Zero Punctuation: Duke Nukem Forever

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Nightv:
As of this video I will not watch any more of the stuff on this website besides brawl, as you have much like an other person on this site that makes videos, done your research.

You do know they were self funded for the majority of the time, as well as they only got a small bit of money to work on it for take two.

And people that do not know otherwise watch this an think this is the real thing of what is going on.

Really now.... Why don't you do some research, or fuck right off. Any one is good at this point as your videos are more for shock value then, your old videos that where review value.

Yahtzee will knock off and do research when you buckle down and learn to clearly express your thoughts. Proofread every now and then; it will make a big difference.

Cheers.

Very good. I thought it was out but then I realised that... well(For all you arseholes that don't know how to type, or read.) I just got n00bd lolololol
Very funny and I was confused at first but it made sense XD.
Can I ride ponies under the see with you next time Yahtzee, you promised *sniff*

awesome video, but the game was never released, it was all yahtzees brilliant fantasy. obviously fake, but still awesome XD.

wow, over 500 posts in under 24 hours..
anyway, i really enjoyed this- certainly a new favourite xD I never realised anyone could talk into a microphone for that long and that fast without taking a breath :O
oh an in response to 'Nightv'...I find it pretty unlikely that anyone will think it a real review...I mean I was doubtful for a second, but Yahtzee makes it pretty clear that its a joke...

The game is broken, I've smashed at least 50 wii fit boards and no achievement!

sora100100:
Very good. I thought it was out but then I realised that... well(For all you arseholes that don't know how to type, or read.) I just got n00bd lolololol
Very funny and I was confused at first but it made sense XD.
Can I ride ponies under the see with you next time Yahtzee, you promised *sniff*

No! Yahtzee promised me first! Also, loved the video! Was a little confused till I realised it wasn't released yet. >.<

I'm awe-struck. This video is my new most-favorite of favorites. It's practically prophetic. It started with a simple enough premise: jaded vaporware irony. Yet Croshaw sharpened it to a razor's edge and polished it to a mirror shine.

I was one of those gamers whom didn't find 3D Realms' troubles consciously surprising. Yet on the edges of my perception there was a quiet, baseless, lingering hope that someone, somewhere might pick up the franchise and run with it. Watching this edition of Zero Punctuation, I couldn't help but smile as Croshaw reflected the utter futility in those hopes as he slashed them neatly from my unconscious mind. He gave me a much-needed mental haircut.

I would go so far as to call this video culturally refined if it weren't for all the ubiquitous "naughty words." And I loved every one! It's ultra-sarcasm taken to a new level. Well done, Yahtzee!

Now, let's see what you can do to top it.

P.S.:

Bellvedere:

ark123:
It finally happened. Yahtzee's tongue went through his cheek and wounded the part of his brain responsible for judging what's funny.
I'll help. ZP works because you have SEVERAL jokes in an episode, and you REVIEW something people care about.
This had ONE joke stretched out over five minutes and it was about something only video game reviewers care about. What's more, it's a joke we've all either heard or made.
Stop saying it's funny, you sycophants. The emperor has no clothes on.

Nicely said! Now someone just needs to tell him that strange sound effects are not a satisfying substitute for a witty joke. I mean seriously it was funny once (well maybe twice) but doing it every episode? This weeks was so forced too...

I would argue that only someone who doesn't truly get the jokes could say this submission was something no one cared about. This ZP is like gallows' humor at a beloved family member's bedside; it's a great way to ease the pain. Also, it codifies nicely what we've all been wondering, joking about, and debating for years: yes, we bet on a bunch of losers. As a result, we lost.

Cut open a cynic and you'll find a wounded optimist. Such well-crafted sarcasm like Yahtzee's ultimately comes from disappointment. So many of us knew this project was dead, yet we didn't want to admit it to ourselves or each other. So we quipped superficially about how great the game had better be... how easy it should be to make a 3D game... how little we looked forward to yet another misogynistic, T&A-strewn video game. But at the end of the day, the majority of us -- especially amongst those of us frequently discussing it -- wanted to see a new Duke Nukem title hit the shelves. 3D Realms leveraged that desire into more than a decade's-worth of misdirection.

Ultimately, as gamers, we all got conned a little by 3D Realms. Hence why Yahztee's "not tragic" construct rings so true. Seeing a company held to account for its failure is definitely not tragic; it's righteous. Especially since so many of us grew just a little more jaded when that door finally closed for good.

P.P.S.: "...strange sound effects?" You do know he does those with his mouth, right?

Waah I totally believed this. You do a good job at faking it (bad-um tish)

lol. i knew it. i knew as soon i saw "reviews duke nukem forever" that he will make jokes about it. i mean, hell, 12 damn years and still no duke. in a german gamer forum i am in, few posted even a link that 3d realms dint had much money and even stopped the production of duke nukem. if its true, i cant say, just what i have read there.

well, it was funny and i agree with him. shame on 3d realms for takeing so fucking long with nothing in the end.

How many actually thought the game was released when they started watching this video?

Long time watcher, first time poster:

Love this one, enough to make me register and post :)

Great episode Jahtzee! :D

Super Jamz:
How many actually thought the game was released when they started watching this video?

When i watched the video i was like "umm... did they set a release date... so they're not publishing demos just so they can jump on us with the final product that no one is expecting?" and then he mentioned cooking. :D

Hamster at Dawn:
The game is broken, I've smashed at least 50 wii fit boards and no achievement!

You also need to have the gun that shoots dogs on screen when the WiiFit is smashed.

lonny2x4x5:
soooo, was the game good or bad?

Indeed! We clearly need a number rating for this game! TEH In73rn37Z demands it!

I'm not sure if he did DNF purely for the humour value, because he didn't have anything better to review or to shut up all the forumgoers that say he never makes stuff up.

But, who cares. This was an awesome video. Good work Mr. Croshaw!

I think I'll wait until the Eternal Pack DLC comes out before I get DNF.

this is great.
The jaded little fuck inside of me has been wondering why the internet was being so nice to 3Drealms. Naughty Internet! I didn't even dare to dream that Yahtzee would tear DNF a new one. I did a massive double take when I saw the vid title. and wow... this must have a lot of hits cos it has a shitload of responses, and it hasn't been out for a day yet.

Bellvedere:

Cut open a cynic and you'll find a wounded optimist.

That shit is deep, man. Is it yours, or are you quoting?

Couple of months late for April Fools, Yahtzee :-P

Isn't that bad luck?

It occurs to me that initials for Duke Nukem Forever is DNF, as in Did Not Finish.
Maybe the big joke was always on us.

There is a point when something you hold copyright to becomes worthless.
That Duke Nukem dude does seem a little like an outdated stereotype. Gordon Freeman totally overshadows any space Duke Nukem might once have almost occupied.
And modern audiences can empathize with him i.e.
Alyx: "man of few words huh?"
Gordon: " "

3d Realms: "When did Yahtzee visit our offices?"

Nightv:
As of this video I will not watch any more of the stuff on this website besides brawl, as you have much like an other person on this site that makes videos, done your research.

You do know they were self funded for the majority of the time, as well as they only got a small bit of money to work on it for take two.

And people that do not know otherwise watch this an think this is the real thing of what is going on.

Really now.... Why don't you do some research, or fuck right off. Any one is good at this point as your videos are more for shock value then, your old videos that where review value.

I'm going to go out on a limb here, because this is such a monumentally stupid post, I can't believe its a troll.

Oh grow a pair, 3D realms are not an Indie company, they don't need defending from people like you, and they certainly don't need defending at all, full fledged games companies should not take 12 years to create a game, end of. I don't care if they only got a little bit of money from Take Two, that doesn't make 12 years of work with almost nothing to show, let alone a playable demo justifiable.

I started laughing as soon as I saw the video was on DNF. I knew hilarity would ensue. Another masterpiece by Yahtzee.

Sad thing is, I just watched this again... and I want Duke Nukem Forever more than ever. *cries*

Wargamer:
Sad thing is, I just watched this again... and I want Duke Nukem Forever more than ever. *cries*

keep dreaming. i think this game will never ever come out. not after 12 years.

The best one yet; way to go Yahtzee, you made all my dreams vanish into thin air like puffs of 3D Realms...

I always liked the duke nukem franchise. It was terrible, but thats what made it fun. Like watching a bad movie when you know its a bad movie. Taken at face value, you can at least get the benefit of a laugh that people actually paid money to make this on screen abortion. That was the only reason i was ever looking forward to "Forever" It was still going to be a slight doom upgrade with nothing memorable and ridiculous saying (i'm gonna rip your head off and s*** down your neck), but the fact that it was still that bad, cost that much money, and still took as long as it did would have given it a value of irony that could never be replaced. oh well, there is always looking forward to "The legend of Zelda 25, the quest for more money"

Let's hope he doesn't get sued. Also, I want to ride with Hendrix too.

It was an awesome video. For a few seconds I was thinking "What? Duke Nukem forever actually came out? Is this possible"
Then the answer came at me whilst watching.
"Nope."

the experience just got better.

Well played sir, well played.

I tip my hat to you for this.

I think he's talked his fastest yet in this review.

Plus pony trekking with Jimi Hendrix under the sea would be awesome. Obviously.

-bladerunner-:
*sigh* He can't comment on gameplay because the game IS NOT OUT and may never be, he was only talking about how the game should be when it is released due to the time it is taking to 'develop' it (or did you not understand the extremely radical change in Yahtzee's reviewing style ie. he had nothing bad to say about the game).

Read up on the subject before making unfounded complaints about it.

I was being ironic...

I admit, he had me going at first. At first, I was amazed that it came out and I missed it. Then I was suspicious when he began espousing its glory. Then I knew it was a joke when he got to the controls.

Absolutely glorious from beginning to end!

This is one of his best reviews yet.

patiently waiting for another dose of hilarity from mr y and was wondering what he could review didn't see a joke review coming out,

Though any fps with full frontal nudy bits gets my vote cos if it were a well rendered chick and normal guy will sit there open mouthed getting his balls well and truly blown off and won't progress any further.

and has far as the achievments go, how would say a 360 know if you 'got a life' ?

ohitefin:
It pisses me off because publishers wasted millions of dollars on this game when they could have spent that money on funding great games like Psychonauts,Braid etc.Games like Assassin's creed give me hope because it was a huge risk and it paid off. Hopefully publishers will learn a lesson from it.

Sadly given the way the gaming community is I doubt it. The one thing I don't understand about Duke Nukem Forever is why it was allowed to go along for over a decade. you would have think somebody on the money end of this would have said 'ok this isn't working' and puled the flipping plug.

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