Zero Punctuation: Duke Nukem Forever

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amara2021:
I love how his videos are almost as funny when watched without sound in class. I wonder what was up witht the dolpin race with hitler? Can't wait untill lunch to find out!!! This looks like it might be as good as the halo one.

So people other than me do this as well.

When I saw ZP:DNF, I immediately thought "this should be awesome."

i just wanna say, i would love yahtzee to review ratchet & clank going commando. just a thought.

anyways,this game is HORRIBLE. yahtzee is way off. the only good part is when you ride a pterodactyl to another planet breathing off of master chiefs air helmet,which you got in the same boss fight that ballimuzz mentioned. bad game. they should have stopped the project.

Find the smiliarities between this review and the Valkyria Chronicles reviews.

Well I thought it was pretty clever ...

When i saw the title I almost fainted then i realized it was a joke and laughed my ass of

Awesome. Simply awesome. I loved the undercurrent of complete and utter sarcasm throughout, despite the "OMFG DIS IS AWESUM" theme.

Godofgame67:
I've never played the duke. But this makes me want to. I should rent one this weekend.

Nice.

I'm actually quite curious as to what 3D Realms were DOING all that time. Were they seriously just ripping off their employers and pretending to work? What could possibly cause a game to take that long? Daikatana was a laughingstock at a mere third of the development time.

Leave it to good ole' mister yahtzee to put out an original review. At least he isn't a hypocrite and does somthing new.

Fucking Brilliant.

Duke Nukem Forever will be nothing but a massive disappointment after all these years anyway, people do need to just let it go.

Those who didn't get the joke the moment you saw the title are retarded.

3:00-3:15 - Most likely the fastest Yahtzee has ever talked.

*Stunned applause*

Dragonblade146:
Hahaha.
I see what he did there.
He reviewed it.
And its not even out.
Nice....
XD

Damnit! I was hoping it was out and I hadnt noticed. But I knew it couldnt be true becuase than all the worlds diseases would be cured, my life would be complete and the sun would shine all day every day. And life would be happy. Sadly, there was a Dick move 3d realms pulled where they are only releasing it for PSP and DS just so they would have SOMETHING...so it aint gonna be epic :(

when did Yahtzee obtain the power to review not existent games

I was honestly thrown off at the title... and even to the very end, I thought the jokes were just of his usual brand (i.e. talking about moving Duke with the shoulder buttons and what not). And my gullible ass still went to try and search up a real review for the game, thinking it actually came out in the last week or so when I wasn't paying attention (fed by the earliest rumors that 3D Realms closing was a publicity stunt). Epic fail on my part. @_@

Anyways, hilarious "review." Maybe he could do a retro review of Sonic Xtreme for SEGA Saturn (harr harr).

All of the that shit is believable too hehe..

Good Review but it just feels a bit lazy because so many games have come out in the past month or so. But who am I to complain it entertained me anyway.

On a similar note I wonder how many people per week are suspened on these threads...kinda makes you wonder.

Quote From Wikipedia-
On May 27th, 2009, Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw replaced his usual weekly video game review segment "Zero Punctuation" on the Escapist Magazine website with a fake review parodying the game's fictional release and hailing it as "worth every minute" of the twelve year production cycle.
-....
lool good work xP...

Being a Mac user I am so out of the game announcement loop at times that is not funny and so I though the impossible had happened. Needless to say I knew before the first minute was out Yahtzee was making fun of everybody's favorite example of game vaporware.

I will say he is right about who would care at this point. Given what has been done with the open source FPS Open Arena with mods I also have to agree with the issue of why had it taken so bloody long to produce a big pail of nothing (again).

Chipperz:
I have to say, I think this is the best ZP Review I've ever seen. Yahtzee, you still got it!

Is anyone else having problems with the mecha-unicorn king at the end of act two? Gamefaqs say to hold down both ear buttons and headbutt it, but that might just be on the Toaster version...

well what you have got to do on the potato version is wiggle your ears at it, so it gets distaracted by your masterful use of those things on the side of your head then go to you daughter who is surprisingly now topless, ram her into the dragons mouth as she was a useless idiot and while he is chomping her down, stamp repeatedly on his head until his skull explodes. then duke realises that she was centeral to the plot because she is some magical witch thingy-mabob and fish her out by hopping into his mouth and picking your nose.

seriously though, awesome joke review.

Triple G:

shMerker:

Triple G:
Sorry, but is the game really out or is it just a joke? I know, that this could be a really stupid question but I really want to believe that it is out, but give me just the truth.

There are no stupid questions, but there is such a thing as asking the wrong people. 8 seconds on Google would probably eliminate any ignorance you have on this subject.

I googled it and I got no understanable answer. Sorry that I had the folly to ask a question on a forum. *rolleyes*

Wishful thinking is not the same thing as curiosity. It didn't set off any alarm bells that no one else is talking about the release of a high profile game that has been in development for over a decade and recently became the subject of much press coverage because the development team shut down? I'm not criticizing you for asking, I'm flabbergasted at your credulity. It's downright dangerous to assume that you can get straightforward information from strangers just by asking when you can't apply Ockham's razor to figure out that it is more likely that a snarky reviewer who said he was joking is joking than that a game with no development team has been released to no fanfare.

To put it another way, did you think that this...

Official 3D Realms Website:
The release date of this game is "When it's done". Anything else, and we mean anything else is someone's speculation. There is no date. We don't know any date.

...and this...

Wikipedia:
...the future of the game remains unknown.

...were practical jokes?

To put it yet another way, I have a bridge in Brooklyn I'd like to sell you.

I heard that right leg + left leg + left leg + right ear unlocks a cutscene in which the Duke embarks on a small sidequest to help rebuild orphanages in various dessecrated countries around the world. Each disc has its own cutscene and tells its own part of the story. Be sure to watch all 14!

This made my week...

Especially seeing how many people thought the game still exists.

wow i would buy that game

WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOUR JOKING ABOUT IT BE OUT?! i was really looking forward to buying it.

Very nice review.

I always knew that Yahtzee was going to rip 3D Realms a new one for the severe mismanagement (or complete lack of magament) of the Duke Nukem franchaise.

Great review. I could have never guessed he'd choose this games.

EDIT: I *TOLD* everyone here on the forums that DNF would NEVER come out. I hate to tell you I told you so but... uhhhm... yeah....

do you like doctor who?

Wuh? Erm... no, I'm still not getting it.

Funny though.

hippykiller:
WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOUR JOKING ABOUT IT BE OUT?! i was really looking forward to buying it.

Well, the joke was based on the recent new that their cancelling it or something. It's not like I've read it or anything, but that's somewhat how it is.

So if you didn't know already I guess you'd be disappointed. Although frankly why expect any better?

OH NO MAN U JUST MAD THAT THE GAME HAD THAT BROWN N' GREY GRAPHIC SHIT IT WAS A FUKKIN MASTERPEICE JUST LIKE HALOOO SKRUB

From now on, I'll be disappointed by every game that doesn't involve racing Hitler on a dolphin and making ravioli on the moon.

Lopunny:
wow, refreshed and there it was ^^ curse you yahtzee and your contribution to my procrasination of revising :P

Anyone else slacking off like me Lopunny?

inu-kun:
Find the smiliarities between this review and the Valkyria Chronicles reviews.

*gasp* of course he must have played this, its what he gets paid for

Yahtzee is now officially the best game reviewer in the world for being able to do such an in-depth review on a game that doesn't exist.

I can't believe people actually bought this...

Anyway, very clever one Yahtzee. Can't wait for next week.

That was pretty good, oddly what made me start laughing loudly was the end bit that said 'He's not "that" hard to impress'

Ha!

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