Escape to the Movies: Transformers Revenge

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KishwaJones:
very long post cut out

Don't act elitist, like you're the only one that is entitled to "suffer". I grew up with Transformers as a child too and that is the reason I have taken the time to go see both the first and second films by Bay. As far as I'm concerned, they weren't flawless, but I went to see them to embrace that part of my childhood again. Bay has changed the robots, I can accept that though, it adds a more emersive aspect to the film when you can relate it to things in everyday life. I don't see why people have got to leave the cinema with faces like smacked arses feeling like they've had their money ripped from them and have been personally insulted by Michael Bay, if you don't like it, fine, I don't give a shit and I'll quite gladly bet that Bay couldn't care either. Personally it WAS Transformers for me, in another guise like the many Television adaptations and Magazine off-shoots there have been before it, but that's probably because I didn't enter the cinema with my arse clenched tight and a notepad ready to note every last insignificant problem I could comprehend like an absolute pissant...

Well I did go into the movies smiling and came out sad and tired. How could I not smile, just having passed my exams, both driving and school on the same day, being accepted into uni the day after. I just felt like I was on a cloud.

Thus I decided to go see Transformers in all it's possible shittyness, I never go see a movie without the hope of it being good, but I was disappointed. That is my opinion and i merely state why I, that is me not you, hates this movie and why I believe others do to.

You can like it I never forbade anyone not to like it, but for me it was horrible, just bad having bad acting, bad story, bad script. It doesn't even have to be a Michael Bay movie, if Copola had made this movie I would have still hated it because I hate the movie for what it is, shallow and uninteresting.

I am glad it was Transformers for you and I was glad it was enough to satisfy you but sadly I have some higher standards of nostalgia. We have 26 years of character making, story plot and characters to choose out yet Bay decides to go and make some mashup of story lines which is fine, decided to add more humans than necessary which is good, decides to redesign robots to make em look spindly and complex fine, makes all of that into a horrible 200 million dollar action flick, NOT FINE.

I already stated I do not care about whatever is done to a stories plot, characters or whatever if the results are fine the end justifies the means.

Here however it is not thus any change in plot, story, redesign of characters and actors just comes of as extra annoying because the plot and story are bad and the actors horrible.
(I didn't even like Peter Parker in his second Spiderman movie because he was to much whine to little acting) Now if the results of acting are good a story can be saved but Transformers plot is about the relation of Sam and his girl and how it is messed up by Huge interplanetary Robot war??!

What? Did I come to watch that and the Robots dick around in the background constantly? No I came to see Transformers not some C rated War Drama. This is what I saw Sam, his bitch and the military playing a front role and the Transformers, the reason for there being on earth, their war, the whole conflict in characters they possessed being pushed into the background.

That is why TRANSFORMERS is a failure, I said if this had been another movie with another title like: The Steelyard. About a boy and his girl and family being torn apart by inter planetary conflict I would have rated if OK or good for a rainy day but the reason for making this film was the Transformers and as a Transformers movie it FAILS> of course you are free to like it, but I won't.

This review was awful. I was disappointed by parts of the film but this review pissed me off enough to stop watching half way through.

It's basically a rant in Yahtzee-style:

- Half the points are not about the actual thing you are reviewing.
- Those that are, are subjective in the wrong way, you make assumptions we like the same things you do, which is not the purpose of a review. It's to give an overall review of the thing in question.
- You clearly didn't like the first, so watching the 2nd is just an excuse to rant.
- You clearly don't like Michael Bay, so reviewing a a sequel to a film of his that you didn't like is just another excuse to rant.
- You didn't like any of the characters in the first films so you knew you wouldn't like them in the 2nd so yet another excuse to rant.

Overall, this review was a lot worse than the film.

What's even worse is all the sheep saying "Wow, thanks! Now I won't watch it" make your own fucking minds up on whether you like it, not basing your view on some elitist hater.

While we're on the topic Michael "can we make an explosion explode" Bay , I think that you all need to see this :
http://hijinksensue.com/2009/06/24/explomance/

Snyder-Man:
MovieBob sucks my ass on this one. To HELL with the Michael Bay rants, how the hell else is he going to put Soundwave in the damn film?? As an outdated CASSETTE RECORDER?!?!?!?

To hell with this shitty review, I thought the first Transformers movie was cool! "Based on a toy comercial"???? EVERYTHING in the '80's was based on a damn toy commercial, you dipshit!

I could understand if this review was for the Wii version of the Transformers game, but damnit man, MovieSpongBob's raping of the first TF flick makes me want to see the second one even MORE now.

MovieBob is a douchebag with a face.

Keep your opinions constructive, we don't appriciate flaming here.

MovieBob's anger was completely justified. It is a tragedy and a waste for 20 million dollars to be wasted on this pap.

Think of what that money could have done for charity. I mean sure, it made a huge profit, but where will that go? Into making more terrible movies just like this, possibly with the same director. This could easily turn into a long chain outwards, with more squandered at each step up.

I understand that the first Transformers movie was visually impressive, for a few minutes at some point halfway through the film, on a big HD screen played on Blu-Ray. I myself sat in a comfy chair for five minutes in a Wow store to watch it without sound for free, and I could tell that I wasn't missing anything. This is, after all, a movie series based on a franchise that was always aimed at children.

The sequel was always going to be much worse.

The original Transformers was the equivalent of Days of Thunder for automotive fans. It was a case of the main material being shunted out in favour of superfluous and rubbish romantic scenes, trying to build a story out of somebody who never should have been in the lead role in the first place.

I expect the second Transformers film would be a bit more like Driven in automotive parlance: A case of the director doing everything wrong. I don't want romantic scenes in an action film unless they're subtle and unless they actually fit. I don't want diversions from the giant robots who should be the main characters of the film to focus on lifeless human characters devoid of any true significance or personality. It is entirely possible to create empathy for machines, to take a minimalistic approach which doesn't have romantic relationships between characters that are eminently unlikeable.

One more thing: This film is eight minutes longer than 2001: A Space Odyssey. What the fuck were they doing to make this film longer than one of the most epic, important science-fiction films ever made?

Why is it that when people start fanboy rants on most things, they're blown away for being fanboys, while when MovieBob makes a fanboy rant that he doesn't like the fact that Transformers has been remade for a new audience, he's given his own slot on the Escapist?

Sorry Bob, I liked your Up review and that other one, but you aint Yahtzee, and if you don't like something, it just comes across as a fanboy rant. Because of this, I'm even more sure I'll enjoy Transformers, just because I'm capable of rational thought.

Also, on the subject of the human characters, I know the original series didn't have anything like that, or force you to sit through an absolute monkey of a father, and that certainly didn't have his own assigned protector Autobot, but I guess the new generation has to have something different, right?

3 hours of awesomeness

As the resident mecha-nutcase/fan on this board I want you all to KNOW YOUR ROLE, AND SHUT YOUR MOUTH! With that out of the way let's get to the main points here.

1. The Bayformers are ugly Mecha-Design, whats that? you think they are cool? IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK! we are here to deal with FACT and the fact is that the Bayformers make me cringe in fucking horror. For the uninitiated I will show you GOOD mecha-design.

image
This is good mecha design

image
This is good mecha design

image
This is BAD mecha design

image
This is GOOD mecha design

image
THIS IS GOOD MECHA DESIGN

I don't hate the Bayformers because of anything they did to my childhood, I wasn't even a big transformers fan as a kid. No I hate them because THEY ABSOLUTELY SUCK! in no way shape or form do the Bayformers even REMOTELY come close to good design! The innards are showing which is not only ugly but ALSO impracticable, your giant robots your supposed to be armored. way back when Gigantor/Tetsujin 28 was stomping around designers had the common sense to make sure the insides of the machine were PROTECTED. If a human was running around with his muscles and organs showing it would not be good design!

I dare you to call ME the mecha nerd so deeply steeped in machines that he writes mecha stories along with owning models and anime upon anime and game upon game and BOOK UPON BOOK of anything mecha related out on thinking the designs are bad. Just try it.

2. Humans have NO place as more than the 'Team Pet' in Transformers. Wanna know the most compelling Transformers narrative to exist to this day? Beast Wars, the one that has little to no human interaction. The original formers and all the formers after them only used humans in minor roles, they were there to be US the mouth-agape children staring at the Giant Robots. That means they are unnecessary to the fucking narrative! Gundam and Mazinger Z and The Big O had robots with no personalities being used as weapons, that is why the human cast is so damn important! in Gundam Wing the actual Gundam's were weapons of war being used to help tell the story of Heero Yui and the other 4 Gundam pilots in an era of war time. The original Mobile Suit Gundam had the mecha being so redundant it wasn't funny. They Gundam (singular) was a tool of war to be used by Amuro Ray the protagonist!

But see the Gundams HAD no personalities! they weren't alive, King of Braves GaoGaiGar had the Mecha all take center stage as the main characters and worked humans well into the cast, Guy Shihioh was a Cyborg man so he represented humans as WELL as machines, and he became the titular robot! that works it was awesome!

But see Bayformers does not use the human cast in the same way GaoGaiGar does, they are not compelling or essential! I can't relate to ANYONE in revenge of the fallen but I could relate to Volfogg the Police-Car Ninja Robot! For gods SAKE this is not hard to comprehend people!

Damn it people! there was a reason I could connect with Daisuke of Giant Robo because he was a compelling character and Giant Robo was a compelling story! it was one show where human characters fought along SIDE the giant robot and not only did it not feel out of place but it was fucking AWESOME! Bayformers did not give me a villain to gasp at such as Alberto the Shockwave or or the Dark Duminass. There was no compelling character in the whole fucking movie!

Don't even talk to me about Action! we have youtube people seeing Giant Robots fight each other is as easy as typing in a random mecha show and watching! hell I'll give some to you right now!

There in 3 minutes I gave a more emotional and better fight scene than ANYTHING in Bayformers.

Here is another one!

I'm guessing you want some in english now since you don't like to read while they fight and I understand that, THANKFULLY I can accommodate

Oh yeah there going to Bastardize the movie version of Full Metal Panic! too but hopefully that abortion will go the same way of robotech/macross.

And there are other movies/clips/series all that give great mech action WITHOUT having a horrible plot and horrible characters.

Sorry but Bayformers is total garbage, it doesn't even do it for me in the COMBAT, one scene in Giant Robo where Daisuke charges towards the Vogler Sphere with the Experts of Justice fighting Big Fire agents all around was more exciting!

Watching this movie, despite laughing at an undeniably hilarious rant (albeit a bit too much of Yahtze clonage for me to give him full credit) i was left thinking that this boiled down to little more than fanboy rage.

I went and saw the film because my friend was excited about it and wanted something to do for the afternoon. I didn't think it was going to blow me away, quite the contrary in fact because all i had heard were a string of negative comments.

I try and make a point of going into movies with as little expectations as possible - instead opting for a 'what do i want from this movie' approach. As such i decided that all i wanted to see was a film with brainless action were i don't really have to give a rats ass about the story. I wasn't thinking 'Christ this toy franchise is going to redefine cinema' or 'They better get the placement of Optimus Prime's left exhaust port right' all i wanted was to go and see a movie where stuff gets blown up in some form of context. In short i was following my Arnie impulse.

I was not disappointed, nor do i regret seeing it. Yes the story was shite and yes Michael Bay is obviously a massive jock who thinks he is the greatest thing to come to directing ever and should have a camera jammed up his ass for trouble and to maybe teach him a lession on good angles. But nevertheless this did not ruin the movie for me because i do not understand why people have to get such rage about supposedly ruining something so trivial - they were toys and comics for crying out loud. The only truly deplorable moment was the 'I love you' revival moment. Which is stomach churningly predictable

I sincerely doubt MovieBob as a child played with his transformer figurines making up shakespearian dialogue and oscar worthy sceneplay. Instead i bet he just smashed them together in 'fights' and made 'bechuuuuuuuuurrrrgh' noises as if stuff was exploding. I honestly cannot see why so many people are whinging about this movie - is there really nothing else in the world worth spending effort on other than internet raging about a predictable mediocre but still entertaining film?

Krakyn:
But...but...Michael Bay blows mad shit up.

And that's all he can really do. I think that some innocuous background prop killed his hamster when he was 6 years old and he's been aching for revenge ever since. Now he gets to BLOW THEM UP! (Background props, not hamsters. Though I wouldn't put that past him.)

Also, Bob... please try to get the visuals to match up with your words better. It's a little disjointed as it is right now.

Circus Ascendant:
Bit of a critique of a critique here...

Suddenly he's a fixture on the Escapist and he's TALKING MUCH FASTER. Now I like MovieBob a LOT, and I was just waiting for him to get a proper regular position, but still. He flashes up text while he's talking like Yahtzee does, except (very similar to Yahtzee's quicktime event rant here) when Yahtzee does it it's at least reasonable to read them as you're going. With the ones in this, I had to go back and pause it to actually read all of it. Yes it's funny stuff, but all that it served to do because it was on screen for such a painfully short time was serve to break up his review and make it more disjointed.

This whole thing has given me an idea... to the microphone!

But still. I quite enjoyed both the new Transformers movies, and I am a HUGE fan of the original source material. Considering who Michael Bay IS, I think we have got off exceptionally lightly.

You can't talk calmly and slowly when your mad as hell.

I do like the extreme change of pace in this review, Bob is very nice to listen to when he's very passionate about something. Although now i think about it, he does sound a wee bit too fanboyish in this. I guess if my childhood icons were raped by a jock douchebag director i'd be pretty fucking pissed too.

*Thinks back to the Mario Brothers Movie*

Oh god damnit.

why doesnt it work it just plays for like 2 seconds then stops and wont load

An excellent slamming of that movie, had me laughing in most bits. But i can't shake this feling of "Yahtzeeness" from the way you present your opinions.

Pezzer:
Y'know, Movie bobs opinions are becoming less and less valued by me. EVERYONE I know liked the Transformers movie and I've been told that the second is even better.

i saw the first and second transformers movie and i luved both i don't know why the fuck no1 can say something nice about movies instead they only talk shittines and shit all over the fucking movie i loved!

The_root_of_all_evil:

My irrational opinion is understandable? Doesn't that make it rational?

Let's put it this way, if the film can be renamed "Attack Of The Killer Robots" and have exactly the same premise, effects etc. why bother using a licence that has it's own backstory? Main reason: To bring in the fans of the franchise.
Then...why are they the one group that you then slap round the face?

If you go to see Pride and Prejudice, you want to see Elizabeth capture the heart of Mr. D'arcy; if she walks out on him and shacks up with Miss Lucas (even if it brings in far more viewers) wouldn't you feel just a little betrayed?

Especially if all the cast were wearing jeans and t-shirts?

If you're projecting towards a target audience, as they claim, then you don't stick some woman falling out of her top in, do you?

I meant that the "Nostalgia will make everything better" opinion is irrational.

But I see your point, though you do forget that using an established franchise brings in more of some other things, namely funding and publicity. Honestly however, the promise of explicit lesbian action is probably one of the few things that would inspire me to see a theatrical version of Pride and Prejudice, didn't care for the book.

Things I agree with (basically what I didn't like)
Devastator - Seriously that would've been one hell of a fight, the other autobots (bar optimus) all taking him on would be epic
End fight scene - The kill of Jetfire (although that's more nostalgia then anything) he gives his awesomeness to Prime who then procedes to maul Megatron and The Fallen in around half a second and the fight is completely one sided. He then just shrugs off the armour for no real reason
Soundwave- Yes I know he's the commuincations officer but now's he's a gaint mini space station give the guy a fight scene.
The Twins (seriously maybe just let devastator kill them and that's two problems solved)
And finally when did Starscream become such a coward; he's meant to be Megatron's rival

What I liked
Shia LaBeouf
Fight scenes were much better this time round and I could actually tell what was happening, loved the bit when it was Prime versus the three decepticons
I liked how the autobots had improved over the 2 year gap in terms of fighting ability

Overall I liked the film, not great but watchable

MikeHax:

Thyunda:
And I thought the fight scenes were pretty damn clear. The one featuring Optimus Prime and the three Decepticons? That was clear. I saw everything.

It was so clear that I don't even know who Optimus was fighting!

Sorry folks, suck it up, the movie designs are bad. The movies are bad. Accept the fact the you paid money to see a terrible movie and then when three comes out stand up and yell no.

It was kind of obvious who he was fighting. Megatron, Starscream and Blackout...sorry, I mean Grindor.
The movie designs are GOOD. I actually LIKE them. Don't you be telling me to 'suck it up', when you're throwing a strop because you paid money for a film you didn't like.
Stop criticising, and go do something constructive.
Please.

George Palmer:
Dont sugar coat it Bob. Tell us how you REALLY feel. LOL :)

Water came out my nose when I read this. That's exactly what I was thinking. :D

Thyunda:

MikeHax:

Thyunda:
And I thought the fight scenes were pretty damn clear. The one featuring Optimus Prime and the three Decepticons? That was clear. I saw everything.

It was so clear that I don't even know who Optimus was fighting!

Sorry folks, suck it up, the movie designs are bad. The movies are bad. Accept the fact the you paid money to see a terrible movie and then when three comes out stand up and yell no.

It was kind of obvious who he was fighting. Megatron, Starscream and Blackout...sorry, I mean Grindor.
The movie designs are GOOD. I actually LIKE them. Don't you be telling me to 'suck it up', when you're throwing a strop because you paid money for a film you didn't like.
Stop criticising, and go do something constructive.
Please.

The mecha designs are not good by ANY sense of the word, I don't care if you liked them! People liked the Strike Freedom and it was shit to! That's not good design thats you having a bad taste in mecha!

At first i was disagreeing but he makes a good point. The movie didnt even focus on the characters that could make it amazing, which was a HUGE mistake.

Those mecha anime shows that Onmi posted really do show how Bay isnt really close to what he thinks a robot movie should be.

No offense MovieBob, that sounded more like a Micheal Bay hate rant rather than a balanced review of the film. Suck up those mecha-testicles and swallow that over-inflated geek-pride of yours and do something which is at least half-balanced. Not like I didn't agree with some points, but you're starting to sound like a fanboy.

Oh, and try to stop being Yathzee - it doesn't suit you.

PurpleRain:
But you wouldn't expect more.

Ugh, no. Fuck you. Fuck you sideways.

People like you are the reason everything sucks now. You would spend $20 to watch a mountain of elephant shit burn for 3 and a half hours if popular opinion said you had to. And if anyone questioned its merits? "Oh, well what else would you expect from a flaming mountain of elephant shit?"

I would try to convince you, and others like you, to stop doing this. To start expecting, nay, DEMANDING MORE from filmmakers/writers/game designers, and complain 'til you're blue in the face when someone just shits out something barely passable (especially with a budget like TF2 had). But whatever. You can't handle criticism of a film, let alone yourself.

Keep celebrating mediocrity, you twats.

Eldritch Warlord:

I meant that the "Nostalgia will make everything better" opinion is irrational.

Nostalgia makes it better to me because that's my memories. I know there was some awful trash in the original Transformers, but then I didn't celebrate that trash.

But I see your point, though you do forget that using an established franchise brings in more of some other things, namely funding and publicity.

I didn't really forget, it was just that bringing in all the extras would have fractured the main thrust of the argument. Which I'll come back to...

Honestly however, the promise of explicit lesbian action is probably one of the few things that would inspire me to see a theatrical version of Pride and Prejudice, didn't care for the book.

And that's my real fear/hatred/rant:
How long 'til we have Half-Life: The Movie where Dirk Freeman rescues the world from the evil (not Arabian at all) Combine who are planning to blow up Tower 13? Starring wise-cracking Jim Carey as Dirk Freeman, Megan Fox as Alyx, Samuel L Jackson as Elias, Ben Stiller as Barney Calhoun and the lovable antics of DOG (voiced by Hank Azaria)
Funnily enough, there's no headcrabs as the test audience didn't like them, but G-Man learns a lesson about how even non-humans can learn to care about the environment.
There's also the sexy alien Vortigaunt, and the "hilarious" adventures of the Dr. Breen.

Tell me you can't see that happening?

Onmi:

Thyunda:

MikeHax:

Thyunda:
And I thought the fight scenes were pretty damn clear. The one featuring Optimus Prime and the three Decepticons? That was clear. I saw everything.

It was so clear that I don't even know who Optimus was fighting!

Sorry folks, suck it up, the movie designs are bad. The movies are bad. Accept the fact the you paid money to see a terrible movie and then when three comes out stand up and yell no.

It was kind of obvious who he was fighting. Megatron, Starscream and Blackout...sorry, I mean Grindor.
The movie designs are GOOD. I actually LIKE them. Don't you be telling me to 'suck it up', when you're throwing a strop because you paid money for a film you didn't like.
Stop criticising, and go do something constructive.
Please.

The mecha designs are not good by ANY sense of the word, I don't care if you liked them! People liked the Strike Freedom and it was shit to! That's not good design thats you having a bad taste in mecha!

No, you simply don't like them. Stop trying to force your opinion onto other people. If you think the designs were bad, fine. Cry about them elsewhere. Otherwise, shut the fuck up.

ignore everything he says... go watch it and formulate your own opinion like a real person instead of a brainless twit

That was harsh... I do agree that the film was a bit too centred on Sam & Co. but that was just a major rant at Bay not the actual transformers film... I honestly loved both films but i do agree that the second one was centred a bit too much on the human characters when they should have focussed more on the Transformers.

... oups no delete wrong window :p

This thing was really cheap and dodgy. Why were the pictures not always in sync with the words? Why the hell is a lot of the text subliminal messages (ie. the Star Trek blurb and the horribly misspelled Wild Things blurb don't even register to the naked eye unless you pause them), but we have to stare at seeds for four seconds? If Zero Punctuation was really poorly made and had zero comic timing/syncing, it might look like this.

Also:

"For this material you need a preserved sense of childlike awe, or something resembling an artistic soul. Bay has neither."

True, but Spielberg has both! ;)

And that's the main reason why I loved the first TF movie. IMO, it had more Spielberg than Bay in it.

The outrage machine works

When moviebob gives a positive review no one cares.

When moviebob gets angry - like, really fucking angry?

Oh boy... 6 pages of "how dare you not like something popular!"

ElArabDeMagnifico:
The outrage machine works

When moviebob gives a positive review no one cares.

When moviebob gets angry - like, really fucking angry?

Oh boy... 6 pages of "how dare you not like something popular!"

Also, half the people who criticize him accuse him of being a Yahtzee clone

Dude, I loved the fight scenes, because well, the explosions were pretty cool. Yes you couldn't tell who was fighting what. Yes the camera's were jerking about, but they were pretty damn spectacular. Otherwise, yes it was pretty much shit, Megan Fox isn't that good an actor. The rest of'em aren't great. The plot was shit and....yeah more or less what you said.

MikeHax:

Thyunda:
And I thought the fight scenes were pretty damn clear. The one featuring Optimus Prime and the three Decepticons? That was clear. I saw everything.

It was so clear that I don't even know who Optimus was fighting!

Sorry folks, suck it up, the movie designs are bad. The movies are bad. Accept the fact the you paid money to see a terrible movie and then when three comes out stand up and yell no.

Agreed, I had no idea who was who in those fight scenes, half the time I was like "hey look auto bots, oh they just blew a bunch of people they must be bad people then...."

I hate it when movies do that. They promote the movie using classic characters such as this one using Soundwave and Devastator only to let you down to focus on the unlikeable main character.

The X-men:Wolverine movie promoted the fact that it had Blob,Gambit and the White Queen. We watch it and find out that the movie does feature those characters but only for about 5 minutes while we have to watch an hour of Hugh Jackman playing with metal nails.

The Terminator:Salvation movie promoted that fact that you would get to see John all grown up and see his dad as a child and while you did get to see them the movie focused more on the unlikable prison bitch who is now part robot. (I think the worst part was the fact that the movie sets up for multiple sequels.)

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