206: My Big Fat Geek Marriage

My Big Fat Geek Marriage

Maintaining a happy marriage requires plenty of time, energy and emotional dexterity. But Lara Crigger has found that a shared love of videogames doesn't hurt, either.

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This just made me sick to my stomach with envy...
I don't think I will ever find a gaming girlfriend, let alone wife.

What's wrong with drinking milk from the carton?? :)

I think you're right on the money about needing to share inside jokes with your partner, whether they're geek chic or not. There's something about that mutual intimacy that acts like relationship glue. What's better is watching them awkwardly try to explain your inside joke to someone else... BLANK STARES ALL AROUND.

Gaming is a treasure trove of references that a non-gamer simply won't get, so you're lucky that you get to start with such a large toolkit of options.

Nice story

Great article! I have always found that my problem when it comes to relationships is that I am usually so charismatic that most girls assume that I am the jock type (working out and running I guess adds to the illusion). Nothing could be further from the truth. Sports and the whole sports loving culture as a whole bores me. I am a gamer, both video game and table top. Trying to find a girl who is hot and loves my interests has been nigh impossible. The best I thought I could do was find someone who grudgingly accepts that side of me. You've bolstered my moral and I am determined to find my barbarian queen in chain mail with a +2 great sword X-D

salbarragan:
Great article! I have always found that my problem when it comes to relationships is that I am usually so charismatic that most girls assume that I am the jock type (working out and running I guess adds to the illusion). Nothing could be further from the truth. Sports and the whole sports loving culture as a whole bores me. I am a gamer, both video game and table top. Trying to find a girl who is hot and loves my interests has been nigh impossible. The best I thought I could do was find someone who grudgingly accepts that side of me. You've bolstered my moral and I am determined to find my barbarian queen in chain mail with a +2 great sword X-D

Indeed, the problem is that the sex ratio in geeks / gamers is so skewed. Don't know what it is exactly but it probably is around 15 to 1 M / F.

Just read this and my big fat geek wedding together, they were both wonderful articles and I could not stop grinning, might of been a bit teary at some parts too..

I agree that is the best part of a relationship, all the little quirky things you enjoy together, that nobody else even understands.

Beautiful story.

Having common interests with your partner is always a good thing because it means that you can both enjoy and participate in the same activities rather than having to exclude them.

With games becoming more and more common and available it seems inevitable that cupples can play and enjoy games together, the same way alot of people will sit together and watch TV or DVDs.

If anything ANY fun activity that can be done together is better than doing something apart because you can then help each other out and talk about (like MMOs).

Obviously its not all down to a common interest in games, but personality. Alot of people today are very selfish and a relationship is more about having someone (anyone) available for consistant sex and one sided emotional gratification rather than togetherness and sharing fun activities, and like your granddad saying that he can't stay mad; relationships require alot of patience and understanding from both parties to work out well in the long run.

EDIT: Btw, I am due to marry my long term gf who plays WoW with me and we geek out over a whole bunch of things :D

A very familiar story.
I too married my college sweetheart and she too is a gamer and yes that fact has helped our relationship.

Besides the references (we both still imitate San Andreas' Denise when one of us gets hungry and follow it up with a 'Fo Sho') it's good to have a fun activity that you both can do together or enjoy watching: though I can't play a horror game around her without her scaring me with her screams when we hear the slightest groan of a zombie.

It's also good because (lets face it) sometimes we get games that are more addictive than crack and at those times my wife nor I give each other trouble about it because we each have our games that we get addicted to. Sometimes it's the same game: Sims, Fallout, San Andreas the list can get long. After seeing a marriage fail because of a one sided game addiction, it's good to know I found someone I wont piss off with my own.

the search for the perfect girl continues. . .

dochmbi:
Indeed, the problem is that the sex ratio in geeks / gamers is so skewed. Don't know what it is exactly but it probably is around 15 to 1 M / F.

Don't be so sure. Yeah, if you go to a fighting game tournament you'll get that kind of ratio, but if you mean gaming in the wider sense it's pretty close to 50/50 amongst graduates. I've run roleplaying games where there have been more female players than male. I've had group conversations about games like FF-VII, Monkey Island and Pathologic where I've been the only male in the room.

But here's the thing: whilst girls are indeed keen gamers, the fact that some guy is also a gamer will not transform him from a dimwitted, sweaty guy with no social skills in a worn out tracksuit into someone they want to date. Girls, like blokes, mostly want to date clever, witty, nice-looking people who take regular showers. If they're gamers too, that's just a bonus!

Thanks for all the comments. Didn't mean to make anyone ill, though.

salbarragan:
I am determined to find my barbarian queen in chain mail with a +2 great sword X-D

That might be your first mistake. All the barbarian queens I've ever met turn out to be male in real life. :)

Ahhh, the search to find a One True Gamer. Good to know there's lots of hope.

Lara Crigger:
Thanks for all the comments. Didn't mean to make anyone ill, though.

salbarragan:
I am determined to find my barbarian queen in chain mail with a +2 great sword X-D

That might be your first mistake. All the barbarian queens I've ever met turn out to be male in real life. :)

And the +2 Great Sword is just a metaphor...

When reading this article, one of the things that spring to my mind is the saying: "opposites attract". I've frequently found myself taking this for fact even though I know that 2 individuals that are completely different usually don't date.

The reason for the saying, I suppose, is because 2 people very alike would bore each other. They would never stimulate the other. They would never bring something new and exciting to the relationship.

How does this relate to this article? For once, the couple here sounds very much alike and, according to my very unscientific statement, would have a somewhat stalemate relationship. Yet, reading this gives me anything but this feeling.

What's the whole point of my post? Well, I'm a bit torn in the 2 views on relationship I just presented. Should I look for someone who is very different from me or should I look for someone I can laugh with and whose company I enjoy? My guess is that it's a mix between those 2, but is it a 50/50 spread? Perhaps 10/90? I don't know. Am I just theory crafting too much? Probably.

A wonderful article. I went straight over to hug my partner after reading it. I was awash with a tremendous sense of welbeing and general internal gooeyness.

It is the unique language that binds two people together. I love how we laugh every day, have invented words and tonnes of in jokes that make me look stupid if used in public. You don't need common interests, you just need to click and have chemistry.

Apart from a love of crap horror movies and being silly I'm very different to my partner. She is an ex model whos always been super trendy and at the height of fashion, she went to all of the trendiest hang outs most people can't get in to. I am a rock kid into hardcore, going to gigs and metal venues playing videogames and an MMA freak.

If we didn't work for the same agency and end up in the same training courses our paths would never have crossed. We went to different places, lived in different towns and mixed with different people.

We couldn't stop giggling when we met, to the point where the trainer threatened to split us up. She joked we would get married at training. 6 months later we were boyfriend/girlfriend and she does'nt yet know I'll propose later this year.

I think its great you have common interests but I think the bond and the fact you "get each other" is the more important thing. You need to laugh together.

Your grandfather is a wise, wise man. It's not about "types", find someone who keeps you laughing. The fact my girl is hot doesn't hurt either.

+ rep. Good article.

My missus plays Spyro with me, but I don't think we'll ever go raiding. Lucky buggers...

My fiancee and I have been dating since highschool and i have to say that laughter is the reason we are still together. He always knows how to make me smile even when I'm trying to beat him to death with a game controler.
I think it's our six year aniversary this year... but he remembers these things not me.
Also, i totaly understand the geek speak thing. I doubt anyone could decipher the conversations me and mine have at home.

Theissen:

Lara Crigger:
Thanks for all the comments. Didn't mean to make anyone ill, though.

salbarragan:
I am determined to find my barbarian queen in chain mail with a +2 great sword X-D

That might be your first mistake. All the barbarian queens I've ever met turn out to be male in real life. :)

And the +2 Great Sword is just a metaphor...

LOL! I set myself up for that one so I have no one to blame for it but me.

This is prof that there is still hope for the world.

Its has been a long time from when I last read/heard any thing from marriage that was more inocent, inspiring and true.

Lara, I wish you many happy years ahead.

Lara Crigger:
Thanks for all the comments. Didn't mean to make anyone ill, though.

salbarragan:
I am determined to find my barbarian queen in chain mail with a +2 great sword X-D

That might be your first mistake. All the barbarian queens I've ever met turn out to be male in real life. :)

These posts inspire me to do this:


Where have all
image
the Cowboys gone

Hopefully someone can turn that into a flash animation with some Paula Cole playing in the background for the ladies.

Hermes Conrad and La Barbara dint stay happy in the entire series, La Barbara left Hermes in Benders big score for a younger more muscular man about 1 hour after Hermes got his head separated from his body.

sorry for taking your one happy imaginary marriage away.

I may consider myself also as one of the lucky guys that is allowed to marry a girl that does game soon (actually, August). Took quite some time to find her, but if you get home and she throws the controller at me, saying "you go on playing right now, dinner takes some time" is actually priceless.

But the article is very much on spot when it comes to communication and respect. From what I found is that what took me so long to find a wife was to find somebody that I can make happy and vice versa without putting specific effort into.
That said, I sort of have to disagree that "staying together" is "hard work", or I am even more lucky to have found someone where there is no work at all and it just goes along perfectly with a lot of laughs.

(...and if she says that there will be cake on the weekend, it is not a lie! imagine that!)

This piece was lovely. I especially liked the idea of marriage as the creation of a small culture.

swaki:
Hermes Conrad and La Barbara dint stay happy in the entire series, La Barbara left Hermes in Benders big score for a younger more muscular man about 1 hour after Hermes got his head separated from his body.

sorry for taking your one happy imaginary marriage away.

True... But they did remain happily married throughout the run of the *original* series. Okay, yeah, I know it's kind of a stretch. Which only underscores my original point: Happy marriages are hard to come by in sci-fi/fantasy stories. :)

Plus, they did end off the movie back together and happy once more.

Lara Crigger:
Thanks for all the comments. Didn't mean to make anyone ill, though.

salbarragan:
I am determined to find my barbarian queen in chain mail with a +2 great sword X-D

That might be your first mistake. All the barbarian queens I've ever met turn out to be male in real life. :)

You obviously haven't visited the Aiel Wastes (Wheel of Time) or the Harad (LotR). :)

This is a great story. I'm usually not a fan of the people who get published in the Escapist by writing a story about their personal lives. This, however, had a point to it. It gave us a nice peek into the lives of a married couple as well as some insight as to how marriage works. The fireside chats with Grandpa were executed brilliantly as well; I could practically see Grandpa's wrinkled face, his wispy white hair.

Brilliantly done and one of the best reads I've had in a long time. I eagerly await your next contribution to the Escapist.

Nice article. Thought provoking.

Allow me to be verrrry late to the party and add my kudos as I catch up on my reading backlog. Wonderful article. My wife is not a gamer, but we absolutely have begun to form our own language over the last 4 years, and laughter does indeed tend to be the indicator when we get it right.

awww monkey island quotes... lol

Daw... peggle references, *runs off to fire up Steam*

Sometimes articles like this feel like wearing a pillowcase and looking up at a fat, wealthy man in his gold plated zeppelin, adjusting his monocle and guffawing mightily as he looks down on me, as I meanwhile scrape the meat from the bones of a fish I found in a ditch three days prior. And he's feeding the zeppelin's engine with salisbury steaks and large banknotes. And he's shooting darts at me. Darts dipped in AIDS.

What I'm saying is, WHY DUN GRRLZ LYKE ME.

Marriage isn't just a partnership, but an act of creation, with laughter as its crowning achievement.

Moment of zen right here

Lara Crigger:
My Big Fat Geek Marriage

Maintaining a happy marriage requires plenty of time, energy and emotional dexterity. But Lara Crigger has found that a shared love of videogames doesn't hurt, either.

Read Full Article

Bah, and where exactly does one find a female geek? I understand from rumour etc that they exist but unfortunately I've never met one.
*sigh* I think all you have achieved here is making every geek reading the article tremendously envious.

After reading this article, I think I'll give into my girlfriend's constant requests that I watch her play Skyward Sword now. :)

This was a great read.

 

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