Review: Stalin vs. Martians

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I think I'll probably still buy it, just for the humour.

Here, John, a bit of info:
Bolshevik on a bycicle is a reference for real Soviet history buffs (such as one of my friends). According to him, it's a reference to drunk Bolsheviks during the 1920-1950's. Bolsheviks were known for riding bycicles, which were considered even back then in Russia to be a "working man's vehicle", something intended for the proletariat.

Class dismissed.

This looks hilarious! They don't expect people to pay for this do they?! They should've made it a free flash game! Then it would be critaccly acclaimed!

I do like Kittahs!!! DDKR!!

I'm willing to wager huge money that the only reason this was made was because some game developer was drunk on vodka and his friend said, "Hey, I bet you'd never make a game called Stalin vs. Martians". Most evil things on this earth have their beginnings set in alcohol.

Game looks pretty meh. Base building and resource management is the fun part of RTS, without that and without good unit control I can't see it being much more than "click this, attack that" which would get old quickly... I haven't played the game but I agree with the review in principle.

I think the reviewer needs to work on his video supplement voice scripting and pacing though. Talking about "do you like cats" and the "die trying" bit should have raised a chuckle but didn't, probably because those elements were dwelled on at too great a length. If something is funny/amusing/weird it doesn't need that much underlining. More than five seconds spent on a single humourous element of a game review is too long and the amusement wears thin. Listen to a stand-up comic doing a visual presentation might help to get an idea of the correct pacing. I am being nitpicky though, good review overall. I now know not to buy the game.

It is not a complete waste. The cover makes a fun desktop background. (I have it as that currently cause its funny when people see it and are like "...what?")

christ almighty, when will the escapist realise that their viewers dont want to hear some 35 year old uber nerd try to be funny or have personality...

stick to writing and stop trying to crack rubbish jokes

express your opinions yeah, but if you cant pull off a joke then dont even bother trying

we let zero punctuation off because his voice suits his personality and its not supposed to be taken very seriously, but when i see a review i want to see a serious, good or bad approach to it..

TitsMcGee1804:
christ almighty, when will the escapist realise that their viewers dont want to hear some 35 year old uber nerd try to be funny or have personality...

stick to writing and stop trying to crack rubbish jokes

express your opinions yeah, but if you cant pull off a joke then dont even bother trying

we let zero punctuation off because his voice suits his personality and its not supposed to be taken very seriously, but when i see a review i want to see a serious, good or bad approach to it..

It's very hard to make a 3 1/2 minute video review of a game like Stalin vs Martians and be completely serious the entire time :) Plus, these are video supplements to the reviews, not the actual review. If you want the full, serious review, you need to read the words that go along with the video too.

And sorry, but we like to give the video supplements personality. Because the readers like it :)

Clashero:
Here, John, a bit of info:
Bolshevik on a bycicle is a reference for real Soviet history buffs (such as one of my friends). According to him, it's a reference to drunk Bolsheviks during the 1920-1950's. Bolsheviks were known for riding bycicles, which were considered even back then in Russia to be a "working man's vehicle", something intended for the proletariat.

Class dismissed.

Also, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Communist_Party_of_the_Soviet_Union was called "Bolsheviks" (Bolszewikowie in Polish), and every single one of them was an asshole. Especially their leaders.

School dismessed. Not a typo.

What's so special about a Bolshevik on a bicycle, you ask?
...Well, he has a bicycle.

Other than that, this is what I assumed would happen. Also, remember that Russian strategy is to send huge waves of armed men forward in hopes of crushing opposition. With their own machine guns turned on their backs.

Abedeus:

Clashero:
Here, John, a bit of info:
Bolshevik on a bycicle is a reference for real Soviet history buffs (such as one of my friends). According to him, it's a reference to drunk Bolsheviks during the 1920-1950's. Bolsheviks were known for riding bycicles, which were considered even back then in Russia to be a "working man's vehicle", something intended for the proletariat.

Class dismissed.

Also, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Communist_Party_of_the_Soviet_Union was called "Bolsheviks" (Bolszewikowie in Polish), and every single one of them was an asshole. Especially their leaders.

School dismessed. Not a typo.

Yes, Bolsheviks were Lenin's supporters, while the Mensheviks (probably wrong spelling) were the opposition. In an ironically democratic way, the lowest common denominator won the revolution, that denominator being the Bolsheviks, represented by the proletariat, which made up more than half of the population of Russia.

ColdStorage:

NoMoreSanity:
I knew something with such an absurd name couldn't be good.

Plants vs Zombies?

and that's actually good, and cheaper than Stalin versus Martians.

Actually, currently on steam, plants verus zombies is 10 dollars, and the deal for defense grid is 5 dollars, so if you've got 15 bucks to burn, go for those.

Now, despite that this game looked awful and this review "confirms" it I suppose, there's still this nagging feeling in my mind that I MUST play this.

Abedeus:
Also, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Communist_Party_of_the_Soviet_Union was called "Bolsheviks" (Bolszewikowie in Polish), and every single one of them was an asshole. Especially their leaders.

School dismessed. Not a typo.

And how exactly do you know they were all assholes? It seems like a rather bold statement to make.

And a nice review, I enjoyed it. I might still buy the game though, since I'm a sucker for pythonesque humour.

This game is another abomination that garners a load of undeserved hype and a deserved load of negative reviews. It isn't clever or funny and anyone who falls for the stunt and buys it probably needs to wipe the drool off their keyboard.

Clashero:
Here, John, a bit of info:
Bolshevik on a bycicle is a reference for real Soviet history buffs (such as one of my friends). According to him, it's a reference to drunk Bolsheviks during the 1920-1950's. Bolsheviks were known for riding bycicles, which were considered even back then in Russia to be a "working man's vehicle", something intended for the proletariat.

Class dismissed.

Your friend is making shit up.

Clashero:
Yes, Bolsheviks were Lenin's supporters, while the Mensheviks (probably wrong spelling) were the opposition. In an ironically democratic way, the lowest common denominator won the revolution, that denominator being the Bolsheviks, represented by the proletariat, which made up more than half of the population of Russia.

Please stop posting about something you clearly know very little about.

Alleged_Alec:

Abedeus:
Also, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Communist_Party_of_the_Soviet_Union was called "Bolsheviks" (Bolszewikowie in Polish), and every single one of them was an asshole. Especially their leaders.

School dismessed. Not a typo.

And how exactly do you know they were all assholes? It seems like a rather bold statement to make.

And a nice review, I enjoyed it. I might still buy the game though, since I'm a sucker for pythonesque humour.

They were responsible for Poland's communistic government after the WWII.

And they were the ones that came up with the awesome "Our country doesn't have enough money? Let's print some more!!" strategy. That, of course, gave quite the opposite results.

Besides, that's like asking "why Stalin was bad for your country". I don't think anyone should doubt it.

At least mr. German Nazi Leader was polite enough to be clear about his actions. When he oppressed us, it was a clear oppression. He didn't try to brainwash people with propaganda and pictures of himself with smiling children.

NoMoreSanity:
I knew something with such an absurd name couldn't be good.

Katamari Damacy? ('Clump Spirit' in English)

Just wondering... Did you have just two different type of units to control? As in just conscripts and soviet tanks?

The_root_of_all_evil:
At least we didn't see Stalin's grave, I'm sure that's a Communist plot.

Really?! What the hell?! How do you sleep at night.

Reading that poor attempt at Soviet humour just makes me see Red...

Abedeus:
They were responsible for Poland's communistic government after the WWII.

Technically, there's nothing wrong with this, if done well.

And they were the ones that came up with the awesome "Our country doesn't have enough money? Let's print some more!!" strategy. That, of course, gave quite the opposite results.

Besides, that's like asking "why Stalin was bad for your country". I don't think anyone should doubt it.

At least mr. German Nazi Leader was polite enough to be clear about his actions. When he oppressed us, it was a clear oppression. He didn't try to brainwash people with propaganda and pictures of himself with smiling children.

I think you're overgeneralising here. It's like saying everyone in Nazi-Germany knew exactly what their government was doing and agreed with it.

Alleged_Alec:

Abedeus:
They were responsible for Poland's communistic government after the WWII.

Technically, there's nothing wrong with this, if done well.

It kept fucking us for nearly 50 years. I think it was worse than wars. At least with war, you know what was going to happen.

holydog:
Just wondering... Did you have just two different type of units to control? As in just conscripts and soviet tanks?

You get more units as you advance through the game.

Speaking about coincidence, this came up on my winamp playlist while reading the review.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bTqd9vYQ-9g

I knew just from the title this would fall flat on its face. And it did lol.

Lazy devs looking for a quick buck is what this is.

All I can say is that from the first news post, I told you all it was going to be bullocks.

Bottom Line: Dated graphics, lack of customization, clunky and imprecise controls.Stalin is a strategy game that feels like it rewards strategy less and big waves of mass units more. The presentation can be funny, and it's so absurd at times that it you really have to experience it for the sheer audacity of it, but ... the game itself is below average at best.

Sooo...it's just like being a REAL Russian general!

HAHAHA, RUSSIANS!

Seriously, maybe it was a design feature?

Wanna hear more of that music

I propose a ban on the phrase "clunky controls".

I like a game that makes fun of itself. Where the people making itcould throw in whatever random stuff they want. I mean sure it doesn't play well, but it's funny. Sometimes that's all you need...oh and probably cheat codes. Yes for a broken game that's funny you need cheat codes.

ooo, a shout from the brass! you dont get that on regular forums...

you made some good points...i suppose you are right

and yeah, SvM is probably a hard game to be serious about

i just think that, they are writers, not presenters, and have trouble delivering some of the humour (see fable 2 suppliment...that was tragic) and it makes it seem a little unprofessional, but like you say, its a supplement, not to be taken as a main course ;)

thanks for your counter-argument

so you do care

it's tempting to us comrade, and i have to give it run when potatoes sold. Reminds me of Capitalist RTS games Cannon Fodder and Soldiers: Heroes of World war 2* for abusrd Top down Comrade's part in great union's victorious war against Pixar Martian.

(*Probably just me, it's the tank rolling and general sillyness to the title that reminds me of the oldies. Fail broken english ends now.)

Yes, you complete the mission. But, you probably have to reload from a point before you did.

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