Zero Punctuation: Wii Sports Resort

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I happen to like the Wii, and the 5 games I picked up for the thing for the actual system. (You might laugh but I bought the 360 for one game. Take that Microsoft! Yet somehow I think it is Microsoft doing the laughing... Anyway)

I happen to enjoy Yahtzee's Bashing against the Wii, because as much as I love those 5 games, I agree with his assessment about what the Wii is in general.

I was kind of hoping he would review The Conduit however, since I have created my own what game to purchase system based off the Yahtzee factor. If he doesn't completely degrade it outright, and it is a game I had a remote amount of interest in, I buy it.

Agreed!

To hell with motion-controlling!

Well, he is funny on occasion, even though I do disagree with him more often than not.
I still enjoy my Wii, even more so every time he downplays it.

I paticularly like the bit on quick time events, and fencers :)
"Get carpal tunnel syndrome to not die"
"Je suis le twat"

Good job Yahtzee, you have also alienated your very small fencer minority. Good day!

Gerbykins:
OH MY GOODNESS, YOU HAVE OUTDOWN YOUR SELF THIS WEEK!
I Coulnd't stop laughing at the jokes, and the hilarity that was contained within this little yellow video from hell :D

I just don't know why you didn't get Wii Resort? I JUST PICKED UP THIS GAME FROM EBAY AND ITS GOD DAMN TERRIFIC!
The Wii motion plus, or the WMP as I like to call it xD is crazy accurate. And now I can play all my favourite games like
Links Archery training.

Anyhow, Piece out Yatzee man, I got a date with destiny. (Going to watch Lost on tv hehe :) cya )

How can you think the jokes are funny when you posted THE SAME MINUTE THE VIDEO WAS UPLOADED?!

Also you misspelled peace. And Yahtzee. And you're watching Lost...

I'm sorry if anyone already pointed this one out...

I own all three consoles, and I have to agree with Yahtzee's assessment of the Wii.
I've enjoyed exactly six games for the Wii so far. The Zelda one, the Metroid one, the Mario one, the Paper Mario one, the Mario Kart one, and No More Heroes.
Only one of those qualifies as a new game. The rest are just reboots of games that were fine in their original form on the N64 or Gamecube.
I've been actively avoiding minigame collections and games that claim to be "mature" but aren't (I see you, MadWorld). Thus, I have very few games to choose from when I look at the Wii landscape.
Oh, almost forgot. Every multiplatform release is crap on the Wii. I bought Marvel: Ultimate Alliance for the Wii before I realized this and have cursed the day I did ever since.

I have developed a true hatred for the casual gaming crowd, and the way nintendo panders to them. I haven't bought a game for the wii actually made by nintendo for over a year. It's sadly ironic but Sega, who used to be their strongest competitor, is the only thing keeping them afloat right now. That's why I was hoping for a review of the conduit but hey, these retarded mini game compilations need to have their little smack downs or else they'll never LEARN.

Yeah, I hate Nintendo.
Hilarious as always.

Well he'll still have one wii owner watching him because I feel the same way he does.

yeah! That is exactly what I was thinking!

Vanguard_Ex:

Mookie_Magnus:

Gerbykins:
OH MY GOODNESS, YOU HAVE OUTDOWN YOUR SELF THIS WEEK!
I Coulnd't stop laughing at the jokes, and the hilarity that was contained within this little yellow video from hell :D

I just don't know why you didn't get Wii Resort? I JUST PICKED UP THIS GAME FROM EBAY AND ITS GOD DAMN TERRIFIC!
The Wii motion plus, or the WMP as I like to call it xD is crazy accurate. And now I can play all my favourite games like
Links Archery training.

Anyhow, Piece out Yatzee man, I got a date with destiny. (Going to watch Lost on tv hehe :) cya )

Funny how you can comment on the review before it's even done. Isn't it interesting, guys?
People who post before the video is done are not taken kindly to around here, especially when it's their first ever post. Seriously, if you want to be respected here, act respectable and watch the entire video before commenting. Oh, and BTW... Caps lock is NOT cruise-control for cool. It's cruise-control for FAIL.

Anyway, back to on-topic.

I found this review to be fairly good. It reaffirmed my not-wantingness of this game, but it informed me about it. To be honest, I hardly ever play my Wii. I usually only play Wii Golf or Bowling with my family, and SSBB with my friends or younger brother. The Archery mini-game does look a bit fun, but then again I can always practice real archery with my actual bow.
Yahtzee seemed to have a bit of fresh humor this go around, despite it being as a Fraternity House bathroom.

I think he had an ulterior motive; Some of the things that guy has said don't even relate to Yahtzee's video, it's a bit...odd.

You may be right... He's probably a Yahtzee/Nintendo fanboy who would do anything to get in their presence. You notice how he actually thought he was talking to Yahtzee? It's a little sad. I don't think that Mr. Croshaw actually reads the comments on these anymore.

I have a Wii, I like my Wii, I do find it pretty enjoyable. That will not stop me from finding his opinion of it ever-fucking-hilarious! Yes its like that some of the time, but there are a handful of games that get it right even without the Motion Plus.

Wii Sports Resort though... SO fun! I'm not ashamed to say that the Swordplay games are the absolute best. So it's more arbitrary waggling, at least its an accurate 1:1 ratio of movement now. Consequently, I did end up wielding my "Wii Sword" in the style of a fencer as it just felt more fluid to me than imagining it's a Kendo/Samurai sword as the game's examples constantly display.

And Bowling... "oh fuck off!" Haha! Yeah, but at least they improved the 100-Pin Game. WAY better than the original version.

Ah, well, good vid Yahtzee.

Just like always, that was great. Refreshing the tab every ten minutes for a couple of hours paid off after all.

The Wii is most fun when you make fun "of" it ;)

Actually, I want both of the mentioned innovations (cyberspace and fruit controllers). The first for immersion, the second because I'm too lazy to get off my ass and pick up my own food (not kidding).

owned... lol

Biplanes were used in WW1 not WW2 :( Just FYI.

Mookie_Magnus:

Vanguard_Ex:

Mookie_Magnus:

Gerbykins:
OH MY GOODNESS, YOU HAVE OUTDOWN YOUR SELF THIS WEEK!
I Coulnd't stop laughing at the jokes, and the hilarity that was contained within this little yellow video from hell :D

I just don't know why you didn't get Wii Resort? I JUST PICKED UP THIS GAME FROM EBAY AND ITS GOD DAMN TERRIFIC!
The Wii motion plus, or the WMP as I like to call it xD is crazy accurate. And now I can play all my favourite games like
Links Archery training.

Anyhow, Piece out Yatzee man, I got a date with destiny. (Going to watch Lost on tv hehe :) cya )

Funny how you can comment on the review before it's even done. Isn't it interesting, guys?
People who post before the video is done are not taken kindly to around here, especially when it's their first ever post. Seriously, if you want to be respected here, act respectable and watch the entire video before commenting. Oh, and BTW... Caps lock is NOT cruise-control for cool. It's cruise-control for FAIL.

Anyway, back to on-topic.

I found this review to be fairly good. It reaffirmed my not-wantingness of this game, but it informed me about it. To be honest, I hardly ever play my Wii. I usually only play Wii Golf or Bowling with my family, and SSBB with my friends or younger brother. The Archery mini-game does look a bit fun, but then again I can always practice real archery with my actual bow.
Yahtzee seemed to have a bit of fresh humor this go around, despite it being as a Fraternity House bathroom.

I think he had an ulterior motive; Some of the things that guy has said don't even relate to Yahtzee's video, it's a bit...odd.

You may be right... He's probably a Yahtzee/Nintendo fanboy who would do anything to get in their presence. You notice how he actually thought he was talking to Yahtzee? It's a little sad. I don't think that Mr. Croshaw actually reads the comments on these anymore.

Damn my spelling. Yeah I did notice that, quite odd really. They didn't really seem to even pretend convincingly that they'd actually watched the video.

I'd totally buy a fruit controller.

And then I'd eat that shit cause it sounds delicious.

As somebody who lined up on release day to get a Wii, I can't help but agree with Yahtzee's review. I knew when I first heard about the Wii's motion controls that it could be amazing, but it could easily becoming a tired gimmick if companies just tacked motion controls on to existing games. And guess what? They did.

Wii Sports was cool because it was the first game that came with the Wii and it showcased the motion controls. It was a simple game without a lot of replay value, but that's not what one expected -- it was supposed to be a demo, not the game to end all games.

And now, three years later, most Wii games are just more demos. If we aren't waving around the Wiimote as if it were a sword, bat, or other mechanically-similar device, we're balancing on a board pretending to do Yoga (and believing it's doing us some good). When are developers going to stop making casual games and demos and actually do something original and enjoyable with the controls?

Pretty consistently funny all the way through. One thing though- nevermind the ethics of bringing aerial dogfighting to a sports resort, how did it PLAY?

Oh pilotwings 64, I miss you so much...sniff.

As usual I agree that the Wii sucks and the video is hilarious. However, it's nice to know that my friends with Wiis that have fallen into Gamestop's evil grip of turning in every game thats more than three days old will still have Wii bowling for when we get drunk. Also that plane mini-game sounds pretty kickass, and hilarious considering the game's title.

Vanguard_Ex:
First point: Because every post has a time next to it saying when it was posted, surely you should know that by now.
Second point: No he won't, because he's breaking rules.
Third point: Already explained by the second point.
Nice try though.

right, and i suppose you have the exact time of the upload on the video? are you out of your mind?

where is he breaking the rules? i see no "first", i see a genuine spark of interest, and i see a question. so he's new, and he doesn't know that yathzee doesn't read the forums. what would you have expected?

nice try at being cocky, but it just doesn't work when you don't have proper argumentation. the lesson here: don't be abrasive and cocky; and don't act like an idiot.

i actually was a fencer, but i quit when it turned out to be just like fighting games, you can study all the moves you want but randomly beating the sword angainst your opponent would win more often.

also to everyone who thinks the Wii is a real and good console, please have your account deleted because you are against real gaming

I too am a Wii owner, but unfortunately for Yahtzee, he's going to keep this fan. As a fan, I realize that Yahtzee is extremely picky about what he wants in a game, and as such, I expect him to hate just about everything that comes out (Except for Psychonauts). As I have lower standards, I will at least like some games.

But really, what were you expecting Yahtzee to say about Wii Resort? It's just a bunch of motion sensing mini games. Good if you have a short attention span, or are a child. That's all mini games are ever going to be good for. If you allot yourself only 30 minutes a day to play video games, then this is your kind of game.

Awesome review though.

Definately one of my favourites.

Oh, and the fruit-controller isn't as great as you'd think. Your hands get sticky often and it falls apart.

That was Wii-lly good. I think I might Wii myself laughing. Wii all enjoyed it.

I know, I know, go die in a fire.

It was obvious from the end he didn't like the extra activity of motion interface games... what It's just an observation the jokes were hilarious and I watched 5 times in a row!
EDIT: also motion control game that dull is annoying or for paraplegics.

joethekoeller:
Gotta say though, Jackson Pollock is the one artist he shouldn't have used for the tarantula at the end of the spider joke, what with him mostly throwing shitloads of paint onto sufficiently large (i.e. gigantic) canvas.

well i thought the point of that joke was that Pollock already is waving his paintbrush around so much and now add a bit of panic to make the waving all the more frantic.
that's why the joke works.
and idk if I've become desensitized to yahtzee, but that was the only joke I half snickered at.

PS I like jokes like that, where I know I'm a small percentage of the population that actually does o.O

Can my controller be Cherry?

Is it just me or were there actually zero jokes here other than "lol Wii controls don't work"

Also way to be progressive, we only tried the VR helmet thing a decade ago before it was proven it was a shitty idea no matter how good the tech.

I'm sure this was funny to some, but humor's subjective and I guess I just don't "get it" this week. Except the Wii Air Sports jokes, those were actually funny, but then again i'm a tool who thinks anything involving air combat before the age of jets and sidewinders was awesome :P

Funniest episode in the past couple of weeks, anyways. Love the commentary on the cycling and how it works great if you completely don't understand how a bike works :P

InF3sTeD:
Biplanes were used in WW1 not WW2 :( Just FYI.

Biplanes were still used during World War II. For example, the Bismark was crippled by a flight of British biplane torpedo bombers.

Slycne:

InF3sTeD:
Biplanes were used in WW1 not WW2 :( Just FYI.

Biplanes were still used during World War II. For example, the Bismark was crippled by a flight of British biplane torpedo bombers.

And the Bismarck was not in the South Pacific circa 1943 :P

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