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Reliable Source: Cobain, PSPGo and Japan

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1)   2 Sep 2009 21:00

Reliable Source: Cobain, PSPGo and Japan

Robbers, Zombies and Hentai, Oh my!

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2)   2 Sep 2009 21:07

The first story about the liquor robber, I haven't heard the actual story before, so I'm having trouble figuring out where the news ends and the satire begins. My guess is that it's all true except the shooting at the end?

3)   2 Sep 2009 21:08

nice stuff, funny and ridiculous as ever!

4)   2 Sep 2009 21:21

I loved the bit about the robber at GameStop, and the PSPGo bit was solid as well. Look forward to more of these.

5)   2 Sep 2009 21:29

I love the bit with:

"anyone who disagrees with its opinion may be a rapist"

6)   2 Sep 2009 21:45

Luckily, the only casualty in the robbery was the GameStop manager who was shot in the head six times after he made several suggestions to buy a strategy guide to go with the man's purchases.

Bad Wilson, bad.

But very very funny.

7)   2 Sep 2009 21:58

Robotic Zombies? So will I turn into a robot zombie if I am bitten by one? Or just a run-of-the-mill one?

8)   2 Sep 2009 23:34

Fat Man Spoon:
I love the bit with:

"anyone who disagrees with its opinion may be a rapist"

It's not very far from some of the arguments I've heard on Forums about this stuff. The games aren't to my tastes, but it still disappoints me that GTA has no children or pets, so who am I to judge.

9)   2 Sep 2009 23:48

Georgeman:
Robotic Zombies? So will I turn into a robot zombie if I am bitten by one? Or just a run-of-the-mill one?

Initially you just die, but if you're worthy our robotic overlords may consider sending you to the factory to be 'refurbished.'

10)   3 Sep 2009 00:10

wilsonscrazybed:

Georgeman:
Robotic Zombies? So will I turn into a robot zombie if I am bitten by one? Or just a run-of-the-mill one?

Initially you just die, but if you're worthy our robotic overlords may consider sending you to the factory to be 'refurbished.'

Oh, that would be cool! Where do I sign up? :P

11)   3 Sep 2009 01:36

Guerrilla news reporting is gaining popularity with anonymous douchebags all over the internet. The unique style of news and opinion frees users from the restrictive hassle of fact verification, research or integrity of any sort.

Brilliant, just brilliant.

Also,

wilsonscrazybed:

Georgeman:
Robotic Zombies? So will I turn into a robot zombie if I am bitten by one? Or just a run-of-the-mill one?

Initially you just die, but if you're worthy our robotic overlords may consider sending you to the factory to be 'refurbished.'

shouldn't you become a zombie and then become eligible for refurbishing?
I'm awfully troubled by the end result.

12)   3 Sep 2009 01:54

"that bastion of reliability and customer convenience, the internet"

great stuff!

13)   3 Sep 2009 02:04

Luckily, the only casualty in the robbery was the GameStop manager who was shot in the head six times after he made several suggestions to buy a strategy guide to go with the man's purchases.

Madden needs a players guide?

Furthermore: The people who play Madden can read?

14)   3 Sep 2009 03:34

The committee is asking for a ban of all materials that normalize sexual violence against women in Japan's adult game market.

You mean, like all fighting games?

15)   3 Sep 2009 05:15

I especially approve of the 5th one. Stuff like that seems to be getting more and more frequent in the News Room lately...

16)   3 Sep 2009 06:13

That last story was deliciously self aware. Nicely done.

17)   3 Sep 2009 06:44

Florion:
The first story about the liquor robber, I haven't heard the actual story before, so I'm having trouble figuring out where the news ends and the satire begins. My guess is that it's all true except the shooting at the end?

The actual event the story was based on happened on the 22nd. But the story came into existence because of the great number of robberies that have occurred over the past few years at the store making it the new 'in' thing with armed robbers.

18)   3 Sep 2009 11:44

lol

19)   3 Sep 2009 15:21

lol, i figured out this entire thing was a joke today when i read the second article

20)   4 Sep 2009 10:10

Fearzone:

The committee is asking for a ban of all materials that normalize sexual violence against women in Japan's adult game market.

You mean, like all fighting games?

Good point, we must alert the UN immediately!

21)   4 Sep 2009 22:48

Problems with Activision's zombie Cobain project have been racking up costs. Because zombie Cobain requires a constant IV drip of pure herion, he costs approximately $600,000 an hour to maintain alive. In addition, his inability to smell properly due to nerve deterioration has lead to him questioning teen spirit. Needless to say his willingness to co-operate with Activision has been strenuous on their relationship.

In an interview with the project lead he stated: "Zombie Cobain is costing us way too much, we may need to scrap the idea and just make Cobain 2, since the sequel will likely be infinitely better than the original". News on the Cobain 2 project is still pending.

22)   10 Sep 2009 06:37

So...we getting a reanimated Kurt Cobain or not?

Because that then I sorta want a Jimi/Janis/Cobain tour...That sort of talent pays for itself you know. Get started Activision!

 
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