Zero Punctuation: Wii Sports Resort

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The wii was the worst purchase I ever made. I can't believe i spent all that money on a garbage console with garbage shovelware games. I bought Zelda and SSBB and not a single one of the others look remotely interesting.

Fuck the Wii. It's nothing but a dead end. My uncle gave one to me with a few games and in the 1000 days I've had it, I've probably only played it 10 times. I'm thinking of putting it away into storage so that I never have to look at that piece of self promoting trash.

well first time ever doing one of these 'topic' things, and im only doing it because im bored, and plus I feel ranting on nintendo. My god I hate nintendo, do I have a wii, yes, which kinda annoys me really, because sometimes I love it for example Mario kart and other times I wish I could really nuke the people who make these things. This review is totally correct in the sense its taken 3 fuckin years for the control to actually work, now the wii control goes from wanking like mad to a control that accuratly wanks like mad. My god and the fact nintendo make you pay for something which they should of already done in the first place makes you think what a bunch of cunts they really are. Plus wii motion sports really cant be taken seriously, if you wanna go bowling then dont pay 45 pound you lazy git, get down to your local bowling alley. I dont want to get too negative, because I loved the orginal wii tennis. But being angry again how does a freebe game actually become one of the best on the wii, shows just how much shit is on the console. How much more can this console do now, really...honestly, lets all look ourselves in the mirror and think, hey, in ten years time this will really improve my masturbation skills, but the games are still the same drivel and follow much the same lines. An actual 3D simulator would be the future, although nintendo would probably milk us like cows in a production factory for our money, yet we would be all too happy for us to let them suck us dry. End of the day nintendo like money, hate us and like cows.

Actually, now that I have this game, I disagree with the review in a lot of cases. Especially with immersion; the motion control felt perfectly natural in most of the games (especially frisbee, which he seemed to acknowledge). Besides, maybe I'm just a sucker for exploration, but I really liked free cruising mode on the jet ski and Island Flyover, just because of that immersion effect. Also, the swordfighting is actually really good, and spastic flailing of the Wiimote gets you absolutely nowhere after the first ten minutes (ten seconds if you're doing Speed Slice).

He got basketball and canoeing down, though. I'll give him that.

Dan't. Why does he go for the lame games on the Wii but no the good ones?

Well I doubt anyone who's actually played this game agrees with even half of this review, it was pretty funny. Even with this said I have to defend the Basketball game. It's incredibly sensitive and takes a ridiculous amount of skill to be good at.

That was pretty fuckin' hilarious and follows exactly what I think about the Nintendo Meh. Yet another game destined for the bargain bin, from N. Maybe next console they'll get back to their roots, somehow I'm doubting it though.

Don't get me wrong, I did play this over at my dads place and it is good for a few laughs, but that's about it really...

BowieZ:

WaffleGod:

BowieZ:
^ But your criticisms apply to Sony and Microsoft too... they all licence a lot of **** to be made, they all want to make a profit... but just because Nintendo's crappy games look "cartoony" while MS's look "hardcore" because of some nondescript grainy, bloody violent appearance, Nintendo cops the flak?

By the way, Nintendo has many more first-party franchises than MS or Sony, so I'm not sure what your point is unless you're blaming them for being so successful that people aren't interested in other titles... so what's the problem? Blame the masses for liking the status quo? Well Nintendo totally upended the status quo with the Wii controls -- whether you like it or not -- so you kinda need to give them some credit.

And Mario Kart Wii is awesome. I don't get what you can dislike about it... it has Bowser's Castle, DK's Jungle Parkway, Mario Raceway and Sherbet Land from N64 plus 16 new tracks... plus a whole lot of new stuff/characters/bikes/abilities/power-ups/online functionality/steering wheel?

Dude... All I heard was "Bla Bla Bla, Ilovemahwiilolz!!1!"

Keep blocking your ears to reasoned argumentation. You're impressing everyone.

It's zero punctuation, it basically is blocking your ears to anything reasonable... You fail.

I think that project natal might be a good idea actually, it all depends on whether or not it works though... So in the sense of being impatient for the level of innovation and game production standards to rise regarding consoles or devices incorporating new or "innovative" controls, then yes, fuck both the wii and project natal.

Wii dog fighting? Ive always wanted to go on vacation and shoot people in an airplane. Anyway love the review and i like how you hate everything. Ok not everything just most things its a good break from all the other reviewers that praise any game at all times.

Bored Tomatoe:

Gerbykins:
OH MY GOODNESS, YOU HAVE OUTDOWN YOUR SELF THIS WEEK!
I Coulnd't stop laughing at the jokes, and the hilarity that was contained within this little yellow video from hell :D

I just don't know why you didn't get Wii Resort? I JUST PICKED UP THIS GAME FROM EBAY AND ITS GOD DAMN TERRIFIC!
The Wii motion plus, or the WMP as I like to call it xD is crazy accurate. And now I can play all my favourite games like
Links Archery training.

Anyhow, Piece out Yatzee man, I got a date with destiny. (Going to watch Lost on tv hehe :) cya )

I can't tell if this is advertising or schizophrenic fanboyism...

He bought... Wii Resort... from eBay....? Why!?

I'll take the fruit controller over a new Wii add-on any day.

Its funnier when your taking the p*** by pretending not to take the p*** Yahtzee. :D

I am a fan of zero punctuation myself and even do he does hate the wii I still got it, am very pleased with it and now it's time to get some cool games... like SSBB :D (or maybe not but I'm still gonna get Super mario galaxy)!!!

this review was made all the more hilarious for me by the fact that I am a fencer! Twats with sieves on their heads is right!

I laughed so hard when I read the "Je Suis Le Twat" on the helmet that I fell off of my chair.

Greatest Review in a while, it was pretty accurate with my thoughts plus that Wii Bowling joke was Hilarious. LMAO!

I must admit the "P Dolphile" made me laugh even with its corniness.
I laughed when you brought up Jackson pollock but i laughed even more when you mentioned a scorpion lol, good jokes...

I agree with what was said about Bowling, virtually nothing has changed, but i'm aware of what changes have been made though.

Keep ragging on the Wii, I love it. You really are right about the motion controls and how much they suck, but this is what I'd like to call a prototype console. Maybe Wii 2 could be better. Nice Jackson Pollock reference BTW. This one made me laugh the most!

It's a good and funny review, and to a point accurate.

BUT

I really don't understand how a motion controller is *less* immersive than a normal one, and if it isn't then the idea that these games are less immersive is pish.

The only games that have feedback are driving ones.

Does a FPS feel less immersive because you don't feel like you're being shot due to not having a pressure sensitive vest that compresses and makes you feel like death has come to ride you away on his horse?

Exactly.

Zelda is the only game I play on my Wii and promises of the newest Zelda are what keep me from throwing my Wii at small children. All other games for the Wii can go ahead and get shat on. Even its name instills in me the most blinding rage.

this is actually my favourite ZP

I want that wii golf picture...lolz

the cycling and canoeing bits are my favourite

I agree with Yahtzee in that sword fighting you'll revert back to flailing around pretty quickly but I feel that most of his hate for the Wii is the same as people hating gays. ALMOST COMPLETELY PERSONAL. I feel that maybe he's doing something wrong.

I own a Wii myself, in fact it's the only console I own and I like it, but that doesn't mean I'm going to whine and bitch just because Mr. Yahtzee doesn't agree with me. Whoever it was who decided to cut a great thing like Zero Punctuation out of his life just because he says things that viewer didn't agree with was an idiot. Wednesday is the high point of my week, personally.
(And I loved Sonic Unleashed ... that may give you some idea of how little I'm going to let a difference of opinion get in the way of my enjoying this series.)

dennyaaa:
I lol'ed at the word "Wii" ^^

And to think... The temporary working title for the Wii was "Revolution"... I still don't get how you go from Revolution to Wii...

Also, my brother owns a Wii. I have got to show this vid to him one of these days.

And best line in the vid: "WII BOWLING -- Oh fuck off. -- WII CANOEING"

hahaha oh man this one gets me every time
from bowling to cycling...lolll

makes me almost wanna try out some bowling
or 1940s style sports
or 'power cruising' hurr hurr (no not really)

I laughed at the fake smile face. Sadly I disagree with him on the Wii, admitedly alot of titles have no idea how to use the movement controls and suck, but there are good games that show it as not just a gimmic.

I agree with Yahtzee. The Wii is nothing but a failed experiment. The idea of motion controls seemed awesome when it first came out. But now it's 3 (give or take) years later and it hasn't had a spectacular game since Mario Galaxy which came out 3 years ago. Even Brawl is pointless because I don't use the Wiimote I use the Gamecube controller. Furthermore, I hate the idea of Kinect and Playstation Move and I have no desire for them whatsoever. Motion sensitivity is the wrong direction for the next generation of videogaming.

Mydnyght:

dennyaaa:
I lol'ed at the word "Wii" ^^

And to think... The temporary working title for the Wii was "Revolution"... I still don't get how you go from Revolution to Wii...

Apparently they wanted the console's name to be easily pronounceable in other languages, also because the "i"s could represent the Wiimote or the two "i"s that look like people and thus fits the "we" wordplay...

Bah.

For some reason after watching all of Yahtzee's other reviews I find this one to be one of my favorites.

yeah, i agree, wii is a weak-ass system.

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