Stolen Pixels #94: Crysis Demo, Part 3

Shamus' adventures with the bushes and trees of the Crysis demo come to a not-entirely-unexpected end.

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is it just me who can't see the comic, or is that the joke :P

edit: haha shamus :P

edit 2: you actually clicked shamus? damn, i just ctrl+alt+deleted that page :P

yeah I cant see it either. D:

edit: oh wait I get it (This is what happens: Nothing) :P

Technical problem, we're working on it. Sorry guys :)

Wait, I'm confused. Clever metaphor or technical problems?

This is so postmodern my head is hurting :/

We're really not that clever, honest. Mechanical issues. Please hold.

haha good one :P
"bushes and trees the game" WOULD have been so much better .

On a side note, does that REALLY happen? Just links you to a blank page only saying "Hello World"?

wow - just went to the site, and sure enough... Hello World.

Awesome, now that is pure genius. Someone just needs to set that site up to do a rickroll, and it'd be perfect.

Hrm - sarcasm overload, perhaps?

Good one, does it seriously just say "Hello World"?
I don't have the demo so I can't check your facts, Mr. Young.

Funny stuff.

I quite enjoyed the Demo, apparently its when Aliens show up in the game that it gets crap so maybe its for the best it ends there. but very funny still.

george144:
I quite enjoyed the Demo, apparently its when Aliens show up in the game that it gets crap so maybe its for the best it ends there. but very funny still.

Is that before or after the bit with the alien spaceship that everyone describes as amazing?

At the risk of partaking in an overused internet cliche:

Marketing FAIL.

Sparrow Tag:
On a side note, does that REALLY happen? Just links you to a blank page only saying "Hello World"?

http://buycrysis.ea.com
^ Link in the comic.

Surprisingly, it's true.

Gotta love punch lines that write themselves. Hopefully a return to Left 4 Dumb next week? Looking forward to more, either way. SP and Experienced Points are easily my favorite features on the Escapist.

I'm playing Crysis for the first time now, it's pretty good, i keep forgetting I'm not in Half Life 2 and can't run into a group of enemies and still take them all down. I ran into two enemies and they killed me, highly embarassing, now i just sneak past the idiots laughing at them them.

Or sneak into a group of seven, kill one, hide behind a rock, sneak away, watch them try and find me, throw a grenade, hide again, die laughing. Good times.

Lvl 64 Klutz:
Gotta love punch lines that write themselves. Hopefully a return to Left 4 Dumb next week? Looking forward to more, either way. SP and Experienced Points are easily my favorite features on the Escapist.

He said on his blog that he'd be returning to L4D after this.

Oh the joy of Crysis, but I don't like how you didn't make fun of the fact that you can run into the koreans and kill them.

bahahahahahahaha that was a good one

oh yeah and your character dosent die but your buddy that got grabbed does. those aliens always coming here to kill us all.

Shamus, i thought you were kidding when you showed that "Hello World" page, but it turned out to be true, lol! That's funny!

Wilcroft:

Sparrow Tag:
On a side note, does that REALLY happen? Just links you to a blank page only saying "Hello World"?

http://buycrysis.ea.com
^ Link in the comic.

Surprisingly, it's true.

Yeah, I didn't believe it but those are some good lulz.

You've gotta love EA's marketing department. So full of the joie de vivre, that they can't bring themselves to do anything but say hello to all the world.

Now, were I to write the marketing blurb for the back of the Crysis box:

"Crysis is the heartwarming story of the 43rd Company of the Army of the People's Republic of North Korea. Everyone expected these misfits to wash out of the Army because of their poor logical skills, tendency to die of heart attacks when swimming, stepping on loose branches or seeing Americans in high-tech armor, and inability to actually speak Korean. But Kim Jong-Il, in his infinite, Elton-John-sunglasses-wearing wisdom, has sent 43rd Company to a faraway island to help protect the Earth from extraterrestrial invasion and American imperialism. Only their bravery can defend the proletariat working hard for the betterment of all peoples!

Oh, and there's some aliens and shit in it too."

ben---neb:
I'm playing Crysis for the first time now, it's pretty good, i keep forgetting I'm not in Half Life 2 and can't run into a group of enemies and still take them all down. I ran into two enemies and they killed me, highly embarassing, now i just sneak past the idiots laughing at them them.

I get it, its a double 'them' because you sneaked past two guards. Genius.

Sparrow Tag:
On a side note, does that REALLY happen? Just links you to a blank page only saying "Hello World"?

Type in the URL the page shows. It does.

I even tried viewing the page source, on the off chance it was like that "H1Z1" page a while back, and a hacker of some form or fashion had been goofing off, and hadn't reached that yet.

Nope. Just six or so lines of HTML. Nothing interesting.

rofl I actually went to that page after seeing that, looks like EA wants to welcome you to the world, maybe a hint, that if you play a demo for Crysis you should get a life? Some may need to take that advice, if you need me I'll be out talking to beautiful women and other life-oriented things.

mentor07825:
Hello World. The first thing I learned to program was to create a message box that said "Hello World".

When I first learned HTML, i skipped that lesson, apparently it wasn't needed, I personally run my website now.(And I suck at alot HTML, cause i didn't go that far in the lessons, they started to reference Hitler alot.)

"Bushes and Trees and Water and Super powers and shooting and sand and crabs and chickens and explosions and boats and running fast and aliens and ice aliens and lasers and planes and dinosaurs turtles and koreans - The Game" would be my choice of a "bare bones" title but I guess that can't fit into one panel.

That, or Snakes on a Plane.

Maybe because Crysis is almost 2 years old.

The Rogue Wolf:
You've gotta love EA's marketing department. So full of the joie de vivre, that they can't bring themselves to do anything but say hello to all the world.

Now, were I to write the marketing blurb for the back of the Crysis box:

"Crysis is the heartwarming story of the 43rd Company of the Army of the People's Republic of North Korea. Everyone expected these misfits to wash out of the Army because of their poor logical skills, tendency to die of heart attacks when swimming, stepping on loose branches or seeing Americans in high-tech armor, and inability to actually speak Korean. But Kim Jong-Il, in his infinite, Elton-John-sunglasses-wearing wisdom, has sent 43rd Company to a faraway island to help protect the Earth from extraterrestrial invasion and American imperialism. Only their bravery can defend the proletariat working hard for the betterment of all peoples!

Oh, and there's some aliens and shit in it too."

Somebody give this guy a job!

Aaaaaaah! Run for your lives! The computers have become sentient and are greeting us, which will shortly be followed by mass amounts of death!

Aaaaaaaaah, I say, Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!

In the meantime, has anybody had a fun time playing Crysis?

new_age_reject:

The Rogue Wolf:
You've gotta love EA's marketing department. So full of the joie de vivre, that they can't bring themselves to do anything but say hello to all the world.

Now, were I to write the marketing blurb for the back of the Crysis box:

"Crysis is the heartwarming story of the 43rd Company of the Army of the People's Republic of North Korea. Everyone expected these misfits to wash out of the Army because of their poor logical skills, tendency to die of heart attacks when swimming, stepping on loose branches or seeing Americans in high-tech armor, and inability to actually speak Korean. But Kim Jong-Il, in his infinite, Elton-John-sunglasses-wearing wisdom, has sent 43rd Company to a faraway island to help protect the Earth from extraterrestrial invasion and American imperialism. Only their bravery can defend the proletariat working hard for the betterment of all peoples!

Oh, and there's some aliens and shit in it too."

Somebody give this guy a job!

My head exploded. It was weird. I felt it begin to go. I thought, "This has to be a joke." I checked as best I could. It's not. Some exec really did turn his homework in from the first day of any computing class ever as his marketing page for Crysis. Then it went BOOSH brains all over the place.

If you send this post into EA's hiring department I give it a 50% chance that some exec will be out of a job and The Rogue Wolf will have it.

Captain Blackout:

new_age_reject:

The Rogue Wolf:
You've gotta love EA's marketing department. So full of the joie de vivre, that they can't bring themselves to do anything but say hello to all the world.

Now, were I to write the marketing blurb for the back of the Crysis box:

"Crysis is the heartwarming story of the 43rd Company of the Army of the People's Republic of North Korea. Everyone expected these misfits to wash out of the Army because of their poor logical skills, tendency to die of heart attacks when swimming, stepping on loose branches or seeing Americans in high-tech armor, and inability to actually speak Korean. But Kim Jong-Il, in his infinite, Elton-John-sunglasses-wearing wisdom, has sent 43rd Company to a faraway island to help protect the Earth from extraterrestrial invasion and American imperialism. Only their bravery can defend the proletariat working hard for the betterment of all peoples!

Oh, and there's some aliens and shit in it too."

Somebody give this guy a job!

My head exploded. It was weird. I felt it begin to go. I thought, "This has to be a joke." I checked as best I could. It's not. Some exec really did turn his homework in from the first day of any computing class ever as his marketing page for Crysis. Then it went BOOSH brains all over the place.

If you send this post into EA's hiring department I give it a 50% chance that some exec will be out of a job and The Rogue Wolf will have it.

Let's face it, more like 90% chance.

Hahaha, I love the last panel. I mean the game did come out close to two years ago now, and that page is just for the demo so it's reasonable to expect that it'd be gone by now... but you'd think they'd at least put a redirect or something.