Zero Punctuation: The Conduit

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The maps are bleh. The aiming system's pretty cool. Story is bleh. Multiplayer is buggy as shit for me.

ForgottenPr0digy:
LOL a the Sarah Palin jokes

I enjoyed couting how many there actually were. New found respect for Yahtzee's intellect after a couple of them.

Spot on with the Palin jokes Yahtzee, spot on!

A side note, for all of five people who actually know what I'm talking about...if Yahtzee shaved his chin, took off the hat, and threw on a pair of aviators, he'd look a hell of a lot like Chopper :)

Pebkac:

Worm104:

If all these casual games are so bad why are Sony and Microsoft so keen to jump on the bandwagon. There are some good games on the wii but it's commercial success means more games are created for it so less are good percentage wise.

There are also so "good" looking games coming up including Murumasa: Demon Blade, Capcom vs Tatsunoko, Red Steel 2 and Monster Hunter 3. Granted they don't look as good as they would on another system but all 360 and PS3 games would look better on a top end PC.

I didn't say they were all bad. If you must know why so many are bad, it's partly because casual gamers don't spend as much time playing them as hardcore gamers and thus have a lower requirements, but mostly because the games are made by small inexperienced development teams, and generally pumped out as fast as possible, as cheap as possible.

There aren't more games on the Wii. Not unless you count the wii-ware re-releases and GCN games. Having less good games percentage-wise is just bad.

Top-end PC gaming graphics doesn't have anything to do with this.

Data From Metacritic

Games on Wii: 454 Top 20 Metascores: 97-85
Games on PS3: 384 Top 20 Metascores: 98-88

The wii has almost 20% more games than the PS3 while the top scores games are on a pretty similar range. Therefore the mass poor games bring the average standard down, as I said earlier. Not that it matters, just because a bad game is on my system doesn't mean I have to buy it.

Lord_Seth:
I've always been a bit perplexed that people who slam on the Wii for not having a decent library of games then go and talk about how developers shouldn't make things for it. So they complain about an aspect of a console, then turn around and say "well, you shouldn't be trying to improve it"?

It's like how Yahtzee slammed the Wii for making casual games, and then turned around and slammed it for trying to make hardcore games.

Lord_Seth:
I've always been a bit perplexed that people who slam on the Wii for not having a decent library [...]
I can understand criticizing the Wii's library of games (almost all of the games worth playing are first party), but the DS has a pretty good library of first and third party games.

That's because the DS is not the Wii. The DS has a pretty large and robust library of games. So did the GBA. There's no doubt that Nintendo is very strong in the hand held market.

Consequently, has Yahtzee ever reviewed a DS game?

MaxTheReaper:

jericu:
It was an okay review, but the Palin bashing wore pretty thin, pretty quick. Even then, it wasn't very funny.

It's like making fun of Bush: There's just no point.

Everyone knows they're both retarded.

Anyway, I was amused, so that's good enough for me.

So people aren't allowed to make fun of folks who make constant assess of themselves?

This suddenly makes Fox and Limbaugh make a whole bunch of sense, they are all trying to become immune from criticism or jest :P.

As for folks talking about Wii and DS.

They both have at least 6 to 12 really good games.

Problem is that they have 6 to 12 thousand piece of crap shoverlware titles which is what happens when you are the cheapest system on the market.

As far back as I can remember the cheapest system always had the largest pile of shit sitting on top of its good titles.

Pebkac:

Lord_Seth:
I've always been a bit perplexed that people who slam on the Wii for not having a decent library [...]
I can understand criticizing the Wii's library of games (almost all of the games worth playing are first party), but the DS has a pretty good library of first and third party games.

That's because the DS is not the Wii. The DS has a pretty large and robust library of games. So did the GBA. There's no doubt that Nintendo is very strong in the hand held market.

Consequently, has Yahtzee ever reviewed a DS game?

He did World Ends with You and Phantom Hourglass off the top of my head.

I am surprised he hasn't pawned his Wii to get some good games or something, I mean seriously, if its for his job, maybe he could sell it to his boss and only use it at work.

Pebkac:

Lord_Seth:
I've always been a bit perplexed that people who slam on the Wii for not having a decent library [...]
I can understand criticizing the Wii's library of games (almost all of the games worth playing are first party), but the DS has a pretty good library of first and third party games.

That's because the DS is not the Wii. The DS has a pretty large and robust library of games. So did the GBA. There's no doubt that Nintendo is very strong in the hand held market.

Consequently, has Yahtzee ever reviewed a DS game?

He reviewed The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass, The World Ends With You, and Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars.

Nice video as always Yahtzee.

That is a bit odd that Wii owners have to lower there standards in order to enjoy a Wii game. A Wii fanboy will tell me "well mister high and mighty hardcore gamer, I only play games at a casual level therefore the Wii is the console for me."

I still say even those who play games at a "casual level" have to set there standards by whats available to them and not how its advertised to them. A good game should never have to cut corners and have lower standards in order to be enjoyable. There's nothing casual about a bad game.

Sega has made some terrible, over-hyped games for the Wii. This was not one of them. Maybe the game isn't flawless, but it's passable. Solid B work.

There were shittier games available to review this week. Let's see a GI Joe: Rise of the Cobra review. I don't want to hear about how easy of a target that game is; Yahtzee doesn't care. He makes jokes about retarded, wheel chair bound children.

Worm104:

Data From Metacritic

Games on Wii: 454 Top 20 Metascores: 97-85
Games on PS3: 384 Top 20 Metascores: 98-88

Metacritic lists 684 for the 360 with 98-90.

But since you already stated that it's the vast amount of quickly pumped out crap on the Wii that's bringing down the average, we're already in agreement. I guess I just didn't realize just how fast all those little guys were pumping out that stuff.

Worm104:

He did World Ends with You and Phantom Hourglass off the top of my head.

Good catch.

Pebkac:

Worm104:

Data From Metacritic

Games on Wii: 454 Top 20 Metascores: 97-85
Games on PS3: 384 Top 20 Metascores: 98-88

Metacritic lists 684 for the 360 with 98-90.

But since you already stated that it's the vast amount of quickly pumped out crap on the Wii that's bringing down the average, we're already in agreement. I guess I just didn't realize just how fast all those little guys were pumping out that stuff.

Worm104:

He did World Ends with You and Phantom Hourglass off the top of my head.

Good catch.

I didn't include 360 as it had an extra year. Lots of games come out in a year.

Knight Templar:
snip

whats LBP?

captainwillies:

Knight Templar:
snip

whats LBP?

LittleBigPlanet.

I still don't know why game designers even try making hardcore stuff for the wii it just won't work and will end up like madworld or the conduit.
but anyways another great review yahtzee i love your work.

I love how people defend their console of choice's glaring flaws by slinging mud at the other consoles, reducing the entire debate into one gigantic tu quoque fallacy. It's just like politics.

I agree, it's a pretty bad game.

At least the Wii gets stellar Naruto fighting games. Though, the X-Box gets stellar Naruto open-world games with pretty good fighting.

CoronaryThrombosis:
Sega has made some terrible, over-hyped games for the Wii. This was not one of them. Maybe the game isn't flawless, but it's passable. Solid B work.

There were shittier games available to review this week. Let's see a GI Joe: Rise of the Cobra review. I don't want to hear about how easy of a target that game is; Yahtzee doesn't care. He makes jokes about retarded, wheel chair bound children.

Dude, if yahtzee's order for reviewing games were worst to best Ghostbusters wouldn't've been the only movie game he reviewed. Most've Yahtzee's reviews aren't the shittiest game on the market left unreviewed. Hell, I don't think there has been a single one

Despite owning and using a wii (here we go...), I find it funny when YTZ hurls shit in its general direction! I still buy the games I like (try before you buy and whatnot), but I find it amusing when he goes on a rant on something, whether its a game I like or a game I hate. Though I don't really like people hounding consoles without knowing a lot about them, I can appreciate people's opinion when they understand more underlying factors in console selection, like homebrew potential and the developer's situation.

But onto topic, I haven't played The Conduit, but I didn't think much of it when I first saw it. Some people take these reviews too seriously!

not really big fan of wii games cause the controlers dont work properly

Good lord, this is the most rantlicious game review he's done since Sonic Unleashed.

Ahh...Zero Punctuation is always a nice part of Wednesdays. I enjoyed the Sarah Palin bashing.

http://s2.buzzfeed.com/static/imagebuzz/2008/10/4/1/4b95960e47e953a5509e972c88ead4aa.jpg

...so true

I'm just glad to see that The Conduit has been punished for making me mute Google Chrome while I wait for the melodramatic voice actor in the Conduit's ad to shut the fuck up and let me watch Zero Punctuation.

Freakout456:
Wow another Wii zp review and yet my Wii will stay dusty.

Also I wonder since he hasn't mentioned it does Yahtzee know that Prince of Persia SoT is now becoming a movie because I think he'd be "overjoyed" to hear it.

in the words of yahtzee
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

In all fairness, you should have seen this coming.
It was developed by High Voltage Software. They never made a good game.
It was published by Sega, which tends to publish short, bland games.

Don't get your hopes up for Silent Hill: SM either.
Climax Studios has an even worse track record.

SYSTEM-J:
I love how people defend their console of choice's glaring flaws by slinging mud at the other consoles, reducing the entire debate into one gigantic tu quoque fallacy. It's just like politics.

Haha this is so true, it's pathetic. Replace fat and greedy politicians with angsty; acne ridden teenagers and there you have it.

-Joe

Mmmm, clit piercings and The Secretary... you have good taste Mr Croshaw.

that was a pretty good review, so much for the "best" wii "FPS"
what i wouldnt give for a fps on the wii that'll let you use the gamecube controller and let you look in all directions
still i'd rather play any Fps on 360 before i play one on the wii

Deleted (see below)

3nimac:
Could someone tell me who the mystery guy that appears in a lot of ZP reviews is?

I think it would help me understand the jokes. :)

image

I think that's Tom York (or whatever you call him), he was (is?) the front man for Radiohead (<Muse).

Knight Templar:

jak1165:

Knight Templar:

jak1165:

Agreed. I make fun of PS3 fanboys all the time. Lulz no gud gaemz

Thats not exactly true anymore is it?

MGS4, LBP and all the games that are also on 360 give the PS3 a very good lineup. I only mention MGS4 and LBP because I have not, or have only briefly played the other flagship PS3 titles and can't say if they are good or not.

But don't troll, its not accepted in these froums.

The fact that the PS3 and 360 share like 90% of their library is not a good thing, at least for the PS3.

That doesn't make sense, exclusives are a bad thing, I want to play Heavy Rain when it comes out but can't, I bet somebody wishes they had L4D but couldn't buy it because they didn't own the right console. As a consumer exclusives are very bad, I like that they give a console identity but I'd rather be able to play any game.

But you can find ALL of them on the 360.

I can't play LBP on my 360 now can I? Unless you have played all PS3 exclusives you're being stupid to say such a thing.

Then its ironic that the flagship exclusive to the PS3 is nothing more than a lolcasualfag game, isn't it?

Aside from MGS4. But silly old me here likes to play games, not watch gigantic cutscenes

jericu:
It was an okay review, but the Palin bashing wore pretty thin, pretty quick. Even then, it wasn't very funny.

No it didn't.

jak1165:

Knight Templar:

jak1165:

Knight Templar:

jak1165:

Agreed. I make fun of PS3 fanboys all the time. Lulz no gud gaemz

Thats not exactly true anymore is it?

MGS4, LBP and all the games that are also on 360 give the PS3 a very good lineup. I only mention MGS4 and LBP because I have not, or have only briefly played the other flagship PS3 titles and can't say if they are good or not.

But don't troll, its not accepted in these froums.

The fact that the PS3 and 360 share like 90% of their library is not a good thing, at least for the PS3.

That doesn't make sense, exclusives are a bad thing, I want to play Heavy Rain when it comes out but can't, I bet somebody wishes they had L4D but couldn't buy it because they didn't own the right console. As a consumer exclusives are very bad, I like that they give a console identity but I'd rather be able to play any game.

But you can find ALL of them on the 360.

I can't play LBP on my 360 now can I? Unless you have played all PS3 exclusives you're being stupid to say such a thing.

Then its ironic that the flagship exclusive to the PS3 is nothing more than a lolcasualfag game, isn't it?

Aside from MGS4. But silly old me here likes to play games, not watch gigantic cutscenes

Hey, don't make jokes about LBP.

I had my doubts, but then I made a boot shaped spaceship out of rubber with a race track inside of the space ship so that I could drive while flying.

Doubt = gone

Funny and, for the most part accurate. A generic fps that capitalizes on the Wii's massive vaccum of "hardcore" games. However, as usual, bringing up the Wii controls wore a little thin. Anyone playing anything on the Wii is doing it partially for the controls. That's not really a critic, that's just what people were expecting, and the game is one of the best controling games on the Wii. There is plenty wrong with that game (obnoxious enemy hatchers, bad level design, lousy bosses, invisible mines) but stop bring up the same grip for every damn Wii game.

I liked this review, its nice and the game really is horrible, and so is playing an fps on the WII, but i feel as though its lacking appeal, its great but it just didnt make me laugh at all T_T i hope its a phase cause i want the next review to be as awesome as the older ones (aka L4D one i love to tears)

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