Zero Punctuation: Duke Nukem Forever

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BEST REVIEW SO FAR

i seriously could not stop laughing the entire way though, of course, i knew it HAD to be gold, when i saw what you were reviewing :D

Broken Blade:
Such an epic masterpiece, and a game that Yahtzee actually likes! See, it only takes a decade to make a game that fits his incredible standards!

Another excellent one, Yahtzee. I was howling half the time.

Hmmm, I think the review is sarcastic actually

maximara:

icnfde:
Not going through 18 pages of posts so excuse me if this has been asked already, but why do people love to beat down on Duke Nukem Forever when Team Fortress 2 took 10 years to develop and everyone lashes it with praise? Seems a bit hypocritical to me when you bash one game for taking so long yet love another when it took just about the same time to develop (even 10 years is a large stretch).

Except for the fact that Team Fortress 2 never had the level of 'hey it's coming THIS year (for real)' nonsense Duke Nukem Forever got. Also one must remember that Team Fortress Classic was put out to tide the fans just a year after Team Fortress 2 was announced (with no target date I might add). Other than one rumor in 2003 Team Fortress 2 was basically in information limbo for six years while Duke Nukem Forever seemed to have had a rumor every bloody year from 2001 to the present.

check out the duke nukem forever list, regarding the timeline and development of the game. there's a passage at the end from an apparent former developer of the game, telling how badly run the organization was, and that the trailers were "100% cinematic, and not actual gameplay". and now the project is cancelled

Operations:

geldonyetich:

Imagine if you could go back in time and get hired by 3D Realms to work on Duke Nukem Forever? I could putz around inventing and reinventing a game for 10 years without having to worry about ever releasing because I know it's not meant to be.

You might have to shave off half your moustache though.

Cosplay Horatio:
I agree, lets forget about this game forever.

What game?

Um, I forgot...

DisturbiaWolf13:

Broken Blade:
Such an epic masterpiece, and a game that Yahtzee actually likes! See, it only takes a decade to make a game that fits his incredible standards!

Another excellent one, Yahtzee. I was howling half the time.

dear god i hope this guy is being sarcastic.

Yes, I was being sarcastic. I'm not stupid enough to believe that this was real.

I played the previous Duke Nukem on the PS1 and it was pretty good.

Awesome, although i haven't even seen it yet and my computer isn't working, but yeah it is a great video and i recommend it to everyone out there, wooo.....yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pobster:
Hmmm, I think the review is sarcastic actually

Yahtzee's review? Sarcastic? Impossible!

The review is ultimately win even by standards one would apply to Yahtzee's reviews - the Internet is over, go home everyone.

Lopunny:
wow, refreshed and there it was ^^ curse you yahtzee and your contribution to my procrasination of revising :P

Same:D I go on the pc to research William the Conqueror and end up watching yahtzee:P

hee hee very funny as always

wasn't expecting a joke review though....

Duke hiding in Stockholm, the swedish ghetto, with a russian name.
Made me laugh the hardest.
And also felt abit insulted for having my capital being called a ghetto...
Not much though, or for long.

Thank you Yahtzee. Thank you for giving the most truly awesome game of all time the review it deserves. It was certainly worth the wait.

hahaha classic. Actually thought he was being serious to start with. Think it was the acheivments part when it clicked (they were rather funny). Then thought that it took these guys (or monkeys) 12 years to get this far its hardly like they were gonna release it straight away

Well, if the gist is that 3DRealms can just stick it up their arses and fuck off while they're doing it, then I'm in full agreement.

Four hundred and fifteen seconds of complete sarcasm. Bliss.

Something I find amusing about Duke Nukem Forever's production time was since it was announced in 1997 there's been at least four other Duke Nukem games released (Time to Kill in 98, Zero Hour and the GBC Duke Nukem in 99, and Land of the Babes in 2000).

return of the blog!

In reply to "First" and its subsequent reactions.

In their strangling world of illusion created by their totally and completly all-encompesing Retardation, they feel a sense of accomplishment or Success from something such as this. After many hundreds of games in Warcraft III, Where the name of the Retard game is Last Word after the 1, in the 10 sec long, 5 sec countdown, which is then followed by the game itself providing ample opportunity to actually talk to them, i find that most of them have nothing better to do with their time, (these are the ones who you DON'T see commenting because they actually hav'a brain, they just enjoy burning time, but they read the Comment rules), and then total idiots who are frequently the kind of people that call themselves 1337 and think its hilarious to say Your Mom every SINGLE #$%&#$%&#@Q$%#@W (i couldn't think of a swear in the english language that would provide proper emphasis on this) sentence. Not to say that all people that call themselves 1337 do so without cause and are necessarily retards, i know a number of them who actually ARE elite and the 1337 stuff is just a private enterainment thing they put on to piss people off/disrupt the enemies focus in a FPS.
So in conclusion to this long and wandering paragraph, they get a cheap kick out of it that pleases their small, disfunctional, brains, if its not just a joke, since they have nothing better to do while waiting, to burn time. In my experience anyway.

-starts saving up for her Playstation 9001-

I don't doubt the Yahtzee doesn't read these, there IS 19 pages of post, but

Yahtzee, I says

Why don't you publish a script and design for a game? Or at the very least a decent attempt?

Then just sell it to some bozo to create it for you?

After all shouldn't games be made for gamers, BY gamers?

You know what gamers want better than bloody Capcom!

Noooot to say that's much of an achievement..

But I digress.

My point is, why not? Use your knowledge of what gamers DON'T want to make a game with what gamers DO want!

The best thing to happen to me since January 1st 2009.

Yahtzee's on the role. Again good as always.

well done

Tehpwnsauce:
Well I can safely say I was not expecting this.

Neither was I, but it made for a good review...if only Yahtzee had taken over the franchise, he seriously needs to start his own company, get himself some software and start making games that aren't flash-based.

AWESOME VIDEO!
I would post this on every video u ever made but im too lazy. So take my word for it! They are all awesome.

Much appreciation from germany

This game proves that miracles do happen and the world is not a totaly bleak hopeless sespool of humanity

It has given me hope...

Yeah it was good while it lasted

I love you so much for this...

I <3 yahtzee XD (and thats from a heterosexual lol)

I must in the black when did this (apparently) God like game come out and plz leave a responce cuz i would vary much like to know.

Despite your total lack of grammar or even coherent expression of thought, here is your response:

This review was what we in the in the know like to refer to as "tongue in cheek." In other words, it was a joke. Duke Nukem Forever is a game that does not exist. Yahtzee's sarcasm-laden review (brilliant as always) clues the viewer in on this several times, however, I feel the humor was lost on you. The review was more of a rant regarding the misappropriation of capital within the gaming industry, primarily with respect to untalented and unmotivated developers (in this case, 3D Realms).

It is my sincerest hope that learning has occurred or, at least, the light bulb flickered.

O.M.F.God!!!!!retarded people also adore Yahtzee....
For Satans sake how many extravaganzas will you have to see in this review to realize that Yahtguy is taking a piss.....
Next review Metal gear 5(The mafia Cronicles)

Lenoh:
Yahtzee, usually your reviews are witty and quite funny and actually mean something as to whether I should consider buying the game or not. But wasting 3 and a half minutes and a week's worth of review on a game everyone knows will never come out is a lot more lazy than anything 3DRealms did. Shame on you, Yahtzee.

It's remarkable how many people posted comments like this. I suppose your irony gland was starved of oxygen during birth. Of course, being British this simply means I assume you are American (and in addition will thoroughly enjoy your self-righteous indignation at this sweeping cultural generalisation).

ek599:
I saw the title and all i thought was "I thought this game didn't even come out yet..." And i realized, it didn't. Brilliant thoughts for reviewing a game still (possibly) in development.

3D Realms screwed their investors 1 year too long. 3D Realms is no longer running and so, the game has been canceled.

This inspired me, I am going to do that last achievement he mentioned.

Well, I can now safely say that Yahtzee has just alienated me as well. Well done you bile spewing dou#@$. ( I censored myself because I am paranoid of the moderators, damn you Big Broth

All hail the glorious moderators!

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