Zero Punctuation: Dante's Inferno

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Hmm looks like Yahtzee still hasnt got over his flu/laryngitis whatever.

DominicxD:
"It beats the fuck out of me!"

fucking lol'd

Nice vid, different voice though o_O

Was the only thing in that video to make my lips quiver in the direction of a smile. Yahtzee's lack of resolve in this video pretty much convinces me to not bother with Dante's Inferno.

Hope to hell EA isnt planning a sequel for this bumrape.

Next week's Extra Punctuation: Commentary on the right hand joke.

I most likely will never play this game because I decided to watch the animated film which plays sort of like a walkthrough where you see who to absolve or punish but I'm sure there is more to the game.

Voltaire reference at the end? -the musician

...Wow.

Apart from the 'right hand' joke (which only got a very slight chuckle from me anyways), that was utterly humourless.

I'm really starting to get worried that Yhatzee isn't going to re-gain his comiedic edge...

I knew this game was gonna suck after seeing the first game play video.

warrenEBB:

K, I'll buy Darksiders. Fiiiiiine. :)
(everyone keeps saying it's like God's tits).
But isn't it a big zelda rip off? Maybe i've gotten my reviews confused...

I have played some of Bayonetta, and love the bizarre tone (humor? cultural-difference insanity-juice?). But I find it hard to sit through the cut scenes.

Yeah Darksiders is pretty much Zelda but with a 90s comic book flavor to everything. Instead of collecting hearts to increase health you collect skulls for example, the combat and diverse arsenal of weapons and items is what makes it fun . I played through it twice, good game but probably not for everyone.

Bayonetta is pure japanese insanity no matter how you look at it, it gets pretty hard in some parts with cheap enemies and a screen that is just filled with so much crap you wont know what to do. Pretty sure you can skip the god awful cinematics.

NOTE: I should mention you shouldn't read this if you haven't finished Dante's Inferno or if you wish to.

surely I'm going to get flamed out of the escapist for this, but to hell(oh-hoh!) with it. I thought this weeks ZP was bloody terrible. why? reasons below.

1:nitpicking
Dearest yahtzee has this form of grasping at straws down to a fine art. To complain that one slash is too like another slash is akin to saying one car is too like another car because it drives. likewise, whining about how one game is too like another is the same blasted setup but on a bigger scale. while yes, it is a mortal sin in the gaming world for a game to be a clone of another, if you're going to compare game 1 of genre a to game 2 of genre a where game 2 is the generic staple of that genre, then I'm going to have to award you the "detective dipshit" achievement, it comes with a badge and gun, only the badge is cock shaped and the gun fires dick jokes.

For a good while this has never really bothered me with his videos, every now and then he would make the same mistake "like halo but" but this time it really got stuck in my craw, why? because I appreciated it for almost everything he complained about. Which brings me onto my second reason.

2:so what? are games still art or did I miss a meeting?
Dante's inferno has a very (I shudder to say this word, but it's true) compelling storyline, or at least it did to me, anyway, to quote the man himself from his silent hill 2 review "we're here to get our story on."

and that's exactly what I did, I got my story on, like. crazy. maybe its just my natural interest towards roman catholic mythological damnation playing at me again, but I loved the story, A slowly grinding tale depicting one mans suffering over what appears to be an unfair act upon his beloved, only to find out that it loops back on itself and he, through the chain events started by his original sins is solely responsible, and his journey is his penance, his character develops from the soul scarred warrior and through the inevitable realisation that he must forsake himself to save his love, sacrifice himself and finally absolve himself of his last sin, but he is not perfect, he doubts himself, and he doubts reality. I thought it was a great game not because of the gameplay, but because I related so well to the protagonist. I remember at the entrance to one of the circles he turns to his guide, vergil and asks "vergil, am I undone?" and I thought "that's funny, because if I was in that situation that's exactly what I would have said to my spirit guide" only my spirit guide would be dogbert.

he had a delightful sense of humanity about him which I have NEVER seen in any game before. It's not fresh, infact its entirely classic as far as plot goes but I like that. I'm so bored of the constant stream of terrible attempts at something new, If something works then why not expand on the idea? God of war worked, why not expand on the idea and give the fucker some depth.

3.It's called strategy, croshaw, strah-teh-ghee!
I hit many many MANY snags in Dante's Inferno, but the most prominent thing I noticed was that in almost every one I had to employ a strategy. He complained about the stupid amounts of health that the enemies have, and the first thing that came to mind was "because your not using the right attack" I got RUINED fighting alieghiero(dante's dad) trying to use the cross, and light scythe attacks and I got raped using magic. in the end I beat him in around 2 and half minutes using a combination of the heavy attack, the cross when in the air and the magic frost thingy whenever he got cheeky and decided to use one of the rarer moves. theres a different strategy for almost every boss (spoiler: with the last boss you gotta use a certain pattern of dodges in a certain direction, very fucking challenging)

To be honest, I loved yahtzee up until about half a year ago. recently his act has been getting staler as the quality of games have been on the rise(and yes, they have been on the rise) he's been grasping more and more at the straws of nitpicking and it's starting to show, This was the most depressing review hes done yet, because it made all of his faults stick out, and the blind humor was just a cheap attempt at covering up the growing pretention.

Adam We, OUT.

Beats the fuck out of you, eh?

I think he's trying to say something...
I kid.

Great video, Yahtzee.

Not much point waiting for GOW3 cause I dont have a PS3.

Funny review but I still liked the game.

Nemu:
Loved it. :D
I actually went out and bought an XBox to play this game. Okay, I admit it was more to be able to play FFXIII next week, and it was cheaper than the PS3. Regardless, I've been waxing dreamily about killing unbaptised babies ever since I purchased the game.

Sure, it's a knockoff of GoW et al, but you know, GoW was a rip-off of games I played 20 years ago. (Doom anyone? Okay, how about Diablo?) It was still kinda fun and it satisfied my "GOD, I hated Catholic school" twitches for a few hours.

One can only hope that kids don't look at this game and think that it is on par with The Divine Comedy. 700 years later, that poem lives up to it's epicness and I'd hate to thik kids were (once again) misguided by mainstream media.

Anyway, great review. :D
"And then I met Virgil and we became friends" made me laugh for, well...minutes, but it was hysterical during those shiny, maniacal moments.

GoW is a ripoff of Doom or Diablo in the same way that Guitar Hero is a ripoff of Counter Strike or DoTA.

Yahtzee's idea of god [God, G-D?] seems to me like a penis with a face on the mushroom cap and a fake beard before the shaft.

geldonyetich:
Maybe I would wait for God of War III if I wasn't already pretty bored of the Devil May Cry formula.

Developers are cutting mighty close to the quick here in terms of, "its time to stop milking that cash cow and do something original again." Ah, who I am kidding? Big game developers avoid doing that like it'll give them leprosy.

Regarding the humor of the review: a tad wank heavy, but what can I say? At this point, it seems Wednesdays shoddy incomplete works without a Yahtzee review, and this one was certainly up to snuff. A divine comedy about a God of War knockoff of the divine comedy.

I'm going to assume that you haven't seen the latest trailer for God of War III, because if you have then your first comment doesn't seem to reflect particularly well on you. I think it's safe to say that when God of War 3 is released most, if not all, of the people who are genuinely willing to give the game a chance (as opposed to you apparently) aren't going to be pointing at it and saying Devil May Cry. Especially not after the release of Devil May Cry 4. Please refer to Yahtzee's review of Devil May Cry 4 for a bit more on that point.

I hope your cold passes quickly, Yahtzee. I have one myself at the moment. :-(

In other news, Everyone who thinks "the Bible forbids sex" (whether you agree or disagree) should read Fred Clark's article, "The Abominable Shellfish." It shows what the Bible REALLY has to say about sin, and why sex-o-phobes have missed the idea entirely.

How can one so pretty as Yahtzee not find a nice young person to provide all his sexual stimulation for him?

Funniest episode in a very long time.

Crap game .....

That right-Hand joke is an instant classic.

Hairy Bum.

DominicxD:
"It beats the fuck out of me!"

fucking lol'd

Holy crap, agreed...maybe the best thing I've heard you say, good sir.

"World's first self insertion fanfic" --*lmao*
I actually watched the whole game being played on YouTube. Word on the hairy bum at the end.
Surprised no mention of Cleopatra's nasty nudity.
I thought the voice acting was really good in the game, so that's a plus (maybe?).
And Beatrice wasn't Dante's wife, they were just engaged, so her doing it with him before getting married really shouldn't have allowed her the "pure soul" moniker they give her in the game.

I actually liked this game...as a rental. I got through it and was glad I did because it was a visual feast, but yeah, it's basically God of War 2.5.
Also, I'm a lefty. So I don't get the joke.

Great video - I really liked this one. Glad the singing box got mentioned. xD (The hairy bum mentions were pretty funny, too. Get some clothes, holy warrior.)

I enjoyed Dante's Inferno. My brother, who has played God of War 2, noted some of the similarities Dante's Inferno had to God of War 2 as he watched me play through it. I don't really mind (which may not be a good thing xD ), but I understand how people could be let down by it. :(

axle 19:
Another in the long cavalcade of God of War knockoffs. God of War did it first and better so please stop making them and maybe focus on making a good game.

Devil May Cry was first (2001) and God of War came out second(2005) so I'm sorry GOW copied DMC

as much as i love the divine comedy, the self-insert fanfiction comment made me laugh for a very long time. great review as usual.

Well apparently I'm the only one who liked this game. I thought it was great, played through it three times in a row.

i watched this while high...didnt make sense

Sounds like Yahtzee is loosing his voice a bit. I'm afraid to inquire further.

A very useful review. If the promotions hadn't already made me snub this title, I would now certainly not buy it.

Good review, not the best but pretty good, but if there's one thing I liked, it was the reference to the singing box they sent you, I almost forgot about that article XD (reads it again)

Everyone's too focused on the masturbation joke to notice the Mass Effect joke.

Heh heh, paragon, renegade, see whatcha did thar.

Loved that the review came out so early in the week. It just makes me want GOD of War III all the more. And it makes me wonder if he is going to review GOD of War III. It would be funny (and at the same time annoying) if God of War came out and was so different that he was able to use "Like God of War But..."

So it blows. Yeah, I fucking called it. Could see this shit fest from a mile away.

47th circle? Did Yahtzee just make a REALLY obscure Star Trek reference? If so, well played, sir!

i'm surprised he didn't say anything about Satan's giant dong

FOR MEEEE FOR MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! *plinky plonky guitar music*

Oh, how I love Queen.

OT

Yeah... I'm not that surprised. Shame, though.

lSHaDoW-FoXl:
'Hairy bum' ? I don't get it...

No really. I don't...I'm clearly missing something and I think I need to play the game to get it =(...

Not getting it "is" the point.

The ending cutscenes make no sense, it's just Dante stumbling around outside hell (I guess??) naked with his bare ass towards the camera.....

And then...it ends....0o

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