Zero Punctuation: Valkyria Chronicles

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odisious15:
Well watching that saved me from buying a PS3 for the sole purpose of playing Valkryia Chronicles. Guess I'll stick to my PC for gaming and hope we get more JRPG's withing the next decade or two.
As for the review hilarious as always.

Wow.... if you actually use Zero Puncuation to make a choice on what kind of games to buy, you must still be playing ps1 games

odisious15:
Well watching that saved me from buying a PS3 for the sole purpose of playing Valkryia Chronicles. Guess I'll stick to my PC for gaming and hope we get more JRPG's withing the next decade or two.
As for the review hilarious as always.

You're incredibly stupid if you think Yatzees opinion means much, especially when he reviews a genre he hates.

Hehe, Yahtzee trashes my favorite game of the generation. [Maybe I just love micromanaging and lesbians with guns] Funny, but if you are still playing Catherine is a god at Sniper. My Catherine kills everything in one hit and gets a head shot every single time. Awww yeah!

[If anyone wants to try it out, you can download it off the Playstation Store.]

saved me money again mmmm gotta buy more beer wohoo ,

viscountesslafiel:

odisious15:
Well watching that saved me from buying a PS3 for the sole purpose of playing Valkryia Chronicles. Guess I'll stick to my PC for gaming and hope we get more JRPG's withing the next decade or two.
As for the review hilarious as always.

You're incredibly stupid if you think Yatzees opinion means much, especially when he reviews a genre he hates.

Yea you got a good point there, but did you really join just to say that or just a coincidence you said that as a first post?

What's next? Puzzle Quest Galactrix?

Cockney_Jesus:
Do you think he'll ever do some older games? I'd love to see reviews of Oddworld or Hitman or something like those.

May I direct you to his reviews of Psychonauts, Painkiller, and Thief.

Nice Indiana Jones reference with the imps at the end!

Interesting choice.
Still as hilarious as always.

Ok, I had to rewind that three or four times because I was laughing too hard to hear what was being said.

Best one in ages.

Heheh, Yahtzee, the Nazi symapthizer ;) And Republicans + Compassion == FAIL ;)

"Like Republicans and compassion" cracked me up so, so bad.

And to everyone depending on ZP for decisions on buying games or not...have fun using your console as a paperweight.

I can only agree with the cutscene/anime parts and the not-covering behind non-sandbag obstacles Yathzee mentioned. The dialogues really are awful.

I didn't mind the attacking during someone else's turn, the enemy can take advantage of it but so can you.

Iindiana Jones 3 in the End-credits, eh? Awsome Movie-reference for the win!

image

Loved the review, and I'm hitting the Playstation Store to download the demo now.

The game may be rubbish, but I'm intrigued...

crazyhaircut94:
Haha, this one was really fun.

Right, as if you'd fucking know -_-

wait, you actually watch these videos, i thought the idea was to race to get first post at all costs?/sarcasm.

seriously though i liked that review with the new orleans referance and of course the "what I think of JRPG's" bit.

rosac

Tharticus:
Another amusing episode. This was a jRPG, I wonder why Mr. Croshaw wants to review one?

he was hit by the infinite power of jesus christ.

And I was just on my way to launch X-COM. Neat.

Gyah, gotta hate it when he reviews a game I like T_T. Guess i'll have to play defendant *sigh*.

Disclaimer : I KNOW ITS FOR HUMOR.

Firstly, the way you pick members for your squard shows health stats, and available abilities.. you dont use anything else really :s... What do you want? Except of course their, personality which is nice, and led to me playing through the game downright refusing to lose any of them.

Also, most guns can be upgraded in multiple pathways, not to mention the aqquired enemy and royal bonus guns.

I'd agree that the way through the menu's between battles is slow its not really micromanagement or 'a bloated fractal spreadsheet nightmare', its just.. slow, with slightly needless loading times and dialogue getting in the way.

One last rebuttal - you can fling your elastic bands back at them too, all's fair in love and war :p
Esentially its a gameplay mechanic, one that can get kinda annoying at times when you take juuuuust one bullet too many, but at least it serves to stop you rushing ahead with scouts and think tactially. Its the game making a point that your soldiers are NOT the superhuman types of other shooters (.. aside from the blue ones), they are the milita, and if they're going to win its going to be down to the commander not rushig them blindly into the firing range.

Oh and a leveled Cezary or Marina Kick ass!

.

.

That said, there REALLY needs to be a sodding quick save. God damnit hour long battles lost in one turn, in one shot because you didnt inspect every last bit of grass for lancers by your tank arent sodding fair _

Edit:

KillerRamen:
My Catherine kills everything in one hit and gets a head shot every single time. Awww yeah!

I'd use her but i just cannot stand her accent, and i'm English!

Strong Intelligent:
He sounded like he was making fun of autistic people at "how I feel about JRPGs"

Good aside from that,

No offence man but I think that says more about you seeing as there's nothing to even hint that ><

wow, this one was great. Allthough I wouldnt particularly call Valkyria Chronicles a JRPG its closer to a JRTS. Still its nice to see something like this.

Woah, Yahtzee, JRPG territory is something that i think you should stay away from or else we might find Hiroshitta Bolloksmuncher (or whatever those JRPG Producers names are) lying on the street with your knife through his head with you softly giggling next to his mutilated body. now i know this sounds grim, but the amount you despise JRPG's i wouldn't be surprised if it happened. Also, you're absolutely RIGHT! more than once in a game, i have found myself surrounded by enemies with bazooka's and dildos which i think they were planning on shoving up my ass and this was the point were i found that i couldn't rage quit so i had to start the whole FUCKING mission again. this is the thing with rickrolling too. if you go on youtube looking for something and you see rick astley it just pisses you off because then you need to look again in hopes that you won't get rickrolled once more. and now you can get rickrolled while looking for ANYTHING. anyway, now that ive finished ranting, my point is, JRPG games are for JRPG fans, if you don't get what your looking for, then to bad, its your 20-40 bucks.

I would probably enjoy a turn based strategy review. I'm really not sure why he would, judging by how until now he's been trashing turn based combat every time a mention of a JRPG comes up.

Despite this being one of my favorite games of last year AND removing from the equation Yahtzee's noted anti JRPG bias...

He actually hit the nail on the head in a few places and I did find myself giggling at some of the jokes. Mr. Crowshaw is always at his best when he's full of venom.

Wow, this rip-in actually made me want to play this game even more.With all the sexual refference and all. =D

Don't know why I watch this anymore...It's just not funny anymore, and he never actually reviews the game. He even failed to mention the beautiful art style.

There's only so much JRPG bashing that I can take before my head asplodes.

Gorbek:

Tharticus:
Another amusing episode. This was a jRPG, I wonder why Mr. Croshaw wants to review one?

he was hit by the infinite power of jesus christ.

Again?! Ugh I'll get the broom...

If he or any or you, are intrigued by turn taking RTS', check out the Advance Wars series. I wasted countless hours on the original!

Also, someone swung wide with the ban hammer today!

Hah, even better than usual, although this one hurt a little since I loved the hell out of this game's whiny androgenous teenagagers.
I sometimes forget that he thinks his job is to be a hate-magnet, though. I don't think there's a line he hasn't crossed, now that he threw the "secret nazi sympathizer" in. It's funny and effective, but yikes man. That takes more balls than a Jungle Jim's playpen to even joke about.

His breathless rant on the cutscenes really made me laugh. Another great review, probably one of the funniest since Halo Wars.

What a timing, I got Valkyria Profile 2 today xD

Another humorous review. I always love the subtle jokes most, in this case, when mentioning "The Evil Empire in the East, for there are no GOOD empires" and then shows the East Icon booting a cute bunny across the screen.

Waaaaaah!!

The end is nigh! Yahtzee reviews ANOTHER jrpg!

Well no. This was probaly the best episode in the last two months or so. The "eeeeeyooowwweeeoooaaa" depicting Yahtzee's feelings towards jrpgs even made me laugh. "It was like he was so dense that his gravitational pull absorbed every bypassing bullet into his face" was also good. Chest high walls represented by the box of Gears 2 = brilliant. And if Yahtzee thinks he could get into turn-based strategy then he should play WHFB or 40K.

OMG Yahtzee reviewing another JRPG!!!!!

MY socks blew to the moon (old joke reference).

But one of the more imaginative reviews of last few months.

thetragicclown:
"Schmazi Gormtroopers" are the two greatest words I've heard today.

And definitely check out "one o'dem Xcom games", as long as it's the first one.

The second is essentially the first with new wallpaper and a more sadistic difficulty cliff.
(and a few bugs that make certain key research subjects obnoxiously hard to get hold of)

So that would also be a valid game to review, although he'd probably complain about the difficulty, Terror From the Deep was a nightmare to finish.

Protip: Silent Storm has both turn-based combat and Nazis.

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