Advice From a Fanboy

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Advice From a Fanboy

MovieBob advises Sony how to win back angry Spider-Man fans... sort of.

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Great article. I was disappointed when I first heard the news about Spidey 4 but I'm still staying cautiously optimistic about the reboot. And I too am hoping they toss a couple of bones to the fanboys and girls of the world.

So, Mister Chipman, what do you think about Jameson? Should Simmons be recast even though he was in Raimis spiderman movies? Should Bruce Campbell come back?

Hey, if they cast Beyonce as Gwen, at least we'll have the pleasure of watching her (guaranteed to be) annoying and movie-ruining character eat it.

Stage the big final battle at a school dance where the Jonas Brothers are playing.

YOU FOOL!!!!

DON'T GIVE THEM THE IDEA!!!!

YOU'VE DOOMED US ALL!!!

Aieee! My brain!

Seriously though, I really hope nobody at Sony was reading that, as the prospect of them taking either set of advice is frankly quite infuriating - I treasure the things I can hate without reserve, but combining Spider-Man with the Jonas Brothers is beyond the pale. The film could be two hours of angry people flipping off the audience and insulting them for watching it interspersed with the sort of horrible that gets floated around on 4chan, and that would still be more palatable than involving the Jonas Brothers in a bloody Spider-Man film (even if it is a crappy teen-reboot).

Pretty apt, although I disagree with the part about casting younger "known" stars. I graduated from high school in 1985, and I was extremely pleased when I found out that Toby MacGuire had been cast as Parker - well past the cut-off line you describe. MacGuire was already a star at the time, and was wel suited for the part.

I think a better way of putting it would be not to cast young stars who are stars just because they're dreamboats; young stars coming out an indie background, where they are about more than just being a pretty face, would be a good choice.

I didn't know that about Adam Baldwin. Now that I've read it, it kind of makes me like him more now, like he's really as hardline and badass as Jane.

I likes me some batshit crazy right-wing tough guys. John Wayne didn't take no crap.

Please oh please i hope the film people dont read this and actually take this seriously. god knows what would happen.

Dark Templar:

Stage the big final battle at a school dance where the Jonas Brothers are playing.

YOU FOOL!!!!

DON'T GIVE THEM THE IDEA!!!!

YOU'VE DOOMED US ALL!!!

And the world ends x.x

You're absolutely right about fanboys not wanting their super heroes to be happy. Yet at the same time they claim to hate brooding and "emo" characters.

I always liked how Spider-man in the movies was upbeat, but in his personel life he was miserable.

well bob your picture of the kangaroo made me realize you're an even bigger spidey-nerd than I thought.
I agree with the whole article in fact. Considering the current "geek age" of cinema I'm really surprised our kind isn't listened to more often about stuff like this.
Still, I really don't feel like complaining about something I haven't yet seen (Ok, I did it with the Dragon ball movie but it was plain fact it was gonna suck from the word go).
I know I'll be seeing it when it comes out and if I hate it I'll just surf the web and meet with certain friends and complain about it like I did with spider-man 3.

When this nerd says he is not going to watch a movie, he damn sure follows through.

I have yet to see anything related to Twilight.

I watched only the first Harry Potter, on another's DVD, three years after its release, and I held that off as long as politely possible.

After falling for Two Towers (I did not expect it to suck) I have yet to buy the DVD set, but I did purchase Fellowship and Return. It was eventually gifted to me, and has been used once to educate the gifter on why it sucks.

I will not watch any Spiderman project without Raimi directing and Bruce Campbell stunt cast without some damn good reason. And that "damn good reason" is an escape clause like a paper airplane is a good escape pod.

As long as they're starting over, we might as well have them use the greatest possible villain ever for the first movie.

Stilt-man.

Tell Them It'll Be "Dark"

If there's one word I hate more than Realistic, Gritty or Wacky, it's "Dark".
(Pardon my french for a moment)
Fuck Frank Miller for ruining superheroes. OOoh...look at us being gritty with prostitutes and sexual stuff and bullcrap that's only vaguely interesting when you're still in the playground. Fuck you for defiling a perfectly good genre with your reboots that made superheroes popular by turning them into adolescent fap material and then laughing at those same people.

(See also Michael Bay and Transformers, RTD and Toshwood, The Munsters today, the American version of Red Dwarf/Life On Mars etc)

. If you announce tomorrow that Spidey will have mechanical web shooters, instead of the biological ones from the Raimi movies, or that the webbing on the costume will be stenciled instead of raised, you'll make tons of geeks suddenly start liking you.

Ok, I can admit it, that would work on me...

Cast Beyonce as Gwen Stacy. Have Dane Cook turn up as Ben Reilly. Write fifty puns about Peter being a swinger into the dialogue. Have Spidey respond to someone's question about how to contact him with "I'm on the web." Stage the big final battle at a school dance where the Jonas Brothers are playing.

You are a sick and evil man Bob for even...ah hell, who am I kidding, we'll be lucky if we only get that.

(Nearly as big a Spidey fan as he is a Who fan)

I guess I am in the minority in geek culture because I frankly do not care about the revamp spiderman coming up. I guess that I reached the age where cynical apathy has gotten the better of me.

I guess that I've been down this road one too many times. I've weathered it with all other things internet. Here are some of my favorites from the last 10 years:

X-Men: What they got and Australian to play Logan? The guy that directed Apt Pupil is doing it. Professor X is Captain Picard, well, that's alright. Ray Park is not Toad. Toad is not this parkour master. He is a sniveling creature that acts like Igor to Magneto.

Spiderman: I don't know if Toby Macguire is right for this part. I like Sam Raimi, but he has never directed anything with this high a budget before.

Spiderman 2: Alfred Molina is not Doctor Octopus.

Teen Titans: They are ripping off FLCL.

Hellboy: Ron Pearlman playing the same goddamn role he has done his career. He is not Hellboy.

Iron Man: Are you sure you want Tony Stark to be portrayed by a womanizing, alcoholic? (This was said with out any hint of irony BTW.)

And do you know what happened with every single one of the movies mentioned above after it is released? The fanboy falls in love with it and pretends that their bitching never took place.

Instead of learning the lesson they should have, that sometimes it is better to wait then to bitch and complain about projects AFTER wards. It saves time, energy and leaves people without egg on their face.

And do not turn on the hindsight filter because I am talking about what happened before people have a chance to see it. I do not care about the reaction afterwards. I am focusing on the reaction before hand.

"Okay, yeah, this one actually won't help you at all, but it will give me plenty of material for more of these columns. In fact, y'know what? Don't take any of this advice. Hell, don't take any advice, period. Just keep making the exact same kind of decisions you've been making all along. Cast Beyonce as Gwen Stacy. Have Dane Cook turn up as Ben Reilly. Write fifty puns about Peter being a swinger into the dialogue. Have Spidey respond to someone's question about how to contact him with "I'm on the web." Stage the big final battle at a school dance where the Jonas Brothers are playing."

I'm saddened that that sounds like what will actually happen.

I tend to hate people that take fandom too seriously and complain about related movies/ games and such that were not to their liking. Get a grip and let it go. If you didn't like it, well then just walk out the theater or just don't watch it. I watched the new Indiana Jones. It sucked. I won't let it ruin the rest of the series for me and needlessly complain about why they made it. Who cares?

Anyway, never been a Spider Man fan except for the action figures but I thought all 3 movies were awesome. Sam Raimi made them enjoyable as hell and got the cinematography right. The dancing in the 3rd was almost my favourite part.

Please.

I'm a spider-fan, but the hard truth is it's not like the raimi films are perfect. and raimi's plans for 4 sounded terrible. vulture in 3d, felicia hardy as his daughter/vultress? s. c'mon. on top of that, many of the characters are dead. not to mention maguire doesn't ever sounds like he wants to be there, not to mention the fact that a double chin was poppin out of his tights in 3. dunst was woefully miscast, as Gwen stacy in 3 was closer to what mary jane should be.

sure, whine whine whine, how dare they go after the teen demographic? well, maybe we'll get a better realized supporting cast, some flash thompson for starters. dare to dream mechanical web shooters. if it's an average clone of the current spectacular spider man animated series, we're doing pretty well.

I want some goddam Lizard! For three movies they teased the cocks of our superhero-loving minds, and we sat there watching and writhing in uncomfortable pain as our metaphorical balls became blue, occasionally given a little *squit* of release when Doc Ock and Sandman come out to be the badasses they are, untantalized by some prick trying to pretend he can muster up actual hatred for Spidey, and gone all billowy with the brief affair between MJ and Gwen. And now not only are our balls so blue that any kind of release would be immensely satisfying yet immeasurably painful, we now have to face the fact that it's going to be another billion movies before he actually gets any screen time with his freshly grown green arm.

I am just so sick, of origin stories by now. Here we finally have spiderman's story in the movies to a point where he can just BE spiderman after almost 10 years of filming instead of angsty-coming-to-terms-with-power stories, and they're going to fuggin "reboot" with a younger cast!

The same with every other superhero movie.. we get nothing but origins that take up most of the movie, instead of the hero just BEING the hero. The X-men movies did a bunch of setup, and now who knows when another will get made (or if it will be any good after the last POS), so the story can be about them, not how they came to be.

ugh, so we have to wait another 5-10 years to see Spiderman go after the lizard and resolve the Green Goblin conflict?

I don't care if they have to replace Toby since most of the CGI looked like it had to make him look half-awake or interested, but dammit, continue the storyline at least.

...and anyone from Firefly not named Adam Baldwin.

That one got a good laugh out of me, because I have been thinking for awhile that Alan Tudyk would make a great Electro regardless of whether they rebooted, and that Jewel Staite could be Mary-Jane (dye her hair, of course) if they recasted/rebooted (although it would have to be a college setting, rather than high school).

Apart from that, I pretty much see the entirety of that article as being the worst case scenario of the reboot. So, it'll be fun to see how much of that happens come 2012.

Under stunt casting, you forgot to include "all former cast members of Freaks and Geeks."

What do you think about the Spectacular Spider-Man cartoon? I have never read any of the comics but that show proves that you can make a decent superhero story without it being too angst-y or too corny (Wolverine and the X-Men, Iron Man: Armored Adventures, Fantastic Four, and the FUCKING Super Hero Squad, I'm looking at all of you!)

you forgot another way to win over fanboys:
bring in chuck norris
yeah it sounds stupid, but how much would you pay to watch some young twenty something actor in a spidey suit getting smashed in the face by chuck

it might help us get over part about no stars under thirty and kick start the kids career amoung nerds, but its a hell of a risk, getting punched by chuck (and possibly combusting from the awesomeness) so that it starts your career

To be perfectly honest I never really enjoyed the Rami Spiderman series anyway.
It could be because I've never found Spiderman interesting,but is probably mostly because,as Bob points out,it was never gritty enough for my liking.

Though It does sound like a monumental waste of time re-establishing a character thats already out there.

Also where does this leave the whole Marvel Hero crossover movie that they've been hinting at?

I would like to see ridiculous puns and snarky humour from Spiderman, that's what the first ones were missing. He's not always a serious character, he has a bit of fun while he's at it. Also Peter Parker isn't meant to be super-awkward/nerdy, once he's becomes comfortable with being Spiderman, he comes out of his shell as Peter Parker.

I know all the franchises are tied up by different companies, but I would alsolove to see Spiderman and Wolverine in the Avengers movies.

The_root_of_all_evil:
If there's one word I hate more than Realistic, Gritty or Wacky, it's "Dark".
(Pardon my french for a moment)
Fuck Frank Miller for ruining superheroes. [rant]
[/rant]

@punchclockvillain : 'nuff said

This article makes being a nerd so depressing.

It's amazing how annoying we are.

*yawn* The spiderman cartoons were interesting, but I haven't bothered watching any of the movies. I don't care what they do with them

Thank you so f**king much for pointing out the machinical web shooters. Thought I was in the minority with that bugging me. Though I do agree with a good chunk of what you say. Go with a lot of unknowns that can do the job. That is why I still love Tank Girl movie.

Bob,

Do you honestly think that "fans" are the main target of these films? perhaps you should grow up a bit and realise these films are made to make money. Not please a bunch of whingeing dipshits.

Yes I am a Spider-man fan.

You've immediately done the traditional fanboy idiot thing of assuming that something new would be bad, that's why the comic book world has become a stagnant parody of itself.

I didn't particularly enjoy the last Spider-man film so I personally am rather interested in what they do with a reboot, I just wish they'd done that with that godawful Superman film.

Hey if they wanna sell a movie, just make a live version of the 90's animated series. I remember watching it on 'Live and Kicking' saturday morning and I'm telling you, if they made a live action version of it, the teens would eat it up. It's got everything that todays generation of brainless teens need to like a movie.

I liked the first movie, second movie was, well, I don't remember it. The third film, I try to forget how disappointed I was. After I finished it I felt very unsatisfied... Like most nights. ALSO! I heard something about Felicia Hardy being a vultress,

grimlockfly:
Please.

I'm a spider-fan, but the hard truth is it's not like the raimi films are perfect. and raimi's plans for 4 sounded terrible. vulture in 3d, felicia hardy as his daughter/vultress?

that sounds very odd.... Like a train wreck I wish to see that as. Besides, Cat Woman was already kicked off as it's own 'franchise'.... HAHA that made me laugh.. Razzies.

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