214: Sex and the Single Player

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Sex and the Single Player

The Escapist's own Editor-in-Chief examines the obstacles gamers face when trying to make the jump from single player to co-op in real life.

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A few things popped into my mind when I began to read this article. The first was "Five pages? Jesus Christ!". As I kept reading, the second thought emerged; "Dude, this is the most depressing sexual memoir I've ever read."

Admittedly, the first three or so pages are pretty grim, but I'm glad it finished up with a happy ending. Considering the fact that male gamers outnumber female gamers ten to one, actually managing to marry one must be some kind of achievement.

Congratulations Mr. Pitts. You just beat life...on HARD difficulty...

Still, even though I liked this article a lot, I can't really place my finger down on the moral. I can't decide between "if you're a gamer, marry a gamer" and "if you work for the Escapist, you will get laid."

To beat life on INSANE difficulty, you have to marry TWO gamers, who are also supermodels.

"If only I had learned sooner that a successful relationship is best formed with a fellow gamer." Truer words were never written.

HardRockSamurai:
To beat life on INSANE difficulty, you have to marry TWO gamers, who are also supermodels.

The words "now make out with each other" come to mind.

Interesting read - if not as a "future maybe if I'm lucky" read, then just as a "one lucky gamer among one hundred" that passes the time.

Oddly enough, this article has also made me rethink my position as a self-proclaimed gamer. I enjoy the odd game, but I don't mind if I have to give it up for a night out. I'm almost certain that I would TRY to stay awake, just so all that slot money doesn't go to waste, and I wouldn't mind the story of the roadie.

It's sad, I think, to pick between love and games - but since that's the view most non gamers have, I suppose being in the minority means we get less of a voice.

Well, if you don't want a relationship with someone who will constantly demand things of you and hold you to a high standard, you need to find someone who has a low sexual economic market value, i.e. a fat and ugly person, which is exactly what my strategy is. Makes sense to me cause I'm a low-value male myself and I wouldn't have the purchasing power to go for something better.

You know, now that you've said we would never believe that chain of events that led to you and Mrs Pitts getting together, you have to write a follow up. Otherwise it's just a tease.

I guess I have to remind my boyfriend how lucky he is. :D

HardRockSamurai:

To beat life on INSANE difficulty, you have to marry TWO gamers, who are also supermodels.

And before you try cheating, it only counts if they're female. Male supermodels will shag anything. :)

It's amusing all the groups that you would expect to go together that just don't. While Russ talked about Rockers and Gamers, there's major splits between Historical Re-enactment and LARPers, VAMPIRES and Vampire players, Genre Novelists and "REAL" novelists, Retail Workers and Humanity...

Never expect a cute gamer to be ready to marry you, and never expect a cute non-gamer to ignore you. Sometimes, just sometimes, there's that little spark that leads to something wonderful. And sometimes, that little spark will burn your house down.

Assuming you don't dedicate your entire life to your XBL gamerscore, there's always someone out there for you, gamer or not. Hobbies aren't the only way to connect to someone on a deeper level you know.

Good for you if you get a gamer wife/husband , I traded mine in for an Icy wand of +4 dexterity. They go for high prices in the Auction house.

I really need to go abroad, there's a shortage of gaming women here.

Great read, Russ :D

It amuses me no end that my advice to friends who have had jerk partners a fair bit tends to be "Find game you like, you'll probably meet a gamer who you like as well." That goes for both sexes actually so I am no doubt the cause of some shortages in the culture. Oh well, all in a day's work.

Some of this comes from stigma, some of it comes from a very male-centric industry and a lot of dickheads running around. Every so often someone turns up who's more than the screams of "NOOB!!!" or a lingering scent of 'Dew and old sweat. They tend to be the popular ones, so there's a moral to the story really. Or you could go with the media fame.

Cool story

Very entertaining read. :)

I also consider myself lucky to have a gamer girlfriend. I still remember how dumbfounded I was when she told me that she had played Morrowind. It was like a glitch in the Matrix. Two parallel lines crossing. My brain was divided by zero.
Girls play aligning colorful orbs, solitaire or maybe the Sims, if they play videogames at all.

It was all love after that.

What about those of us who are both musicians and gamers?
Do we have to choose? :(

it took you how many years to find out you should date people with similar interests? Have you ever seen eharmony commercials? I mean, you don't have to find someone based upon 29 proven dimensions of compatibility, but common dude, finding someone who understands one of your (if not the) biggest passions in your life seems like a given!

At any rate, I'm going to college in three weeks, and I hope all the girls there aren't like your ex's - meaning, i hope they take the time to appreciate me and my interests.

Oh man, too bad about those Russians though.

o_O I laughed out loud at that! What the hell? (this hasn't happened in days. I'm serious.)

-Xboxen
-Fallout > sex
-Doomscream
-MARRIED A GAMER.

\o/ I bow to your skills, Mr. Pitts.

Congratulation Russ, you're a lucky guy. Being in a gamer-relationship isn't always a jackpot. Sadly, I speak of experience.

Haha, I see nobody tells the editor to stick to the word limit! :P

Russ, I hope your friend did meet up with those Russian girls, like he said. The world is a better place if his story is true. (Too bad for you, though.)

As for going out with a gamer: I highly recommend it. Truly, it is good to be one of the Chosen Few. Ok, so when we met my girl had lapsed from a Nintendo childhood to a PopCap adolescence, and our tastes aren't perfectly aligned (she will never play Advance Wars, and she will never, ever, EVER play Fire Emblem - two of my favourites), but her Xbox Live gamerscore is currently well over double mine. And she's hot, so... to paraphrase Beyonce, I like it so much I may just put a ring on it.

Mimsofthedawg:
it took you how many years to find out you should date people with similar interests? Have you ever seen eharmony commercials? I mean, you don't have to find someone based upon 29 proven dimensions of compatibility, but common dude, finding someone who understands one of your (if not the) biggest passions in your life seems like a given!

That's just the problem: finding someone. Presumably there are also legions of Twilight fans out there, wishing for a man who could just understand their passion...

Russ Pits:
See, the gamer's definition of "cranking it" may be staying up until 4am, playing Rock Band and going through the motions of being a rock star, but the musician's definition involves actually being a rock star.

I can't believe you just said that.

Fraser.J.A:

Mimsofthedawg:
it took you how many years to find out you should date people with similar interests? Have you ever seen eharmony commercials? I mean, you don't have to find someone based upon 29 proven dimensions of compatibility, but common dude, finding someone who understands one of your (if not the) biggest passions in your life seems like a given!

That's just the problem: finding someone. Presumably there are also legions of Twilight fans out there, wishing for a man who could just understand their passion...

Twilight's popularity and obsessive fan-base is a slap in the face to both feminists and men.

I'm also one of the minority that actually found a girlfriend that likes games. Can't say that I'm at marriage level, but it's still awesome. The only considerable difference is that she likes the more "casual" type games and prefers to play SSX on her gamecube, or anything on the DS, while I opt for Gears 2 on the 360. It's one thing to date a girl that plays games - it's way more difficult to find a girl that likes the *same* games you do.

I couldn't help Aww'ing at the "a single audible gasp" area. How sweet. You, are a very lucky man.

All that comes to mind is...

...you lucky son of a bitch...

But in a good way. Like, man I wish something awesome like that would happen to me.

HardRockSamurai:
Congratulations Mr. Pitts. You just beat life...on HARD difficulty...

I agree, wholeheartedly. Congratulations.

Nice article, Russ. I enjoyed it greatly.

I'm not proud of this period of my life, but it did lead to some interesting experiences. Like the time, walking into the back entrance of a bar, carrying an amplifier, I stumbled over two bums having sex. They didn't seem to notice me, so I moved on - quickly. Ah, those were the days.

Yes, yes they were. I never stumbled over copulating bums, but I did accidentally interrupt a couple of tweakers snorting cocaine off of a filthy bathroom sink. Also, there was the time we played an outdoor show and some really stoned dude was writhing around in a sleeping bag in the dirt in front of the stage, apparently masturbating. I don't really miss those days all that much.

Clemenstation:
Oh man, too bad about those Russians though.

Dude, I KNOW!

Thats awesome, a really great arcticle. Suprised how little comments there are.

Uhhhh..... does my totally straight gaming bromance with youngmaxwell941 count?

Hmm....i'm surprised i'm the only one with THIS outlook: I could never EVER live with a woman who was into gaming like i am.

I don't know what it is.. Something about the personality of the female gamers i've experienced. I find they just completely rub me the wrong way. Alot of the female gamers i've met are gaming simply because it's a new way for them to try to find the attention in the virtual world that they aren't getting in the real world, imo, and it annoys the heck out of me.

Case in point: i'm playing WoW. I group up with a priest. We do a couple of quests together chatting all the way. Suddenly the priest announces "i'm a chick, ya know." I'm like: okay great! She posts a link to a pic of her. I say "oh, gee, thanks!" She asks "so what do you think? Am i cute?" At this point i'm thinking is she hitting on me? Is this a dude pretending to be a chick? What?

So i say "yeah, sure, you're cute." and she says "well, i'm married."

So i'm like "uh...congratulations?" Seriously, was that really necessary? Fish for attention much? I've played with a couple of people claiming to be lady-gamers who were like that.

I find that personality incredibly annoying. And i tried dating a couple of women into gaming because i subscribed to the whole "find someone who is into the same stuff you are" thing, and all those relationships ended very poorly.

I married a girly-girl who was a non-gamer (outside of the occassional Dr. Mario/Tetris binge) and i truly couldn't be happier.

Yes i had to curtail the gaming JUST a tad (mondays, wednesdays and saturdays are the evenings i devote to gaming), but overall i can't complain. At least it insures that i do have something in my life that i can do JUST for me.

Not to say that i haven't come across a couple of lady-gamers who weren't pretty cool. But they are a substantial minority.

This article is awesome and I have to say it does go both ways. A lot of the guys I have dated that are not gamers and yes ladies and gents there are guys out there that hate video games... its a little scary.
Anyways they never understood why I would rather spend my free time playing a game. And I would always tell them "Hold on I'm gonna level here in a min." 5 hours later they stormed off pissed off. Yes maybe I got a little too much into the game but I don't have alot of spare time and I would try and get them to play co-op with me but they refused. Soooooooooooooo idk. I do agree dating a gamer is alot easier. The only problem there is if you only have one computer or one controller then it becomes a problem lol.

im not a major gamer and dont wish to get married or have a girl for even more than one night but yes i imagine if i were to be like you and find someone that you like to be around that might go away

Gamer girl or not, I'm just unlikeable. It says so here in my personnel file: Unlikeable. Liked by no one. A bitter, unlikeable loner whose passing shall not be mourned. :D

Definitely gotta look for someone with the same interests. I can't imagine living with someone who didn't get the reference I just made.

riskroWe:
What about those of us who are both musicians and gamers?
Do we have to choose? :(

Life isn't a novel, you're either with us or against us! XD

I'm probably doomed. Gamer for life, but when I started gaming was just getting its start - it would be over a decade before it was even remotely mainstream. Consequently, it's unlikely many girls my age would have heard of it. The best I can hope for will be a tolerant partner.

I'm also lucky in that I'm dating a girl who games. We have other similar interests, though, such as anime, manga, and movies. She doesn't do a lot of these as much as I do, but hey, at least I'm dating a gamer, right?

Nice read.

All I have to say is "awwwwwwww"

HardRockSamurai:
Considering the fact that male gamers outnumber female gamers ten to one, actually managing to marry one must be some kind of achievement.

Achievement Unlocked: She's Actually In This Castle (10,000)
Marry a female gamer.

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