Zero Punctuation: Valkyria Chronicles

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FloodOne:

odisious15:
Well watching that saved me from buying a PS3 for the sole purpose of playing Valkryia Chronicles. Guess I'll stick to my PC for gaming and hope we get more JRPG's withing the next decade or two.
As for the review hilarious as always.

Wow.... if you actually use Zero Puncuation to make a choice on what kind of games to buy, you must still be playing ps1 games

What? I for one agreed with most everything he said. Though i have only played the demo :(

And what does the PS1 have to do with anything.

Well said!

thumbs up.

:) Loved the rant as always, and while I agreed on some points (FSDGUCKING BUSTARDS SHOOTING ME DED ON MY TURN), I thought they pulled off the concept relatively well for a first trial.

Of course, you're not going to enjoy it if you don't enjoy JRPGS. So I'll give you that point.

Strong Intelligent:
He sounded like he was making fun of autistic people at "how I feel about JRPGs"

Good aside from that,

Given that none of the autistic people I know have ever reacted like that to anything I think that comment says more about your perceptions of the mentally handicapped that Yahtzee's.

Anyway, enjoyed this one - a nice good ol' fashioned ripping to shreds of a gameI'll never get around to playing.

Chipperz:
Loved the review, and I'm hitting the Playstation Store to download the demo now.

The game may be rubbish, but I'm intrigued...

Congrats, Chipperz - you're in for one of the most fun and rewarding titles of the console. Hope that you enjoy it!

Yahtzee's review hits on a few easy nitpicks, but I have the feeling that he didn't play the game past the first few chapters (i.e. upgrading weapons/tanks gets more complex later on). Either way, it's definitely worth downloading it to give it a shot.

For anyone else sitting on the fence about whether or not to get this game, it's of worthy note that Valkyria chronicles was developed by the team that made Skies of Arcadia - some of the characters from that game even appear in this one as an added bonus!

That bit with the Japanese and the Germans nearly made pop come out my nose. Well done, Mr. Croshaw.

Ball-beltingly funny, a real return to form! Ignore these loud-mouths spouting their favorite JRPG's at you, and the 'holier-than-thou' anti-war puritans who condemn you for even MENTIONING awkward world history, this one genuinely made me laugh out loud, and that is exactly why you're here!!!

Loved this ep and your description of JRGP's, can't agree more.

I HATE JRPG's

...and now I'll probably get a lot of angry faggy fanboy comments..

Pretty accurate review here. The game has moments where you start to enjoy it...then the game arbitrarily one shots you and you rage out all over everything.

The menu is god awefull and its almost metal gear esque in the amount of not playing the game in between each short segment of playing it.

I must say Yahtzee's growing blander and more annoying to listen to with each passing review. Or at least terribly repetitive. (Yet another Adolf Hitler reference, replacing the first two letters in a given name with "b", joking about testicles being absorbed into body....does he do this intentionally to see if anyone's nerdy enough to keep track/remember? I would think so, but degrading his current review at that cost is pathetic.) Humor (or attempt at such) is much too forced and actually seems to have been heavily dominating over the criticism part as of late - kind of makes you wonder how he perceives his work at this point. I've always been more of a sympathizer as far as his opinions and presentation were concerned, always defended his name when people here and there called him pretentious and said he's popularising his hateful attitude (despite knowing it's pointless and a waste of time), but I've really rather grown inclined to agreeing with it in the past few weeks. I can understand that most games aren't that great these days and have their faults, and it can't be helped if Yahtzee ends up disliking most titles he gets his hands on because he couldn't have known or because they really do happen to be shitty, but why the fuck does he review a game he knows he's gonna hate? That EVERYONE knows he's gonna hate? Why does he even play it? Sure, he's got to have an overview as a critic, but is this sort of theatre truly necessary? Is popular demand so tiresome that he does it despite everything, even though he knows he's rambling about the same shit over and over? Even though he knows that he's making us witness him drifting down the same river of feces all over again?

I find it ironic how he often goes on about celebrities or famous/populistic individuals suffering worsened performace and eventual downfall when he's arriving at precisely that stage of his career himself.

EDIT: AND TO PROVE MY ABSOLUTE EXISTENTIAL SUPERIORITY OVER HIM, I HAVE POSTED THIS NOT ONCE, NOT TWICE, BUT FIVE TIMES. THAT'S RIGHT, THAT IS THE RATIONAL EXPLANATION BEHIND THIS. NOT THIS WEBSITE BEING A FLAMING PILE OF MUTATING ASSHOLES. NO SIR.

The thought of editing out every and each of these posts occured to me in the first few seconds as well, Solid, but I just so happened to run out of funny substitutions, time, enthusiasim for further posting on these forums (which I have already labeled as either shitty or working improperly for me), and CARE.

Chris B Chikin:

Strong Intelligent:
He sounded like he was making fun of autistic people at "how I feel about JRPGs"

Good aside from that,

Given that none of the autistic people I know have ever reacted like that to anything I think that comment says more about your perceptions of the mentally handicapped that Yahtzee's.

Anyway, enjoyed this one - a nice good ol' fashioned ripping to shreds of a gameI'll never get around to playing.

I am autistic, but okay.

Also, at a younger age I'd make that kind of noise when I went into my "sensory meltdowns" or something.

As I said, I don't really care, bit it did jar my a slight so I thought I'd mention it.

Welcome to JRPGs, Yahtzee. Finding one without a bunch of fidly menus is hard, as the customization is usually a draw for fans. But you don't read these boards anyways, so I'm just talking to myself.

Anyways, one of the more entertaining episodes in a while. You can really feel his hate for the game.

I must say Yahtzee's growing blander and more annoying to listen to with each passing review. Or at least terribly repetitive. (Yet another Adolf Hitler reference, replacing the first two letters in a given name with "b", joking about testicles being absorbed into body....does he do this intentionally to see if anyone's nerdy enough to keep track/remember? I would think so, but degrading his current review at that cost is pathetic.) Humor (or attempt at such) is much too forced and actually seems to have been heavily dominating over the criticism part as of late - kind of makes you wonder how he perceives his work at this point. I've always been more of a sympathizer as far as his opinions and presentation were concerned, always defended his name when people here and there called him pretentious and said he's popularising his hateful attitude (despite knowing it's pointless and a waste of time), but I've really rather grown inclined to agreeing with it in the past few weeks. I can understand that most games aren't that great these days and have their faults, and it can't be helped if Yahtzee ends up disliking most titles he gets his hands on because he couldn't have known or because they really do happen to be shitty, but why the fuck does he review a game he knows he's gonna hate? That EVERYONE knows he's gonna hate? Why does he even play it? Sure, he's got to have an overview as a critic, but is this sort of theatre truly necessary? Is popular demand so tiresome that he does it despite everything, even though he knows he's rambling about the same shit over and over? Even though he knows that he's making us witness him drifting down the same river of feces all over again?

I find it ironic how he often goes on about celebrities or famous/populistic individuals suffering worsened performace and eventual downfall when he's arriving at precisely that stage of his career himself.

Well, his review was certainly awesome and he makes good points (the story and cutscenes can go to hell) but I still like the game. It's pretty fun, just sometimes frustrating when the enemys blow your tank up in the last second.
He actually bitched a lot less than I expected (seriously, he was SLIGHTLY entertained by a JRPG! That is quite something when you consider that he hates this genre more than anything.)
My favorite besides the "nazi-sympathiser" (somehow even more funny for me, maybe because I'm german) was certainly the "adopted"-joke. He might actually be right.

PS: What, no breast-jokes about the valkyrie?

I must say Yahtzee's growing blander and more annoying to listen to with each passing review. Or at least terribly repetitive. (Yet another Adolf Hitler reference, replacing the first two letters in a given name with "b", joking about testicles being absorbed into body....does he do this intentionally to see if anyone's nerdy enough to keep track/remember? I would think so, but degrading his current review at that cost is pathetic.) Humor (or attempt at such) is much too forced and actually seems to have been heavily dominating over the criticism part as of late - kind of makes you wonder how he perceives his work at this point. I've always been more of a sympathizer as far as his opinions and presentation were concerned, always defended his name when people here and there called him pretentious and said he's popularising his hateful attitude (despite knowing it's pointless and a waste of time), but I've really rather grown inclined to agreeing with it in the past few weeks. I can understand that most games aren't that great these days and have their faults, and it can't be helped if Yahtzee ends up disliking most titles he gets his hands on because he couldn't have known or because they really do happen to be shitty, but why the fuck does he review a game he knows he's gonna hate? That EVERYONE knows he's gonna hate? Why does he even play it? Sure, he's got to have an overview as a critic, but is this sort of theatre truly necessary? Is popular demand so tiresome that he does it despite everything, even though he knows he's rambling about the same shit over and over? Even though he knows that he's making us witness him drifting down the same river of feces all over again?

I find it ironic how he often goes on about celebrities or famous/populistic individuals suffering worsened performace and eventual downfall when he's arriving at precisely that stage of his career himself.

As to why he reviewed a game that is heavily derivative (to be charitable) of a genre he loathes: evidently everyone missed the 'Sword of Damocles' reference at the beginning?

This epi was proof to me that Yahtzee is still pretty much on his comedic form, even if you don't agree with his verdict or opinions.

"Oh yes, we all know whose bratwurst you lot were snacking on back then!"

I laughed so hard the guys in the office across from me came over to see what was so fucking funny.

EDIT: and for the record, when I showed them, they were howling with laughter too. I think I may have just single-handedly destroyed the productivity of my group for the day however-- I'm pretty sure they're now going through the ZP back-catalog.

"This is my opinion on JRPGs: EEEYYYUUGGGGAAAAAAAH!!!!"

El' Olel

Why is everyone referring to Valkyria Chronicles as a JRPG?

I must say Yahtzee's growing blander and more annoying to listen to with each passing review. Or at least terribly repetitive. (Yet another Adolf Hitler reference, replacing the first two letters in a given name with "b", joking about testicles being absorbed into body....does he do this intentionally to see if anyone's nerdy enough to keep track/remember? I would think so, but degrading his current review at that cost is pathetic.) Humor (or attempt at such) is much too forced and actually seems to have been heavily dominating over the criticism part as of late - kind of makes you wonder how he perceives his work at this point. I've always been more of a sympathizer as far as his opinions and presentation were concerned, always defended his name when people here and there called him pretentious and said he's popularising his hateful attitude (despite knowing it's pointless and a waste of time), but I've really rather grown inclined to agreeing with it in the past few weeks. I can understand that most games aren't that great these days and have their faults, and it can't be helped if Yahtzee ends up disliking most titles he gets his hands on because he couldn't have known or because they really do happen to be shitty, but why the fuck does he review a game he knows he's gonna hate? That EVERYONE knows he's gonna hate? Why does he even play it? Sure, he's got to have an overview as a critic, but is this sort of theatre truly necessary? Is popular demand so tiresome that he does it despite everything, even though he knows he's rambling about the same shit over and over? Even though he knows that he's making us witness him drifting down the same river of feces all over again?

I find it ironic how he often goes on about celebrities or famous/populistic individuals suffering worsened performace and eventual downfall when he's arriving at precisely that stage of his career himself.

it was awesome... especially the are you sure part

Not bad, but not Yahtzee's best. All the usual JRPG complaints (for the umpteenth time, even!), which is... ok, but the other jokes kind of fall flat. So, I score this review meh / MEH.

MichaelMaverick:
[snip] just look up a couple of posts, I'm sure you'll find it

Dude. We got it the first time. You think Yahtzee is tired and cliched... that he has jumped the shark. You don't have to post that 6 times: looking that clueless sort of undermines any point you're trying to make.

This review actually sucked...although I got lolz on him ripping on the JRPG elements and the blatant WWII style (and attempt to cover up) ...the review generally was lackluster and since it was a JRPGish game we clearly knew he would rip on these points...so ya completely disappointed....

To those who fault Yahtzee on being a fountain of hate:

That's why we love him.

Tmcmistress:
Not bad, but not Yahtzee's best. All the usual JRPG complaints (for the umpteenth time, even!), which is... ok, but the other jokes kind of fall flat. So, I score this review meh / MEH.

I agree except I think it crosses into bad review zone...may as well just took clips from other reviews and save himself the time ripping another JRPG apart with same old jokes

"We all know whose Bratwurst you were snacking on back then"
For Yahtzee not to have a dig at the Japanese would make the world go askew.

Im glad Yahtzee confirmed my presumption of this game being one big DOING IT WRONG on world war 2. Wich is enough reason for me to loathe this game.

Yahtzee: 1
Japan: 0

He got me laughing with the "hero bringing his own tank" part.

Nice triple post.
He makes a very good point about the cutscenes and autosave - both are incredibly tedious and annoying. However, he clearly didn't train snipers because at level 10-11 they fucking run shit. They will shoot exactly at the crosshairs, and will 1 shot anything not crouching.
The primary reason I like the game so much is that it is so unique from any other game. It's flaws are minor enough to play the game.

Since VC is pretty much the only game I envy the PS3 for this makes me feel a little better ... no I can at least pretend the game sucks ;)

@ MichealMaverick: It's called schadenfreude for us, masochism for Yahtzee. Not to mention that, in Yahtzee's defense, I occasionally find myself glancing at Fox News, right-wing blogs, etc., just because I feel as though my forehead could use a few good slaps.

So, yet another game Yahtzee slates because he can't find the menu options (hint: You can save in battle), complains about things which aren't true (hint: there are three upgrade paths for guns), and generally makes himself look a cock?

Colour me unsurprised.

Funny to see Yahtzee get angry at genre standards like the reaction shot. Makes me wonder what games the man actually plays. Hilarious review though.

harhol:
Why is everyone referring to Valkyria Chronicles as a JRPG?

Because Yahtzee did, and this is his parrot aviary.

MichaelMaverick:

EDIT: AND TO PROVE MY ABSOLUTE EXISTENTIAL SUPERIORITY OVER HIM, I HAVE POSTED THIS NOT ONCE, NOT TWICE, BUT FIVE TIMES. THAT'S RIGHT, THAT IS THE RATIONAL EXPLANATION BEHIND THIS. NOT THIS WEBSITE BEING A FLAMING PILE OF MUTATING ASSHOLES. NO SIR.

You know, most people probably would've just edited out all but one of the posts. But hey, you want to be a tool about the result of your own impatience, don't let us stand in your way.

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