Zero Punctuation: Final Fantasy XIII

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Great review as usual, you had me laughing before I actually began watching when I saw that you reviewed this game. Glad to hear the Mana bar is doing well.

Ha! That bit where Yahtzee is beating whats her name to death in the end credits made me laugh.

Oh Yahtzee, hate you tell you but there's no such thing as being unbiased, especially when reviewing games based on your opinion. Although your sarcasm was quite clear haha.

Honestly most of his comments on the storytelling of Final Fantasy could be applied to 7 onward, seems to be a staple the series. Probably also the reason why I've given up on Final Fantasy and want them to just let it die in peace.

That was the best episode in a while. Definitely passing on FFXIII anyway.

Glad to see I'm not the only one who thinks of FF6 as the highlight of the series and has ridden down to the shit slide since.

Someone needs to tell Square Enix to just stop. They lost that special Final Fantasy magic a decade ago. Does this still appeal to anyone? Even the Japanese?

5 hours, hats off to you my good man.

Well theres bits i do agree with and bits i dont agree with.
And i hardly call it a fair review of playing 5 hours of it. (Yes he was busy and all that blah i know )

I mean if they guy can play through Heavy Rain then he should pull up his big boy trousers and stop whining about the old days! Its modern day, things need to change and hey at least Square have tried!.........though they have lost their way when they merged with Enix.

Dude.. Enix is like the best company, mainly for their Star Ocean games, and I like the combo, you know, X-2 and shit. EH.

Eh, I thought it was a pretty bad review. Even though you have the boredom threshold of 12 picoseconds, you could at least give it a bigger chance and give it some more substantial criticism. The nitpicking was more present than the actual criticism. Yeah, I know more than 5 hours wait for a game to get good is much, but if you pick up a Final Fantasy game, you know what you're getting into.

Still, it was pretty funny, I know you do this for comedy, so I will still get FFXIII, despite all horrible things said.

It's always nice to hear someone else "say it". Something I've thought or felt for a while and then someone with a bit of cred comes along and perfectly encapsulates what I'd say if anyone asked.

You know, the way all you Halo Haters feel when Yahtzee takes (yet another) cheap shot at the Halo franchise. Well it's finally my turn with the whole "Used to like FF games" bit of this video.

So thanks Yahtzee, for pointing out that FF games were far more involving when they required the player to use a little imagination rather than weeks of endless non-questing to accomplish fuckall.

I watch ZP cause it's hilarious, especially when he bashes on a game I like, though I only managed a few chuckles this time since it's all complaining I've heard before or just expected. Still 5 hours is a lot to people who don't have time set aside to be "hardcore" in their gaming endeavors, he gets a B- for trying.

Hahaa! I was waiting for this to happen! Now I can rest easy knowing even Yahtzee hates the moneymilked "sequels" of the FF franchise (just like I do).

Wow, Was I the only one to find this episode..... Worse than usual?

I mean if you've got a load of work to do with other stuff do that, take a week off from making this show or something.

Well what can I expect from free entertainment.

I thought it was pretty good, he had valid criticisms (i.e. all the shit I've always hated about jrpgs myself {SHUT UP THEY ARE VALID}). It's a lot better than last year's E3 video, and no where near the pile of shite the 'tour of DC' video was. Thank you Yahtzee for reaffirming my complete lack of interest in this game.

5 fucking hours? This is a hands on, not a review! Shame on you Yahtzee! I forgave you for Alone in the Dark because that was shit and you played through a fair segment of it, but 5 hours? Seriously? Why didn't you just look back and review Duke Nukem 3D since you've also been drooling on his take of FPS styles(See Turok and Bad Company 2)Are you secretly missing him since his last game was cancelled after 12 years? I am!

Calumon: In 5 hours, I broke every window in this house. If I have more, I could have destroyed the whole house.

I have to agree with Yahtzee on this one.

Ever since 12, the combat has really gone downhill. Why the change from Turn based to semi-RTS?

really? You reviewed FF13 before god of war 3? Though I must thank you for reminding me why I quit playing the FF series after 10.

No surprise there.

Personally, I think that Yahtzee has to put his prejudice behind him and listen to the characters, because everything that is described in the datalog is told to us in the cinematics. Also, the story is NOT going to make sense in 5 hours. The characters need the 20 to become likeable as you see their personalities unfold.

I can understand that Yahtzee likes jumping right into the action, not listening to a semi-complex drama.

I enjoyed it and still do Im about on the second disc. The dialogue is shit but we all saw that coming and the characters are run of the mill Jrpg characters. But I enjoy the combat and enjoy the plot so I like the game.

I'm glad I didn't waste my time with this dreck. I usually take this man's reviews with a grain of salt, but you know what? I'm going to trust him on this one. I'm sick of all the angsty emo crap going on in these games. Can't they make a Final Fantasy with a group of people that are harsh and not hurt but pesky things like emotions? They are trying to save the world, but the prom. And doesn't anyone have better things to do with their life than worship this stuff? Three discs? Jesus.

PS: How the hell is reporting everyone for making comments negative about Final Fantasy? Grow up, other people disagree with you. Get over yourself and play a good game for a change.

There was already erotic for that game about a year before it was released (at least I think so, I didn't put alot of effort into finding out).
OT: he just explained why I don't enjoy JRPGs. Annoying characters don't make for good stories. If I recall no one else liked the red headed one. I also like combat that involves me, not click punch button watch character walk up and punch monster, or any variation that tries very poorly to hide it (The Last Remnant comes to mind there). Incidentlly I also don't like most MMOs for that combat reason (And I have to keep paying for a game I already bought).

Yahtzee Croshaw:
Final Fantasy XIII

This week, Zero Punctuation reviews Final Fantasy XIII.

Be sure to join the Zero Punctuation Facebook Fan Page.

Watch Video

Funny. You could have played it for another 25 hours and the outcome would have been the same. The combat does get more complex but it's essentially the same deal. It doesn't help that for 30 hours of the game you are playing a drip feed tutorial. I played it for 55+ hours and did beat it(not sure how, pretty sure all the weed helped) but overall it was forgettable and one of the lamest FF games I have played. It became unfun after about 30 hours. I forced myself to keep going though. :( I thought it was the bees knees for the first 30 hours though....then it went

Did he say he loved FF6, yet shown a image of FF 3? or did i miss something? xD

I was somwhat disappointed that he didn't point out the semi-aussie voices on Fang and Kookie Spice, but this was still an awesome review, and i'm a fan of the games.

everytime somone insults final fantasy XIII I feel a little better inside, I almost didn't buy the game since I didn't think I would like it and I still managed to be disapointed by it

I never got in the hype of FFXIII... then everybody looked surprised because I didn't bought it... I tried it from a friend, got hyped for it, and now it's gone, even before seeing this review, which I agree on since I only played 2hours at most. I had some hope for Hope, then I realized he was pretty much what you described, saw my friend play (around 15 hours of game play I think) and he's still the same, except worst. I'm not even surprised there is "adult only" fan work on this game, there was probably some as soon one character design was released. Oh, and how's the bar doing?

Surprise surprise, he hates it XD
Aww, I wanted an April Fool episode like Unskipable XD

Eh, it comes as no surprise that he disliked it. Though I was hopeful....
Oh well. Great review, all that.

YES. Final Fantasy VI is fucking quality. I'm glad you gave it the shout-out.

Well I for one cared a lot for what happened to the bar.

And it was much more funny than usual.


As with most FF games I can remember, the advertising is all about the pre-rendered cinematics, never the actual gameplay. This, alone, is what makes me shy away from so many games. When their major selling point is how pretty & shiny the wrapping is only to find the game inside is blocky, klunky, and more often than not the same pixellated stuff one's seen in countless other JRPGs (granted, the newer ones look nicer, but still...) it's just not for me. Same goes for non-JRPGs, too.

Bravo to Yahtzee for toughing it out for the 5 hours that he did. That's 6 more than I'd have devoted to it.

Good review. I have the same feeling toward JRPGs(albeit without the dramatic flare and delivery that Yahtzee can only do). That being said I can understand the appeal it has to some so I wouldn't knock it.

Ahhh, that review reminded me of just about ever other 'epic' game of film produced within the last three or four years.

For some reason no one seems to understand that the audience/gamers would actually quite like a plot that doesn't need much extra effort to make sense. It's like the writers were trying to show off to one another.

Yes, we know you dislike JRPGs, and we know why. Thank you for restating your position after not finishing the game. It wasn't a bad review, but it just wasn't as good as some of his recent ones (DUST!)

Yeah, frankly, I didn't even expect Yahtzee to bother with this. We all knew from the get-go he doesn't like JRPGs, so I figure getting it out of the way in as little effort as possible, while cheap, does count as a tickmark next to that box.

On the other hand, it's good to get some insight to the fact that he HAS played JRPGs in the past, and even enjoyed some. There seems to be the opinion that Yahtzee hates JRPGs out of some genetic disposition, or perhaps his mum was shouted at by one once. I didn't cotton to that, frankly, as I figure the man usually comes up with proper reasons for not liking, and a reason-less dislike seemed a bit out of character.

So, had you continued, Mr. 'Tzee, you'd have ended up discovering (as I have 20 hours down the line) that the only really relate-able and likable character is the black guy, Sazh. He's the only one who seems to have a sense of self-preservation, a rather obvious conflict over the choices he makes, and a simple, yet "makes sense" past to explain his motivations.

Like I said, 20 hours in, haven't even touched down on the "world at large", yet, so maybe my opinions will change once the game decides to give some flavor to the bland characters.

He hated the game?


My mind was blown that he didn't like it...

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