Zero Punctuation: Wolfenstein

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WTF he previously promised no scores because it can;t be mathematically calculated and now he goes and does it?!? to shame.

joshthor:
holy hell...he gave it a score....2 stars...

I wouldnt have believed it myself. Next he will say something nice about QTE's.

Great review this week, Yahtzee. Back in school, whenever a lecture got particularly dull, I'd start taking notes in limerick form. Yours were significantly better than mine. Although, I suppose if I had been taking a class entitled "Killing Nazis with Magic Powers," mine might have been a bit more inspired, too.

Blargh! That was like raping my eardrums with jagged glass.

Mantonio:
No Batman: Arkham Asylum yet Yahtzee? I hope you're holding it back for a reason!

It's called delayed Australian release dates. On topic: I've never seen a videogame review in limerick form. Perhaps next week he can summarize Arkham Asylum and various other games in multiple haikus.

I welcome the review in limerick form!

Awesome
But I'm going to assume
that you'll run out of ideas pretty soon.

Yahtzee's voice slowed to a crawl,
I thought he was doing it to stall.
But the game took a bruising
and it was amusing
and to the enjoyment of all.

This reviewing technique
Made for one fun critique
But will be difficult soon let me tell you;

If you try it once more,
Rhyming will be a chore,
And you'll need a whole new avenue.

Of course, I guess that's what happened with the Irish accent thing; he simply didn't want to do it again. Hurray for Batman next week!

Oh, and I was pretty thrilled with the return of "stonking great titties," it was my favorite character and this felt like a return to form. Even though he's never done 'limerick form' before.

Well first there was the irish accent, Now lyrical madness.

Creative yes, Funny...i spose.

I did prefer some of the older ones tho. Next week batman? yaaay!

I like the review a lot

you sounded like you were reading a Dr.Suess book.

It was quite funny and different which is great to me at least.

You are a true poet of out times.

Jesus fuck me, that was just awesome.
Not only was the idea genius it was also done really well.
Those glimses of innovation every now and then keep ZP going.
Just great

Those posters saying Yahtzee's lost his touch
Are not the audience that Yahtzee seeks.
(I say this not to praise him overmuch,
Nor anger all my fellow gaming geeks.)
Reviewing games while holding forth in rhyme
Appeals to those of us sad English nerds
Who read things like Twelfth Night in our spare time
And never need assistance spelling words.
As one of those, I love the lim'rick style
(Though sonnets are my thing, and harder, too);
Detractors should just sit and wait a while
In expectation of next week's review.
TL;DR? Then I'll abbreviate:
I thought this week's installment stonking great.

Yes!

This review may well win the internet. :)

Also:

Buzz Killington:
Those posters saying Yahtzee's lost his touch
Are not the audience that Yahtzee seeks.
<...>
I thought this week's installment stonking great.

Good stuff!

The review is one of my favorite ZPs now. You clearly outdid yourself, Mr. Croshaw, although I suspect it might have felt better because we have been hearing the same high tempo rant for like a 100 videos.

Worth all the hard work it must have taken to smooth out the review into a poem.

Forget the song, forget the jokes, heck forget the game itself he's reviewing...

...you gave it a score... shame on you Yahtzee!

Now considering this review has one of the largest influx of comments than his previous and the amount of people trying to rhyme at the same time while being half-assed at it, I don't think may even have a view on the game itself or even care... be regardless of that, my two cents:

Anyway, I really actually Wolfenstein (2009, yeah it does get confusing) since it was VERY generic but not broken or devoid of set piece battles. Not a revolution like the first but since the first got the genre going... I can't even think of an FPS that can match that feat.

The game seems to be thinking a long the lines of "if it isn't broke don't try and fix it" BUT the multiplayer does need fixing, not because it's also generic but actually laggy with wrose graphics than the single player.

...now how about Batman: Arkham Asylum?

Buzz Killington:
Those posters saying Yahtzee's lost his touch
Are not the audience that Yahtzee seeks.
(I say this not to praise him overmuch,
Nor anger all my fellow gaming geeks.)
Reviewing games while holding forth in rhyme
Appeals to those of us sad English nerds
Who read things like Twelfth Night in our spare time
And never need assistance spelling words.
As one of those, I love the lim'rick style
(Though sonnets are my thing, and harder, too);
Detractors should just sit and wait a while
In expectation of next week's review.
TL;DR? Then I'll abbreviate:
I thought this week's installment stonking great.

Nice verse. But I sense the birth of a recurring posting pun in these forums...

B1130:
Yahtzee you are truely a poet.

Agreed, the poem was great!

That was... incredible! I hope Yahtzee dsen't mid if I show this to my creative writing club. I already mentioned him as an influence on my style, and this poetic trashing will fit well since were starting on poetry.

Now review Batman in Haiku!

Your guns is of course your best friend
On which you must always depend
When you get into fights
You can look down the sights
And bullets come out of the end

classic

Out from the dank English mist,
Came a gamer who always seems pissed.
He tells us what sucks,
Whilst not giving a fuck,
All hail Yahtzee and Escapist!

Yahtzee Croshaw:
Wolfenstein

This week, Zero Punctuation reviews Wolfenstein.

Watch Video

That was a good video but it could have been better without the limericks. I think your alot better with the limericks just my opinion but still that video made it into my best wednesday book. Thanks Yahtzee for another good video

So now yahtzee's keen to experiment
on his reviews and new ways to present
that aren't always just enraged vents
He first started with Wolfenstein
In a way that would've taken some time
Making sure that everything rhymed
It wasn't quite thorough as a physical
But the review was still quite fantastical
Perhaps now we can expect Zero Punctuation: The Musical

funny absoulutly funny i am speechless for i would have to respond with a limerick of my own and i just dont fuckin see that happening

Wow, how long did that take to write? That has to be my favourite ZP to date.

Those crystals also look extremely familiar in both shape and colour, is that what they look like in the game or was it some kind of reference by Yahtzee to the game Return to Spooky Castle?

So, is Batman Arkham Asylum going to be a Haiku, or a song?

Since he did limericks for this review, i think it is only just that i do it too

Yahtzee is good with his words
True, This games for the birds
A few times then more
It wasn't a chore
It was easy to butcher the hoards

I first played the game on uber
Expecting reference from dewbre
But much to surprise
no belief in my eyes
The only tough part was Gruber

overall,the prospect was lax
but overlooking some facts
Not a bad story
fighting was gory
'specially when i got the Axe

In total,the game is poor
With nary a sight of a cure
Yahtzee was right
gameplay is trite
And-Wait did he give a score?

I must admit that was pretty impressive Yahtzee, Very creative too.

That. Was. Awesome.

I'm still in a little bit of culture shock. It was that good.

I also like how the first 5 posts on this forum have now been removed.

samsonguy920:

joshthor:
holy hell...he gave it a score....2 stars...

I wouldnt have believed it myself. Next he will say something nice about QTE's.

He actually sorta did in RE: Umbrella Chronicles. Yahtzee either has terrible memory or very little regard for what his audience thinks.

Oh, wait.

Mantonio:
No Batman: Arkham Asylum yet Yahtzee? I hope you're holding it back for a reason!

hes in aussie, i dont think its out yet

awesome limmeric ability, how long did it take you to write that??

And it is again proven how well Nazi rhymes with Yahtzee.

samsonguy920:

joshthor:
holy hell...he gave it a score....2 stars...

I wouldnt have believed it myself. Next he will say something nice about QTE's.

More surprising would be him playing a JRPG and liking it.

After which I will take my most prized possessions, shove them in a bag, and get a lead box to stay in. Then await the nuclear apocalypse.

Golly this episode was jolly! With rhyming and denying abound. "Wait!" acclaimed Yahtzee as he slowly floated to the ground. "Nazis! Nazis Everywhere I see!" is the words that he bellowed to me. "Arm your guns, get in the tree! Nazis! Nazis!", oh, silly Yahtzee! This title is terrible, and a lying bitch; Mr. Croshaw would like to dump it in a ditch. But alas! Rejoice! As you will see, sly old Yahtzee will review Batman next week!

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