Zero Punctuation: Valkyria Chronicles

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When is he going to review a standard JRPG?

I mean, I'm glad he's probably interested in tactical RPGs now, but frankly I'd stick with Fire Emblem in that case.

Was that an Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade reference during the credits when Hitler signed the book? Awesome.

Correction: You could have played it for an hour and got more accurate points. You don't really have any idea of how far Yahtzee would have gotten in an hour, nor of how much he could have gleaned from cutscenes he clearly did not like and wouldn't have given his undivided attention (then again, he could have given his undivided attention to them. I don't know what he did either, and I don't pretend to.)

I used an extreme example. I'm pretty sure he played it for more than an hour. But my point is: Why review something you have no knowledge about? Yes, I have no idea how far he got, but if he even looked at it properly (i.e. more than five minutes) he would have realized that some of his statemens are not quite correct, to say the least.

His reviews tend to be about his experience playing the game. Looking up the summary on wikipedia doesn't give you any experience with the game. The only review I can think of where he definitely used something other than the game of the week was his Turok review.

Correct, it doesn't give gameplay experience. He sometimes just watches cutscenes from games, because he can't play them all the way through (I think he did that with Resident Evil 1-3). If he did that, he could have mocked the Deus ex Machina near the end. He could even play the game for one hour to give himself an idea, then just watch the cutscenes somewhere. It is less work for him, because he hates JRPGs so much and he knew everything there is to know, thus giving him more time to "play other, less horrible games".

The micromanagement could well just be a matter of opinion. You could be used to such things, and he is not. Like desensitisation.

It could be... but it isn't because it is no micromanagement. I'm not used to micromanage every little thing and it would definitely annoy me, too. (cough Starcraft cough)
But to call it micromanagement isn't going the extra mile, it's going to the moon, so to speak. I was upgrading my squad after every mission (which you don't even have to) and it took me about five minutes. Yes, you can custumize your tank and crap like that, but why do it? The important things don't take much time, and some are not even neccesary.

harhol:
People who plan on taking this review seriously might want to bear in mind the numerous factual inaccuracies which suggest that he's barely played beyond the first couple of missions. Sandbags aren't the only things you can crouch behind and weapons can be upgraded in several different ways. If snipers are only hitting one in ten shots then I suggest he either reads the instruction manual or retires from playing video games. His line about the protagonist's sister being plot-centric and therefore invincible will be amusing to anyone who's played past the first third of the game. The comment about excessive micromanagement is also bizarre considering how simplistic it is in VC compared to other TRPGs.

This, i mean, i like Yahtzee's reviews and i agree with him in a lot of things. But like any other review site ever it's something that i take as a grain of salt, not as "the universal truth". It's both funny and sad that a great game like VC will get a bad look by many just because "OMG Yahtzee doesn't like it, and i must shape my taste to fit his own taste!" It's pretty obvious that he will never make a 100% fully positive review of a japanese RPG ever. Expecting one will be like expecting the great pumpkin.

I haven't watched the full video yet but let me say this Yahtzee: In DDS half human half demon adults kill god (and satan if you want but he is the good guy).

First off... Why were so many people put on probation for posting the INSTANT the video was up? Yes, it's kind of annoying but putting someone on probation for saying "this looks awesome" seems a bit excessive to me.

That being said, they were all very thick for posting so quickly.

Now then, I found this review to be quite funny, mostly because like everyone else I love it when Yahtzee completely tears a game a new one, and we all can probably pick a JRPG or RPG, or FPS for that matter, to make fun of, and this one looks quite awful.

Bravo, yahtzee. Hilarious.

"He likes crisps and he grew up in Swindon."

That was the bit that made me laugh the hardest.

you could tell at the bit where he was talking about them asking if you want to see the cutscene he was getting very angry...

laughed... so... hard... at japan/germany joke.

tehweave:
First off... Why were so many people put on probation for posting the INSTANT the video was up? Yes, it's kind of annoying but putting someone on probation for saying "this looks awesome" seems a bit excessive to me.

Because they haven't watched the video and so their posts might as well say "+1" for all the use they are. They're spam.

tehweave:
First off... Why were so many people put on probation for posting the INSTANT the video was up? Yes, it's kind of annoying but putting someone on probation for saying "this looks awesome" seems a bit excessive to me.

That being said, they were all very thick for posting so quickly.

Now then, I found this review to be quite funny, mostly because like everyone else I love it when Yahtzee completely tears a game a new one, and we all can probably pick a JRPG or RPG, or FPS for that matter, to make fun of, and this one looks quite awful.

Bravo, yahtzee. Hilarious.

They got put on probation because they haven't watched the video. If you haven't watched the video you can't say it's awesome.

I like when you review JRPGs you always tear them a new asshole, I'd love to see more JRPG reviews down the line.

A bit kinder than I would of thought. I'm a fan of the game so naturally I could spot some flaws in the review (upgrade 1 way only weapons coming to mind as well as some spoiler bits) but least there were no rediculous haircuts (outside the ordinary, anyhow, I believe one guy had a mohawk?) in the game and they actually explained the strange haircolors. I did like his anaylsis of Oscar (I think it was him) the sniper since snipers are bullet-magnets due to the fear of them getting a one-hit kill on you but his accuracy at first is the worst of the bunch. I will definitely agree that the game could use a better save system.

Kinda sad that Yahtzee and most members on this forum can't see the difference between a JRPG and a turn-based strategy game....

It's got anime girls, therefore it's a JRPG... Right...

No, it's a JRPG because it's a tactical RPG done by Japanese developers, with androgynous main characters, and with a name like "Valkyria Chronicles". Civ IV, Master of Orion, and X-COM are turn-based strategies. By this logic, you might as well call Fire Emblem or Kartia a turn-based strategy game, and they very clearly aren't.

Alien1375:
Kinda sad that Yahtzee and most members on this forum can't see the difference between a JRPG and a turn-based strategy game....

The massive, world-shattering difference being one is about plot-heavy turn-based combat and the other is about slightly more complicated plot-heavy turn-based combat, I suppose.

I'm sad Yahtzee didn't make a joke about Selvaria's cleavage. Maybe he didn't get that far.

As impressive as you lung capacity is I preferred it when you would splice several breaths worth of rambling together so they sounded like one breath. Hearing you run out of breath is always disillusioning.

someone has a new vortex drawing. and a new bratwurst pic too. :)

pretty funny review, but the hatred sort of gets in the way. just sort of.

Nice. I actually laughed a few times.

Onyx Oblivion:
Don't know why I watch this anymore...It's just not funny anymore, and he never actually reviews the game. He even failed to mention the beautiful art style.

There's only so much JRPG bashing that I can take before my head asplodes.

He rarely mentions graphics. Remember the crysis review? He wants to work the story and gameplay gnomes. Sure, he gave a mention in his thief review but that wasn't really a criticism. Mentions of graphics shouldn't be an expectation, unless the person reviewing is a graphics whore.

I don't know what I was expecting to from this review, but whatever it was, I didn't get it. On eof your weaker efforts, Mr. Croshaw.

srpilha:
someone has a new vortex drawing. and a new bratwurst pic too. :)

pretty funny review, but the hatred sort of gets in the way. just sort of.

Don't look at it like a review, just view it as a verbal beatdown. :)

Evil Tim:

Alien1375:
Kinda sad that Yahtzee and most members on this forum can't see the difference between a JRPG and a turn-based strategy game....

The massive, world-shattering difference being one is about plot-heavy turn-based combat and the other is about slightly more complicated plot-heavy turn-based combat, I suppose.

They're completely different genres. Valkyria Chronicles is no more a JRPG than Gears of War.
Which TRPGs have you played that were similar to JRPGs and vice-versa?

mike1921:
Mentions of graphics shouldn't be an expectation, unless the person reviewing is a graphics whore.

Appreciating a unique & beautiful art style is not being a "graphics whore".

harhol:
They're completely different genres. Valkyria Chronicles is no more a JRPG than Gears of War.

Yeah, it's just a Japanese game in which you take part in turn-based combat with a squad of oddball characters in silly costumes who talk a lot. Totally different to a JRPG, that. Not, for example, all the trappings of a JRPG stacked on top of a slightly different game.

harhol:

mike1921:
Mentions of graphics shouldn't be an expectation, unless the person reviewing is a graphics whore.

Appreciating a unique & beautiful art style is not being a "graphics whore".

Yes, but it's not to be expected, it's definitely not a failure for a game reviewer to not mention it.

Taking an interest in turn based Strategy eh Yahtzee? Well if you haven't tried it yet I would really recommend Advance Wars for the GBA(they do have DS titles but I found the original to be the best).

harhol:
People who plan on taking this review seriously might want to bear in mind the numerous factual inaccuracies which suggest that he's barely played beyond the first couple of missions. Sandbags aren't the only things you can crouch behind and weapons can be upgraded in several different ways. If snipers are only hitting one in ten shots then I suggest he either reads the instruction manual or retires from playing video games. His line about the protagonist's sister being plot-centric and therefore invincible will be amusing to anyone who's played past the first third of the game. The comment about excessive micromanagement is also bizarre considering how simplistic it is in VC compared to other TRPGs.

Quit playing videogames? Because he's not good at JRPGs? Fuck you. Also, I highly doubt that any game where you have to play 1/3 of it for it to get good ever will get good.

Putting your units at strategic parts of the map during your turn to attack the enemy, and letting the enemy do the same in his turn sounds like a turn-based strategy game to me...

Now walking with a group trough a landscape and being randomly attacked by monsters while the group sticks together to fight the enemy one at the time is closer to my definition of a RPG.

But I have to agree, the game is Japanese (Yay!)

at one point yathzee sounded like the cookie monster having a seizure

Vlane:
I haven't watched the full video yet but let me say this Yahtzee: In DDS half human half demon adults kill god (and satan if you want but he is the good guy).

God I love DDS so hard.
I think Yahtzee should totally review DDS, or at least a Shin Megami Tensei game. I'm morbidly curious.
Persona has a lot of the androgynous teenagers saving the world, (despite the fact that I love that game too), but DDS was much more mature.

I liked the Last Crusade Reference at the end there =D

I love how every time Yahtzee calls JRPGs out for the repulsing generic repetitive excuses for entertainment they are, there are at least five cockheads who come out of the woodwork and proclaim that he's jumped the shark.

If he wanted a user-friendly JRPG/turn based strategy game, I'm surprised he didn't go try Fire Emblem.

Love the game but I thought this was hilarious, it's so funny to see him out of his "comfort zone" and have him go through so much pain.

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