Zero Punctuation: The Conduit

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L.O.FUCKING.L

That was one of the funniest things I've seen in awhile.

3nimac:
Could someone tell me who the mystery guy that appears in a lot of ZP reviews is?

I think it would help me understand the jokes. :)

omg how do you not Know?!... It's average man

yahtzee have u ever heard of Charlie brooker u seem to have similar styles, and the wii is a shit console its what drove me to Pc gaming the only good thing that came out of that phase of my life

Well, I think I found out why Yahtzee never reads the damned threads, if the asshats at the forefront of this one are to be considered representative of how things go. It's quite sad, really.

I had never heard of the Conduit before this review, but it kinda makes me feel like I'm going to be hearing a lot of it in the near future. If this was originally brought to Yahtzee's attention as a competent non-casual Wii game, then it will probably be held up by my Wii-owning friends as the same. I'm constantly bugging them about choosing the Wii, and how it has no real games (save a Zelda or Mario title or two), and I think I'll be getting a "then you've never played the Conduit" many times in the near future. To which I shall refer them here. Thanks Yahtzee!

When I first saw this game I thought wow a redemption for the Wii! Then I saw the screen shots and read more about it and that is what finally pushed me to selling my Wii. After months of collecting dust I decided to upgrade to a much better way of gaming and got a 360, best decision I have ever made so far.

I think that was one of Yahtzee's most brutal reviews since SSBB, can we expect another fan mail segment where he tears into Wii fanboys?

Awesome review as always. I was never interested in the Conduit mostly because High Voltage games has never impressed me in the past, and it just didn't look like it would do anything interesting.

Sonicron:
Wow. I'm used to him hating the Wii, but this one seemed even angrier than usual.

Probably because he reviewed a Wii game last week.

I loved this review, but Yahtzee bashing the control scheme of this game is making me a bit suspicious too.
I'm wondering if Yahtzee is actually any good at playing games.

The controls of the conduit are praised in nearly all reviews. Even in reviews where they pick apart every other aspect of the game, the controls still get alot of praise, often hailing it as the best controls of any console fps.

Obviously keyboard + mouse is the way to play an FPS, but everyone appears to be able to get good use out of the wiimote in this game.

I thought he was being overly scathing in that review... until I noticed he used the phrase "enemy spawner" at which point all criticisms became deserved.

Wow. Hahaha, this was fun to watch. So much anger.

A+ on the Palin smash.

my friend got this game after telling me for months how good it would be and i hated it.

I absolutely adore Yahtzee's vindictive burning of the kiddie-dedicated Wii. The name is really starting to lean towards the perverted sort of puns, if you see what I mean (that it was made for wee little gamers).

veloper:
The controls of the conduit are praised in nearly all reviews. Even in reviews where they pick apart every other aspect of the game, the controls still get alot of praise, often hailing it as the best controls of any console fps.

Btw don't ever listen to official critics because they get paid to throw unsolicited perfect scores to bad games.

Freakout456:

Prince of Persia SoT is now becoming a movie because I think he'd be "overjoyed" to hear it.

you think he would be overjoyed to know that Disney is going to ruin such a lovely game franchise with a crappy for all ages kiddie movie -_- why the hell would you think that ?

Dartinin:

Freakout456:

Prince of Persia SoT is now becoming a movie because I think he'd be "overjoyed" to hear it.

you think he would be overjoyed to know that Disney is going to ruin such a lovely game franchise with a crappy for all ages kiddie movie -_- why the hell would you think that ?

Overjoyed was in quotation marks "" which implies sarcasm when put around a word.

Dear Yahtzee: You probably already know this and are just ignoring it to give you more thin excuses for Wii-bashing, but in case you genuinely missed it: Every aspect of the game's controls is customizable. If you don't like the default running speed (and I don't, either) you can go into the menu and speed it up. If you don't like the slow-motion melee, you can map it to a button press. If you don't like how far you have to aim to the side in order to turn, you can even shrink the bounding box! Let's see an Xbox 360 shooter do THAT.

I agree with him as far as the story, as well as some (but not all) of the level designs and bosses, and especially that stupid keyhole-finding shit, but he spends about thirty seconds on those, and the rest of the time bashing the control scheme that can be easily changed to suit your every whim.

Things I've learned from the Internet: British video game commentators are far more interested in American politics than those of their own country.

Freakout456:
Wow another Wii zp review and yet my Wii will stay dusty.

Also I wonder since he hasn't mentioned it does Yahtzee know that Prince of Persia SoT is now becoming a movie because I think he'd be "overjoyed" to hear it.

Fucking DISNEY is making the movie!? My next 100 paychecks says they screw it up beyond recognition.

OT: It's been a while since Yahtzee ripped apart a game this bad. Hella funny as always! :D

A "wheelchair bound Alaskan retard". Hehehe, and that bloke's name is Trig.

True story, Sarah Palin's latest kid.

Yay Secretary.

Shut up, it's a good film.

Did anyone else notice the huge similarities between the Conduit and Mass Effect?

And the sound effect for one gun that was the exact same of the Hunter's arm cannon from Halo?

Angus565:

Sonicron:
Wow. I'm used to him hating the Wii, but this one seemed even angrier than usual.

Probably because he reviewed a Wii game last week.

No he didn't. Get your watch checked, it's about a week off. :P

Krysk:
I'd like to see a real list of game design deadly sins.

Seeing this I just had to google it. There is actually a list of deadly sins for game design.

http://weblogs.asp.net/bleroy/archive/2007/07/05/seven-deadly-sins-of-game-design.aspx

This was funny, but the man needs to cut the Wii-bashing. It's not all that funny. The Conduit has enough things to bash about it.
While the Conduit is quite playable, Yahtzee seems to be right on a lot of things about it. I mean, the Conduit basically took every single FPS cliche there is and mixed them together...and you could see it from the first trailer.

Alien invasion? Check.
The faceless support/codec/radio/whatever guy? Check.
Alien conspiracy from the 90's? Check.

And the graphics...I don't even know how it's possible for them to try to make the best-looking Wii game but still lose to titles like Metroid and even Red Steel. My guess is that they tried to make it HD on a non-HD console. The best and worst way to do this is using BLOOOOOOOOM.
I heard that the Conduit multiplayer mode is quite good, though. And the controls are completely customizable.

But now, let's all wait for the review of Silent Hill: Shattered Memories, because that will be really interesting. A franchise Yahtzee loves hits a console Yahtzee loves to bash. What will happen?

Funny, but Sarah Palin jokes? Really? Have you finally gotten around to watching the news you recorded 10 months ago? It doesn't really matter what you think of the woman, but its gotten kind of boring.

Lord_Ascendant:
This is why I do not play Wii games anymore, they get repetitive very fast. Which, incidentally, is why any shooter wont work on the Wii. Good review.

JaredXE:
Wow, he really spit out the vitriol on this review. I mean, I agree that the WII is shit, but to compare it to Sara Palin....or her retarded kid, I couldn't tell. In anyways, ever since I attempted to play Quantum of Solace for the Wii......no, just no. The Wii CANNOT do FPS or anything except gimicky party games and be used to play much better Gamecube games.

Metroid Prime 3.

Yahtzee definitely took off the gloves for this one! I hope he gets a more amicable game next week, if only to keep him sane.

A MEdiocre product by Sega that's hailed by Nintendo fans despite such horrible flaws? Wow, Yahtzee sure got it right in this review.

Excellently said.

Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, WRONG! IN SO MANY WAYS!

Sure, the enemy spawners may be annoying, but ranting about the controls!?

Look Yahtzee, you utter nitwit, the controls are FULLY CUSTOMIZABLE. Don't like the proddy melee? Change it to, for example, the up button - like I did. Makes it much easier. In a way, by moaning about the controls you are complaining about your lack of ability to explore menus.

Also, the graphics ARE good. The TEXTURES aren't good, they are stupidly repeated, however the water effects, the reflection and lighting effects are brilliant. The bloom effects are also great and are used in a nice way (especially when you're dieing! (lol)).

All they need to do is improve their level design, make the gameplay a bit more varied -use the ASE for more than just a lock opener or bonus finder, for example- and greatly improve the texture detail. MP3+ quality textures with Quantum3 graphics effects would probably look brilliant!

Oh, and you can look up. Once again your inability to navigate simple menus has been the cause of your complaint, as you just need to slide "Vertical view" (self-explanatory) to 100, there you have it, you can look up! Simple!

Want to turn around quicker? Change the horizontal view and make the dead zone AS SMALL AS POSSIBLE. Hey presto! You have movement that feels much more natural than any analog stick controlled shooter.

Finally, the story is not non-existant (sorry for the double negative). If you actually look for it, it is there...and it is a VERY good story. The developers even said that they didn't want people to be forced through a complex story, those that wanted to just run and gun through each level could do so, but they put radios and conspiracy text and other nuggets of conspiracy information (even the levels tie into the story more deeply than you would first imagine) so that those who WANTED a story could find it.

I liked your reviews when I didn't have the games you were criticising (e.g. Spore, Mirrors Edge). However, as I got the games I realised that your reviews were just the whinings of some git who has impossibly high expectations and over-emphasises every little problem, putting people off games that are actually pretty good.

I have to say for once I completely disagree. I enjoyed the hell out of this game (although, I didn't play it through to the end, probably about %40 at a friends place over a day or two).

The controls worked well for me, there's even an option to let you continue turning when the pointer goes off the screen (I hate this option though, COD-whatever for the Wii made me get motion sick because this was on and non-configurable). It's been said in other places, but if you couldn't get the controls to work it's your fault, as literally everything is tweakable.

There are a few low points in the story missions, but overall I felt the game was fairly satisfying, and I always wanted to charge into the next room to shoot the ever-loving-hell out of everything; What more could I ask for?

The story is pretty lame and cheesy, but it didn't faze me much when I was blasting baddies away. To be honest I just kind of ignored the story and shot things. Haha, we all need a good mindless shooter every now and then.

Lastly, I liked the graphics. Sure, they weren't AMAZING or anything, but they were appropriate (if maybe a little muddy at times). Honestly it reminded me of a slightly re-vamped Half Life, and when it plays competently well, there's nothing wrong with that IMO.

I do however agree with the hate for the conduits on the ceilings/unobvious hiding places... that shit was pretty cheap.

tl;dr version; I enjoyed the hell out of this game, and while I recognize your right to an opinion, heartily disagree with you.

EDIT:
Heh, that's my post #420 AT 4:20pm. I Swear that was an accident haha, if I'd known I would've waited for the comments in this thread to reach 420 :P .

Did you modify the controls at all? That was one of the other big selling points, that you can adjust every aspect of the controls, even the dead zone.
Honestly, though, I didn't bother buying the game. While Wiimote + Nunchuk beats dual analog for control in shooters, Keyboard & Mouse beats them both, and it's gotten to the point where I just can't play a shooter with anything BUT keyboard and mouse. Otherwise, I can't use half of the game's weapons.

Enlong:

Lord_Ascendant:
This is why I do not play Wii games anymore, they get repetitive very fast. Which, incidentally, is why any shooter wont work on the Wii. Good review.

JaredXE:
Wow, he really spit out the vitriol on this review. I mean, I agree that the WII is shit, but to compare it to Sara Palin....or her retarded kid, I couldn't tell. In anyways, ever since I attempted to play Quantum of Solace for the Wii......no, just no. The Wii CANNOT do FPS or anything except gimicky party games and be used to play much better Gamecube games.

Metroid Prime 3.

Someone above suggested that the Wii made Metroid Prime 3 worse than the first two. I agree. However, it's still a very good game that puts most other games to shame (especially Wii games). Hell, compare the "planet approach" loading screens of Prime to Ratchet and Clank on the PS3 and you'll see that in the right hands, even low res Wii graphics can beat the pants off of lazy PS360 graphics.

Brilliant review - should I be scared because of how accurate I feel this video was?

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