Zero Punctuation: The Sims 3

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In honor of Billy Mays, I made him in the Sims 3 and had him going door to door screaming at people and then leaving. GET ON THE BALL! THE OXYCLEAN BALL

I'm not feeling entirely inspired to get this either, short of being able to shape your sim more and actually travel around the neighborhood without loading screens (or are those still there?) it's just an upgrade to Sims 2, only without all the expansions that people wasted their money on if they think Sims 3 is awersome. I'll just find my Nightlife expansion and stick with Sims 2 tyvm.
Good review though Yahtzee. And you should see about that rasp. Don't want you losing your moneymaking voice now. Especially when you finally find a woman.

Y seems a little bit down today. Maybe its because he had to play The Sims 3...

I felt the same way....They advertise so many new features and yet because of your Sim's ridiculous demands you can't do much else.

I got the Sims 2 and played it obsessively for about a week and then forgot about it and then every once in awhile, when I get stressed out from college, I go back and have another round.

So I'm not into the Sims 3 enough to waste money on the basic game---because the creators are dickheads and have decided to get that expansion pack disease--instead of giving people a complete game. But I did play it at a friend's house and, overall, it just wasn't that impressive. Not nearly enough for a game I hardly play anyway.

Well, that was actually predictable... except for the "I'm not gay" comment at the end. Oh well, waiting for next week when hopefully he'll actually review a game...

Huh, I expected it would get a harsher beating.
Incidentally, I share Yahtzee's view of EA.

I want to wave this in the face of every person who's ever bragged about having the Sims 3 while I went Simless.
Yahtzee is god.

Yes Yahtzee, women are evil. I have 2 older sisters (kill me!!!) but their going off to college soon. Well, the first thing I did this morning after I woke up was walk out of my room to get a drink of water while on my way I was greeted by the bitchy one who was accusing me of stealing her blanket. I would blame this on her menstrual cycle but she act like this all the time!

I was kind of hoping he would review red faction but meh..... still another funy review!

I'm actually surprisingly disappointed with this review. I was expecting, as per some previously reviewed titles, so see Yahtzee recount some specific exploits he put his Sims through during the course of play.
This is more of a tirade against the Sims concept in general - which is fair enough, I suppose - but I don't feel like I learned anything about specifically why The Sims 3 is a swollen blood blister on the anus of gaming.

So Yahtzee, do you enjoy this job.

blacklab:
Didn't quite understand the part about women at the end.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vagina_dentata

Here. Educate yourself.

I have a feeling he is gonna piss all over ghostbusters as well :(

Burt it is true that EA are evil!

doesn't make me like the game any less...

i guess that makes me evil. and i drink poofter juice. lets go with that.

ActualOvaltine:
In honor of Billy Mays, I made him in the Sims 3 and had him going door to door screaming at people and then leaving. GET ON THE BALL! THE OXYCLEAN BALL

That does seem to be the other fun way to play the Sims, other than torturing them, is by making celebrities. Especially hilarious with superheroes and villains....Mmmm, Evil Taco Cake Bell Store. http://sigma7.livejournal.com/642816.html#cutid1

I enjoy the Sims and the Sim 3

(I was going to say "the Sims series", but then I remembered Sims 2 and Sims Bustin' Out)

He pointed out a lot about the truths of Sims. Not just the "DLC and blandness" stuff, I agree, but he pointed out the underlying formula of the Sims series: Freetime spent simulating Worktime.

And I agree.

I'm not going to stop playing though, for one simple reason.

3 Catagories.

Women: Sounds bigoted, but seriously, go on the EA forums, they're all women, or catagory 3 (more on that later). Not all emos, not all lonley, but most of them are. Some are friendly, ALL are completley unaware of the gaming community and how games work. Seriously, when they delayed Sims 3, people began spamming petitions to have diving boards included, since "EA are just waiting for some reason"

Sadists: as in video

CATAGORY 3: THE GOD COMPLEX: People like myself who are so embittered with the lack of their way of thinking in this world that they purchase any and all games that offer some shape or form of creating their own little utopias, whether a city, an empire or a person, that run under THEIR rules. Incidently, Evil Genius is my favourite game

BWAHAHAA

Atlea:

blacklab:
Didn't quite understand the part about women at the end.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vagina_dentata

Here. Educate yourself.

You made me cry

"Here you are, recreating the same work sleep routine you're supposed to be using your free time to get away from." -Yahtzee

Ingenious insight. Might I add that I've already been struck by this fat realization as well.

However, I must applaud The Sims series for being a game that reaches to such vast numbers and variety of players, even if most are casual.

To me, it's a unisex doll house, but one that gives you freedom enough to have you believe that you are manipulating when the truth is you're the one being manipulated.

Know what I miss the most though? Embedded narrative. I enjoy the fictitious stories that novels, movies, and games provide me. The Sims is about simulation, but it feels much more like Desperate Housewives sim...which in turn doesn't appeal that much to me.

crazyhaircut94:
Great review, but it seemed a bit off-topic at times.

....? You have watched Yahtzee before, right? Off topic is what he does...

Thank you, at last someone agrees with me that all women are hereditarily evil.

Been saying it for years.

As much as I laugh I always feel a slight tinge of sorrow for Yatzee and his lonliness. Than I just move on.

Nasty but funny :D My 13 year old daughter laughed :D

Something tells me he could've written this review even without playing it.

Not that this fact made me enjoy the review any less.

Hahahaha wow. The ending to this video was great. Easily Yahtzee's best review since his Duke Nuke'em video.

Yeah that seemed a bit more depressing than entertaining, maybe because I've grown sort of used to Yahtzee's humour.

Wow...I was expecting say...the Conduit (I'd prefer Overlord II, but we all know that woon't happen).

IMrAngryPantsI:
Damn. i thought i would get first post. :D

I'm surprised the ban hammer hasn't been dropped on this lovely individual yet.

Perhaps the wielder of the hammer is busy with a blood-streaked rank spam sandwich.

Doug:

crazyhaircut94:
Great review, but it seemed a bit off-topic at times.

....? You have watched Yahtzee before, right? Off topic is what he does...

He was a little bit too off-topic. But he at least got to the point, that Sims is evil.

Completely true.

I had bought "The Sims" on the Gamecube, and i didn't get what was the interesting part.

Was it the fact that you could burn your house down, without anyone trying to help?

Or as Yahtzee, Myself, and every other sociopath-nearing-serial-murderer, lock in Guantanamo-sized wall-cells until they suffocate?

Maybe the fact you could piss endlessly on the floor?

Or that you could actually meet Death, who turned out to be a complete dick?

Simulated life games are one of the stupidest things i've ever heard. You play video games to relax from life, when life feels like attaching a hatchet to your sternum, or wrapping a chain around your neck and dragging you through the potent mixture of broken thermometers, Razorblades, and fire.

To relax is not to simulate, it's to play something that doesn't need to make sense.

P.S.

Women ARE evil, watch LMN once, It's designed to kill men.

I suppose that Yahtzee is right about the sims being evil. I actually like the game, I bought almost all the expansion packs for the first one, and the with the second one I missed about 3, but whatever on that, and with the third one, I got it straight away. I agree with all of Yahtzee's points, the game IS a pointless waste of time, but I don't know why, I cant seem to stop wanting to play it! (I guess EA has begun using magic to keep people into their games. :P )

Don't worry Yahtzee; you may not be able to feel a womans touch ever again due to your misanthropic hate-filled bile, but they will still e-mail you. Surely that counts for something eh?

rated pg:
Well good review, but honestly...saying there's nothing else to review? What about Red Faction: Guerilla? What about the new Indiana Jones game (although I realize it would probably take longer to dust off the Wii than to beat the game)? If you want to start going further back, there's UFC, Damnation, Punchout!, Sacred 2, Xmen Origins: Wolverine, Demigod...

Damnation! Man, would I LOVE to hear a Yahtzee Damnation review. Even "mainstream" reviewers are ripping that hunk of feces apart with their teeth, trying to avoid the peanuts. The only thing about it is Ben would probably resent us forever for making him play a copycat turd like that one.

I have to admit that I enjoy controlling my own little world through The Sims. It's especially nice for me now as a college-age guy living at home and sorting out personal issues before getting back to the real world. The Sims has always been a power trip of sorts - the people who it appeals to the most are the people who have little control over their own lives.

But the lack of content in The Sims 3 is definitely annoying. EA clearly set things up to encourage microtransactions on the (overpriced) store items to milk more money out of the game. The custom textures make up for it a little, but it's still kind of a dick move. Given the target audience's lack of familiarity with DLC, they'll probably make a killing at it too. Oh well, I'm going to continue playing with my bare-bones furniture set.

holyassassian:
Yay! That was great! Love you yahtzee!

You couldn't possibly have watched it. At least try and be convincing, moron.

I can't determine which is more true: the fact that EA is powered by pure unadulterated greed and wickedness, or that women are malevolent self-absorbed control freaks.

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