Zero Punctuation: Wet

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Macgyvercas:

Rag Doll:
I love Pilloc

Me too, but I really think he should bring back Terry and Gonad from the "Alone in the Dark" review

I loved Terry and Gonad

Wow, Yahtzee pulled out all the stops on this one. There wasn't even the usual nod towards a handful of good things. Excuse me while I never buy this game.

That's cause there are no good points to it!The game is just chilly concarnage but trying too hard :P Disgraceful game! But if we didn't have those we wouldn't have something to laugh at would we :P

Wet seems to be trying to hard with it's style, it seems forced. House of the Dead Overkill worked better with its grindhouse style because zombies call for a more over the top affair than just what comes off as a revenge thriller.

And in terms of gun play, Max Payne already nailed bullet time YEARS before and Stranglehold when in a less serious tone without making fun of the concept as opposed this game.

Sounds like an unremarkable and fairly miserable Max Payne clone with bullet time swiped out for one-gun-has-a-mind-of-its-own as the gimmick. No wonder Yahtzee's Scribblenauts Extra Punctuation was so filled with vitriol for the idiocy in this world - he was suffering from having to play this at the time.

This episode was, however, comedy gold. Boss and Pillock could be recurring characters for all the laughs Yahtzee could bounce off them.

YAY best one yet. I had a good laugh. I kinda wanna see how that gun fighting worked out

I must say I found this week's episode quite humorous. Reminded me of the really good old ones.

Damn, how long has it been since I've posted in one of these threads?

Not correct Ben. "Cinematic" means the way the game is presented to the player not being like a movie or having annoying controls. It's a wrong understanding of the term ( unfortunately also by game developers themselves ). Real cinematic gameplay can be rich and rewarding. The trick is how the overall appearance and feel of the game is. That's now the second time you misuse a term. Please, keep up the good quality and don't start messing up terms. I like what you do so please keep it to your older level of quality ;)

Wow; that's a really accurate review of the game. Everything he said felt like it came out of my mind, only with an articulate British accent :)

I personally enjoyed WET but this was still entertaining none the less. It seems to me like it had the Mirrors Edge problem. A lot of potential that just wasn't reached.

Nice review, this game is indeed.... pants!

Oh, I've been kind of vocal about this game in the past so I think I owe it to myself to weigh in on this occaision.
I thought Wet was fun. I mean, I can't fault most of Yahtzee's points because it wasn't a good game. Let me explain. It felt like there was no expense spent in the fundamentally design of the game. The jumping around bits are a bit hit and miss, once you have to jump off a platform onto a ledge and sometimes it registers you as getting near enough to the ledge, sometimes it wants to giggle at Rubi going "ughhh" as she fells to her death. With the gloom of the art style, it can be very hard to see where an enemy is at a given time. Sometimes, I was only aware someone was there because he invited me to taste his special sauce. The section where you jump out of a plane is stupid and irrelevant and the cutscenes seem to just be cutscenes until the game goes "OMGZ PRESS Y" at which point you scramble for the controller you set down and accidentally hit A or something.

But let me ram my point home. The whole jumping around shooting at people concept is fundamentally very fun. When you clear out an entire room, stringing together your movements like a 12 year old Chinese gymnast, without even taking a bullet then there's a good sense of achievement there. I guess I'll sum it up by saying could be a great game, poorly executed.

One more thing, I didn't think the loading screens were that bad and the game didn't crash on me once. I've heard those problems around the internet before so I guess I'm either lucky or the PS3 is bugged while the 360 version isn't. Somehow.

One more one more thing, can people who don't own the game stop agreeing with Yahtzee when they haven't played the game? That goes for all games. I mean, come on, noone bought the sodding thing, I highly doubt that everyone on the Escapist did. It's pathetic. You can't just fill in the blanks in your own opinions with someone elses. Well you can, but don't pass them off as your own.

Hahaha... another classic review from Yahtzee! All of his points were down to the letter for this game but I have to admit despite it being a cinematic game.. it most certainly wasn't the worst I've ever played. It's well deserving of the review it got.

Oi!

Susan Arendt already reviewed this game not so long ago.
Are you running out of games to review, Yahtzee?

Good one, keep it up.

Doves flying out of your arse

..brilliant

Sad that ZP didn't choose a better game to criticize cause Wet is like kicking in a cardboard door hanging on rusty hinges made of crackers.

It's so overly obvious that it's bad and all the jokes seem to be focused around proofing that it's bad which we didn't need seeing as all cinematic games have been pretty much bad, unless they went at cinematic gaming as a form of parody.

So yeah Wet sucked I (and most gamers for that matter) kinda figured that out from the trailer where I would be mashing bullet time button after bullet time button. I think the only people who didn't know Wet was bad we're the people paid to review games, which kind of makes me wonder how and by whom they are getting paid cause I certainly would not hire them if I wanted to start a video game website.

To sum it up this episode is one of the weaker ones cause you practically know all the things that will be raved on. Hoping next time a better game will be chosen cause than it's all the more funny to see just how creatively you can address flaws.

Ah, a crappy game on a meh console that tried to be cool and good looking but failed and got horribly slaughtered by the filthy paws of ZP.
Hell it's about time that came back.
Thank you.

//Thinks you were wittier before..

I think that was his cleanest review in a long time.

Pilloc and his boss lol

I chose to ignore the advice given at the end and was unpleasantly surprised by what appeared to be bestiality, on the plus side though I'd already guessed this game would be wank.

Rudeboy4360:
Great review VZ but was expecting Halo ODST.Still funny as hell.

If you read the Extra Punctuation supplement, he laughs at someone asking him to do that.

When is the "Stonking Great Game" thingy happening?

I have only played the demo. Unlike most peopel on here I am willing to admit this and not say the whole game is crap without playing the whole game. I enjoyed the demo very much and am waitng for the price to drop, which it has to, to buy the whole game. I agree with most of the critiques made but I liked the QTEs and flying around while shooting. This demo was fun to me. Not great in any sense of the word, but mindless fun, which is what I like to look for in a game.

We all have octopi in our heads.

...In spirit.

The premise of this game--and others like it--doesn't even make sense at a basic level.

You're mimicking...what exactly? That era when videogames were played on drive-through screens, and featured sound skips, missing reels, and advertisements for 60's foodstuffs?

I wonder why I don't remember that...

Clearly one of us is an idiot.

The number of people on probation for posting here makes the Octopus in my brain smile.

Armored Prayer:
"I do not advertise googling 'Wet Box' with the safe search off."

Note taken, I cant imagine the results.

The first hit is for www.uline.com, a shipping supply company. You'd have to look to like #3 or #4 to find the porn site, but who really does that these days?

Anyway, Yahtzee isn't wrong about Wet but I think he's forgetting that sometimes we play a video game for a psychadelic show. I liked the cinematic effects, possibly because I play games so infrequently that when I saw this I went "ooooh, nice."

I know Yahtzee makes his fortune being wordy, but my review of Wet is five words: "Quentin Tarrantino made a game." My friend beat me with his four-word review, "Max Payne with boobs." If any of those reviews sound like a bowl of Awesome Flakes for breakfast, go get Wet.

Granted, I didn't play Wet, I felt the demo explained everything in the game quite right and didn't need the full version. Rent it, don't buy it. It's one of those games that makes you think you need to play it when all you really want is naked pictures of Rubi. (ditto Heavenly Sword...Tomb Raider...God of War...umm...yeah that's right. Bikini Cratos. Unlock THAT.)

Very nice review. Also, since you have a tendency to NOT review a game when it's requested, would you mind reviewing Halo ODST? I certainly haven't heard enough about that game yet.

Does this mean that the premise for "cinematic" games should just die?
When Susan Arendt reviewed this game, she said it felt unfinished, and would've been made loads better with about 6 months more development.

It seems inevitable that every game these days that has impressive visuals has to be marred by crappy gameplay elements. I won't buy Wet (I actually don't buy many games new these days anyway). Unless something godly comes out within the next 20 days, I'll be patient for Modern Warfare 2.

Finally a review on something that isn't a game on a Nintendo console or handheld yet still gives me an excuse to bitch about how much of an ass Yahtzee can be.

I'm probably going to be getting plenty of hate speeches for this but out of all of the current trends in gaming today that exist, quick time events are the only one that I have no problem with and would rather stay. The thing about QTEs that give them the bad name that they have is that barely any developer out there can pull them off properly. You want examples of QTE's done right? Try the finishing moves in MadWorld or No More Heroes. QTE's are better implemented as part of the gameplay and if they're optional. You try squeezing them into cutscenes to make them interactive and you're pretty much boned.

Anyway, Yahtzee isn't wrong about Wet but I think he's forgetting that sometimes we play a video game for a psychadelic show. I liked the cinematic effects, possibly because I play games so infrequently that when I saw this I went "ooooh, nice."

I know Yahtzee makes his fortune being wordy, but my review of Wet is five words: "Quentin Tarrantino made a game." My friend beat me with his four-word review, "Max Payne with boobs." If any of those reviews sound like a bowl of Awesome Flakes for breakfast, go get Wet.

Yahtzee is the Simon Cowell of video game journalism. It's like he expects every game to be on the same page as Psychonauts or Braid or Silent Hill 2. Granted while I do agree with some arguments he makes about the industry and the current trends they should stop, he also has a habit of badmouthing games that don't deserve it and is far too critical towards them. (coughMadWorldcoughcough)

"The main character is Rubi a tomboy assassin who is likeable and sympathetic deepsea anglerfish in a SS uniform"

so much of this game is watching Rubi's fat ass gluide along like the Hindenburg in repeativie slow motion combat

to appease the octopus that lives in my head

my favorite part of this review

Great Review! Best one in a while, I might add. The story about Pillock and his boss was really amusing.
Also, I sent Yahtzee a message asking for his thoughts on cinemtaic gaming. I guess I have my answer. But still, I want to see his opinion about Uncharted 2, because its countless perfect reviews about how it's like an interactive movie made me go "Whuh?"

i remember my brother playing the demo and praising it. then he bought the game and was all 'omg its fantastic fun' and when i saw it i just looked at him with immense disappointment and called him a twat.

the developers needed to spend at least another 6 months on this thing - 5 of which should have been dedicated to refining the rubi character into less of a generic, whiskey swilling, revolver weilding, sword swinging bitch!

I wonder how long Yahtzee going to be able to put off reviewing ODST...We'll wait and see I guess.

That was a great review! I loved when he was ranting about rubi and that one line.
"When she's standing in an elevator with an expression of angry boredom neatly mirroring my own"

That review sounded as if Yahtzee didn't need to put much effort into it.

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