Zero Punctuation: The Conduit

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SkylerRock:

I think that's Tom York (or whatever you call him), he was (is?) the front man for Radiohead (<Muse).

That's not Thom Yorke... this is Thom Yorke:

NB. the lazy eye...

DaMan1500:
Funny and, for the most part accurate. A generic fps that capitalizes on the Wii's massive vaccum of "hardcore" games. However, as usual, bringing up the Wii controls wore a little thin. Anyone playing anything on the Wii is doing it partially for the controls. That's not really a critic, that's just what people were expecting, and the game is one of the best controling games on the Wii. There is plenty wrong with that game (obnoxious enemy hatchers, bad level design, lousy bosses, invisible mines) but stop bring up the same grip for every damn Wii game.

Pretty much this x1000. Yahtzee hates the Wii....we get it.

That being said, I enjoy his reviews immensely. He's usually spot-on. Except for the Halo review >_>

These reviews have been slowing going downhill for a while, he needs to find a game that has some serious issues, not just minor gripes. That being said I liked aiming with the wii when red steel came out with its absolute shit controls, so The Conduit is a nice step up. Though why nag on graphics of all things? Kind of a stupid excuse to make a big deal over something.

Quite possibly my favorite one yet, particularly at the end.

I think yahtzee burned the conduit a little too hard.

I fucking knew it! I was even considering getting this game but hey, it's Wii game, what should I expect anymore.

I wish they didn't just make it for the bloody Wii mote, I hate that thing!

Heh, the "bdeep" sound does get irritating.

Yeah, the levels are linear, and the plot kind of generic, but I still find some sort of appeal with the Conduit. Maybe it's actually being able to aim with the Wiimote.
Also, I really liked all the weapons in the game. Nice variety and interesting to use (except for the Warp Pistol BLARGH).

I have no idea how good or bad that game is (and I'd much rather spend 250 Euros on hookers, instead of a Wii, or just throw them out of the window altogether), but the review was just hilarious. There are the misses, there are the hits and then there are HITS.

Surprisingly, these seem to bring about the faster response time from posters-- 9 pages already? Like the equally hilarious Halo Wars review, which I never understood why he got so much flak for, since it was one full of self-sarcastic jokes.

But I digress. Awesome review.

Freakout456:
Wow another Wii zp review and yet my Wii will stay dusty.

Also I wonder since he hasn't mentioned it does Yahtzee know that Prince of Persia SoT is now becoming a movie because I think he'd be "overjoyed" to hear it.

Problem is that 1) that movie is by Disney and they're a little iffy with movies lately. 2) Most movies off games don't work great. Some can, others can't. It depends on the directing and writing and even some acting. I'll wait for a trailer before I make any calls on it though.

As for the review, the Wii bashing is getting tiresome. Yes, the Wii has flaws. We get it. Now move on to some other piece of shit game to bash. There are plenty out there that make themselves easy targets. On a side note, this is the second time I've seen him use a Metroid Prime game graphic for making a positive point about something (last time saying it was a competent console shooter in the Turok review). I'm actually curious to his overall impressions of the Metroid Prime Trilogy. But that's just me.

Sheesh, is the Wii really that bad?

I personally would always choose the 360 and even the PS3, but it's the only console my family would consider getting, because of (1) its actually reasonable price and (2) its nongamer-friendly and interactive-fun-whatdyacallit nature. But that's just the tragic difference with us. Can't wait to see what the next gen of consoles will present...I mean lob at us slobbering consumers.

There seems to be less hate of Yahtzee hating the Wii than usual, but as usual the review's awesome.

Harsh review, yet seems well deserved. This review alone has destroyed all interest I have in The Conduit, even though Yahtzee's videos are *apparently* supposed to be more humorous than genuinely critical, but I think they can be both.

However Wii is not dead to me, No More Heroes, Mario (from Galaxy to Kart), House of the Dead 2/3 + Overkill, Super Smash Bros, Metroid Prime 2+3 and many other low graphics but really solid gameplay. Plus there is the Virtual Console that is just Retro-tastic. Also a load of increasingly hardcore and actually good looking Wii titles like Red Steel 2.

I think the problem with this was everyone put their faith in a game made by a not particularly talented studio to show what the console was capable of, similar as with Killzone 2, only this is far more extreme as to spite all the grandstanding tech demos it can't even rise above the standard of fellow Wii or even some Gamecube titles.

Misplaced faith can hurt so much, yet when exploited so funny... that is why this review by Yahtzee is so damn good!

And here i was thinking nobody could make even more fun of sarah palin.

Yahtzee, you charismatic stallion, i love you!!!1

... but not in a gay way.

i wasnt looking forward to this game, i knew it was gonna be stupid, and frankly, nintendo is off of my list of favorite things. please dont ban me for being a suckup.

jericu:

YukoValis:

jericu:
It was an okay review, but the Palin bashing wore pretty thin, pretty quick. Even then, it wasn't very funny.

yeah he needs to bash her more and harder! I thought it was hilarious, then again she is short of a trained monkey.

Do you have any idea what the phrase, "Pretty thin, pretty quick," means? It means it was stupid and repetitive, and there should have been less of it.

What's that you say? You want more of it? Why sure! First, besides being a complete b to the itch she is also good at dragging down the name of republicans and women everywhere. Calling her a monster spawn is the least he could have done, so it needs more. so I agree with you, more bashing!

This was a good review but I just simply can't agree with the graphics thing. Although the graphics did have some problems, comparing them to those of PS2 and Gamecube games makes no sense at all to me. The graphics in the Conduit easily trump those of most other games on the console and the only real problem with them was the sky thing that was mentioned. Aside from that, they easily surpass those of Halo 2 and are on par with many 360 and PS3 games. As usual, this review made this game seem much worse then it actually is, but I do admit that compared to shooters on different consoles, this game is only average.

Thats more like it. Talk about being CRUSHED! Nice review.

Alright. I've got to say that I sincerely disagree with this review (as I do with 90% of the reviews Yahtzee does). Control was excellent, especially once you customize it(which Yahtzee conveniently neglected to mention). As for story, I agree that it was shallow... on the surface. This is something I noticed in all of the reviews I've seen of the game: why does no one mention the secret messages? They actually add to the story alot if you would dare to research what they're telling you instead of merely saying, "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!" The only thing I will agree with Yahtzee on is that the graphics aren't the strong point. I think some better art direction was needed.

So, in case you haven't guessed, I really like the Conduit. I would be playing right now if I had a television (just moved).

Wow, like the first seven people got probation for posting nonsense. Harsh, but I like it.

Anyway, I think this was a great review, not just because it's right up there with what I expect from ZP, but because it finally put out there that the Wii needs to go away as a legitimate console. I guess I feel validated in a way, especially after being called a noobie troll by about twenty people.

Haha. Pretty funny review.
And yes, I think that's enough Wii games for a while.

pretty good, although was the Enchanced motion censor actually in developement when The Conduit started developement?

I personally enjoyed The Conduit as well as a few other people here, but I can understand why someone wouldn't. It did have some problems, and the ASE was just a bit too gimmicky, but overall, I kind of like the game.
Past that, I still enjoy playing the Wii. (Playing LIttle King's Story right now.) I can accept someone else not liking the Wii, but I'd also like if other people could accept me liking it. Acceptance is a two way street.

well, it seems that this has run it's coarse. you had a great start and had me LMFAO then, one by one your "reviews" have gone down hill. now you've become a pale version of SNL doing political bullshit that has nothing to do with gaming and making obscure movie references. good luck, good bye, god bless.

lol, The boot at 1:54 is the same as the boots I'm wearing now.

Freakout456:
Wow another Wii zp review and yet my Wii will stay dusty.

Also I wonder since he hasn't mentioned it does Yahtzee know that Prince of Persia SoT is now becoming a movie because I think he'd be "overjoyed" to hear it.

I'm sure someones already told you this, but I'm sure he would be upset that there taking a game he likes and almost without a doubt ruining it. *slap*

cocoadog:

Freakout456:
Wow another Wii zp review and yet my Wii will stay dusty.

Also I wonder since he hasn't mentioned it does Yahtzee know that Prince of Persia SoT is now becoming a movie because I think he'd be "overjoyed" to hear it.

I'm sure someones already told you this, but I'm sure he would be upset that there taking a game he likes and almost without a doubt ruining it. *slap*

You're are right you aren't the first to tell me this and I do understand he would be upset. The comment was made to be sarcatic.

okay well next time state your sarcasm, and let me stress the spelling of SARCASTIC, so us antagonists don't get upset... no offense.

I dont see why the Wii would wanna compete with the 360 and PS3 on their own turf. Wii is for casual gamers, NOT gamers who are passionate about it. Wii for parties, 360's and PS3s, or online bitch-fests and KD ratio bragging.

Wow, Yahtzee verbally raped this game. I didn't think that he would be that hard on it.

I think he just simply stop reviewing Wii games as it's obvious nothing resembling a good game will come out for it.

theultimateend:

So people aren't allowed to make fun of folks who make constant assess of themselves?

This suddenly makes Fox and Limbaugh make a whole bunch of sense, they are all trying to become immune from criticism or jest :P.

Oh, it's allowed, of course.

But it's pointless - they're so stupid that there's honestly no reason to make fun of them - they mock themselves.

Ha right on.

Thank you Yahtzee for reassuring me once more that selling my Wii was probably for the better.

I don't have a Wii, but it seems Ben has become even more angry with the Wii.

Oh well nothing is perfect. Good review!

I thought this was an interesting interview with Sega : http://www.wired.com/gamelife/2009/08/mike-hayes-interview/

Im going to have to agree with Yahtzee, I cant get to grips with the wii at all either :( - Very good review, keep up the good work!

Know what was a terrible fucking movie?
"Secretary"

Could have been so good, too...
Just promised too much in plot. No one involved could really deliver.

Ugh. You would mention it in your review and bring it back to the public eye.

Freakout456:
Wow another Wii zp review and yet my Wii will stay dusty.

Also I wonder since he hasn't mentioned it does Yahtzee know that Prince of Persia SoT is now becoming a movie because I think he'd be "overjoyed" to hear it.

OH GOD, NO!

IS THAT WHO I THINK IT IS?!

/sob

Why, Disney, why?! Mike Newell and Jake Gyllenhaal?!

AAARRGGGHH!! /RipsFaceOffAndScreamsIntoCamera

OT (and less retarded): I was extremely surprised that Yahtzee even BOUGHT another Wii game this recently. I'm pretty sure he's flat out said on more than one occasion that he was over the Wii. And he's long since made all the points of the rail shooter on the Wii being an old, unoriginal idea that the public has long since ceased to care about.

I see the grubby fingers of The Escapist all over this resurgence of attention to the Wii as a result of his recent lashing of said console, forcing him to keep the Nintendo fanboys attention so they in turn can keep their demographic largely unalienated.

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