E3 Killjoy

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Shamus Young:
Yes, everyone wants to be a Jedi.

Everyone is not going to want to be a Jedi; everyone is going to want to be a female Twi'lek.

Female Twi'lek is the new female Night Elf.

Damn! Ninja'd!

But remember, they can be a JEDI Female Twi'lek. Thats what I was planning :P

Obviously you have never heard of HK-47, a droid that killed Jedi with ease, bounty hunters were good as well. Boy are you a pessemist!

Saying an MMO is going to suck isn't exactly a hard call to make. When 9 outta 10 don't make it past a year on release, it isn't hard to point a finger and call out new ones.

I will give it a chance though considering Bioware has made so many excellent games. Star Wars doesn't fit as an MMO but I have always enjoyed the way SW Battlefront worked something like that on a larger scale would be neat.

Wohoo! Another battlefront fan. I always thought mentioning it on the internet was a death wish. Dont ask why. :P

Strange, I was under the impression that Tales of Monkey Island would indeed be a new game/episodic series in ADDITION to the HD makeover for the original game. In part because Tales was announced for the PC and Wii while the HD makeover was PC and PS360.


Really? Because I want to be a Bounty Hunter, actually. But, that's just me, I guess. Unless you actually go to the forums where people are loving the idea of playing a Smuggler, BH, or trooper.

I feel the need to point out that the vast majority of people who play MMOs do not frequent said games forums. For every one person on the forums, theres 10+ who dont go...and thats prolly bein way too generous in the forum goers favor. Plus, if it really were indicative of all the people who would be playin ToR then the game would bomb horrendously because it wouldn't have the amount of subscribers needed to maintain an MMO.


This isn't based on the movies. Why are you bringing that up? It takes place about 5,000 years before the movies. Anything goes, right? Which is why it's such a fantastic setting that Bioware carved for themselves with KOTOR.

The movies are the most recognized part of the Star Wars franchise. Yes this game is based off of KOTOR, but there wouldn't be a KOTOR without the movies. Most people who played the game watched the movies, people identify with the movie more than they do with the KOTOR games. People will buy this game simply because its a chance to play in the Star Wars universe, even if its not the one they're entirely familiar with.

Your bias is astoundin' and incredibly annoyin' I might add. You talk about misinformation but bring no information to counter said information except anecdotal evidence and conjecture (the same kind of conjecture you yourself condemn). Then again, I'd read it again simply because its hilarious how you sound so indignant that someone speaks against your new favorite future game.

On topic though, I agree with most of everythin you said Shamus. ToR is the one game I'm keepin my eye on the most. Bioware makes excellent games, sure...but they've almost never been balanced, usually borderin' on the line of so imbalanced that it looks like it was meant to be unbalanced. Such imbalances can be forgiven in a single player game like KOTOR, but in an MMO such imbalances will be pointed out, will be criticized, and it will cause problems for a new MMO (WoW only gets away with it due to lack of options as well as brand recognition).

One thing Shamus - You start to adapt something I call "yahtzee-isms" - aggressive writing with a pinch of irony (my impression though). Its bad, in my view since the headlines goes that the games wont be any good, while 3 out of 4 you said have a chance to succeed. Or am I just tired and read it completely wrong? I especially notice it when I compare your older articles, which where more price to its point, in what I call "your style". Now, it seems like im reading someone elses work.

I completely agree with you about the curse of Molyneux!
Why can't he just make a whole game good?

Yeah, I got hyped about pretty much everything, but looking at the games I already own I really can't expect anything that can thoroughly satisfy me.
Seriously in every game i played with my 360 there always is something wrong.
Oblivion, fallout: no real endig after countless hours of gaming (what, can't Bethesda make a ending somewhat more rewarding than what they did?)
Assassin's Creed: talking about no ending at all... and what is all that animus crap? What? It was not realistic just play some assassin from the 13th century, but it's more realistic to play someone in the future who play someone in the past. And those neverending dialogues! Aaargh!
Battlefield bad company: really awesome multiplayer, but shitty single player.
Left 4 dead: way, way, way too short and repetitive.
GTA4: that game is awful. They took only the bad side of realism, taking out any fun.
Bioshock: funny only for the first hour, then it gets utterly repetitive.
Gears of war 2: I hated the multiplayer part in this game, I spent hours "waiting"(yeah!) to play, and when I get to it, it's full of people who can't just group up and shot.
Burnout Paradise: it's almost impossibile to drive and not crash in every car, invisible wall along any road. They made this funny game so frustrating.
PGR4: the paradigma of this game is: you can't win high medals until you play through the game buy new cars and play again.

And so on...
And these are the best game everyone is so hyped about. Can't people see all that's wrong in them?
So how many possibilities are there that the future is not looking so good as it seems?

So, Shamus... Plug yourself enough with that article? Something like 90% of all the links you had were to other stuff you said and a good 50% on your website. Generally speaking, when people want to back up their opinions, they refer to the opinions of other people, or articles written by credible, mostly non-biased sources.

I guess it's fine as a rant, but as usual I didn't agree with it. Or rather, I didn't agree with the way it was presented, and your arguments didn't convince me. Saying everything is going to suck is definitely the "safe" opinion. If you're wrong nobody cares 'cause they're off playing the game, if you're right you get to gloat.

I hate to bring it up, but implying that Halo has one of the most ridiculous plots in a video game? Pretty hard failure, right there. Remember Custer's Revenge? What about Gotcha Force? Tekken 5? Onimusha 3? Pokemon? Strider 2? Gunstar Super Heroes? I can keep going.

The swotor part was brilliant. At first I thought 'well, it cant be that bad', but I quickly realized that there can be no other possible outcome. I like bioware games a lot, but I dont know if that swotor thing is a really good idea.

But I've one idea how to handle swotor: After release wait one or two weeks. Go to the official forums and check out if there is any class that fares well against jedi/sith in pvp. If there is:
Get the game, pick that class. Kill as many jedi/sith as possible before bioware nerfs your class due to millions of whining jedi/sith. Quit.
wait for free trial.

The problem with the Star War's MMO is one shared by all of them; as they said in The Incredibles, "When everyone's special, no one is". A powerful hero or villian simply doesn't stand out when the entire world is populated with them.

With one exception: role-players stand out. Even those that may not be good at it, but still try. Bioware did make one MMO - or it was a close cousin to the MMO - that worked: Neverwinter Nights. Where we had the option and ability to serve up our own worlds, and most importantly, administrate them. On the two servers where I worked for the six years doing builds and coding, we rewarded the RPer's with better gear, access to unique and specials builds, and heavy involvement in the plots that really moved and shook the world.

The fact that we provided all this for free was the icing on the cake.

Which points at what I think is the root cause for failure of the MMO - lack of admin/DM/GM participation coupled with no system of adjucating and rewarding roleplay. You could reward players with good twitch skills, but that's already taken care of by success in combat. You simply can't setup a Persistant World, plunk down quest-giving NPC's and monsters, and then ignore it. (I suppose you CAN, but it's not a game or world I'd be playing in).

Guess I'm a Peter Molyneux fan and didn't know it. I loved Populous, and Dungeon Keeper is still one of the greatest games ever developed, IMO. Can't say I liked Fable, tho'.

SW:TOR needs two things to make it full of awesome.

1) Only Jedi classes. Forget trying to balance classes like Morally Ambiguous Smuggler and Short-Order Cook against the radi-coolness of Jedi; it can't be done. Just give us Jedi classes, and a City of Heroes-inspired power level in which you can plow through groups of 4-6 normal enemies with ease. Please, don't demean my Jedi Guardian by making him an even match for a level 2 Hoth Snow Bunny.

2) A text filter, a la the Alliance-Horde language barrier but in reverse. If another player were to type "wtf u nub LRN 2 PLY OR GTFO!!!!!!!" I would instead see "Young padawan, I sense you are struggling with your connection to the Force. May I suggest more study with your master?" It should also apply to names, so your character named "i.like.b00b13z" instead appears with a sensible, non-fourth-wall-breaking moniker like "Elan Sleazebaggano."

If I could be a mandalorian bounty hunter I'd choose that well before I chose to be a jedi.

Shamus i think you are missing the whole point of KOTOR it's a jedi WAR and I'm sure that soldiers can deal with jedi with no armor against blasters.

Don't agree with the Star Wars MMO, but people have that covered very well.

Heavy Rain looks like a game you'd play a bit every once in a while. If the story is engaging you'll play through it in one sitting and be done with it for a long, long time.

Accurate with Milo. Why is this thing even being made? There's no real game play to be had at all.

Yeah, it seems like nobody is hyped by a game that still doesn't even exist, and everyone is so sure of how great it will certainly be.
Don't let previous experiences get in your way!

As someone already said, Tales of Monkey Island is not a remake, it's something new. The remake is called "The secret of Monkey Island: Special Edition".

I believe "Tales of Monkey Island" is going to be an original episodic game much like the new Sam and Max, but they are also remaking the classic "Secret of Monkey Island" as well. Either way, I'm stoked to play both. :)

I can't wait till Monkey Island comes out (both of them). I've been wondering about TOR myself, so far - it's on my list of Future MMO's to buy (Along with FFXIV and "Blizzard MMO 2"). I'll give them the benefit of the doubt for now.

The rest of the listed games, I didn't even care for. Not one bit.

That was probably the most self-referential article I've read. Was it all a joke or were you actually trying to let people know about that stuff.

plus there's that whole business about how Bioware's making the game highly story-oriented. Probably the only time you'd be grinding for XP with immature-types is because you actively sought it out.

And I'm sure it will have flying pencils who shoot laser beams and candy out of it's ass and be so great it's mistaken for the seconded coming of The Great Prophet Zarquon.

This is where you really take a turn for the worst. Can't anybody be clever enough to not make a WoW reference? This is going to be a heavy story-based game with NPC companions and so far no word on quests, XP, or anything of the like. So why the conjecture? Why try and doom a game before it even has a chance to announce its content? How can progress be made with people like you screaming "WoW" at the top of their lungs anytime somebody makes an online game?

What's even more annoying is people complaining when people reference WoW. When some one says "oh, it's like X in WoW but..." over 11 million people alreadyhave a vague idea of what they're talking about so they don't need to explain so heavily. At least twice that number also have that vague idea, probably a bit hazier, because people know about WoW even when they haven't played it. No word of "XP, quests, or anything of the like", so what is it a big empty space? Second-Life? To have a game you have to have game elements.

" it takes a special sort of marketing imbecile to adopt a pretend internet language invented by illiterate rugrats"

Are you always this bitter or did you just run out of coffee?

I'm pretty much 100% on with this article.

But mostly because it was funny. It doesn't take a genius to say that things are gonna lick your balls they suck so bad. MOST things do; Sturgeon's Law and all that.

That said; this is a good antidote to the hype.

Well, at least Golden Sun 3 will be awesome...

But it's on DS...

So I can't have it...

Damn you E3!

The problem I have with the post is that he presents a buzzkill or these games suck because (insert mostly unfounded, really has no idea remark here.)

If Shamus would present his case in a thought provoking debate form he would come across less of an ass. Or he could give some ideas on how to resolve stated issues. Really anything but a I hate things that are not fully developed nor completely announced so they might have a resolution post.

It's an MMO. Correction, it's an online game. What do you want? Actually, I really don't see "retards" in LOTRO to often at all, so I think you're just making shit up again. You could always join a clan of non-retards though, right?

Exactly what I plan on doing, if I decide to pick this game up. I plan to find a reasonably well-coordinated clan, and train up one of the Non-Force classes. Preferably the Republic Trooper, just because I have a strong affinity for a normal guy standing up to unbelievably powerful forces with nothing more than intense training, a big gun, and a lot of guts behind it. Then, I go and coordinate with my clan buddies, and we slaughter those idiot Sith through superior coordination, good tactics, and lots of firepower.

I'll probably have a Jedi/Sith character for the sake of seeing the classes, but really, I'll be in it for making those freaks cry.

Since when did a Star Wars game turning out to be crap become news worthy of discussion? They've been flogging the grease spot where a dead horse used to be for years, and will continue to do so as long as people keep producing their wallets.
Its about time game developers stopped watching Star Wars, Matrix, and Event Horizon over and over again, and, ooh, I dont know, READ A BLOODY BOOK. Instead of yet another game set in that shallow insipid world of glowy dildos and social/technological stagnation we could have a sci-fi game set around Ian M Bank's Culture novels (he likes games, I bet he'd be up for it), or a good old fashioned Philip K Dick freak out.

Well, at least this gives me an excuse not to buy any games for the next year or two.

Edit: not trying to highjack the thread.
Great read.

Wasn't this article called "E3 Killjoy"? It seems to me that the whole aim of it was a comical deflating of over-inflated expectations of the games seen at E3. Of course, there's that old saying about jokes that you have to explain, so there you go.
It amused me, for whatever that goes for.


plus there's that whole business about how Bioware's making the game highly story-oriented. Probably the only time you'd be grinding for XP with immature-types is because you actively sought it out.

And I'm sure it will have flying pencils who shoot laser beams and candy out of it's ass and be so great it's mistaken for the seconded coming of The Great Prophet Zarquon.

I'm not entirely sure what you were trying to do there. Maybe you assumed that my statement was implying that the game was going to be utterly and unequivocally awesome? I was just pointing out something the developers are making efforts to do.

Well, at least Golden Sun 3 will be awesome...

But it's on DS...

So I can't have it...

Damn you E3!

Yeah, really looking forward to Golden Sun 3. Though hoping that at least one of the antagonists from Golden Sun 1 and 2 makes a return.

I have a few problems with this article, Mr Young.

First of all, your plugs are utterly shameless, Shamus. You've linked to your own personal website at least six times in this article. I understand that supporting yourself as a writer makes sense, but link after link to different articles written by you is hardly a show of objectivity, not that I expect that to be your actual aim here. You write as an advocate and provocateur, and that is what makes what you have to say interesting. It is still not encouraging or convincing to do this so overtly. If you must be shameless, be prepared to point out that you are shameless and laugh about it. A reader will then feel like you respect them enough to not try subliminal messages to get them to read more of your stuff.

Second, and this also brings your accuracy into question: your support of a Telltale game is obviously slanted by your design of a Telltale comic. If you already think something's awesome, and have thought so for twenty years, with your fandom going to the point of designing something in its image, then you're only going to expect the best from the same developer. Developers do not live up to such expectations consistently, no matter how independent, dependant, small-time or big-time they are there are possibilities for huge screw ups with each game, even future remakes. You may end up right on this series, but you are gambling with your word here.

Third, you could try not messing up the italics tags in the self-description line at the end, especially when you've come up with such a killer last line. I suspect you'd want HTML there, not forum code a la Invisionfree.

Fourth, you go on to say several games that will probably be good. That wasn't a wise choice, as they make your list of examples of games that will probably be bad somewhat irrelevant.

These things don't stop the piece from being a good article. As I said, it's provocative and there are definitely some shades of truth and noble advocacy in there. Just be careful not to screw up the illusion that you totally side with your own argument in all these ways. Or better yet, consider both sides of an argument rather than siding with one you don't truly agree with.

Be real with us. We can think back.

As for as I understand, the Monkey Island remake is done by Lucasarts, Telltale will make an original Monkey Island episodic game.

I also have to disagree on Heavy Rain - Fahrenheit was an atmospheric and utterly immersive game that fell flat in the last third. This is already more then I can say about most other games out there so I'm inclined to give them the benefit of the doubt, especially since they seem to realize what the did there wasn't the wisest move.

And while you can of course blame Peter Molyneux for ramping up expectations sky-high and then failing to deliver on his promises, his games are still fun and the gravest annoyances about them isn't that they are truly bad but there is massive wasted potential. So while I don't look forward to the masterpiece of video games that will revolutionize the market forever, I still look forward to a potentially fun game.

On the other hand I agree that Thiaf died with Looking Glass and inserting faux leetspeak into the title doesn't serve to contradict that image. And Old Republic will be yet another MMO, nuff said. The one thing that made KotoR such a good game was story and atmosphere and the one thing that can ruin atmosphere faster then anything else is a largely retarded and illiterate community.

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