Escape to the Movies: Transformers Revenge

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WHY DIDNT I SEE THIS B4 YESTERDAY!!! I COULD HAVE SAVED $20~~~~!!!!

it wasnt an awful thing to sit through but it was highly predicable and barely amusing... michael bay u say? ill make sure never to see anything else he does.

Yes, the humor was ridiculous, Devastator's balls were unnecesary, the twins and wheelie were immature, and the army guys start hogging the camera towards the end. But you know what? None of that matters because JETFIRE IS FUCKING AWESOME! Big alien robot that looks and acts like a grumpy old Englishman? Hell yeah! I don't care what he was like in G1, but then, I'm not a G1 fanboy anyway, so I wouldn't know. Hell, it's not like G1 is godly perfection or anything.

And please Bob, don't try to hide the fact that this really is just fanboy rage. Come on, were you really expecting perfect replicas of the G1 models to appear in live-action? Not every movie is Watchmen you know, but then Watchmen was awesome because it was awesome, not because it followed the source material perfectly. You said it yourself; such guarantees nothing! Besides, I noticed they made some effort to make Megatron look a little more like his G1 self, giving him a distinct helmet and whatnot. That and Starscream going behind his back to claim leadership over the Decepticons, complete with squeaky, backstabbing voice. And yes, the Decepticon hideout and the Fallen looked like something out of Aliens. BIG FUCKING DEAL! Care to complain about the T-X making a guest appearance while you're at it?

Don't get me wrong, I didn't think this movie was perfect either, but it certainly wasn't the disaster you seem to think it is. But if it helps any, even Shia himself realises how much of a douche he comes across as.

sneakypenguin:
I never understood the rage against human characters in transformers.

Simple.

Look at the name of the film. Transformers.

Now...unless the meatbags can turn into something else, get the FUCK out of the film! We do not need to see another smattering of angst and breasts all over things that were originally a KID'S TOY.

FFS

Transformers is a story about an alien robotic civil war, not about the Army, Growing Up and Fox Cleavage.

Want emotion? LOOK AT THE ROBOTS AND GIVE THEM EMOTION. GIVE THE MAIN CHARACTERS OF THE MOVIE A REASON TO LIKE/DIFFERENTIATE THEM. THAT'S HOW TOMB RAIDER FAILED.

This does not mean the Jar-Jar Binks Twins.

Seriously, just put all the 80's nostalgia back and we promise to shut up about it forever, but cut the necrocopromancy.

Eldritch Warlord:

Same, I don't know why these people can't be entertained by visually impressive and awesome sounding robots and explosions.

I used to be, but then I learned to walk.

I've got to say that I find critics anger over a summer fluff film hilarious.
And that goes for any besides Moviebob.

Come on, movie bob. Don't walk in here, tell me that the first Transformers was the worst movie of the century (Bullshit, by the way), and rant near-endlessly about your hate for the new film, and tell us it's not a fanboy thing. If you walk into any summer film, any one, and expect Oscar winning material with true-to-source script writing, then you're in the wrong business.

Who honestly expects a movie like Transformers (1 or 2), or The Transporter (Any of them), or any summer action fun flick to be good? With great acting? And a good story?

Die hard, The Transporter, Terminator, Transformers, and movies like that all have terrible stories, with terrible acting. But you know why they are good? Because it's good guys kicking the shit out of bad guys. With explosions, bullets, and a tack-on love scene with a good looking girl. Who cares if her personality is that of a soiled bed-sheet in a motel 6? That's not the point of the film!

I loved the Transporter, as an example. Jason Statham kicks the shit out of guys for the entire movie. The acting was so very very bad (Especially the female lead), and the story was laughably awful, but who cares? Jason beat the shit out of guys! Wearing bicycle pedals! On grease! And in a bus! So I love the film. Not because I was moved or engaged, but because it fills a need for ass-kickery that most 'Oscar worthy' film don't even touch.

Don't get me wrong, however, I think Micheal bay is about as creative as a brick in a coma.
But Bob, flat out: You missed the point. You took a summer fluff film, that no-one expects to be this amazingly written piece of cinema, and nitpicked because you hate the director, and you hate the fact that it isn't 'true to source'. The robots have emotions and such? Who cares? I want to see robots blow shit up, not discuss their feelings. I get 'feeling' talk from the movies my wife makes me watch.

Seriously Bob. Didn't like the film? Fine. That's totally fine. But really, You're missing the point.

the movie sucked donkey shit!

WolfmanNougat:
Care to complain about the T-X making a guest appearance while you're at it?

I didn't have enough time for her...

Besides, she's not the Terminatrix; she's Sil from "Species." ;)

Wow, I wasn't expecting you to like it... but you sounded really genuinely pissed about it.

Anyway, I saw it and it was an utter travesty and I cannot fathom why anyone would say otherwise.

I will most likely see it. It may be bad but all I really care about seeing is the Autobots and Decepticons.

Baby Tea:
I loved the Transporter, as an example. Jason Statham kicks the shit out of guys for the entire movie. The acting was so very very bad (Especially the female lead), and the story was laughably awful, but who cares? Jason beat the shit out of guys! Wearing bicycle pedals! On grease! And in a bus! So I love the film. Not because I was moved or engaged, but because it fills a need for ass-kickery that most 'Oscar worthy' film don't even touch.

I ADORE the Transporter movies. (Crank, as well.) They're the epitome of what a "fluff" movie SHOULD be: Light, insanely fun and well-made.

"Transformers" is not "The Transporter." Transporter has well-executed action scenes and a lead character I can relate to and root for. The first ten minutes of Transporter 1 (bank-robbery to wow-this-dude-knows-how-to-live introduction of his crazy-sophisticated house and habits) is just about the most perfect "I wanna be THIS GUY!" introductions for an action hero since Conan the Barbarian's "crush-your-enemies" speech. And while it's not "smart," it's CLEVER and it never insults the intelligence of the audience watching it.

Transformers doesn't just insult my intelligence, it OFFENDS my intelligence. My brain doesn't "turn off" far enough to make it tolerable - I'd have to be COMATOSE to not notice how stupid it is.

I hated the original so much and I have refused to even look at the adverts for this. I will happily ignore this one too.

I'm really enjoying your reviews! Trash deserves to be bashed and good movies must be brought to a bigger audience! Your format also works very good and I don't see any reason to deviate from it! It's your personal opinion and that's what counts.

I'd also love to hear reviews about older movies that you appreciate - or hate. There are most definitely more good OLD movies out there than there are good NEW ones!

Recently, I had the chance to see the French movie MARTYRS. To me this is the most controversial film in a VERY long time! (Especially so, since I usually avoid "torture porn" like the plague!) I'd love to hear your opinion on that one!

Regards,
The_Zar.

I have to say I agree some what with Bob here. Michael Bay does indeed suck. But as for this movie, it was certainly better than the first. There was more ROBOTS fighting in the first 20 minutes than in the whole first movie. I went in with very very low expectations and was pleasantly surprised. The fighting and crappy love story balanced out for the most part.

Atleast in my opinion it did.

Epic Fail

MovieBob:
Transformers doesn't just insult my intelligence, it OFFENDS my intelligence. My brain doesn't "turn off" far enough to make it tolerable - I'd have to be COMATOSE to not notice how stupid it is.

Well we're obviously on different wave-lengths in terms of tolerating 'stupid' to enjoy a film.
I mean, I own Kung-Pow for Pete's sake. You wanna talk terrible acting and stupid movie (Though that was for sure the point in that film)?

But whether or not Transformers was stupid or not isn't really a question to me. Sure it was! First one was dumb! And I don't doubt that this one is dumb! But why get so obviously furious about it? I'll be walking into that theatre with he mindset that this is going to be a dumb story, sub-part acting, and plenty of screen-shaking explosions that I don't get when my wife forces me to watch High School Musical (Thankfully I'm allowed to use the laptop during that time 'together'). And I obviously won't be disappointed in that regard.

But to expect more then that? Especially from Micheal Bay himself?
The guy who made Bad-Boys? Two films I wouldn't wipe my ass with?

I certainly respect that you didn't like the film Bobby (Can I call you 'Bobby'?), as we all have different tastes. I just think to get so furious about it rather pointless, and it seems to put you in a 'raging fanboy' light, rather then a 'movie critic who didn't like the film' light.

WTF was the point of the two hillbilly robots??? They weren't funny and they served no purpose. One of them actually took on DEVASTATOR!!! He was a kickass villain and he got damaged by a fucking useless, weak character! I really disliked the way they built up to this big fight at the end and it lasted for like 2-3min. It was bad, remind me to never see a Michael Bay movie ever again...

Nothing but hate and anger to try and copy Zero Punctuation. Huh, nothing new.

Something is unique about the Escapist, everyone seems to have this "higher-than-thou" attitude a lot when I am here. Everyone seems to love the following" Valve and... nothing else. Everything else is "trash" to most on the Escapist. Why do I bother coming here?

MovieBob:

Thyunda:
The robot designs are ugly? Oh, here's an argument for you: IT'S NOT G1!

I could care less about a little design-revision, but these creatures are simply BAD looking. So much attention has been paid to rendering all the little gears and bits moving around to the detriment of the broader design - they're too visually busy and the eye has no "line" to follow, so they all wind up looking like indistinguishable wads of crumpled tinfoil on those rare occasions when Bay opts to use a medium-shot.

Yeah, they made Devastator do nothing but dig a hole. What were you wanting him to do? Go on a destructive rampage? IN A DESERT?

Well, for one thing, this thing is named Devastator, not Hole-Digger or whatever. It wouldn't be noticeable but for all the badly-disjointed filmmaking and complete lack of storytelling ability involved: Devastator gets this MASSIVE introduction with all the big trucks rolling up and snapping together and "holy crap, look at the size of THIS one"... and he's there to be a SHOVEL? Megatron has a minion who is (judging his scale against The Great Pyramid) somewhere in the realm of 300-350 feet tall... and he's on hole-duty?

Oh yeah. I noticed the little dig at the flames. "Optimus Prime has flames! What are we going to do?!"

I know, I know. Old gripe. But there's still no better visual metaphor for all of Bay's douchebag tendencies than the use of automotive flame-decals on a robot. If I could've gotten away with just looping Clint Eastwood's rant about car decorations from the end of Gran Torino, I would've ;)

And finally - The human characters. How do you relate to a plot about giant robots?

When the giant robots are humanoid, have faces, speak-english and emote? Easily. Hell, people (myself included) related to Wall-E just fine and Wall-E looked less human than ANY of the Transformers, didn't have a mouth and couldn't speak more than four or five words.

It's like trying to empathise with the bloody penguins from Happy Feet.

Happy Feet was awesome. Nobody gives that crazy-ass movie the credit it deserves.

Cutting about with quotes kills my brain. So I'm gonna have to simplify my responses.

First, the broader design looks good. In fact, that's the only bit that looks good. And why wouldn't a giant alien robot be made up of moving parts? What's wrong with that?

Giant robots don't have human problems. Imagine a film about Optimus Prime trying to fit in at high school.

I have to write that.

Sorry, but let me get back to my point. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is aimed at teenage guys, in the same way that Twilight is aimed at teenage girls. Guys would like the idea that even a nerd can get giant robotic friends. Sorry, ONLY a nerd can get giant robotic friends. It helps an audience get closer to a film. WALL-E pulled it off by making whiney noises and simple words, and generally being adorable. Man I loved that film. I just wanted to give the little tyke a hug. :)

I sitll don't understand your point about the flames. I will never understand that point about the flames. Optimus scans a truck. The truck has flames on it. Therefore, Optimus has flames. Why make such a big deal out of some decals? Especially since said decals work effectively on him. They let the audience know that Prime is hot stuff. :P

Did you watch Happy Feet while high...?

Someone's letting their anger get to the best of them. That aside I really don't think this review can be considered valid, because he pretty much decided he was going to hate this movie before it came out.
I agree with Moviebob when it comes to his philosophy on games and gaming, with the exception of his RE5 rants. But I can almost count on disagreeing with his movie rants.
Ugliest robots you have ever seen? You either dont get out much or you have a much to high standard. I thought the robots looked amazing, seeing the individual moving parts, as opposed to just steel plate covering that was in the cartoon, this is a breath of fresh air.
Yes moviebob, I do care about the plot, why? Because it was a decent plot, and yes I thought the romance side story form the first movie was well played out and didn't overshadow the rest of the movie.
I hear people complain about the racist or stereotypical transformers in this movie, tot hat I say, so, Grimlock wasn't at all like that too?
Worse then an Uve Bolle movie? Ok moviebob, its official, you've let your personal opinion get ahead of your journalistic integrity, you have gone completely batty.
Maybe after you calm down, or get back up form your nap you'll start doing quality videos again.

MovieBob:

WolfmanNougat:
Care to complain about the T-X making a guest appearance while you're at it?

I didn't have enough time for her...

Besides, she's not the Terminatrix; she's Sil from "Species." ;)

Fair enough, I guess. Can't say I've seens "Species" though, so I'll have to take your word for it. Though the similarities between "sil" here and TX can't be denied; Humanoid robots that take on female appearances for the sake of sex appeal.

...and this is meant to be funny? It just sounds like Zero Punctuation, but with red backgrounds, genuinely excessive swearing, a lack of humor, a bad mic a-
Fuck it, it's Zero Punctuation with everything good about it removed and Yahtzee replaced with the most obnoxious online reviewer I've ever seen.

Where did peoples' standards go? I can enjoy terrible movies and series at times simply on action alone, but I don't try to defend what I know to be shit. And I hope no one will seriously claim that this belongs on a high tier of quality even for action movies.

I can see why someone would dislike this more than Uwe Boll's movies. They're so bad that it's laughable. Michael Bay's movies are at the point where the special effects look good, but the jokes, the script and possibly the action sequences simply make you uncomfortable for being regarded as in the intended audience.

I will admit, I laughed a lot at the "biggest hack since hot coffee", but it's a bit harsh to compare it to Uwe Boll, dontcha think?

Anyways, I wasn't to set on seeing this anyways. If I do see it, it'll be on DVD, and I won't be expecting any more from the first. I had already heard about the fuckups in the script writing, so I wasn't expecting much.

Oddly enough, though, a lot of my friends are saying it was an awesome movie. I'll reserve any major judgement until I see it.

EDIT:

One thing I will say, I have an always will agree with MovieBob on the robots looking fuck ugly. They look very, very realistic- it's probably close to how they'd look if it was possible for them to be real- but realistic doesn't automatically mean cool. I think that's one major gripe I had with the original and why I didn't enjoy it as much as I figured I should have.

EDIT 2:

The_root_of_all_evil:

Now...unless the meatbags can turn into something else, get the FUCK out of the film!

*gasp*

When did HK-47 get here? Can I have your autograph! Just... er... don't shoot me... :D

In my opinion, Transformers are over the top (typical Michael Bay in other words) action movies, if you expect something *other* than big explosions and fancy CGI you should probably look elsewhere. With that said, I did find the first movie entertaining, because of the robots. I have yet to see the second movie but I'm going in with the same expectations: big explosions and cool robots. Nothing more nothing less.

Also never been a fan of Transformers in general. :P

sneakypenguin:

Broken Wings:

sneakypenguin:
I never understood the rage against human characters in transformers. I strangely like Shia I think he's a good actor. I couldn't make it though the review cause it seem hate for hates sake. My personal opinion was it was the most fun movie i've seen this summer. But i'm not a critic or cynic....

Do you want to know why people don't like the human characters in a TRANSFORMERS movie? Really you can't figure out why people don't like the fact that the TRANSFORMERS are only in part of their own TRANSFORMER movie, and the rest is filled with a stupid romantic comedy cliche bullshit. I seriously can't figure out why you can't figure out why people dislike people in the TRANSFORMER movie. Anyway...TRANSFORMER!!! Have a nice day.

Because we relate to humans a whole lot better than robots, and frankly I don't think anyone but the fans would like to see nothing but robots. And in this movie it was all about the transformers with shia and gang for the comedy and to advance the plot. O well to each their own.

I dare say 1 1/2 hours was nothing but robots...

Funny, Pixar has made billions on films with far less relatable characters than humanoid robots that can talk.

I've been looking forward to this review ever since Bob started doing videos on the Escapist. I'm fairly certain he's been storing up bile for this travesty ever since the first one was unleashed. Expecting the metaphorical equivalent of Michael Bay's dessicated corpse collapsing from of cocoon of leathery wings, I can say it came fairly close. Props to Moviebob for this one. I don't think I would have the stomach to analyze this movie in such detail.

To all those people that liked the Transformers film (and I'm not saying you're wrong too)

If the Transformers themselves had been replaced with blancmanges or giant penises, would you have enjoyed the film more, less or the same?

If it's not less, then it's really not a Transformers film is it? It's a fluff film using the nostalgia to get ratings.

If it's more, well... I think you've answered your own questions.

If I got to see 2 hours worth of Megatron and Optimus Prime recreating the fight from They Live!, that'd be more of a Transformers film. (No plot, no meatbags, no emotions, no lines)

Two sides. Alien Robots. Civil War. How can you go so badly wrong?

movie bob might be right but i need to say the movie is good and for this review fuck u movie bob.....fuck u

The_root_of_all_evil:
To all those people that liked the
If I got to see 2 hours worth of Megatron and Optimus Prime recreating the fight from They Live!, that'd be more of a Transformers film. (No plot, no meatbags, no emotions, no lines)

Worldwide nerdgasm if they ever did something that awesome. Guaranteed.

"I told you to put on the flames!" /thwack

A sack of eggs packs more of a punch than army dudes and slimy-wet sluts. Megan Fox looks more at home in an Alien movie than Transformers, and I don't think Megatron really would care what's in Douchey LeBouf's mind (or his mouthbreathing character). The new GI-JOE movie likely has better sex appeal, better action, and less facepalm-inducing dialogue than anything Michael Bay has ever made. Coming from the guy who's last big action film was "Van Helsing," I'd say that's a pretty big compliment.

Ollie596:
Thank you MovieBob thank you sooooo much! the film sucks so much and Soundwave was such a let down.

Why is it in the first movie they actually have a transforming stereo, and he is not Sound Wave OR Blaster?

WolfmanNougat:
Yes, the humor was ridiculous, Devastator's balls were unnecesary, the twins and wheelie were immature, and the army guys start hogging the camera towards the end. But you know what? None of that matters because JETFIRE IS FUCKING AWESOME! Big alien robot that looks and acts like a grumpy old Englishman? Hell yeah! I don't care what he was like in G1, but then, I'm not a G1 fanboy anyway, so I wouldn't know. Hell, it's not like G1 is godly perfection or anything.

And please Bob, don't try to hide the fact that this really is just fanboy rage. Come on, were you really expecting perfect replicas of the G1 models to appear in live-action? Not every movie is Watchmen you know, but then Watchmen was awesome because it was awesome, not because it followed the source material perfectly. You said it yourself; such guarantees nothing! Besides, I noticed they made some effort to make Megatron look a little more like his G1 self, giving him a distinct helmet and whatnot. That and Starscream going behind his back to claim leadership over the Decepticons, complete with squeaky, backstabbing voice. And yes, the Decepticon hideout and the Fallen looked like something out of Aliens. BIG FUCKING DEAL! Care to complain about the T-X making a guest appearance while you're at it?

Don't get me wrong, I didn't think this movie was perfect either, but it certainly wasn't the disaster you seem to think it is. But if it helps any, even Shia himself realises how much of a douche he comes across as.

Are you sure his name was Jet fire? (I though it was but it might not be)

I hated the first transformers film, the fucking Novel was much better than the first film, and i refuse to watch the second.

Patrick_and_the_ricks:
Are you sure his name was Jet fire? (I though it was but it might not be)

Yep, certainly.

I thought Soundwave was originally a radio...?? >_>

Baby Tea:

MovieBob:
Transformers doesn't just insult my intelligence, it OFFENDS my intelligence. My brain doesn't "turn off" far enough to make it tolerable - I'd have to be COMATOSE to not notice how stupid it is.

Well we're obviously on different wave-lengths in terms of tolerating 'stupid' to enjoy a film.
I mean, I own Kung-Pow for Pete's sake. You wanna talk terrible acting and stupid movie (Though that was for sure the point in that film)?

But whether or not Transformers was stupid or not isn't really a question to me. Sure it was! First one was dumb! And I don't doubt that this one is dumb! But why get so obviously furious about it? I'll be walking into that theatre with he mindset that this is going to be a dumb story, sub-part acting, and plenty of screen-shaking explosions that I don't get when my wife forces me to watch High School Musical (Thankfully I'm allowed to use the laptop during that time 'together'). And I obviously won't be disappointed in that regard.

But to expect more then that? Especially from Micheal Bay himself?
The guy who made Bad-Boys? Two films I wouldn't wipe my ass with?

I certainly respect that you didn't like the film Bobby (Can I call you 'Bobby'?), as we all have different tastes. I just think to get so furious about it rather pointless, and it seems to put you in a 'raging fanboy' light, rather then a 'movie critic who didn't like the film' light.

Kung Pow is an AMAZING movie, and I'm proud to own it as well. I'm eager to see this movie, as I thought the first one pretty okay, and I'm a big fan of Michael Bay, a fact to which I will admit without any irony or embarrassment. I mean, the guy made Bad Boys II. We ride together, we die together. Did you see that first car chase? The guy can film over-the-top action like few people at work nowadays.

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