Zero Punctuation: The Conduit

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my word, such an unbelievable amount of anger, but then again i tried it at a friend (okay okay i bought it) and by golly did it suck.

Perhaps, me not owning a Wii and whatnot, my opinions don't count for much here, but I'll voice them anyway because I can. What did you expect from a Wii shooter? Honestly, if you just play games based on their marketing hype you'll end up playing the next Sonic because Sega promised that this time it will be good.

So The Conduit promises good graphics, and thinks it'll be the first game to use the Wii-mote somewhat well? I would have thought that a veteran gamer would be able to see straight through that. I suspect you only played it because you enjoy eviscerating every serious game that comes out for the Wii.

Your point about the Wii-motion-plus (or however that is meant to be hyphenated) is moot; The Conduit was in development long before the motion-plus was announced. Besides, no sane developer would make a game for an optional peripheral.

Freakout456:
Wow another Wii zp review and yet my Wii will stay dusty.

Also I wonder since he hasn't mentioned it does Yahtzee know that Prince of Persia SoT is now becoming a movie because I think he'd be "overjoyed" to hear it.

*pokes my eyes out*

Could someone inform me about the central aspect of conduit that was supposed to be a breakthrough? That is the well designed aiming and controls? i know you mentioned briefly about the turning mechanics, but i thought the positive reviews I'd seen were generally based on the intuitive shooting combat, which wasn't really covered in this review. Anyone?

If a game is so bad as to be compared unfavorably to Sarah Palin, something's wrong.

You can look up by adjusting the vertical sensitivity of the Wiimote. I have no idea why it's called that but that's what it does. I've set it to 70 or so, that way I can actually plant a rocket in the face of a dude below me when I'm standing on a catwalk.

Did Yahtzee even bother to check the options? You can adjust aiming speed and the size of the bounding box so you don't have to point away from the screen to turn. I've no idea why I'm defending this game btw. Story - cliche. Graphics - shit. Audio - shit. Gameplay - chliche. Controls - fucking A.

Fun enough, now I at least know that I shouldn't buy it.

Freakout456:
Wow another Wii zp review and yet my Wii will stay dusty.

Also I wonder since he hasn't mentioned it does Yahtzee know that Prince of Persia SoT is now becoming a movie because I think he'd be "overjoyed" to hear it.

Please tell me that's just a frakking photoshop job....

Its been along time but this ZP was actually good and funny, dont really know where Yahtzee got The Conduit getting good reviews from though, its in the middle-lows on metacritics.

jericu:
It was an okay review, but the Palin bashing wore pretty thin, pretty quick. Even then, it wasn't very funny.

It is funny to people not in the US.
Sort of like a funny car crash, if it happened in a completely moronic way it's hilarious to look at it on YouTube from the comfort of your living room, but not when you're in the car.

Freakout456:
Wow another Wii zp review and yet my Wii will stay dusty.

Also I wonder since he hasn't mentioned it does Yahtzee know that Prince of Persia SoT is now becoming a movie because I think he'd be "overjoyed" to hear it.

because he reviews games not movies

in all honesty, i had already decided upon seeing commercials for this game, that i won't be buying it. purely for the reason that it's a shooting game, and the wii's controls just seem to make that more difficult to deal with. i did have friends trying to convince me to get it anyway, though, and i'm grateful to you, Yahtzee, for giving me more legitimate reasons to give my friends for why i won't get it.

My brother bought Wii for the novelty factor sadly he's put maybe 14 hours into it and has 8 different games and Wiifit... Oh Nintendo is actually a supergenius who's hell-bent on taking over the world or at least Hawawi. Anyways, I have little faith in any new Wii titles and have let the piece of plastic slowly collect mounds of dust, wouldn't be surprised if there were beetles in there now.

GoliathJT:
...but I loved it for a Wii game.

Yes. His point exactly. When "for a Wii game" must be added, that should be a warning to avoid the game if possible. That kind of qualifier always sends up red flags for me.

This was funny! But the only game that I actually listened to yahtzee about was Medal of Honor. I'm still going to play my Conduit despite what yahtzee says. But the BDEPP BDEEP this is so true!!!

Freakout456:
Wow another Wii zp review and yet my Wii will stay dusty.

Also I wonder since he hasn't mentioned it does Yahtzee know that Prince of Persia SoT is now becoming a movie because I think he'd be "overjoyed" to hear it.

Read the sentences at the end of one of his Prince of Persia game reivews and he mentions it. (I'm pretty sure it's after the Prince of Persia one.)

OT: Meh. Okay, but not great at all.

While I haven't played it, from what I've seen/heard the conduit definitly seems like a very old school game. And I mean that in all the worst ways.

First of all: Holy fucking jesus christ nailed to a cross comprised entirely of three-or-four more hold fucking jesus christs. Do you people even watch the bloody video through before you post your banal comments?!

And now, my banal comment: Say what you like about the Wii, it's fun when you have friends over, especially when most of them (and you) have between you; one Wii, one Xbox, Half a PS3, and about two dozen PCs. I don't think I've ever played my Wii for more than a half-hour at a time. It's just not designed for that. If you're still playing Mad World for more than ten minutes without passing it on to the next person in line, you're not playing it right.

The thing I don't get is why in the fuck don't developers have the remote compliment the analog stick when it comes to turning!? Metriod did it opretty damn well from what I saw. And my god... Disney is going to destroy PoP. I have no hope for humanity anymore.

When the Escapist first started running those God-awful deep-throated ads for the Conduit, and I saw it was a shooter for the Wii, I had the distinct impression that Yahtzee would tear the atrocious game a superfluous new behind.

Glad to see I was not disappointed.

GoliathJT:
I rented (and beat) The Conduit over 5 days, and I have to say I fucking loved it.
It could have been longer and had better alien weapons (I didn't like their design) but I loved it for a Wii game.

Ehehehe you just proved Yahtzee's point.

You didn't with 'I loved it', but rather 'I loved it for a Wii game'. Stuff like that is brilliant. "It wouldn't be fair to compare it to normal games, but compared to the other spacky games out there it doesn't rate TOO bad" etc etc.

Note: Not sure why I'm ragging on the Wii here, LOZ:TP was amazing by any standards. So it definitely has the capability...

bouncymike999:

Freakout456:
Wow another Wii zp review and yet my Wii will stay dusty.

Also I wonder since he hasn't mentioned it does Yahtzee know that Prince of Persia SoT is now becoming a movie because I think he'd be "overjoyed" to hear it.

because he reviews games not movies

well ya he does review games I'm not saying he should review the movie but he actually enjoys Prince of Persia...a lot he mentions it in more reviews then he should.

Meh, I'm a nintendo fan and I've given up on the wii. I really can't say I'm suprised. I was expecting it to be now bad, but horrible.

As always good review I'm glad you reviewed this game. After all the praise it got I'm glad it got curb stomped into the ground. My prediction for Yahtzee's next 3 reviews.

Next Week: Madden NFL 10 (Let's face it he's never reviewed a sports game and this would be the perfect one for him to try)

In 2 weeks: Wolfenstein (need I say anything)

In 3 Weeks: Batman Arkham Asylum (If my memory serves me right this game will have stealth in it. If it does its a shoe in for a review.)

If Yahtzee ever does another old game I hope he does Psi-Ops for the PS2. That game was pure fun and ways you can kill people=priceless.

Freakout456:
Wow another Wii zp review and yet my Wii will stay dusty.

Also I wonder since he hasn't mentioned it does Yahtzee know that Prince of Persia SoT is now becoming a movie because I think he'd be "overjoyed" to hear it.

Being the ass I am, I emailed asking if he was aware. He never got back to me. Of course, I didn't expect anything less, but I still do wonder what his opinion would be on it.

newguy77:

Freakout456:
Wow another Wii zp review and yet my Wii will stay dusty.

Also I wonder since he hasn't mentioned it does Yahtzee know that Prince of Persia SoT is now becoming a movie because I think he'd be "overjoyed" to hear it.

Read the sentences at the end of one of his Prince of Persia game reivews and he mentions it. (I'm pretty sure it's after the Prince of Persia one.)

oh....nevermind then

Not all Wii games are as bad as Palin. I'd have to say that Sega is as bad as Palin but not the Wii.

Cavouku:

Freakout456:
Wow another Wii zp review and yet my Wii will stay dusty.

Also I wonder since he hasn't mentioned it does Yahtzee know that Prince of Persia SoT is now becoming a movie because I think he'd be "overjoyed" to hear it.

Being the ass I am, I emailed asking if he was aware. He never got back to me. Of course, I didn't expect anything less, but I still do wonder what his opinion would be on it.

That's why I mentioned it.

Well, did u know that the WII ist the Console with the badest Buy/Play-ratio of all consoles EVER created.. means often bought, seldom played.. =)

And thats mainly because everyone THINKS its great fun to wiggle around with the WIImote, but aparently it's NOT.. ^^

I'm going to take a wild stab here and suggest that he didn't particularly like Conduit. Ahem.

This really doesn't bode well for the future; if Nintendo - who have had years now of attempting to perfect the motion control technology - cannot produce a good gaming experience for a more "hard core" non-Wii Sports crowd, then it hardly makes me excited for Natal or the PS3 wands. If this is the direction gaming really wants to go then I genuinely worry for it.

Here's hoping all this motion controlled crap goes away before the next console generation.

this is the review ive been waiting for but didnt know i was waiting for.

im surprised i didnt hear more about the generic (since thats why i lost hope in the game and sold my wii). but i didnt know about the other things so they were probably more glaring. its also nice to be reminded of why wii fps's dont work well and thats turning.

eoin90210:
I really hate that you can't look up!!!!...cuntholes

bet megaman felt the same way.

Anywho, I tried it before. I didn't like it, mostly cause on the beeping testicle and the fucking control.

Zukonub:
Since when has Secretary been obscure?
I like the Conduit myself. It's a STEP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION. Motion sensing should open up new, unexplored avenues for gaming (specifically FPS gaming), and, if the Conduit can say anything, it's that the Wii can be successful with the FPS.

Agreed. It's important that it's trying to find a new way of controlling a shooter well, and the amount of customisation you can have with the controls shows they went to the effort. So it was generally a failure, but it's still important, see? Like Mirror's Edge was.

I was not planning on buying The Conduit since I skipped every single console Big N has made since the NES. I think they rushed the Wii out before they actually figured out how to get the controls to actually work that's why they had to add another adapter to get it to sort of work right.

I also think it is wrong to make Palin jokes because now your just beating horse giblets.

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