Reliable Source: I Once Punched a 13-Year-Old in the Face

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Reliable Source: I Once Punched a 13-Year-Old in the Face

Marion recounts his history with clans and why he's not running out to join another one.

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I was expecting a great story from the tittle and was not dissapointed. I just wish you went into more detail about punching the kid in the face.

My favorite column on the escapist :)

Oh BF2 clans, a suprising source of drama.

When I played I joined a clan. The clan split into two factions, the original clan and one who wanted to start their own independent clan. There was quite a bit of bitterness between the two.

It was like being in an internet turf war.

Needless to say I joined the split clan when they lured me in with promises of adminship and power over mortal gamers. Both clans then collapsed due to total member apathy and boredom with the game.

Recently the original clan has been reborn as a CoD clan.

It's a never ending cycle.

Usually, that's the kind of scenario that ends with murder, just glad you didn't strangle him with the bicycle chains and buried his body somewhere where he couldn't be humanly found.

I love your articles they always make me laugh

Hmm but i never seen such a battle take place like that, actual tactics? Such a thought is alien to me with these games, never have people actually listened to those in charge in my games, myself and my friends tactics arnt very thought out, go here, then kill them is the jist of it.

And on a lesser note (And probably prefereable) They didnt give as much as a shit as your friend Jim, sure we can do dickhead moves on each other, but its all for fun, its way more laid back. Course everything you say can and will be ignored if you dont add "Maaate" on the ends of your sentances, its just our thing.

Hilarious as usual.

Do you have a website or do you write for anyone else? It would be nice to see some of your other work, if it exists.

Mmmm, Big Lebowski quotes are usually the best to fall back on. If I'm ever in doubt, I go with the best Harrison Ford voice I can muster and the line "Give me back my family".

So, Marion, wanna join my guild?

It was a pretty dick move for Jim not to back you up. If you never had a history of cheating, it's a lot of crap for him to just roll over on you to keep playing a game. Besides, because poon couldn't match your skills doesn't mean he was right. Yeah, it might be a lot of crap that a "grenade" could take out an APC, if this was indeed the screenshot he had... but anyone who played the game would clearly see that you were using C4 to destroy the vehicle, therefore clearing your good name.

I congratulate your maturity when you went to face your accuser. "Picard out" I don't think was the line that was appropriate. Short of knocking all the cards off the table, it still would have been good to lean in close to him and tell him "Beware my APC-killing grenades, little boy", then smacked him upside the head (would have been fine since he was over 18 and unlikely that you would have gotten arrested for assault). Either that or tell him "MCox sends his regards", then went outside to slash the tires on all the bikes in the parking lot. A little passive-aggressive, and might have backfired if his mommy came to pick him up, but at least revenge would have been achieved. At least you took the high road, you surveyed the enemy, and realized what a pathetic piece of work he was. Mr. Flask should have told you that you were clearly the superior ninja in this confrontation.

Ahh. I love every single one of your articles. Well done. Great style.

cainx10a:
Usually, that's the kind of scenario that ends with murder, just glad you didn't strangle him with the bicycle chains and buried his body somewhere where he couldn't be humanly found.

You dissolve the body in a tub with industrial caustic or a drain cleaner that includes it. Basically if it will remove a jam of chicken or pork chop bones from a garbage disposal it will eventually dissolve human bones enough for the same result. It's not quick, but it's the most effective and traceless way to dispose of remains that a relatively regular person can use. Burning the body, burial, and other techniques are problematic. If your planning a killing set it up so you have enough time to dispose of the body correctly.

That said, I thought this was kind of funny, and pretty much illustrates several problems on the internet. Both the fact that people can act like "Poonmaster", which struck a chord with me due to the "poor sportsmanship" complaints I've gotten from fighting games, and also the sheer ridiculousness of the "Internet Tough Guy" thing because honestly even if your someone who CAN track someone down off the internet, WTF are you going to do? Brutalize and kill someone based on a bloody video game? Even if someone writes a rude article about you on say Encyclopedia Dramatica there is such a thing as overreacting.

In general though it's been my experience that anyone who could actually track someone down like that and do something about it, is usually relatively in touch with reality.

Don't we all want to punch a 13-year-old in the face some times?

hURR dURR dERP:
Don't we all want to punch a 13-year-old in the face some times?

Quote of the day, Loving this site so far.

cainx10a:
Usually, that's the kind of scenario that ends with murder, just glad you didn't strangle him with the bicycle chains and buried his body somewhere where he couldn't be humanly found.

Unless that is what he is trying to hide! lol

Although, I can definetly see the underlying logic and thought in this article and symathise to an extent...

You should have used C4 and a knife.

That's actually kinda funny, I once punched a 13-year-old in the face as well!

But I was fourteen at the time and he punched me in the gut first, so I suppose I'm still righteousness in it's purest form.

stress ... the confusion caused when your mind over rules your bodies basic desire to choke the shit outta somebody that really deserves it

THIS is nothing short of High Literature.

=D

you are Billy Bob Thornton in my brain movie. great article

I love these articles, although I feel I've missed something from a previous one as you said: "I was going through a rough patch with my wife who had gone mental after discovering that I had been secretly gaming behind her back."

Lawl. That was a pretty epic story!

Taking the fight to #$%holes, one fist to the face at a time.

Lithium Calibre:

hURR dURR dERP:
Don't we all want to punch a 13-year-old in the face some times?

Quote of the day, Loving this site so far.

Aye-aye to that. Xbox Live and CoD, Halo, and/or Gears makes me want to do that.

Absolutely brilliant, and also a pretty accurate description of why I don't join clans.

I'll never understand the bullshit drama about being unfairly accused of cheating when you simply are on a roll..

I actually had to laugh a few times.

Where's that follow button

hURR dURR dERP:
Don't we all want to punch a 13-year-old in the face all the time because the human condition compels us to righteous action!?

Fixed.

I couldn't agree more with this anecdote. I feel like this every time I meet some annoying little teenager who (horribly) pretends to be a badass.

Also, speaking of that quote, I would have died laughing if you actually decided to take a crowbar and destroy the table that they were playing cards on while yelling that quote from the Big Lebowski.

Did you remember to say "that's what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!"?

Clan dramatics, RL videogame revenge, the betrayal of friendship, thats quite a few touchstones you, um, touched there. Its also very appealing to all of us who have been burnt by clan politics and angered by squeaky voiced snots, so basically 98.63% of the internet.

Woah. You lead an interesting life.

I want to go camping with you, seriously the stories you tell just suit campfire stories. Great article as ever!

Marion Cox: Internet bard.

Amazing story man, as always.

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