Review: Bayonetta

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Review: Bayonetta

It's not quite a dominatrix simulator, but it's the closest thing we have.

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I was hoping it would be good, and it is, seemingly.

I await the poorly done PC port!

Furburt:
I was hoping it would be good.

I await the poorly done PC port!

If you liked Devil May Cry and aren't a prude you should have fun with this game. I can only hope for your sake that if a PC port does come that it is good. This game doesn't deserve the shit port treatment.

Sex, torture, a glistening dominatrix. All you really need is some Vaseline and a stereo playing that 70s porno music in the background and you've got a virtual orgy!

I just wish I had been the first to make the connection that a Sega game has you collecting rings.

I remember that everyone were cynical about that game. Good to hear that the gamepley is some sort of extravaganza.

As for the story, the minute you showed the "Guns! Guns! Guns!" part, I knew it was cheesy.

See, this is why I love political correctness at times.

Because, in defying it, you can literally let your mind run wild without having to worry about needlessly bureaucratic world-shaping.

From the start, Bayonetta showed no comprehension of the words "too much", and this is the awesomeness you get from it.

I just wish I had a PS3 now. The PC version is bound to be looked over :(

Furburt:
I was hoping it would be good, and it is, seemingly.

I await the poorly done PC port!

There's going to be a PC port?!
I just went & got a Xbox for this game!
SHIVERS!

A PC Port you say?
Mods perhaps?

Fuck the PS3, getting this on PC fo shizzle!

Blood, Guts, Gore, Titties winning combinations

QTEs well I think there must be soem sort of law against not including them by now...but Im sure I can deal.

is this a PS3 exclusive or is there a 360 version too?

Edit. Nevermind. now just have to decide which one from this or darksiders to play first!

It's true, the combat is fun and outrageously over the top. However the J-pop music for every single fight gets incredibly annoying and getting a death every time you failed a single cutscene QTE was making me wish we still had wires on our controllers so I could just strangle myself.

Pararaptor:

Furburt:
I was hoping it would be good, and it is, seemingly.

I await the poorly done PC port!

There's going to be a PC port?!
I just went & got a Xbox for this game!
SHIVERS!

rompsku:
A PC Port you say?
Mods perhaps?

Fuck the PS3, getting this on PC fo shizzle!

Whoops. Sorry if I caused any confusion there.

No, it isn't coming out for PC, or at least it hasn't been announced.

But when a cross console game is very successful, it quite often gets ported to PC. And it's usually terrible.

Case in point: Resident Evil 4.

Furburt:

But when a cross console game is very successful, it quite often gets ported to PC. And it's usually terrible.

Case in point: Resident Evil 4.

And Saints Row 2, GTA IV, etc. etc. etc.

cross-ports are usually awful.

crotalidian:
Blood, Guts, Gore, Titties winning combinations

QTEs well I think there must be soem sort of law against not including them by now...but Im sure I can deal.

is this a PS3 exclusive or is there a 360 version too?

Edit. Nevermind. now just have to decide which one from this or darksiders to play first!

Darksiders should be arriving in the mail today! Gamefly FTW! :) Although I honestly don't expect much from Darksiders. Bayonetta happened to be largely exactly what I expected from Kamiya, I should have more detailed thoughts on this game later on today.

Yassen:
It's true, the combat is fun and outrageously over the top. However the J-pop music for every single fight gets incredibly annoying and getting a death every time you failed a single cutscene QTE was making me wish we still had wires on our controllers so I could just strangle myself.

Yeah I agree. Also the PS3 version has long loading times and small ones even when you pick up an item, so if that annoys you, get the 360 version.

Edit: Wait a minute that guy has my avatar or vice versa. I'm annoyed.

The_root_of_all_evil:

Furburt:

But when a cross console game is very successful, it quite often gets ported to PC. And it's usually terrible.

Case in point: Resident Evil 4.

And Saints Row 2, GTA IV, etc. etc. etc.

Although GTA4 had that bitchin video editor, so all was not lost.

Too bad you needed the computer of a god to play it, and the graphics weren't even that great!

What i dont understand is if they can make Bayonetta so good then why wasnt there more time put into Devil May Cry 4?

I must get this game. Maybe not now, maybe not next week, but eventually it will be mine. I wasn't expecting the gameplay to be so fantastic, and quite frankly, I need a little something like this to fill the void of third-person action games in my 360 collection.

Jordan Deam:
Review: Bayonetta

It's not quite a dominatrix simulator, but it's the closest thing we have.

Read Full Article

Not a crit or anything, but "which rewards players who keep a close eye on their opponents even when their busy flying around the screen and lashing out at everything that moves"

That 'their' should be a 'they're'. xD

Anyway, good review. I've been keeping an eye on this game for a while; might get it, now.

Random Argument Man:
I remember that everyone were cynical about that game. Good to hear that the gamepley is some sort of extravaganza.

As for the story, the minute you showed the "Guns! Guns! Guns!" part, I knew it was cheesy.

Where? I'm still cynical about the BDSM simulator. Just because the reviewers get carried away by the fan service...
*grumbles off into his box*

onioftheash:
What i dont understand is if they can make Bayonetta so good then why wasnt there more time put into Devil May Cry 4?

I liked DMC4, when you were play as Nero...

Continuum:

Yassen:
It's true, the combat is fun and outrageously over the top. However the J-pop music for every single fight gets incredibly annoying and getting a death every time you failed a single cutscene QTE was making me wish we still had wires on our controllers so I could just strangle myself.

Yeah I agree. Also the PS3 version has long loading times and small ones even when you pick up an item, so if that annoys you, get the 360 version.

My thoughts exactly. I rented the game yesterday and saw it through in one sitting, and it was a blast, but the loading times and the music can go fuck themselves... DMC has shown us that a blend of industrial and metal works perfectly fine for kickass combat, and I don't think Bayonetta would have been less fun or less sexy if they'd used that kind of music instead of the J-Pop.

God I hate this damn game...

This is probably one of the hardest things ive played in quite a while, its all so god damn quick, but satisfying

Totally agreewith the article. A joy to play, and watch, and kick ass...but, Cutscenes can be a bit...yeah...

Acrisius:
God I hate this damn game...

Might I ask why?

This is every action lover's dream. Assuming you don't mind a gung-ho Sarah Palin.
Hey-oh!

The quality of the video used for the review was very lacking.
Audio was fine.
try to refine the video next time plz?

If your THAT desperate for pixelated t*ttie, then this seems to be the game for you.

We've seen this kind of game done several times BUT not with this LEVEL of sexuality.

-Blood Rayne
-Tenchu
-Kunoichi
-SIN
-Rumble Roses
-Heavenly Swords
-and that one with the ninja girl that wore only the red bath robe top and bikini briefs.

All of this seems (to ME) to be just a way to cover up for button-mash gameplay and a weak storyline.

Mind you... FOX news will have a field day over it!

I picked this up for PS3 and was utterly disappointed. I liked the DMC games and was expecting something similar, but instead, let me summarize Bayonetta by 3 words that constantly showed up at the same time on my screen:

Loading...
Saving...
Loading...

But let me start at the beginning...
I booted the game up, went for "normal" difficulty and made it through the first cutscenery introduction. By then, I already had developed a strong allergic reaction to the speaker test patterns that tortured my ears and are called "music" by some people. Admitted, this is purely personal subjective taste and I actually thought "well, just ignore it and concentrate on the game". After a bit of button mashing and getting around, I asked myself why the characters do what they do and realized that I still had no clue about the character motivations except for the small guy who is after the money. Except that there doesn't seem to be any money to be made by slaying angelic creatures, but then again that character would disappear some scenes later (which gave the game -1 to annoyance).

Later on I discovered that Bayonetta had no clue about what she was doing either due to lost memories, which did put her in the same position as I was, but didn't help a lot explaining her motivation to do what she was doing and how she got there.

Gameplay wise it took a fairly good start, except for a slightly annoying camera and a little delay with the controls (especially when evading). Getting along further, I suddenly died because of a surprise attack. It's one of those cheap moments where you got to memorize what is coming and just be prepared to do the right thing. It's nothing unusual for this kind of game, but it gets a bit annoying from time to time. Sadly that's where I realized how long it takes the game to:

a) tell you you died
b) ask you if you want to continue
c) load the last checkpoint
d) replay another annoying cutscene

Even worse, I tried to skip the custcene, just to find out that it loads again... to show me a menu where I may choose to skip the scene. Problem being, loading that menu took almost as long as watching the scene.

Now this gets really and I mean really(!) frustrating later on. Somehow the difficulty curve started to raise quickly and dying happened a lot more often... including load times.
The first time when I tried to evade while the controls seemingly did nothing, just to be juggled to death by two enemies who managed to keep me in the air wasn't fun.
The 5th time that happened, I starting to think about the aerodynamic qualities of the disc.
I might be not the quickest anymore concerning my reflexes due to advancements in age, but I do know when I hit a button too late and when I didn't. It worked for DMC, Demon's Souls and Darksiders. Also the slight camera annoyance didn't matter anymore as I couldn't see what was going on below all the flashy moves that tried to blind me anyway.

About half-way through the game I decided to chore this thing through by spamming evade moves. It did help, but not enough to avoid the horrific load times. Coupling that with surprise QTEs with instant death cutscene/load punishment wasn't going to raise my mood either.

I usually am very persistant and just wanted to "get through" that game and maybe even get some minor reward by understanding what the whole story is about at least. Actually, calling it "story" is a bit of a stretch. I did understand the overarching plotline, but when I finished the game, I felt like being ripped off by an eight year old storywriter when it comes to individual character motivation for certain events (that I won't spoil). No I take that back, it's an insult to eight year olds.

After the credits rolled, I realized that it took me 15 hours to get through the game and I could swear that 5 of them were spent on "Loading..." times.
The biggest rewarding experience I got out of Bayonetta was finisheing it, putting it into the box and on the shelf so that it may be finally forgotten.
At least until I come back to the point of testing blu-ray aerodynamics...

Sorry for the wall of text, but I had to get that off my chest.

The game was good, no doubt, but the story telling was just a bit messy and seemed like it was almost an after thought.

I just couldn't really get it.

Hazy:

Acrisius:
God I hate this damn game...

Might I ask why?

This is every action lover's dream. Assuming you don't mind a gung-ho Sarah Palin.
Hey-oh!

She does indeed look a bit like Sarah Palin...Creepy shit.

Why I don't feel like playing this game(aka, hate)?

I've never really been a fan of the overly excessive. And that's basically this thing's trademark: Overly excessive violence, sex, and what the hell was also excessively in there.

But here's the twist: I would normally not have too much against that if the whole point of it all IS to be excessive. A hardcore action-movie with excessive violence and shit like that could very well be worth seeing, right? So judging by this, I shouldn't "hate" this game at all.

But then you add in the mindfucking music, the lacking story, and the fact that one of the "excessives" in the game is "Japanese" (Read: excessively japanese), and you have a cup that spilled over so long ago and by so much that you could use the resulting waterfall to provide fresh water to a small third world country and all its people for 1 week straight.

Did I overdo it?

*edit*
I forgot to mention that it pisses me off beyond words that I keep hearing how "good" this game is. I don't want it to be good. I want it to suck, even if that's incredibly immature and irrational and I'm very aware of it.

misterprickly:

-Blood Rayne
-Tenchu
-Kunoichi
-SIN
-Rumble Roses
-Heavenly Swords
-and that one with the ninja girl that wore only the red bath robe top and bikini briefs.

All of this seems (to ME) to be just a way to cover up for button-mash game-play and a weak storyline.

All the titles you mentioned have in common that their game play is mediocre at best and some are almost unplayable.

Bayonetta on the other hand has some addictive and frenzy combat system of the DMC variety. Not something for everybody but if you like this you will have loads of fun.
I would have preferred if they would have cut the sexual innuendos and the silly scenes to offer more insight into the world and its characters.

On another note I did like the story. It had a few nice twists and most of the characters are likable. I was a bit disappointed after the final cut scene because I would have loved to spent more time with these characters. Something not many other games accomplished.

Acrisius:
I forgot to mention that it pisses me off beyond words that I keep hearing how "good" this game is. I don't want it to be good. I want it to suck, even if that's incredibly immature and irrational and I'm very aware of it.

I respect your decision why you do not like this game and your reasons are well explained and justified. But do not try to change the fabric of reality with your hate.

Acrisius:

Hazy:

Acrisius:
God I hate this damn game...

Might I ask why?

This is every action lover's dream. Assuming you don't mind a gung-ho Sarah Palin.
Hey-oh!

She does indeed look a bit like Sarah Palin...Creepy shit.

Why I don't feel like playing this game(aka, hate)?

I've never really been a fan of the overly excessive. And that's basically this thing's trademark: Overly excessive violence, sex, and what the hell was also excessively in there.

But here's the twist: I would normally not have too much against that if the whole point of it all IS to be excessive. A hardcore action-movie with excessive violence and shit like that could very well be worth seeing, right? So judging by this, I shouldn't "hate" this game at all.

But then you add in the mindfucking music, the lacking story, and the fact that one of the "excessives" in the game is "Japanese" (Read: excessively japanese), and you have a cup that spilled over so long ago and by so much that you could use the resulting waterfall to provide fresh water to a small third world country and all its people for 1 week straight.

Did I overdo it?

Nah, I wouldn't say you did. :D

At least you have reasons for legitimately disliking it.

I've never been big for games like this (see also: God of War, Devil May Cry), so I'm just gonna regard it as masturbation fodder and pass on it.

Acrisius:
Why I don't feel like playing this game(aka, hate)?

You hate every game that you don't feel like playing? That's a lot of wasted energy that you could actually spend loving the games you do feel like playing. Just a thought.

Furburt:

Pararaptor:

Furburt:
I was hoping it would be good, and it is, seemingly.

I await the poorly done PC port!

There's going to be a PC port?!
I just went & got a Xbox for this game!
SHIVERS!

rompsku:
A PC Port you say?
Mods perhaps?

Fuck the PS3, getting this on PC fo shizzle!

Whoops. Sorry if I caused any confusion there.

No, it isn't coming out for PC, or at least it hasn't been announced.

But when a cross console game is very successful, it quite often gets ported to PC. And it's usually terrible.

Case in point: Resident Evil 4.

I believe Resident Evil 5, Lost Planet, and Devil May Cry 4 were well ported games from Capcom, not to mention, they even bother to give PC Gamers additional stuff like 'moar enemies'.

I should add I played both Lost Planet and DMC 4 on PC, and I barely had anything to complain about except maybe the cheesy characters in DMC 4 (down with Kyree).

May I add, I would have really wanted to see a review of Bayonetta by Susan Arendt: it just seems most (if not, all) of opposite-sex journalists have been pretty negative about the game for obvious reasons.

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