Science!: Duck Penises, Willpower and Whales

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More about Duck Cocks than I ever wanted to know. Thanks, Lauren!

labyrinthine ducksnatch tunnels

My god, you have scarred me for life, Lauren.

I already knew about the Ducks sex habbit because of Cracked, those crasy ducks. The whale story is sweet.

male ducks can also kill chicken hens if they try to "get" them. seriously they bludgeon them till they hemorage or bleed out or something. so dont let ur ducks mount ur chickens it could get bad.

Yeah... ducks are very rapey indeed *shudder*...

On the awesome side - whales show empathy: That, neurologically, is utterly badass!

As a child i learned that duck sex resembles rape.Damn that pond with it's raping ducks.

About that whole "Do as I say, not as I do" article. All it seems they really did was prove that power currupts. Did they really need science for that?

RanD00M:
As a child i learned that duck sex resembles rape.Damn that pond with it's raping ducks.

Actually, humans are the only species that find rape bad. Pretty much every other species engages in rape. And some even do it for "shits 'n' giggles" (The animals that do are Dolphins. Yes, dolphins rape for laughs)

Probably the most awesome title I have ever read. Just felt like saying that.

No wonder Daffy the duck is daffy.

Irridium:

RanD00M:
As a child i learned that duck sex resembles rape.Damn that pond with it's raping ducks.

Actually, humans are the only species that find rape bad. Pretty much every other species engages in rape. And some even do it for "shits 'n' giggles" (The animals that do are Dolphins. Yes, dolphins rape for laughs)

Yes,and form human eyes it looks like rape.I was human back then.

Well, I flipped a coin to decide if I should click those links.
Suffice to say, that was incredibly weird.

Oh, and I am a little conflicted about that pod of whales now...DAMN.
Rrrrrrrraaaa!
*passes out*
*regains consciousness*
After consulting myself, I have realized I cannot afford to set a merciful precedent.
As "d'awww" inspiring as that was, whales are still in need of extermination.

Jeez, even Ducks get more action than me :P

Just joking, rather odd topic for today dontcha think Lauren?

Methinks our use of 'bitch' is better substituted by 'hens', because... a hen that deliberately makes reproduction harder on the male? What a bitch.

Lord_Ascendant:
Jeez, even Ducks get more action than me :P

Just joking, rather odd topic for today dontcha think Lauren?

Don't you mean rather AWESOME topic?

Kuliani:

labyrinthine ducksnatch tunnels

My god, you have scarred me for life, Lauren.

This.

Seriously, after the mincing around "penis" and vagina", you launch "ducksnatch" without batting an eye. You are a formidable opponent.

yeah okay let's all be mature and...

okay really the moment I read "explodes out of its sac like a heat-seeking missile and quickly deposits the sperm within seconds" I couldn't help but burst out a chuckle

oh how you word things lol

Whales are awesome. One day Whales and Seals will commence an attack on those pesky Killer Whales.

CantFaketheFunk:
More about Duck Cocks than I ever wanted to know. Thanks, Lauren!

Ill say! lmao!

Lauren... did you HAVE to mention Jareth on a topic about sex? ANY kind of sex?! I mean, damn, woman!

Great, now I'll have nightmares of that crotch bulge chasing me through a stone maze AGAIN. I'll be forwarding my therapy bill to you, Ms. Admire.

Lauren Admire:

Lord_Ascendant:
Jeez, even Ducks get more action than me :P

Just joking, rather odd topic for today dontcha think Lauren?

Don't you mean rather AWESOME topic?

Please, Giraffe sex is better. Just youtube it :P

On a topic that isnt duck sex, in the first one on willpower I probably would have chosen the fruit salad regardles, assuming it looked like a good one. Cake always leaves your mouth sticky and starchy, unless its pavlova but pavlova is part fruit salad anyway.

If you think curly duck penises is 'TMI' you haven't heard about Hyena Clitoruses(sp) (normally I would google for spelling but that doesnt seem wise for this one)

Neonbob:
Well, I flipped a coin to decide if I should click those links.
Suffice to say, that was incredibly weird.

Oh, and I am a little conflicted about that pod of whales now...DAMN.
Rrrrrrrraaaa!
*passes out*
*regains consciousness*
After consulting myself, I have realized I cannot afford to set a merciful precedent.
As "d'awww" inspiring as that was, whales are still in need of extermination.

If anything, you should expand the list to include seals. And ducks. This article has convinced me that not only is duck hunting a good idea, it is a holy crusade.

paragon1:

Neonbob:
Well, I flipped a coin to decide if I should click those links.
Suffice to say, that was incredibly weird.

Oh, and I am a little conflicted about that pod of whales now...DAMN.
Rrrrrrrraaaa!
*passes out*
*regains consciousness*
After consulting myself, I have realized I cannot afford to set a merciful precedent.
As "d'awww" inspiring as that was, whales are still in need of extermination.

If anything, you should expand the list to include seals. And ducks. This article has convinced me that not only is duck hunting a good idea, it is a holy crusade.

Y'know...I do believe I'll take that under consideration.
Something that damn weird...I don't know if we should keep it.
And I'm not all that averse to more explosions >:-D

Neonbob:

paragon1:

Neonbob:
Well, I flipped a coin to decide if I should click those links.
Suffice to say, that was incredibly weird.

Oh, and I am a little conflicted about that pod of whales now...DAMN.
Rrrrrrrraaaa!
*passes out*
*regains consciousness*
After consulting myself, I have realized I cannot afford to set a merciful precedent.
As "d'awww" inspiring as that was, whales are still in need of extermination.

If anything, you should expand the list to include seals. And ducks. This article has convinced me that not only is duck hunting a good idea, it is a holy crusade.

Y'know...I do believe I'll take that under consideration.
Something that damn weird...I don't know if we should keep it.
And I'm not all that averse to more explosions >:-D

Well, if it will help your decision, consider this!
Ducks have been known to cause airplane crashes! That's right, they can kill us, while we are in the sky. Know how they do it? They get sucked into the engines, or crash into the cockpit. So not only are they trying to kill us, they're devoted enough to the idea to commit suicide! That's fanaticism right there! Who deserves death more than bunch of raping, suicidal, fanatics? (except whales, of course)

paragon1:

Neonbob:

Y'know...I do believe I'll take that under consideration.
Something that damn weird...I don't know if we should keep it.
And I'm not all that averse to more explosions >:-D

Well, if it will help your decision, consider this!
Ducks have been known to cause airplane crashes! That's right, they can kill us, while we are in the sky. Know how they do it? They get sucked into the engines, or crash into the cockpit. So not only are they trying to kill us, they're devoted enough to the idea to commit suicide! That's fanaticism right there! Who deserves death more than bunch of raping, suicidal, fanatics? (except whales, of course)

...THOSE BASTARDS!
A new vendetta is born!
The flying annoyances shall fall to nuclear wrath!
Muahahahaaaaaa!

... This was a very disturbing edition of SCIENCE!. I'm glad the strangely (suspiciously?) nice whales kind of broke it up. And I didn't know you could think so hard you could turn evil, I guess?

Duck penis has nothing on that bug that has a circulatory system such that it can deposit the sperm anywhere on the females body, so it evolved a dagger-like penis and just stabs the female in the fucking chest to deposit it. To counter this, females grew a pseudo-vagina on the chest to allow them to better survive the dickstabbings. So now females have a completely normal vagina that is never used and a fake vagina that is. And you thought you had relationship problems.

Unfortuntately, I can't find the source for those bugs on the highly respected scientific website I first heard about it.

Neonbob:

paragon1:

Neonbob:

Y'know...I do believe I'll take that under consideration.
Something that damn weird...I don't know if we should keep it.
And I'm not all that averse to more explosions >:-D

Well, if it will help your decision, consider this!
Ducks have been known to cause airplane crashes! That's right, they can kill us, while we are in the sky. Know how they do it? They get sucked into the engines, or crash into the cockpit. So not only are they trying to kill us, they're devoted enough to the idea to commit suicide! That's fanaticism right there! Who deserves death more than bunch of raping, suicidal, fanatics? (except whales, of course)

...THOSE BASTARDS!
A new vendetta is born!
The flying annoyances shall fall to nuclear wrath!
Muahahahaaaaaa!

I knew there was a reason I bought that AA gun...

paragon1:

Neonbob:

...THOSE BASTARDS!
A new vendetta is born!
The flying annoyances shall fall to nuclear wrath!
Muahahahaaaaaa!

I knew there was a reason I bought that AA gun...

Wait...you don't think it was for solicitors?
I know that's what I got mine for...
Stupid knife salesmen. They kept calling.

Neonbob:

paragon1:

Neonbob:

...THOSE BASTARDS!
A new vendetta is born!
The flying annoyances shall fall to nuclear wrath!
Muahahahaaaaaa!

I knew there was a reason I bought that AA gun...

Wait...you don't think it was for solicitors?
I know that's what I got mine for...
Stupid knife salesmen. They kept calling.

Yeah, and they always seem to call when your eating dinner too. It's like they're watching the house or something. It's half the reason I put them on The List. The other half being that they're never actually selling anything I want.

This has to be, without doubt, the most awesome article ever.

labyrinthine ducksnatch tunnels

had me honest to gods head-back-ribs-aching laughing, fighting for air, and tearing up. Between that and the guy with ruler measuring the amazing corkscrew penis, this was just absolutely awesome. I even learned a few new words: allomaternalism, hypercrisy, and ducksnatch (all of which, coincidentally, my browser does not know--but I'm certainly gonna teach them to it!). Absolutely astounding. "...explodes out of its sac like a heat-seeking missile and quickly deposits the sperm within seconds" Is quite possibly going on my facebook, with proper attribution. Thanks Lauren!

WHAT THE DUCK ? you people should be pooped on by a duck ... lol ...we ducks have a very interesting sex life and yeah we use duck (duct) tape for protection ... hey here is a joke 4 ya ... why was the duck arrested ? for possession of quack ...HAHA !

I will never look at all the Muscovies that run around my neighborhood in the same way again.

That whale thing is pretty neat though not entirely surprising to me. I always figured things like that happend in nature.

Hmm... How to talk about this.

Willpower: Maybe that's why my willpower is so crappy. I must not have that big of a prefrontal cortex. Well... Not just my willpower.

Ducks: Pretty cool how nature fiddles with reproduction organs. Spiral wangs of weirdness for male ducks while female ducks contain the crazy holes of trapness.

People in power: Ehh... Not really surprised. I kinda figured that out in middle school. Though it'll truly surprise me if we see one of these people 'do' practice what they preach.

Whales: They're whales. They're automatically awesome. This just proves it even more.

I was thinking of watching the duck penises at work, but thought the better of it. I'll have to wait until tonight. :(

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