Zero Punctuation: Velvet Assassin

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Mr. Yahtzee,are you sure it's Hitman Blood Money and it's not Hitman Contracts the game you compared this one to? I'm no big Hitman fan, but i can guarantee you that Hitman Contracts' story is told from a perspective similar to Velvet Assassin and not Blood Money... my 2 cents.

I'm having trouble viewing the video. Every time I try, the "dial-up connection" thing appears as if I got disconnected from the internet. Any idea of how to fix this, or maybe where else I can find the video?

Thewarlordc:
Mr. Yahtzee,are you sure it's Hitman Blood Money and it's not Hitman Contracts the game you compared this one to? I'm no big Hitman fan, but i can guarantee you that Hitman Contracts' story is told from a perspective similar to Velvet Assassin and not Blood Money... my 2 cents.

I think Yahtzee actually wanted to reference to "Hitman: Contracts" instead of "Blood Money" when he mentioned the whole "mission flashbacks while lying on the death bed" scenario. I know that Hitman is lying inside a casket in Blood Money, but I don't see the game as a series of flashbacks.

As for the "Axis Developers" it is in fact curious and I also thought Germans were extremely strict when creating works related to WW2 and the Nazi regime. Still, I'd rather get believable soldier dialog in german and an attempt at viewing the war from a not-allied point of view. Though I have to admit Infinity Ward has convinced me when it comes to wars.

Nice review. Keep up the witty remarks. :)

Best ending since 50 Cent's game review.

This game seems just as bad as Valkyria Chronicles.

For now on, I'm automatically hating any game set in WW2. More originality or gtfo.

Nice review, Yahtzee.

i love yatzheess vids. its just a list of games of "what not to buy"

Hyperballilionth lol thats a new word

Anywho, good review.

Community service.... niiiice.

Cerebreus:
I'm having trouble viewing the video. Every time I try, the "dial-up connection" thing appears as if I got disconnected from the internet. Any idea of how to fix this, or maybe where else I can find the video?

I personally have not been able to get this video to load yet. It just hangs on that spinning circle thing forever, and every now and then I get the Team Fortress 2 tournament ad thing before it hangs up.

I tried another computer and got the same thing.

And I've been having trouble getting other videos - ZPs, Unskippables, and the most recent There Will Be Brawl - to load for several days now.

"Intense behind-the-lines morally ambiguous realism so gritty you could lay it in your front yard and call it a driveway"

"What is this, community service?"

The best (and actually the only smile-evoking) jokes in this review.

calelogan:

Thewarlordc:
Mr. Yahtzee,are you sure it's Hitman Blood Money and it's not Hitman Contracts the game you compared this one to? I'm no big Hitman fan, but i can guarantee you that Hitman Contracts' story is told from a perspective similar to Velvet Assassin and not Blood Money... my 2 cents.

I think Yahtzee actually wanted to reference to "Hitman: Contracts" instead of "Blood Money" when he mentioned the whole "mission flashbacks while lying on the death bed" scenario. I know that Hitman is lying inside a casket in Blood Money, but I don't see the game as a series of flashbacks.

Actually Blood Money was about Flashbacks, thats why the dates were getting more recent, the man in the wheelchair was discussing 47's assinations with that guy from the press thus Flashbacks

Wait, it was made by Germans? That is surprising. Loved the community service joke too. I never actually noticed that it was always the axis countries that made WWII games lol...

Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

I am South Peak.

I am here... to destroy gaming forever!

Ha ha ha ha ha.

"What is this? Community service?"

Made my day :-)

Rofl the end was hilarious...

Although is Yahtzee a neo-Nazi or some shit, because he likes to pick on any game which even touches the subject WWII indirectly....aside from names VC had nothing else in common ..and KZ 2...had nothing aside from the color schemes of the factions...

At least as good as the last 5 reviews added together.
I especialy liked the "if you even mentioned "nazi" they burn down your house" part.
Itīs only true for videogames by the way, the nazis logo is always consored etc.
But the government is okay with every bit of nazi symbologie that os not videogame related >.<

Ace01:
wait, the game was by Germans? WTF, I thought the world hitler there would get you shotgunned.

you just don't joke about it.. not in public at least.

i heard about rise and fall of the nazi empire three or four times in school... blah.

edit: also, at least it doesn't have the nazis talk in badly made fake accents ;)

Yeah, the community service line was just awesome.

I will say as a Valkyria Chronicles fan (possibly fanboy, as I'm sure someone will point out) I was a bit annoyed about how over-simplified the game gets as being really idealistic at first. Of course during the game you get exposed to some harsh deaths, political frustrations and the risk of having non-officers die for good until you start a new game. Even so you'd think seeing a kid, woman and child get gunned down in one of the first cutscenes and the racist undertones would maybe get people to note this isn't entirely wholesome, but then again the storybook style doesn't help. I get it and all, I just feel like remarking about it.

Back to positive remarks and less wordy comments/weak complaints, I wonder if a game out there already has a Hitler Volcano base...

"What is this? Community Service" No serriously. Its wierd. Very good Job Yahtzee. Looking forward to more and more fun times and great vid reviews.

I'm amazed he didn't make a reference to Mirror's Edge what with the moments in the game where you have nearly no weapons or armour (judging from the review - I haven't played the game) and find yourself up against 12 guys with machine guns. I was almost expecting him to utter something about "Mirror's Edge syndrome" or "it didn't work when Mirror's Edge" did it, or somesuch or someother. Maybe he so hated my new fave game that he refuses to even mention it:D?

Dragonblade146:
What is this community service?
*ROFL*
That was the best ending yet...

I laughed so much at the ending.

"Introducing Mr Juggular to Lady Fossington-Switchblade", "Failing to make friends"... subtle, and funny euphemisms for snuffing people. :)

/S

"what is this community service?"
That ending really made my day XD

Jesus, it's annoying to have the first five posts be completely idiotic.

but yeah, didn't want the game, wouldn't buy the game, and yes...
COMMUNITY SERVICE FOR WAR CRIMES.
I wanted you to review something else but I can't think of any actually good games out now...
On a side note, I can't think of any really bad ones either...
Just wait, Drake's Fortune will come back and so will Bioshock and you can go cuddle the FPS genre again like a jaded war veteran returning to his family.

Oh man that line at the end was hilarous, it's nice to see a reture to form and some real origionality again.

*laughs* The bit of animation at the end during the credits I found especially funny.

Cheesebob:

calelogan:

Thewarlordc:
Mr. Yahtzee,are you sure it's Hitman Blood Money and it's not Hitman Contracts the game you compared this one to? I'm no big Hitman fan, but i can guarantee you that Hitman Contracts' story is told from a perspective similar to Velvet Assassin and not Blood Money... my 2 cents.

I think Yahtzee actually wanted to reference to "Hitman: Contracts" instead of "Blood Money" when he mentioned the whole "mission flashbacks while lying on the death bed" scenario. I know that Hitman is lying inside a casket in Blood Money, but I don't see the game as a series of flashbacks.

Actually Blood Money was about Flashbacks, thats why the dates were getting more recent, the man in the wheelchair was discussing 47's assinations with that guy from the press thus Flashbacks

Makes sense. I take that back, though I still think "Contracts"'s storyline structure is more similar to "Velvet Assassin" rather than "Blood Money"

slipknot4:
valkyria chronicles is nothing to be compared with velvet assassin.

yes, because Yahtzee was clearly comparing the gameplay of the two.

first review in months that made me laugh, i might have to buy this game if only for that reason.

As somebody from austria I have to say that the last joke was almost too offensive. Awesome but still....

Vlane:
As somebody from austria I have to say that the last joke was almost too offensive. Awesome but still....

bawuh? why?

im german and i laughed =)

And i almost linked this to my German friends on steam....

Odd that Yahtzee is reviewing so many WW2 games right around the time I'm studying for my WW2 test in World History at school. That last line was pretty funny, though.

geez watching the first few comments is like watching a video on lemmings.

lmao girtty enough to park your driveway on.

Hey yahtzee i think the message is that nazi were evil, but the soldiers didn't want to die. Which doesn't explain kamikazes, ltet me change it then. i think the message is that nazi were evil, but the soldiers didn't want to die, except for the Japanese.

EDIT, ythe hel1 does every other person get banned for watching the video then wuickly replying, if it's because of the speed of it, maybe you should bann all of them who post early, instead of which ever one farts and looks at you funny(hope all of you got that)

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