Zero Punctuation: The Conduit

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Ok, that is my new favorite review. Nail your tung to a subway train, that was golden. I haven't laughed this hard at one of his reviews in a while!

3.141592654:

So The Conduit promises good graphics, and thinks it'll be the first game to use the Wii-mote somewhat well? I would have thought that a veteran gamer would be able to see straight through that. I suspect you only played it because you enjoy eviscerating every serious game that comes out for the Wii.

That, or because it's his job to review games as they come.

DanHibiki:

jericu:
It was an okay review, but the Palin bashing wore pretty thin, pretty quick. Even then, it wasn't very funny.

It is funny to people not in the US.
Sort of like a funny car crash, if it happened in a completely moronic way it's hilarious to look at it on YouTube from the comfort of your living room, but not when you're in the car.

Actually, it's pretty funny for us in the U.S. as well, except for those who get tired of politics. I love all the Republican jokes Yathzee uses, these Palin ones topping the charts, however, if he wanted to go after Democrats, I'd probably laugh at those jokes too.

Good review Yathzee, thanks for your honest, unadulterated opinion

Yahtzee's accent is really prominent in this one, I thought.

I'm still thinking of giving The Counduit a go, though. But that's only because I haven't turned my Wii on in about a month.

nice review as always
liked the "and naturlich" since I'm from germany - no i'm not a nazi :P

BDEEP BDEEP so far

makes me happy =]

Freakout456:
Wow another Wii zp review and yet my Wii will stay dusty.

Also I wonder since he hasn't mentioned it does Yahtzee know that Prince of Persia SoT is now becoming a movie because I think he'd be "overjoyed" to hear it.

a Prince of Persia movie? By Disney? Dear god, Repent! Repent!

*ahem* anyway, yes, great review, well up to your usual standards. I never planned to get the conduit, having abandoned the Wii a while ago. Glad to see I'm not missing out.

BDEEP BDEEP BDEEP BDEEP BDEEP!

Nintendo alienated their longstanding fanbase with the Wii. They even said something very similar to the fact they are no longer catering to those that have been with them since the beginning etc but to the broad family etc.

Yes their marketing rocked and is why the Wii is dominated in SALES.
Does Sales = Good Console/Game? No. No it doesn't.

What I will share with everyone is the information that the IGN reviewer for the game, Matt something or other, was not only credited in the game under the title "Special Thanks". He was paid to review the game well...

Linear levels packed with conga-lines of bland monsters? Not able to look up? Unimaginative weapons? Sounds like every third-rate FPS (or "Doom-clone" as we called them then) released on the PC back in the mid-90s.

The more things change...

Well at this point any hopes for a good Wii game are lost, and people just don't understand that, Get rid of the wii and all its stupid fanboys who think they're gamers!...And Sara Palin too while we're on the subject

Good video though I do not get why during his previous E3 review "Nintendo remember its a video game company and not Fisher-Price" which I took as meaning "stop making so many casual gimmicky games and make some for the hardcore crowd", that is a perfectly valid viewpoint, but then when he reviews a Wii game aimed at the hardcore crowd he rags on it for attempting to do what he said he wanted.

It seems horribly hipocritical to say you dislike the wii for focusing on casual games, then say they shouldn't bother with hardcore games.

Yes I suppose you could say the issue is with the concept of the Wii, that it was a failed attempt at trying something new. Except he also has said he loves inovation and attempts at something new. Which contradicts this alternate reason for disliking it

Nothing brightens my Wednesdays more than seeing a Wii game up for slaughter on ZP. It seems he really hates the Wii about as much as I do. On a totally unrelated note who the hell is the Curly haired fella with the blank look he uses in most all of his reviews?

Another great review, but don't you think its about time Wii games stopped getting reviewed?

We all know the majority of Wii games aren't any thing to sing and dance about, and know they will have 'crappy' graphics which are no where near as good as the PS3 or Xbox360's graphics, that goes with out saying by now.

Wow, I had no idea The Conduit was that lackluster. Now when my friends use it to defend the Wii, it'll be another thing for me to shoot down. Go elitism!

Considering the less angry and sarcastic reviews I've seen for this title essentially stressed that the sole reason anyone should ever consider purchasing Conduit would be if they only have a Wii and thus can't play FPS titles on anything else, I'd say Yahtzee was probably not exaggerating much. Good for a Wii game indeed.

I like the sarah palin jokes in that review funny as always

Whistler777:
Wow, I had no idea The Conduit was that lackluster. Now when my friends use it to defend the Wii, it'll be another thing for me to shoot down. Go elitism!

Hopefully not with those crappy alien guns

phi161:
Another great review, but don't you think its about time Wii games stopped getting reviewed?

We all know the majority of Wii games aren't any thing to sing and dance about, and know they will have 'crappy' graphics which are no where near as good as the PS3 or Xbox360's graphics, that goes with out saying by now.

the wii will stop being pushed around when its games aren't the crappiest out there, plus last week we got Call of Juarez (or something) the only wii game reviewed in the last 4 weeks was Wii sports resort

Talk about a roast -- well done Yahtzee! It's been a long time since I've seen him get that worked up over a game, but for him to burn it with fire and brimstone was a nice touch. As with every great review, he backed up every biting remark with reasons for his malice.

Please, keep up the good work!

I outright refuse to play this game. Because if I didn't like Metroid Prime 3, then there's no way in hell that a shoddy-looking ugly mess of a 3rd person shooter game was going to be better. Basically, Yahtzee said all that needed to be said about this game. As he normally does.

LOOK AT THE DAMN CONTROL CUSTOMIZATION MENU!!!!!

damn near every complaint you had about the control could have been rectified if you weren't so fucking prepared to hate it no matter how good the game is, and once again you missed the point of the fucking game, its a multiplayer shooter, made for the sake of multiplayer and you only reviewed the glorified tutorial!

Cogzwell:

Whistler777:
Wow, I had no idea The Conduit was that lackluster. Now when my friends use it to defend the Wii, it'll be another thing for me to shoot down. Go elitism!

Hopefully not with those crappy alien guns

Naww. It'd most likely be with my words, as their sheer power has often been compared to that of a .50 hollowpoint.

Seriously, though, I'm not an idiot fanboy. I'll probably end up breaking down and buying a Wii to play the new Zelda game come holiday season.

Syntax Man:
LOOK AT THE DAMN CONTROL CUSTOMIZATION MENU!!!!!

damn near every complaint you had about the control could have been rectified if you weren't so fucking prepared to hate it no matter how good the game is, and once again you missed the point of the fucking game, its a multiplayer shooter, made for the sake of multiplayer and you only reviewed the glorified tutorial!

Why hello there, obvious Wii fanboy. When's the mediocrity convention?

The funny thing about this is that the inherent property of the tilt sensor functionality built into the Wii remote (that's right, MotionPlus not required) allows it to know what direction is "down". Conversely, it also allows you to know what direction is "up", and so it shouldn't be unreasonable to allow the player to point offscreen up or down and have the camera follow.

Real simple:

if( pointingAtScreen )
{
usePointerForLook();
}
else
{
if( tiltAngle > 0 ) useTiltMagnitudeForLookUp();
else if ( tiltAngle < 0 ) useTiltMagnitudeForLookDown();
else NoOnesHandIsThatSteady();
}

well done again Yahtzee, havent laughed like that in a while

Yeah, I'm beginning to regret my Wii purchase. The few diamonds in the shit pile (No more Heroes, Twilight Princess, Metroid Prime 3) are all but gone.

Nintendo are completly out of ideas. They're letting Sega and other 3rd parties grank out games while the main company is making things that are equal to the things hanging over cribs. I'm really dissapointed and ashamed at them. The only thing I've used my Wii for is playing all the Zelda games I could for the past month.

Of course more pissing on palin is always welcome!

Personally i thought the conduit was good but people are entitled to their opinions. However while the storyline they present you with is rather bland and generic they actually have an amazing hidden storyline which you can find out about by finding the hidden messages and listening to the radio broadcasts.

This is a link to a forum which is dedicated to finding out the 'real' storyline

http://uk.gamespot.com/wii/action/theconduit/show_msgs.php?topic_id=m-1-50295705&pid=947068&page=0

Apparently, someone else has noticed that the graphics are ugly... I saw pics in some review and I was wandering why it is said to have so good graphics.

A great review as always. The funniest I have heard in a while.

To quote Metalocalypse: That was brutal.

An amusing review as always. Just wondering, did he have a bad trip in Alaska recently? Only thing I can think of to cause the moose-hunting Sarah Palin to suddenly be a target of his bashing. Hell, we Americans have been doing it since she was allowed to speak to Katie Curic

nicely done, i was wondering if the conduit was as good as all of the other reviewers say.

I thought that the range of motion would be a problem with this game...

I love this game design deadly sin:
"You shall not be on Wii."

As always, great review but one critisism:
I wish you had mentioned the "multiplayer" aspect of the game being best on the Wii while being s*** compared to even a mediocre multiplayer mode on PC, 360 or PS3.

Artemus_Cain:
Yeah, I'm beginning to regret my Wii purchase. The few diamonds in the shit pile (No more Heroes, Twilight Princess, Metroid Prime 3) are all but gone.

Nintendo are completly out of ideas. They're letting Sega and other 3rd parties grank out games while the main company is making things that are equal to the things hanging over cribs. I'm really dissapointed and ashamed at them. The only thing I've used my Wii for is playing all the Zelda games I could for the past month.

The only games on my sister's Wii I'm glad i spent money on, Paper Mario,Donkey Kong, Donkey Kong Jr., Ice Climbers, Yoshi Story (i like it...), and Bubble Bobble(w00t)

:(

Three items on my agenda now: get Secretary on Netflix, view this beautiful bugger, and restate my lack of enthusiasm for all things Wii.

Here comes the clone army, and I am second in command to a duck.

Here's a question that poses to be interesting (or not): what are your thoughts on DS games?

I know Yahtzee has heard this before many times, so I'll tell him so he can here it. You are a dick. The Conduit is a great game and it is the only modern FPS I gave a crap about, and that is saying alot when I hate Halo and any game that followed it. Also, isn't pointing the Wiimote to the side of the screen a bit like pushing the analogue stick to the side? I mean compare it to Turok at least the turning is smooth and you can point to a row of aliens without spinning all around like a ballerina on a slippy floor. You people can contradict me but I think you Yahtzee are being a bit of an unjustly Nintendo Hater than an unbiased critic.

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