Zero Punctuation: Duke Nukem Forever

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Must... regain... ability to breathe... can't... urgh... laughing... too hard... *passes out with a smile on his face*

Yahtzee Croshaw:
Duke Nukem Forever

This week, Zero Punctuation reviews Duke Nukem Forever.

Watch Video

Oh you

I'm surprised Yahtzee didn't mention the epic scene, wherein you must form a techno-punk band to infiltrate the domain of the mole people and murder them all with your laser show.

I'm sorry about my comment last week ("Yahtzee is over the hill"), he has reversed and is firmly back behind it.

Riiiiiiight, that makes no sense.
The game should be like this...
Weird though, I was looking for a review of a real game...

Hungryfreak:
I'm surprised Yahtzee didn't mention the epic scene, wherein you must form a techno-punk band to infiltrate the domain of the mole people and murder them all with your laser show.

The 5 hour dancing scene should of got a mention too.

he got me.... no really i had my doubts but when he started pracing the game i was "really??? well perhaps i should buy it" i realized this was a Joke when he started saying something about the 12 dvds (wich is actually what the developpers should do because DAMN they are taking too long)

RedMenace:
Bah! I was expecting an actual review of an actual game this week. Quit slacking off Yahtzee. Do your job.

I couldn't agree more

Meh. Somewhat entertaining, not enough humor. He does have a point about people not caring about that game anymore.

AmrasCalmacil:
I'm very very confused.

Room for two?

I only breifly heard/read about Duke Nukem Forever and thought "Oh,that game" when I saw the video and only at the end with the whole "Duke Nukem is NOT released" did it actually even occur to me that the game was indeed unreleased(and persumingly,is not being?)

The best part in the game is when you use your teeth to shoot the dog Panzerschreck through the nazi mayonnaise factory of doom, destroying the red portal and ending the 3DR manes upon the world.

I had to read the title twice, but then I understood what he may try to do and I wasn't disappointed. I seriously laughed at the end with Jimi Hendrix under the sea. Fantastic 'review' and he did have a point about how the game was slightly overhyped and how people should finally forget about it, even though (as mentioned) they probably won't for a while.

Beldaros:

RedMenace:
Bah! I was expecting an actual review of an actual game this week. Quit slacking off Yahtzee. Do your job.

I couldn't agree more

Yeah but knowing Yahzee he would review some God awful game witch no one would buy anyway, Atlest we got to see him be awsom

Um O.o im confused.

Congratulations, Yahtzee, I actually had forgotten about Duke Nukem Forever until you posted this 'review'.

I seriously want them to release the game now, though. It'll be like a tetanus shot. Sure, the experience will be painful, but it's best to get it over with quickly and move on to something pleasant, like, say, candy.

wow, that was brilliant. best one yet i recon.

Wow that is hands down the best one yet. It is taking me a while to post this because of the tears in my eyes. Well done sir, well done!

I think I am still the only person who is sad that it didn't really come true. But that's nostalgia talking.

Great vid. Made me laugh ^_^

A hypothetical review. Masterful.

There really needs to be a documentary made about the insane development cycle that DNF went through. I mean it really is BAFFLING how A: This took so long to develop, and B: It was ALLOWED to take so long to develop! I guess the profits from Max Payne and Prey were enough to keep this abortion going, but you'd have to figure that the distributor after a while (or maybe after the 3rd engine change) would have given them an ultimatum and demanded something other than the occasional screen shot for display.

Let's not also forget the company's horrible history of actually COMPLETING games. If you take away games that they just PRODUCED and only looked at development as 3D Realms, they only released 2 games in an 11 year span. And let's not forget that their most "recent" release, Prey, had been in development for 11 years before they finally gave it to another studio to finish the job...

I'm waiting for the "3D Realms: Behind the Music" myself..

BHWAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!

Seriously, I thought Duke Nuke'm Forever was going to be mentioned in a review, I didn't expect it to get an entire video all to itself! Brillant work Yahtzee, although I'm having trouble with the achievement on getting 3 blonde kids from a beautiful girl. For starters, I lack any girl, beautiful or no, and I'm black haired, so at a genetic disadvantage. Would you recommend that I have genetic re-engineering done to make myself and my future offspring blonde? Anyway, whilst I wait for your reply, I've got a frozen bucket and a controller to see about.

its a joke review......did no one get that?

LAWL ppl are srrsly not getting the joke? .. 3D Realms went belly up .. read the news ppl ^_^

How should I put it... The idea itself is clever, but sometimes clever ideas just aren't as good when actually attempted.

I have no real insight into what 3DR have been up to during office hours, but even if they've been working hard all along they haven't worked smart. People get fired for less than that.

I wish stupidity was grounds for probation 'round here though...

AmrasCalmacil:
I'm very very confused.

You are not alone.

Pony-trekking under the sea. Ahhhh...

Under the sea! Under the sea!
There'll be no accusations. Just friendly crustaceans.
Under the seeeeaaaaaa!

Ben has finally gone mad.

Good.......good........

Wow... A four and-a-half minute verbal burn...
3D Realms will never recover.

yourbeliefs:

Let's not also forget the company's horrible history of actually COMPLETING games. If you take away games that they just PRODUCED and only looked at development as 3D Realms, they only released 2 games in an 11 year span. And let's not forget that their most "recent" release, Prey, had been in development for 11 years before they finally gave it to another studio to finish the job...

I'm waiting for the "3D Realms: Behind the Music" myself..

Quite so! Have 3D realms even developed ANY truly 3D games? At all? Not produced, of course, but make themselves, heh...?

If anything, Yahtzee's in theory review now makes me wonder why we can't have games that start as FPS' and end up with cooking mama sections for baking for the alien wedding....

Everyone else may like it, but I'm here to play the devil's advocate.

Yahtzee, usually your reviews are witty and quite funny and actually mean something as to whether I should consider buying the game or not. But wasting 3 and a half minutes and a week's worth of review on a game everyone knows will never come out is a lot more lazy than anything 3DRealms did. Shame on you, Yahtzee.

But I still did like the howler monkey reference. :P

How'd he play the game if it wasn't released OMGZ h4x0rz

the only game where the "Making of" dvd lasts longer than the play time itself....

ahhh humour is good :D

I knew I was in for a good show when I saw the title, but I expected him to openly lash it not review a fictional version XD Fantastic! The epic rant at the end was awesome. I too agree that it is not "targic"

Lawl'd hard. The random and outrageous implications of hypothetical gameplay were great.

That was impressive Yahtzee, you were able to review a game your imagination came up with! And get paid for it... :p

you still got it

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