Zero Punctuation: Final Fantasy XIII

 Pages PREV 1 . . . 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 . . . 35 NEXT
 

jericu:
For the average gamer, this is absolutely true. However, Yahtzee is a game CRITIC. That is, someone who plays and reviews games as a living. Thus, as a critic, he is expected to at least finish a game before giving his opinion on it. Playing a game for 5 hours and saying it's bad without finishing the rest is like doing an eighth of your paperwork at work and telling your boss that you're done. If I was doing the paperwork out of boredom, and had no professional obligation to do all of it, then it would be fine to stop. However, if it's my FREAKING JOB to do it, then my boss has the right to expect me to do all of my work before saying I'm finished, as opposed to a fraction of it. Yahtzee may not like the game, but if it's his job to play through games and tell people how he feels based on the whole product, he doesn't have the right to do his review after 5 hours of a much longer game. He doesn't like the game, and office workers don't like paperwork. But you're getting payed to do it, so you have to do it, or find a new job.

Film critics are allowed to walk out on a film, and then say they did in the review. He admitted he only played the first 5 hours and explained why - his review was still entertaining. Job done. If you want a thorough, humourless, professional review then there are plenty about

ZP doesn't like FFXIII? who would have thunk it?! :)

I was surprised you actually liked Final Fantasy before the series turned into a pretentious mess.

While I agree with your argument that Final Fantasy became too mediocre after VII, I'd have to say that IX was a nice nostalgic throwback to the originals before the parade of angst-driven continued to annoy me.

We really must stop turning this threads into flame wars.

RetroFlush:
Film critics are allowed to walk out on a film, and then say they did in the review. He admitted he only played the first 5 hours and explained why - his review was still entertaining. Job done. If you want a thorough, humourless, professional review then there are plenty about

It would still be considered unprofessional imo.

@MatsVS

It's not chest pounding. I have been playing the American releases since their debut in 1990. That is not meaningless ad hominem, it is fact. And it was brought up to illustrate my support for the series--even that monstrosity that was FFX-2--not to say that you should listen to me over someone else. I was TRYING to point out that this horror of a game has turned even a vet like me onto his head...and that this is the ONLY time I have ever wished that the inclusion of the word FINAL in the game's title was an honest admission to the end of the franchise.

If you would like, I shall opine at great length upon a discernible argument [seeing as my general summation was not sufficient...oh wait, did you even READ the first post?]...but I was trying to spare you, everyone else, and MYSELF from that. And guess what, it would be an HONEST REVIEW, where we could even talk about the mathematics behind the game mechanics that illustrate that the AI is a cheating bastard and that Hironobu Sakaguchi NEEDS TO RETURN.

I mean, come on...when I have to work out the sum of an arithmetic series to work out how many particle accelerators or ultra compact reactors to buy after my 36 vibrant oozes have raised the multiplier to >501 for a x3 so that I don't overspend the gil that this game is so tightfisted with that even Mike Duke would blush, it's a little much. [See, that run-on sentence and many others like it were what I was hoping to spare you from, but apparently, like other supporters of this game, masochism runs deep.]

In any case, you may mail me if it's that important to you, and I'll let you know exactly why you should not spend money on this game. Until then, I shall leave you all to your rantings, as I have already let myself get pulled in far enough...one must remember the Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory, after all.

Remember that game...the one that you can't win? Goes like this:

There is a game that you cannot win, although that is debatable. The only rule is that when you think of the game, you lose the game.

There is, in fact, only one way to win this game, and that is not to play it. So you guys have fun being so GIFTed.

Great review, even for 5 hours. I think you're totally right quiting, because I too, like all other people in the world, like to have some fun at that point...

Also, this is the first video in how long exactly in which the Imps haven't been in the end credits AT ALL

I actually like X-2. I didn't take it seriously. It was fun for me.

ShibuyaRiver:
Again, this whole '20' hours thing has been blown out of the water as well.

The game is actually pretty fun and opens up within the first four hours. Jesus. Stop being sheep and listening to everything your internet celebs say.

You're right, we should listen to you instead! You have a such a sterling reputation for having an eye for quality.

Or perhaps I should buy every game that has ever been published and devote 20+ hours to each of them to wait for them to be good before forming any opinions about what I should buy and/or play. At some point you have to trust someone's opinion, and you are not at the top of my list.

this one really cracked me up.

nice work yahtzee you slick paparazi.

happy mana bar's going well for you man, to be honest i'm amazed you lasted for five hours without going psycho-kill crazy

Hehe, that was pretty funny stuff!

I do still play the game though :P

Good thing I watch AVGN, or I wouldn't have gotten the "I only liked FF6" when the box said "3".

I expected nothing less from Yahtzee, but at the same time, nothing more from Final Fantasy. I don't know why, but something about a lot of Japanese media has just completely lost appeal to me. Or at least, stuff that takes itself seriously. I loved Nerima Daikon Brothers recently.

It's just me though. I think it just got too... everywhere(does that make sense?) for me.

Yahtzee is a completely unbiased critic. He is. And also really hated that chick in the ending slapstick.

oh yes, people stop bitching that he only played for 5 damn hours. if that's not long enough for a game to be fun, what makes you think the next 25 hours are going to be amazing? the word of some ass of a game reviewer on ign or gamespot who said it gets good as his website hosts advertisements for said game? at least yahtzee has mercilessly shredded games that are prominently advertised on this site

Oskamunda:
@Beauwight

You, sir, are not raised to a higher intellectual being by using such words in so uncreative a manner. You are obviously TOO much of a fanboy to realize the GAME FUCKING SUCKS...this coming from a 20 year veteran of the series who IS willing to look at [GASP] the truth. I think your face wouldn't reach your dick even if you HAD your spine removed.

I mean, Christ, I've been a user here for almost 16 months, and have only made three posts...one of which I had to dedicate to YOU, the excrementally-challenged version of we respectable JRPGers who have the common sense to not only know that Magna Carta is Korean, but that it, also, sucks rectal tissue.

Etc., Etc.

@Oskamunda

As a fellow 20-year veteran of the series, I beg to differ. Whether or not the game sucks isn't the issue. My point is Yahtzee could have bothered to play this game despite his dislike of the first few hours, just as he has (assumedly) played many other games. I chose to utilize my impression of Yahtzee's game review banter to illustrate my point.

I never claimed to be a JRPGer, whatever that is defined as. I just said I was a fan of the FF series. This may lead me to give the game a bit of a buffer. However, I didn't really like VIII and I thought XI was a joke. However, I put more than 5 hours into both before making a final decision.

Oh, and at least I didn't have to resort to ALL CAPS to try and make a point. I make posts even less frequently than you. I usually enjoy Yahtzee's taking on games I enjoy. But, this was just lazy.

So, basically:

Oskamunda:
What I wish is that Yahtzee would finish playing the game and give us a second review, this time maybe more than five minutes flat, extolling the horrors that is poor game design coupled with a AAA-title-making franchise and fanboy rabies. It might be the only thing that makes me feel like the game was worth playing through.

If you'd re-read my post, I think you'd see that we want the same thing, if for different reasons. I just used Yahtzee-styled language to request it.

krgskks:

Are you serious? Who the hell plays a game that isn't fun for 5 hours? I

I played it for 40 hours on the promise that it would eventually GET good..

it didnt.

it gets good after 10 hours, 20 hours ...
do you remember Daikatana? The infamous expert FPS that almost ended John Romero's career and pulled Ion Storm with it.
Almost all the negative stuff reviewers pointed out about it (except for the sidekicks) - all the green crap, the mosquitoes and frogs - was in the first couple of levels of the game.
It's been rumoured that it got better later on (of course, Proteus4994 of Something Awful would dispute that). But that first chapter (out of four) would probably have taken a couple of hours to play through at most.

Of course, that Daikatana would get better after a couple of episodes might just have been consequences of the Stockholm syndrome, that would most certainly affect those who purchased the game and wouldn't accept they had wasted their money.
Now I wonder if FF13 genuinely gets better later on, or if those who just wasted a full day playing a game that was not entertaining would have to convince themselves that they were having fun after all.

You know this video reminds me of something I see more and more of these days: gamers are sensitive little bitches who complain about every last goddamned thing. For example, Yahtzee pointing out a "weak" character like Hope carrying around a weapon-grade boomerang. Back in the day we would just file this sort of thing under "videogame weirdness" like Samus turning into a ball or Mario's raccoon tail allowing him to fly, then proceed to enjoy the hell out it. But now people nitpick everything for "breaking immersion" or some other such nonsense.

If SMB3 were released today with no franchise history there would be 10 page dissertations on the internet screaming about how the warp whistles "ruin the game" and endless threads about how Luigi is an "Emo faggot."

As a fan of Final Fantasy games whose appreciation for the series has proven impossible to kill even after VIII and X and well each one since VII has been disappointing to me, really, but the point is I am a fan and I AGREE WITH EVERYTHING YAHTZEE SAID ABOUT XIII. Disappointed by Square Enix again. It's like having a child who was great until it hit puberty and is now a complete loser.

I liked XII. They took every good new feature from XII and threw it in the fucking trash to make XIII. WHY? Why can't I take control of any character I want during battle? And WHY is it game over if the leader of the party dies? Is the AI too stupid to use pheonix downs on its own?

Hilarious review. Even better than usual.

have to mostly agree with Yahtzee, and i like the Final Fantasy series. I've got all of them since seven, and played pretty much every one of them. But XIII is rather boring. I'm not engrossed at all, I don't care about the story (like i did in VII) and the visuals aren't wowing me (like they did in IX and X and even X-2), and i can't believe they're moving backwards from the in situ combat from XII. Yahtzee is right, the combat could be taking place on another plane of existence and the dialogue in this one is pretty weak, and for the record I'm well past the 20 hour mark and this Final Fantasy is still rather luke warm. So luke warm in fact I've put it down and started playing Dragon Age again for some real RPG action. And talk about linearity... "Go this way to get to next cut scene or follow diverging paths to find containers with stuff in it, then return to original path anyway". Pretty disappointed...

This game just look like i will never attach to the characters which is a killer for any game. So damn it, god damn it all (all 3 discs of it) to hell.

Dr.Kay:
Hold It!
You dont play FFXIII, it plays you.

Hopefully Versus will be better

Hahaha! It sure does seem that way. Some kind of strange movie with scene by scene interaction.
Yeah I'm gonna wait for that too... or maybe FF14.... or maybe a good game.

Oh, and I so have to tell my friend about the flame wars here. I CALLED it! He thought you guys wouldn't get into a huge argument about Yahtzee's opinion and critiquing, but I said "f*cking balls they will. It's Final Fantasy, fanbois will rush to the defence, and Yahtzee fanbois shall counter."

...I was right. I'm not saying that by being a fan of either you're bad. I like Yahtzee. My friend likes FF. I'm saying that I'm hearing a lot of whining. As a Yahtzee sider, my opinion leans on Fanbois crying "unprofessional", but I'm sure my friend will differ.

When I first saw that Yahtzee was reviewing this game, I almost flipped out. I rechecked the date to make sure it wasn't April 1st. I laughed so hard at my own stupidity. Then at the video. That was truly funny and completely true. I can't get past turn based combat either

nicodeemus327:

Oskamunda:
@Beauwight

You, sir, are not raised to a higher intellectual being by using such words in so uncreative a manner. You are obviously TOO much of a fanboy to realize the GAME FUCKING SUCKS...this coming from a 20 year veteran of the series who IS willing to look at [GASP] the truth. I think your face wouldn't reach your dick even if you HAD your spine removed.

Or you could be different people with different tastes and opinions. CRAZY I KNOW!

The funny thing is, we both want the same thing, a review of a fully played game.

@beauwight

Perhaps if there were an italics or bold option, then ALL CAPS wouldn't be necessary...it's kind of like when you raise the volume of your voice to create inFLECtion? I would have thought that people would still be getting upset over posts that weren't ALL caps.

Oh, and just so you know, THIS

Beauwight:
[quote="PayJ567" post="6.184306.5550552"]
You could have at least played the whole game you lazy fucking twat. Get your dick out of your mouth, stop licking your own asshole, have your spine replaced since you had to have it removed to get your huge mouth down to your taint in the first place and play the game.

...Yeah, that might sum it up.

is not the utilization of witty banter, no matter how you preface it with, "hmm...how would he say it?" That's just a cover so you can say whatever you want with impunity, and it would be better for you to be mature and admit it rather than play it down as though your nobility wins through. Again, the Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory at work.

Good bye.

Totally agree. I've never been into the turn style fighting is not game material. I will never move on that.

Hubilub:
He hated the game?

WHAT A TWIST!

^-^

Soon after final fantasy 10 was released square merged with enix to become square enix, a company that was cursed never to release a decent game. The curse continues!

On a side note final fantasy 9 is and probably will always be the best game ever.

Anyone else notice that when he said Final Fantasy 6 it showed a Final Fantasy 3 game?

Certainly not what I expected.

Yahtzee actually had a similar falling out with Final Fantasy as I did. Except instead of becoming a Dragon Quest, he went this route. God bless him for it. I'm serious.

You are a stronger person than I, Yahtzee. I wouldn't touch FFXIII with a 49-and-a-half-foot pole. But that's why I'm not a critic. This review made me happy, and wasn't the 5 minutes of pre-established throat gargling that I was anticipating.
Nice job.

I fucking called it...

@Canvouku

Ironically enough, I am both a Yahtzee fan AND a FFanboy, but this game was just too much of a piece of garbage...I am COMPELLED through shittiness of product to agree with our vitriolic champion. I just can't STAND it when people start showing the world just what kinds of assholes they really are...

AGAIN, Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory at work:

Normal Person + Anonymity + Audience = Total Fuckwad

I just would have liked to see Yahtzee rip on this one more thoroughly...in fact, for the first ten hours of gameplay, I kept thinking, "Man, Yahtzee is gonna tear this one up..."

But then he didn't, and I has a disappointed.

kuzaro:

Hubilub:
He hated the game?

WHAT A TWIST!

^-^

Soon after final fantasy 10 was released square merged with enix to become square enix, a company that was cursed never to release a decent game. The curse continues!

On a side note final fantasy 9 is and probably will always be the best game ever.

Ah hah hah!

You actually attribute the merger to the lack of good games from Square Enix? Both companies were going to go down the toilet for odd reasons, Square's being the mediocre cinema bomb Spirits Within. Enix was the side that was hesitant to merge, but they did so for monies.

And in my personal opinion, Square Enix lives on through Enix and the Dragon Quest series. Dragon Quest VIII, yo.

Final Fantasy VI fanboy reporting. In final fantasy XIII can you suplex a train? No? I didn't think so.

I watched my girlfriend's sister play this game for about an hour. Really didn't look fun. Most enjoyable part of the game was making fun of it.

I dunno, I liked FFXIII. You can tell me that it was terrible all that you want, but i really liked it, so... there wasn't a reason for me to watch the review anyway. (Just for entertainment i suppose) As Yahtzee said himself in the Mailbag episode "It's worth remembering that reviews are subjective personal opinions, and if you personally enjoy the game then they really shouldn't get to you!"

 Pages PREV 1 . . . 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 . . . 35 NEXT

Reply to Thread

Log in or Register to Comment
Have an account? Login below:
With Facebook:Login With Facebook
or
Username:  
Password:  
  
Not registered? To sign up for an account with The Escapist:
Register With Facebook
Register With Facebook
or
Register for a free account here