Zero Punctuation: Velvet Assassin

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very funny...i liked this one alot...the one ball and silly moustache line in the credits broke me up...i liked hitman, assasins creed, splinter cell, and sweet asses...maybe i'll try this one...more of a review than usual, still just a rant though

lol loved it but for some reason I didn't actually really laugh until the last "community service" part. That got me

'Community service', that was bloody hilarious. Brilliant.

I don't know about "anti-war 'bullshit'", Yahtzee. That's your opinion. But otherwise, a nice review.

Ah WW II games. Nice review, what Yahtzee did with the deflated Hitman was worth a good laugh. The baby face was a shocker. And how very interesting that the Nazis were humanised, with letters and such.

It seems Yahtzee has some psuedo-Freudian obsession with cocks and dildos as his last several reviews have contained them in some form. It reminds me of that dude in Superbad who can't help drawing dicks everywhere. Is the next review going to be created entirely using the contents of the back shelf of his local Club X store? Still maybe that is what the kids want these days; more genitalia, buggery jokes and dropping the "c bomb" and less of the more intellectual and topical humour that set him apart from the other moron wanna-bes (fortunately he's still much better than that lot).

That said, I found it a welcome return to form after the adventures in genres-I-don't-like-land. That last bit about the axis developers was an absolute pearler.

Literally LOL at the last line

Wow Velvet Assassin and Valkyria Chronicles turned out to be somewhat lacking in the gaming department... Who would have guesed? *insert sarcastic smiley here*

One of the best I've seen especially I liked the quote at the end.

I dunno... perhaps it's because I'm German and have heard so many stupid jokes about Germans censoring everything etc etc, but I couldn't laugh so much about the last joke. I'm not offended in any way... it's more like the guy with a stupid name: Others might find jokes about his name very funny, but he's probably heard them all already.
That said, I didn't know this one was made by Germans and I would have expected a German developer to give the topic a bit more respect and put a bit more thought into it.
The rest of the review had its moments, though.

stupid question being asked here>>>> "so, is this game on the PS3 as well?" i googled it and some sites said it was and some said it wasnt. i get the feeling it is not.. which is too bad since i'm a huge fan of the splinter cell games and it has been a long while since a good stealth game came out that looked interesting as this. i'd still like to play it.

He has to save the best line for last.

Does anyone else see the 'relation' between Violet and Lara Croft... Maybe she's Lara gran?

The burning our houses down part is so very true.

Political correctness is a bitch.




That needs to be made a real word.

What? It isn't a word already?!
Let's start a campaign to make it one.

that's a good review, I think it almost sounded like he liked the game and that's why he was busy ripping the developers and what the Americans would of done if it wasn't made by the Axis I think that would of happened if it was Yankees too :)

and yes I was laughing my ass off when the brilliant Yahtzee came out with 'community service'

Usually I just chuckle and giggle when watching Zero Punctuation, but when the community service line came up at the end, I actually *snorted*. Pretty funny overall, but the ending was jut classic!

So in other words, Violet is Lara Croft during world war 2, because they are both crazy.

was preaty funny, not his funniest review, but still preaty awesome

No mention of the horrific corruption of the original source, who's family would not permit her name to be used, when it was going to be so blatantly sexualised?

"Violette Szabo, you see, was captured by the Germans after just over a year of active duty as a Special Operations Executive. During her incarceration, she was repeatedly beaten, starved and sexually abused. Ultimately, she was executed, aged just 23." -

[snip!]I would have thought Yahtzee would mention that. (and be more offended)

I'll join those who shared this thought.

Great episode, many stand out moments! The first "that joke" we all know what we're talking bout was a JESUS CHRIST! moment and that ending was brilliant, expect the new Wolfenstein to be that game ending Yahtzee explained then lol!

The Japanese have oddly enough escaped WW2 politically incorrect jokes despite **** the Chinese aren't gonna let drop anytime soon... whereas the Germans seem to get Nazi references at every turn of the head (western Europe love it!) and I don't understand why...

...or maybe in the Asian Pacific the Japanese are at the butt of every WW2 joke, who knows...

BTW the German community service went very well since they made Downfall lol!

Would the Italians be able to pull something from their arses any time soon and make it into a game?

Hilarious as always Yahtzee.

"kwah-sont binge"

Really good review. Funny as ever.


And right at the end Yahtzee throws in a clever joke about the axis.

Still want to try this game, but then I've always liked stealth games.

Gads, I'm just going bananas. Who is the guy with the hair that he uses all the time, normally to talk about something useless, boring or stupid?

I'm at a loss and I'm dying to know. Please for the help?

Great stuff i laughed through that whole thing.

Am I the only person who didn't laugh at the ending?

Sigh, why is MGS4 the only good stealth game of this generation.

Sigh, why is MGS4 the only good stealth game of this generation.

It wasn't. It was a bad run-and-gun game of this generation. Stealth games usually involve some degree of hiding.

I know what the answer is going to be - the classic fanboy "but the great thing about this game is you can play it however you want" (Metal Gear Solid Bible, Apologetics chapter 14, verse 9). Sorry, but a Hollywood-style "mow down rows of enemies with a huge arsenal of guns and a rocket launcher" action game is still an action game even if you can choose to hide around. I can choose to race those fast little buggies around in Battlefield 2, I guess that makes BF2 a racing game in your eyes.

South Peak - the Uwe Boll of the game studeos?

Yes, I went there!

It's not a bad game, but it is very linear. Also, the story and the telling of it is a bit confusing and muddy at times.

do you like Dr.Who?

The Great JT:
Axis powers making World War 2 thing you know, an Italian gaming company will make a game called "3D Punch Hitler In The Face".


I live in Germany and Yathzee is right. You make one Nazi joke and they all become angry. Once, when I was in 10th grade(after it classes are removed and you proceed university style) and our class wanted to make some "graduation-t-shirts". So I said I want to have "Kraft durch Freude"("Power through delightment", the German vacation-slogan during WWII) and the teacher went mad. It was only a joke.

Haaha, great ending

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