicles of Riddick!? I loved that movie. Its one of those "3AM, throw a movie on and fall asleep to it to be able to dream that you are in it" movies.

Pitch Black was way better though.

Can i just ask? Do you idiots not get that this is about reviewing (or talking) about a game he has played, not to make us luagh, but to inform us on what its like?. He adds humour to it as a plus, its not a fucking video game parody. It really pisses me off when people say "durrrr that wasn't very funny duhhh.." OH NO! I GUESS YOUR GOING TO HAVE TO BUY THE GAME THEN, BECUASE HE COULDN'T THINK OF ANY FUNNY JOKES ABOUT IT!.

Yahtzee deserves a OBE. End. Of. Discussion.

Grifmik:
Can i just ask? Do you idiots not get that this is about reviewing (or talking) about a game he has played, not to make us luagh, but to inform us on what its like?. He adds humour to it as a plus, its not a fucking video game parody. It really pisses me off when people say "durrrr that wasn't very funny duhhh.." OH NO! I GUESS YOUR GOING TO HAVE TO BUY THE GAME THEN, BECUASE HE COULDN'T THINK OF ANY FUNNY JOKES ABOUT IT!.

Um, so I'm an idiot because I comment on his reviewing style? Isn't that the point of comments on a review? I thought this was to praise or criticize the way it was done so it could maybe improve later. Maybe I'm way off.

I don't think that it warrants me to be insulted. But, whatever, if you feel the need to personally attack me because my opinion differs from yours be my guest.

xChevelle24:
Hmmm...he went from Halo Wars to Siren to this? I'm still waiting for Mr. Awesomesauce to review CoD5 so I can have an official link for all the COD5 fanboys to watch :D

Why would he review Cod 5? It's escencially the same as Cod 4.

Grifmik:
Can i just ask? Do you idiots not get that this is about reviewing (or talking) about a game he has played, not to make us luagh, but to inform us on what its like?. He adds humour to it as a plus, its not a fucking video game parody. It really pisses me off when people say "durrrr that wasn't very funny duhhh.." OH NO! I GUESS YOUR GOING TO HAVE TO BUY THE GAME THEN, BECUASE HE COULDN'T THINK OF ANY FUNNY JOKES ABOUT IT!.

I disagree. If I want to really know what a game is like I'll read a proper review. I watch Zero Punctuation for entertainment first and information a close second. You don't read Penny Arcade or Ctrl+Alt+Del for information on games, but because they're (sometimes) funny. If it wasn't for the comedy value then I doubt I would have cause to watch Yahtzee's reviews.

Chris B Chikin:

Grifmik:
Can i just ask? Do you idiots not get that this is about reviewing (or talking) about a game he has played, not to make us luagh, but to inform us on what its like?. He adds humour to it as a plus, its not a fucking video game parody. It really pisses me off when people say "durrrr that wasn't very funny duhhh.." OH NO! I GUESS YOUR GOING TO HAVE TO BUY THE GAME THEN, BECUASE HE COULDN'T THINK OF ANY FUNNY JOKES ABOUT IT!.

I disagree. If I want to really know what a game is like I'll read a proper review. I watch Zero Punctuation for entertainment first and information a close second. You don't read Penny Arcade or Ctrl+Alt+Del for information on games, but because they're (sometimes) funny. If it wasn't for the comedy value then I doubt I would have cause to watch Yahtzee's reviews.

Ditto.

iamq:

xChevelle24:
Hmmm...he went from Halo Wars to Siren to this? I'm still waiting for Mr. Awesomesauce to review CoD5 so I can have an official link for all the COD5 fanboys to watch :D

Why would he review Cod 5? It's escencially the same as Cod 4.

Because that game is so incredibly bad that I think it would hilarious to watch Yahtzee review it.

LOL, that was great! One of the best ones in a while. And while it might be his fastest ( I don't think it is,) it is faster then your previous ones, an that might've even helped make it better.

I wonder: how long can he keep the crisp analogies going-if he strts mentioning space invaders, it has GONE TOO FAR!!!

Needed more Monster Munch.

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