Zero Punctuation: The Conduit

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Well making an actual game on the Wii is pointless unless it's a part of a never ending series like Zelda. The system is only for crappy casual party games these days anyway the idea anyone is still trying to make serious even close to hardcore games is baffling.

Oh and I noticed the 90day suspension for saying first and I feel the best part is he got 90days for being 2nd because zp was first also causing the kid below him to get banned for 7 days because he was caught in the gravitational pull of the person above him's stupid.

lol, that was hilarious.
I always agree with Yahtzee and the same flaws drive me insane in most games I play, so I'm starting to feel jealous of all the happy go lucky, easily impressed people that see shiny alien weapons and don't even care about gameplay flaws.
When I see a normal review, it always mentions the good parts of a game, with ever considering the hideous other side of the coin. I can't help but notice that that, depriving me of all fun I have with the game.
Yet, seems like most players only see the pretty side of the coin and apparently don't think much about the flaws.
I sometimes wish I could do so, I'm trying my very best to overlook every flaw I can, but at some point it's not possible anymore, when the game reaches a point where it's 99% glaring flaws and 1% potential for fun (yes, no actual fun).

The line at the end cracked me up:
"Think Halo meets National Treasure meets a bucket of sick."

Poor nintendo.

The Wii started out as a good idea, though why it was changed from the Revolution, I'll never know.

It's now been stuck in the casual gamer pocket, which might get it more money, my parents case in point. Played it at a friends house, went out and bought console and a slew of games, haven't played the thing since. Even bought a Guitar Hero/Rock Band set up played for like a day and haven't touched it.

I guess Nintendo needs to stick to franchises, but even those grow weak due to what I shall call the Simpson's Syndrome, as South Park referenced. Maybe they should just re-release the games for the Wii that were produced for the SNES/Gameboy, which i actually think they are starting to do...

And more games for the DS! I realised after i bought the thing that all the games are for young kids or for learning purposes, like Brain Academy. I wanna play games for fun darn it!

Definitely seems this is a winner at the Poopoo Olympics and was taken apart for the rolicking amusement of all.

Dbeep. Dbeep. Dbeep. hahahaha so good.
Great review as always!

greywolfsage:

It's now been stuck in the casual gamer pocket, which might get it more money, my parents case in point. Played it at a friends house, went out and bought console and a slew of games, haven't played the thing since. Even bought a Guitar Hero/Rock Band set up played for like a day and haven't touched it.

You know, I'm sick of all this talk about the Wii being a tourist trap for casual gamers, or whatever. What exactly is a casual game? What exactly constitutes a "hardcore" game? Is it a certain amount of graphices? a requisite level of blood and gore? Does it have to be a tournament game of some kind? Does it have to be on certain systems? What?

Oh, but even if Nintendo does try to make a "hardcore" game, it can't win. Because if it's making "casual" games, that's horrible; and if it tries to make "hardcore" games, then the pool has already been tainted by too many "casual" games for that to matter! And if the game is good, then it sould've been made on another system, where it apparently would've been so much better!

And more games for the DS! I realised after i bought the thing that all the games are for young kids or for learning purposes, like Brain Academy. I wanna play games for fun darn it!

The Phoenix Wright series, The new Fire Emblem game, the upcomig Kingdom Hearts game, TWEWY, and many other games that I can't think of off the top of my head. There's plenty of great games for the DS. If you can only find edumacational games, then you aren't looking hard enough.

jericu:
It was an okay review, but the Palin bashing wore pretty thin, pretty quick. Even then, it wasn't very funny.

yeah he needs to bash her more and harder! I thought it was hilarious, then again she is short of a trained monkey.

I feel ashamed by getting all the references. Not that old.

Hehe I personally liked the Palin jokes. Once again a great review thanks for that Yahtzee!

I found the game underwhelming and not all it was cracked up to be. Guess it was pretty rushed.

HAHA! Yes I knew the old Yahtzee would come back with his old rage! I felt like he was running thin in the last view episodes but this has completely restored my faith.

Well while I agree with the review there were a few flaws.

Complaining that you have to point off the screen to turn is a rookie mistake as the conduit features a fully customisable deadzone so in fact you could turn millimetres from the centre of the screen and I assume you also didn't know you could remap controls so had a go at the motions which could easily be mapped to buttons while things you don't use could be mapped to motions such as the 180 degree spin you mentioned.

The graphics technology is among the best on wii and better than PS2/Xbox stuff but only in places the developer thinks you will be looking so there are some nice lighting and zoom effects on guns and enemies but there are a few rogue textures around if you hunt for them. It isn't helped by the fact the art style is bland though.

I agree that the BEEP on the ASE is annoying but it is preferential to walking into ghost mines without any sort of alert as you would die each time you reached them or have to have your ASE out at all times. It could have been toned down a little. Oh, and you didn't mention the multiplayer.

Can somone please explain to me why the wii isnt a hardcore console and how the ps3 and 360 aparently are. Is the only thing that makes a hardcore console is graphics than shouldnt every hardcore gamer have a pc. And if you dont remember Nintendo's last hardcore console didnt sell well at all. You shouldnt blame them for trying to change the market in their favour.

There were some funnies that made me giggle here, but overall I'm starting to get bored. Going into this, I knew that he was going to hate on the console, and I knew that he'd beat the game down in every concievable way (or the predictable three; graphics, story and gameplay). It's already been said that he missed the customization of controls (though it may be that he just didn't find this to be a redeeming factor - or maybe he did and decided it shouldn't be mentioned anyway), and I personally find the graphics to be good, if not boring and bland, but that's irrelevant.

It's also a shame to see that so very few people - Yahtzee included - understand what the Wii really is about.

SilentHunter7:
If a game is so bad as to be compared unfavorably to Sarah Palin, something's wrong.

Hahaha exactly, this game was absolute shite. I actually equate the Wii to a lost child in a movie theatre.

It just doesn't really know what to do anymore...

-Joe

This is much better than the Wii sports review, maybe because he bashed the game not the console, which was getting tiresome.
fweman is the first (and hopefuly last) person I've ever ignored.

bodyklok:

First 3 comments were funny as always.

I think they are trying to get bnned now.

Basse:
Can somone please explain to me why the wii isnt a hardcore console and how the ps3 and 360 aparently are. Is the only thing that makes a hardcore console is graphics than shouldnt every hardcore gamer have a pc. And if you dont remember Nintendo's last hardcore console didnt sell well at all. You shouldnt blame them for trying to change the market in their favour.

Well hardcore is a pretty stupid way of putting it isn't it haha. I automatically see a 12 year old nerd specimen when I hear that word. But in this case graphics are always going to look worse on the Wii, that's a fact. Mistakingly they focused on making The Conduit graphically pleasing, but failed at it because there are other next gen consoles that look far better. They should of focused on the storyline more.

-Joe

Yahtzee should stop reviewing Wii games. Its obvious that he just sucks at them. I normally agree with what he says almost verbatim and would gladly offer mouth sex to him if prepositioned. He gets major points in my book for the unadulterated love he gives to the Prince of Persia series and Saints Row....but the Wii bashing is a bit ridiculous.

I guess all the "hardcore gamers" in this thread are angry that the "kiddy" system with all the shovelware outsells their precious PS3s and 360s combined by like 8-to-1

Knight Templar:

bodyklok:

First 3 comments were funny as always.

I think they are trying to get banned now.

I don't know, I think creatiwe and bor3ds0uls mod wrath wasn't intentional, not as intentional as 'LOL FIRST BAN ME' anyway.

Their posts were just zero content, but this is a ZP thread so who expects content?

Basse:
Can somone please explain to me why the wii isnt a hardcore console and how the ps3 and 360 aparently are. Is the only thing that makes a hardcore console is graphics than shouldnt every hardcore gamer have a pc. And if you dont remember Nintendo's last hardcore console didnt sell well at all. You shouldnt blame them for trying to change the market in their favour.

It's not the graphics it's the games. Most Wii games target casual gamers. Most Xbox 360 & PS3 games target fat 35 year olds living in their mother's basements and 12 year olds.

We can, will, and should make fun of them for making a shitty console.

whats up with reviewing all bad wii games? Little King's Story, Dawn of Discovery, Excitebots, Punch-Out!! are all recent, unique and good Wii games, even though they lack the 'hardcore' factor that normally involves generic FPS gameplay with big suits they are still much better then crap like the Conduit. Otherwise there are also multiplats like Tiger Woods 10 and Pro Evo Soccer 09 which preform much better on the wii, this isn't a including a whole lot of other games of course, e.g. WiiWare ones.

MadWorld and now this? Just seems like you are purposely choosing over-hyped and generally bad Wii games on purpose.

Ok jokes over... Review Evil Genius or apologise for mentioning it as being a game you might like and getting up the hopes of lamers like me who thought it was a good game.

Consider yourself told...

Oh and good review...

jak1165:

Agreed. I make fun of PS3 fanboys all the time. Lulz no gud gaemz

Strange. In your last post you seemed like a Wii fanboy.

jak1165:

Agreed. I make fun of PS3 fanboys all the time. Lulz no gud gaemz

Thats not exactly true anymore is it?

MGS4, LBP and all the games that are also on 360 give the PS3 a very good lineup. I only mention MGS4 and LBP because I have not, or have only briefly played the other flagship PS3 titles and can't say if they are good or not.

But don't troll, its not accepted in these froums.

Pebkac:

Basse:
Can somone please explain to me why the wii isnt a hardcore console and how the ps3 and 360 aparently are. Is the only thing that makes a hardcore console is graphics than shouldnt every hardcore gamer have a pc. And if you dont remember Nintendo's last hardcore console didnt sell well at all. You shouldnt blame them for trying to change the market in their favour.

It's not the graphics it's the games. Most Wii games target casual gamers. Most Xbox 360 & PS3 games target fat 35 year olds living in their mother's basements and 12 year olds.

We can, will, and should make fun of them for making a shitty console.

If all these casual games are so bad why are Sony and Microsoft so keen to jump on the bandwagon. There are some good games on the wii but it's commercial success means more games are created for it so less are good percentage wise.

There are also so "good" looking games coming up including Murumasa: Demon Blade, Capcom vs Tatsunoko, Red Steel 2 and Monster Hunter 3. Granted they don't look as good as they would on another system but all 360 and PS3 games would look better on a top end PC.

Wingmna:

MadWorld and now this? Just seems like you are purposely choosing over-hyped and generally bad Wii games on purpose.

Over-hyped and bad describes a lot of games Yahtzee reviews.

armaina:
FFFFF UNDERNEATH A KILLING MOON
Oh geeze I love you for that reference :D

Think a bad choice in story for most FPS games in general is pretty much any type of government conspiracy based one. Most often, the story is either very predictable or preachy.. or both..

I'm in that same boat for the UKM reference, I used to play those games all the time.

I am actually surprised that nintendo hasn't gone and put out a newer console, or started showing off the next generation console that has a serious graphics system on the inside. Lets face it, graphics aren't everything, but even a moderate level of graphics are required to help create the immersion effect.

Putting gamecube level processing into a machine that will have to work harder because of a more complex control system was a bad idea. I applaud how well they have done with the motion controls so far, but really, they need to start caring a little bit more about graphics. It doesn't HAVE to have the raw processing power to create constant photo-realistic imagery for games, but at least enough to not look well dated.

Pebkac:

jak1165:

Agreed. I make fun of PS3 fanboys all the time. Lulz no gud gaemz

Strange. In your last post you seemed like a Wii fanboy.

I assure you, I am not. If anything, I'm specifically a Brawl fanboy.I love me some Smash Brothers. I won't pretend otherwise. The only other function my Wii console serves is to play OoT and Streets of Rage on Virtual console.

I just can't stand the condescending tone the "hardcore" gamers take towards anyone who dares voice anything resembling support of Nintendo. Its a sure sign of Living-in-Parents-basement-itits

YukoValis:

jericu:
It was an okay review, but the Palin bashing wore pretty thin, pretty quick. Even then, it wasn't very funny.

yeah he needs to bash her more and harder! I thought it was hilarious, then again she is short of a trained monkey.

Do you have any idea what the phrase, "Pretty thin, pretty quick," means? It means it was stupid and repetitive, and there should have been less of it.

Knight Templar:

jak1165:

Agreed. I make fun of PS3 fanboys all the time. Lulz no gud gaemz

Thats not exactly true anymore is it?

MGS4, LBP and all the games that are also on 360 give the PS3 a very good lineup. I only mention MGS4 and LBP because I have not, or have only briefly played the other flagship PS3 titles and can't say if they are good or not.

But don't troll, its not accepted in these froums.

The fact that the PS3 and 360 share like 90% of their library is not a good thing, at least for the PS3. There are, in fact, good games on the PS3. But you can find ALL of them on the 360. Fallout, GTAIV, Madden, Call of Duty, etc.

Yeah, I'll take my cheaper console

Worm104:

If all these casual games are so bad why are Sony and Microsoft so keen to jump on the bandwagon. There are some good games on the wii but it's commercial success means more games are created for it so less are good percentage wise.

There are also so "good" looking games coming up including Murumasa: Demon Blade, Capcom vs Tatsunoko, Red Steel 2 and Monster Hunter 3. Granted they don't look as good as they would on another system but all 360 and PS3 games would look better on a top end PC.

I didn't say they were all bad. If you must know why so many are bad, it's partly because casual gamers don't spend as much time playing them as hardcore gamers and thus have a lower requirements, but mostly because the games are made by small inexperienced development teams, and generally pumped out as fast as possible, as cheap as possible.

There aren't more games on the Wii. Not unless you count the wii-ware re-releases and GCN games. Having less good games percentage-wise is just bad.

Top-end PC gaming graphics doesn't have anything to do with this.

Wingmna:
whats up with reviewing all bad wii games? Little King's Story, Dawn of Discovery, Excitebots, Punch-Out!! are all recent, unique and good Wii games, even though they lack the 'hardcore' factor that normally involves generic FPS gameplay with big suits they are still much better then crap like the Conduit. Otherwise there are also multiplats like Tiger Woods 10 and Pro Evo Soccer 09 which preform much better on the wii, this isn't a including a whole lot of other games of course, e.g. WiiWare ones.

MadWorld and now this? Just seems like you are purposely choosing over-hyped and generally bad Wii games on purpose.

Well, if he reviewed GOOD games, there wouldn't be much of a point. He's a game critic. Hard to critique something that doesn't have many flaws. And when he does do a "good" game, the review tends to be short, for the above reason. I.E. Bioshock

I've always been a bit perplexed that people who slam on the Wii for not having a decent library of games then go and talk about how developers shouldn't make things for it. So they complain about an aspect of a console, then turn around and say "well, you shouldn't be trying to improve it"?

The Phoenix Wright series, The new Fire Emblem game, the upcomig Kingdom Hearts game, TWEWY, and many other games that I can't think of off the top of my head. There's plenty of great games for the DS. If you can only find edumacational games, then you aren't looking hard enough.

If we exclude remakes (e.g. Kirby Superstar Ultra, Chrono Trigger, Super Mario 64 DS), there's also New Super Mario Bros., Mario & Luigi: Partners in Time, Mario & Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story (upcoming), Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars, Contra 4, and both of the Advance Wars games for the DS (Dual Strike and Days of Ruin).

DS games I haven't played personally but have heard decent things about are the three Castlevania games for it (Dawn of Sorrow, Order of Ecclesia, Portrait of Ruin), Infinite Space (upcoming), Dragon Quest V, Sonic Rush and Sonic Rush Adventure, Trauma Center: Under the Knife 1 & 2, and more.

I can understand criticizing the Wii's library of games (almost all of the games worth playing are first party), but the DS has a pretty good library of first and third party games.

jak1165:

Knight Templar:

jak1165:

Agreed. I make fun of PS3 fanboys all the time. Lulz no gud gaemz

Thats not exactly true anymore is it?

MGS4, LBP and all the games that are also on 360 give the PS3 a very good lineup. I only mention MGS4 and LBP because I have not, or have only briefly played the other flagship PS3 titles and can't say if they are good or not.

But don't troll, its not accepted in these froums.

The fact that the PS3 and 360 share like 90% of their library is not a good thing, at least for the PS3.

That doesn't make sense, exclusives are a bad thing, I want to play Heavy Rain when it comes out but can't, I bet somebody wishes they had L4D but couldn't buy it because they didn't own the right console. As a consumer exclusives are very bad, I like that they give a console identity but I'd rather be able to play any game.

But you can find ALL of them on the 360.

I can't play LBP on my 360 now can I? Unless you have played all PS3 exclusives you're being stupid to say such a thing.

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