Zero Punctuation: Bayonetta

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I don't think it's quite right to say that this game does to witches what Twilight did to vampires. It would give people the wrong idea about what the game is like. Sure, Twilight reduced vampires to desirable sex objects, but it constantly tried to pretend it wasn't, whereas it sounds like this game isn't trying to pretend anything but that. So, you can say it has this much over Twilight: it's at least honest with itself.

Again a good review but it comes across to me like he was stretching for things to pick on.

Loading times? Must be the PS3 version...

spikeyjoey:
Funny review :)

I really was expecting yahtzee to actually like this one though, it got fantastic reviews (Edge gave it 10/10, and they are almost as fussy as he is)

Simply put? Yahtzee isn't in the business of reviewing games anymore, if you've been paying attention. He's in the business of complaining and extrapolating eloquently on things he doesn't like. The only way he'll actually say a game is good is if he's pressed in an Extra Punctuation article or he simply can't nitpick enough to fill the time.

If you're looking to him for an unbiased, professional opinion, you're out of luck. It's just smacking on something for comedy's sake. You know, like certain magazines that feature content written by people who may or may not be Mad and are enjoyed primarily by those whose voices have not yet Cracked.

ashlar:
Again a good review but it comes across to me like he was stretching for things to pick on.

Loading times? Must be the PS3 version...

He specifically said PS3. Anyhoo I tried to watch a couple gameplays but got bored. I prefer to keep my sex out of my games and movies. It can be in there a little but too much and its just distracting and takes me away from the immersion.

SICK0_ZER0:
Sarah Palin is my favourite video game character.

Oh man, me to!

Every single reviewer has said that the PS3 version has far longer load times and texture issues, so much so that IGN did two reviews for the two versions. You probably should've been listening to that.

Hmm as certified pervert this might be a good game to get the mind around... nothing like digital affairs :p

Keen job as usual :)

ashlar:
Again a good review but it comes across to me like he was stretching for things to pick on.

Loading times? Must be the PS3 version...

Well, he did blame the PS3, didn't he?

lol that was really funny great

were both waiting for god of war 3 not god of war and devil may cry rip offs

Hahaha, the Twilight reference made me laugh. Ah, Yahtzee, <3.

Scary how he knows what the vampires in the Twilight books look like. Almost as if he's... read... them.

D:

the Pac Man bit was SO funny

so this really does prove that yahtzee might be in love with himself seeing as how ITS HIS FACE ON THE LOVE PILLOW!!! kinda creepy now that i think about it.....

Vaguely off-topic nitpick: Although "Quick Time Event" appears to be the established term these days, I would suggest this mechanic is more properly named, "Laserdisc Event."

Dragon's Lair, which is nothing but this mechanic, was created using a CAV laserdisc. If you failed the event, the laserdisc player would seek to an alternate segment where you died. Even the Wikipedia page on Quick Time Events acknowledges Dragon's Lair as the first embodiment of this technique. Ergo: "Laserdisc Event" -- or perhaps "Dragon's Lair Event" -- is more apropos.

We now return you to your regular Wednesday nitpickery...

I loled at the Yahtzee sex pillow.

The QTEs in this game are just plain silly as well as the use of cutscenes when you enter and leave the Gates of Hell. I'm pretty sure in the first hour of playing the game, I had only played the game for about half that due to the over use of FMVs.

Wow, he actually drew up a pretty reasonable depiction of the main character instead of his usual laziness minimalism.

I personally loved Bayonetta and am currently beating it on higher difficulty setting. Providing the only thing you require is frenetic game-play thats fun. I just skipped all the cut scenes anyway. One nice thing about multiple play troughs in this game is that its a hell of a lot harder. First mission that acted as a tutorial and you fight enemies that didn't come in till halfway through the game as a mid-mission boss fight. Oh and there is always something else to unlock in the store, mainly because the stuff is ridiculously expensive.

Anyway, great as always and buy the game if you liked Devil May Cry.

I liked the game, QTEs nonwhithstanding, but I have the X360 version so I'm not stuck with all the crapy loading issues. One weapon I would have liked to see in it is a whip, it seems as if this particular weapon would fit the theme of the game perfectly, but I haven't finished the game yet... so double fingers crossed :)

I did notice Yahtzee's comments lacked the usual levels of vitriol, maybe he liked parts of the game too?

I bet the pillow was put in there as a not so subtle reference to Kathleen swooning over him in the previous ENN.

hahhaa I have a feeling Yahtzee could compromise and just tack on a Borderlands mini-review after reviewing another game
after all, he is currently delving through 3ish games of the same genre...

i honestly think they just got a shit game, and covered it in tits and started shouting DO YOU LIKE IT YET?

This just confirms my feeling last week that Yahtzee is getting back into the swing of things and his videos are funny again. That's pretty awesome. It does not, however, leave me feeling any less annoyed that not only is he steadfastly refusing to review Silent Hill: Shattered Memories this week, but he's basically promising Borderlands next week (which is a shitty game to play for more than five minutes and I can already guess what he's going to say about it).

Mind you, it is due to the game being out of his reach living in Australia, but blaming him makes me feel better.

Umm... For some reason I can't watch the review. The video is just a bunch of clips from different shows on The Escapist... What am I doing wrong?

accurate enough, although I must say that I was entertained throughout the game, nontheless

Seriously Yahtzee, I'm beginning to doubt that u can ever be satisfied. Just a week ago u complained about how in Darksiders every enemy signalises his attack way too early and obviously and now in Bayonetta it's suddenly not recognisable to you if a motion was meant to start an attack or just an enemy's character animation.
I do see that both extremes are not desirable in a game but I cant believe the designers of both games got it so horribly wrong.
Maybe you are simply not the gaming god you sometimes claim to be and should adjust your standards a bit.

god i can't wait for that loading time patch :(

That was pretty good. The last two of his have been very funny.

I'll probably buy it, just like I have with every other platinum games/clover studios game since god hand. Pretty good episode, overall. I'm eagerly awaiting a No More Heroes 2 review.

After hearing this review a question keeps occurring to me. Does Croshaw actually get any? at all? or is it he can only just score with milf's 25yrs his senior?

Motakikurushi:
The most accurate review of Bayonetta I've heard. Discounting all the niggly little flaws, Bayonetta is a pretty outstanding game. Wildly original, exhilerating and entertaining action at its absolute finest. I would say though that the game has less prolonged fighting cutscenes than a Devil May Cry game, so much so that I was surprised by how much it let you play cutscene fights, even the flashbacks.
Yes, I hated the scoring system and the QTE, but I still loved the game.

Wildly original? I think that may be an exaggeration. There is the angels, the 3 realms from The Divine Comedy, and the similarities to Devil May Cry and arguably God of War. Original? Maybe. "Wildly" original? I'm not so sure.

I want that pillow

I'm just wondering which platform he's trying to run Borderlands on, since I'd suggest playing it on a different one.

It's interesting how Japan lately makes games with over the top grindhouse stories. It's almost like they've realized that they can only do angsty androgynous teenagers battling Satan or their image of Americans masculinity/femininity battling Satan. I guess intriguing means over the top and ridicules. Is it too much to ask for a story to come out of Japan that's not completely bat shit bonkers like Resident Evil or overly melodramatic like Metal Gear Solid? It just seems like they can't, or don't want to, create stories and characters that don't rely on the absurd. Why, presumably, is Japan's motto, "wouldn't it be cool" and why doesn't the sentence, "does this make any sense?" not exist in their language? Why can't Bayonetta be about a rogue female samurai warrior who battles the ghosts of her village's past? Why do the enemies have to be completely non-relatable angels and demons? Why do the enemies explode into Sonic like collectable rings when they are killed? Do all stories have to be convoluted? Why are the villains as complex as a Saturday morning cartoon? Would it kill you if we could play some of the cut bombastic scenes? Is this the kind of writing and stories we should expect from Japan, ridicules and tortuous? I think whomever says that "what do you expect, it's just a videogame" is really saying, "it's a game and videogame writers are a horse's ass and nothing will ever change that." I guess I want a story that's more compelling than ass attached to legs meets demons, ass kills demons, ka-cheen ka-cheen.

Rickyvantof:

ashlar:
Again a good review but it comes across to me like he was stretching for things to pick on.

Loading times? Must be the PS3 version...

Well, he did blame the PS3, didn't he?

Not true. It's the PS3 Developers he blamed, if anyone. In this case that would be Sega.

Shadow-Fox:
Seriously Yahtzee, I'm beginning to doubt that u can ever be satisfied. Just a week ago u complained about how in Darksiders every enemy signalises his attack way too early and obviously and now in Bayonetta it's suddenly not recognisable to you if a motion was meant to start an attack or just an enemy's character animation.
I do see that both extremes are not desirable in a game but I cant believe the designers of both games got it so horribly wrong.
Maybe you are simply not the gaming god you sometimes claim to be and should adjust your standards a bit.

You apparently haven't seen his review of The Orange Box, specifically Portal.

Megacherv:
I'm just wondering which platform he's trying to run Borderlands on, since I'd suggest playing it on a different one.

Trying to run? I seriously doubt that he's at present trying to do ANYTHING that has absolutely ANYTHING to do with Borderlands in ANY way. He's already tried Borderlands and he hated it. He said that he found it very boring. Apparently too boring for a review.

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